It has been five months...correction five months, one week, and three days but who is counting. Today was a good day. I was actually able to get out of bed and shower, a feat that had eluded me most days since I lost my baby, my son. I still miss him dearly and wish that he could somehow come back, and I fantasize about that occurrence often. Lately the only company I have are my own tears. No one visits me anymore, not that I want them to. I suppose they tired of being ignored when they came knocking. Well that's not entirely true Jean still comes twice a day; once in the morning and once in the evening before bed. However she is the last person I want to see. I still hear those words she had said to me as I set on my bathroom floor crying with blood on my hands, and pooling between my legs. 'These things happen sometimes' those had been her words. Not 'Ororo, I'm so sorry for your loss' but 'These things happen sometimes' and even hearing those words now echoed in my head, I become angered all a new. No she hadn't said she was sorry for my loss but I know that it was because she truly was not. It had been obvious since the moment she had told me I was pregnant, with Logan's child, that it had made her jealous. But none of that matters now, because I've lost my son, and that loss was only compounded when I lost Logan too. He blamed me I could see it in his eyes after he rushed into the med lab and was told by Hank what had happened. I had miscarried a week shy of six months but somehow, to Logan, that meant I had purposely harmed our child.

At first he had tried to hide his true feelings and had been supportive but as the days passed, his feelings became obvious. He became more and more distant. He'd go on missions that would last days, only to return and then immediately leave to continue his search into his past, which would last weeks. Whenever he'd return home he would seek me out to relief his sexual frustrations, and he would take me wherever he found me. Luckily, I had already become such a recluse, staying locked up either in my loft or in my greenhouse so no one was ever around to witness our coupling. It was different than it had been at the start, it had become quite painful. Mind you there was always some pain involved due to Logan's size and my inexperience, and things with Logan could be rough, but now they were brutal, the hurt...the pain seemed purposeful. It was as if Logan was punishing me, no he was doing exactly that...punishing me, and a part of me felt that I deserved it. I had discovered that talking or pleading with Logan to be gentler during our sexual encounters only seemed to make things worse. He'd grip my hair more tightly and thrust at a bruising pace. So I now clamped my mouth shut, cried, screamed, and fought him fruitlessly until he finished. Afterwards, he would always leave me without a word and I would not see him again for another couple of weeks. One day, one of the rare days that Logan was home, after he had taken me in my greenhouse, and before he could stalk off and leave me where I lay, I mustered the courage to talk to him.

"I am sorry Logan," I spoke in a lowered voice, because my voice had grown hoarse from the muffled screams and crying. "Please forgive me...please." The way he stood, with his back to me but his eyes leering at me as he turned his head to look at me from over his shoulders scared me stiff. I held my breath and recoiled a bit into myself, curling up more into a ball. For several deafeningly quiet moments he just stood there glaring at me, and I lay too scared to gaze back into his eyes or to move. Finally he spoke.

"Just three more months, ya couldn't keep him inside j'ya for three more fucking months?" He spat out and I could hear the disgust in his voice, and I squeezed my eyes shut to his words as my tears ripped free.

"I tried," I answered through sobs. "I ate everything that I was supposed to, took my vitamins, cut down my entire workload. I have thought about it almost every second of every day...wondering what I could have done...should have done differently..." I paused a moment and shook my head. "I don't know what I did wrong. I swear to the Goddess I don't know...I was just taking a shower..." I must have whispered that last part because Logan barked at me.

"What?"

"I...I was just taking a shower," I repeated as I allowed the motions of that fateful morning play out in my head. "I had just finished and was seated on the bench you had put in for me, sitting drying my hair with a towel. I didn't feel anything strange I wasn't in any pain..." I lifted my hands to stare at them and gasped a bit at the blood stains around my nails from where I had clawed at Logan's back. "There was so much blood pooling at my feet, and I watched it for a second as it swirled down the drain...I reach out telepathically to both Jean and the Professor. I must had blacked out because suddenly I was lying on the floor of the bathroom and both Jean and Hank were there...and...these things happen," I repeated Jean's words and for the first time I actually found a sort of comfort in them. "Jean...she said that these things happen sometimes. So it...it is not 'my' fault right?" I asked as I finally looked from my bloodied fingers up into Logan's gray eyes. His eyes weren't as cold as they had been a moment before and they seemed to glisten with unshed tears. He never answered me he simply turned and walked out of the room, and I balled up even more as I silently cried.

That was four days ago and this day I am feeling refreshed, I am dressed, and I am ready to go out and face the world again. I took a deep breath as I grasped the door knob of my bedroom, and then I yanked the door open. My reinvigorated feeling instantly died as my eyes landed upon Logan, who stood just on the other side of the door with his duffle bag slung over his shoulder. I instantly bowed my head a little, casted my eyes submissively to the floor, and then stepped back to allow him entrance. Once he had crossed the threshold, I stared out longingly into the empty corridor that leads to my loft, as I slowly shut the door and locked it.

I took a deep breath and steadied my shaky emotions and shaky hands, and then moved from the door and hurried to the bathroom. I know this routine well now. Upon Logan's return if he happened to find me in my loft, I would immediately run him a hot bath so he can wash off the grime from his travels, then help him remove his boots, put away his bag, which simply meant putting it away in the closet. He never stayed long enough to warrant unpacking it. Then I would try to prepare myself for his ravenous love making, though it had long ago lost its loving feeling, and was just raw and merciless in nature. After I had finished with his bath and securely turned off the faucets, I returned to the bedroom and found him in his usual spot at the foot of the bed. I moved to him and fell to my knees to work on his boots. As I reached for his left foot, Logan reached out his right hand and I involuntarily flinched as his hand cupped my cheek.

"I'm sorry 'Ro," He said and I could hear the struggle in his voice his lips trembled under the words, as he fought down his impending tears. "I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness for how badly I have treated you..."

"Logan," I reached out to him as I became filled with an overwhelming urge to placate him. He in turn gently grasped the hand I moved towards his face and held it against his chest, above his heart.

"I've done you wrong Ororo, so wrong. I've blamed j'ya even though I knew in my head it won't yer fault, what happened to the baby. It won't yer fault 'Ro." He spoke those words as he leaned down a bit and stared me dead in the eyes. "I'm leaving, going to Japan."

"For how...when will you return home?" I asked him frightened by the finality in the way he had said he was leaving. I didn't want him to leave, never had. He simply turned his head a bit and honed his gaze out the opened patio door of my terrace. "You do not have to leave because of me Logan...please do not leave because of me." I begged still kneeling at his feet.

"I'm leaving because of me, I've brutalized you for months and I'm ashamed...I've punished you for something that wasn't yer fault. I've lost my honor 'Ro." He spoke as he turned back to me and bowed his head and locked his eyes to his feet.

"I do not blame you for how you reacted to the loss of our son Logan, it was your way of grieving..."

"Please don't make excuses for what I did to ya. I hurt you I know I did because I did it on purpose."

"Did you enjoy it...enjoy hurting me?" I asked him and the disgusted look he threw me gave me the answer.

"No..."

"Then I forgive you, can you forgive me for miscarrying our son?"

"It won't yer fault."

"Yes, we know that here," I lifted a finger and pointed to my temple. "But can you forgive me here?" I asked as I placed my free hand atop the hand Logan still held against his chest.

"I forgave you that day I left you curled on the greenhouse floor," He spoke and I could hear the shame in his voice. "You were so broken over our son's death or maybe broken because of how I had been treating you...Did I do that to you...did I break you 'Ro?" He questioned me with pleading eyes and I replied honestly with a shake of my head.

"No, Logan you did not. What you did, hurting me...I knew it was your way of dealing with your grief, and...in all honesty I blamed myself too so I welcomed your punishment. I felt like I deserved it."

"Naw ya didn't."

"Yes we both know that here, remember." Again I tapped my temple and smiled slightly at him. "So I'll forgive you and you'll forgive me and we can start with a clean slate." I offered hopefully. Logan ducked his head a bit and I could see that he was mulling it all over, and I saw the 'fight or flight' dilemma play in his eyes. "I love you Logan," I said with as much conviction as I could muster, and my words seemed to reach something within him because he lifted his head and locked his eyes with mine. "I love you and do not think I could survive losing you forever too." I added as my sobs escaped me. In a flash I felt my body being lifted from the floor and Logan's strong arms wrapped around me. I cried more openly now that I was snuggled securely upon Logan's lap, and within his arms. I felt the wetness from Logan's tears even though I could not see them because he buried his face against my bosom. After several long, cleansing moments crying we calm enough that I could continue talking to him. "So does this mean that you will stay with me and not go to Japan?" I asked and waited with bated breath for his reply, a part of me still so afraid he would still leave me.

"I'm still going ta Japan Darlin," He stated and my face and heart sank a bit in despair. I must have bowed my head a bit because I felt Logan's hand cup my chin as he raised my face and eyes to his. "But yer coming with me," He declared and my face lit up with a huge smile, as my mind suddenly became filled with thoughts about the adventures we would have in Japan.

We arrived to a darkened Tokyo, yet although it was 3 in the morning the city was still very active with hordes of people bustling through the streets, and everywhere I looked buildings were lit up with flashing lights. It was literally breathtaking. We got to our hotel without any issues due to Logan’s fluent Japanese which I found so beautiful when spoken in his gruff tone. Some words I can understand but for the most part I am a fish out of water. Luckily most of the people we have encountered thus far; the people at the airport, our cab driver, and the hotel attendants, all seemed to speak relatively good English.

“Logan-san, welcome back,” One of the female clerks behind the desk of the hotel greeted with a bow. “Would you like your usual room?” She asked as I stared curiously at the exchanged.

“Yeah, thanks.” Logan replied as he pulled out his wallet to pay.

“Will you also need a room, Megami (女神)?” The woman who appeared to be a bit younger than myself asked me. She used the same term that I had heard one of the flight attendance your as well as our cab driver. But before I could question her about its meaning Logan spoke out.

“No, she’s with me.” He stated and again the lady bowed and then waved one of the bellhops over to take our bags to our room. Before I was pulled off by Logan I gave a curt bow and said.

“Arigatō (ありがとう).”

“Dōitashimashite (どういたしまして), Megami (女神),” The young lady replied with a bow. Once we were inside the elevator I began to question Logan once again about that term ‘Megami’. I had asked him before but he just smiled and chuckled at me.

“Logan, what does ‘meg-a-mi’ mean and why am I referenced as such?” I asked and again he just chuckled in reply. It was the short, gentle looking bellhop who answered my query.

“It is a great sign of respect, Megami,” He stated. “It is a reference to the Mahikari religion founded by Yoshikazu Okada. Okada speaks of being transported to the world of divine spirits and there he saw a god with white hair standing on a beautiful white cloud. You are a beautiful woman with striking white hair so, you are ‘Megami’.”

“So ‘Megami’ means…”

“That’s right, ‘Goddess’,” Logan answered around another chuckle as he was the first to exit the elevator on our floor. I am sure it amused him to no end that others would refer to me by the term he often used and I would chastise him about.

“No, I am not a Goddess,” I tried to assure the bellhop as he pushed our luggage out after us. “I am just a woman, same as any other woman.”

“Hardly,” Logan mumbled out, just loud enough that I caught it. The word I knew was a compliment and it brought a smile to my face.

“Hai (はい) Megami.” The Bellhop said with a smile and a quick bow of his head as he ushered us and our bags into our suite. He then handed Logan our key card, Logan handed him a tip, and then he was gone.

“Logan, did you tell them to call me that?” I asked curiously though Logan had not spoken much to anyone except me to tell me of all the places he would take me during our stay in Japan.

“Don’t look at me darlin,” He said as he tossed the keycard on a nearby table and then grabbed up his only bag, his trademark duffel and moved to the only adjoining bedroom. “And if ‘everyone’ besides me is saying don’cha think it’s time to face the facts, yer not just some mere woman ‘Ro. Yer something pretty amazing.” He spoke that last sentence mostly under his breath and I knew he had not intended for me to hear it, but since I was now leaning in the open doorway of the bedroom watching him, I had heard him.

“Thank you for thinking so,” I replied and I could tell I had startled him just a bit though he had covered it well enough. He regarded me with a glance over his shoulder; letting his eyes do their usual sweep over me from head to toe before turning back to his task.

“I know so,” He said as he began to pull his things from the bag and store them in a couple of the drawers of the dresser. “You can have tha bed and I’ll just sleep on the floor in here or out there if you’d prefer.” His statement startled me and relieved me all at the same time. I had been wondering about our sleeping arrangements and somewhat dreading the thought of sharing a bed with him again. Although, we have reconciled many things in our tattered relationship since our son’s death, our ‘sexual’ relationship had not been one. It had been merely 2 months since we had declared our forgiveness of each other and made a vow to work on our relationship, but in that time we had not slept together. We had fallen back into a very amicable relationship as Logan patiently waited for me to finish out the school year before we headed off to Japan. Logan had not bedded me and I have been happy about that. I had experience near insurmountable sexual pleasure with Logan but also incomparable sexual pain as well. I found that I only seemed to awaken sweat drenched and crying over the latter. The brutality of it, his treatment of me, his touch, the way he would glare at me when he was above me, in me it was all still too raw. At times I would sit and wonder if I would ever be able to get over it all. “So I’ll just sleep out there then,” Logan’s voice pulled be from my musing.

“No,” I spoke out hastily though I don’t know what in me had possessed me to protest his idea. “You do not have to sleep on the floor Logan. The bed is large enough for both of us to share.”

“No,” He said point blank. “I can’t share a bed witcha ‘Ro.” His words angered and offended me slightly, if anyone were to protest our bed sharing it most definitely should be me not him.

“And why not?” I asked in a slightly snappy tone.

“Ya know why not, I’ve been a monster to ya,” He spoke as he bowed his head and I do not think I have ever recalled him ever appearing so submissive and defeated and it broke my heart. Even more so because I knew it was over me, even though I know I was not at fault. “I have no honor and I don’t deserve ta even be here witcha right now.”

“Logan I…”

“I know ya said j’ya forgave me for all the shit I put’cha through but I know it still fucks witcha ‘Ro.” He said this as he lifted his head and gazed directly at me. “I hear yer nightmares at night, hear ya cry out, beggin me ta stop hurt’n ya. It tears me up inside, and what really guts me is that I hadn’t given a shit about yer tears or begging when I was hold’n ya down and plow’n into ya. I wanted to hurt ya…Yer the mother of my child,” Those words instantly brought tears to my eyes and I had to close my eyes and bow my head, because it still filled me with such guilt and shame that I suffered a miscarriage. “Yer tha woman that I love like no other…ever,” He continued and that declaration made me gasp and stare at him once again. “And I done ya wrong, hurt’cha in the most despicable ways. I don’t deserve yer forgiveness.”

“But you have it and I love you too Logan, like no other…ever,” I stated with tears streaming down my face and a smile on my lips. “That…our love for each other, that will get us through this, it will prevail. I know that it will be difficult for both of us to resume nay kind of sexual relations but I am willing to try, and you have to be too.” He closed his eyes, clenched his jaws, and took a deep breath. “So we shall share a bed together and see where that takes us. Ok?” He nodded his head a few seconds before he spoke out again.

“Yeah, whatever you say darlin.”

That night found us on opposite edges of the bed and me personally with a bout of insomnia. I was too afraid to ask Logan if he were asleep but suspected that he was having as much difficulty sleeping as I. When morning arrived I awoke contently in Logan’s secure embrace, with my head nestled against his hairy chest, and my limbs thrown lovingly across his prone body.

“Morning Darlin, how’d ya sleep?” He asked never removing his arms from around me. I lifted my head slight and removed my hand from his body long enough to brush my wild bed hair from my face as I peered at the bedside clock.

“Mmm what time is it?” I asked as I gently placed my hand back across Logan’s chest and silently let my mind reel over our closeness, thinking that any moment I would recoil from Logan. But I found I was enjoying our closeness, it had been so long since we had simply cuddled and it seemed that my body craved it, craved Logan, and welcomed his ‘gentle’ touch.

“Nearly 6am,” Logan replied and I could tell by his stiffened shoulders that he was also unsure of how I might react waking up in his arms and strewn across his body.

“Uggh, too early,” I declared as I let my head once again fall to his chest. It was true that I was still tired from a night lacking much sleep, but also I wanted to relay to Logan, with my actions, that I was ok with this, just lying in bed with him, and in his arms. “We’re on holiday so let’s get up at noon, ok?” I tossed out as I closed my eyes once more and snuggled closer to him. I could feel the rumble in his chest and a slight shake of his body as he chuckled a bit and then hugged me more tightly.

“Yeah, I hadn’t planned for us to head to Jasmine Falls until tomorrow anyway. We’ll sleep ‘til noon then I’ll show ya around the city.” I had vaguely understood what he had said as sleep crept back upon me. I burrowed my nose into Logan’s abnormally bushy chest and gave a mumbled reply, and again I felt him chuckle, and this time place a kiss atop my head.

It’s wonderful, this familiar feeling, of being with Logan again. I recall these feelings from before the loss of our son. Back when we first started our relations which soon turned into a courtship. It was so exciting…intoxicating, and those feelings have returned as I strolled hand in hand through the streets of Japan with Logan. Always true to his word, once we awoke from our slumber and headed out, we spent hours trekking around the city sightseeing. Logan showed me all of his favorite places and I’d be hard pressed to pick a favorite for myself, because they were all so spectacular in their own way. I now see why he loves Japan so much, for I too have fallen in love with it. I could however do without all of the stares and people constantly referring to me as a Goddess. Though it is a refreshing change from the disgusted stares and term of ‘mutie’ I get back home. At the end of our run about the city Logan took we to, in his own words, ‘The best goddamn sushi bar in the country’.

“Ya having fun?” He asked as we sat nestled in a booth near the front window awaiting our order. I turned from staring out at the bustling street to focus on him, and threw a genuine smile and nod before replying.

“Yes, very much so thank you for bringing me along Logan.”

“Thank you for coming, after the way I’ve treated ya…” He began and I quickly reached across the table and placed my hand firmly atop his and interrupted his words.

“Logan, we agreed that we are starting with a clean slate remember?” I reminded him. Truth was I hadn’t thought it would be an easy task when I had suggested it, but our dysfunctional relationship of the past few months almost seemed like some bad dream. For the most part I am able to forget about it until Logan guiltily brings it up. “So we will leave the past in the past. I am here with you now because you want me here and I want to be with you.” I stated and I can see his chest heave as he released a relieved sigh and cast me a wide smile, which I returned. “So when shall we begin our journey to Jasmine Falls?” I asked but before Logan could reply the hostess that greeted us when we came in approached.

“Excuse me,” She spoke softly as she bowed graciously. “Mr. Saito has requested your company and asks that you please join him for lunch.” She then turned and nodded towards the only table at the back of the restaurant. Both Logan and I turned and looked to the table that housed one man while four other men stood around him, obviously his bodyguards. The seated man was very handsome and dressed in a distinguished manner, and the way he sat staring back at us demanded respect.

“You can go tell Mr. Saito thanks but no thanks,” Logan barked out and his tone as well as the way the hostess’s eyes widened in fear before she nodded and walked off peaked my interest.

“Do you know him Logan?” I asked as I focused once again on him.

“No, but the tattoos on his and his companions necks tells me that they’re most likely affiliated with the Yakuza, the Japanese mob.” He replied as he kept his steely eyes locked onto the table in the back of the room. Before I could question him further he spoke out again but not to me. “Look bub we don’t want no trouble we just came for the sushi. So you can tell yer boss we are graciously declining his offer.” At Logan’s words I looked up and discovered one of the men who had been standing at the table in the corner now stood before us.

“The invitation was not for you,” The man stated with a smile that could rival Logan’s signature sneer. “My boss would like the beautiful Megami (女神) to join him.” He continued as he bowed his head a bit and looked at me.

“Oh, please relay to your…uhm…boss that I must kindly decline.” I said as I threw a smile and nod back towards the table.

“Ro,” Logan called out to me and his tone made me sit up a bit more straight as I snapped my eyes to him. “Just keep yer eyes on me darling and don’t speak.” He commanded and I nodded in reply making sure to do exactly as he instructed, and kept eyes locked to him as he picked up his small cup of sake. “Lady’s with me and she ain’t interested in the invitation either.” He spoke out and then took a sip of his sake.

“It wasn’t a request,” The man said as he reached out and grasped my arm with his left hand. He just as quickly released me before crying out while holding up his fingerless right hand. “Ahhhhhhhhh…”

“Ro’, get down,” Logan ordered and I complied dropping down under the table a split second before bullets started flying, indiscriminately striking other patrons in the restaurant. I kept low as I watched Logan stalk to the back table, blades out and the way his shoulders hunched over spoke to just how pissed he was. Logan in that kind of mood usually meant carnage would ensue. It was obvious that he was being struck mercilessly by the bullets being aimed at him but it didn’t seem to slow him down as he swiped at the bodyguard closest to him, killing him instantly and then moved on. Within a matter of seconds it was all over. All of the men at the back table, all except the ‘Boss’, lay dead on the floor, innocent patrons just as dead about the room, and Logan had a firm grip on my arm and was rushing out the back way of the restaurant. Once outside we easily blended in with the other people who rushed about the busy streets. Logan released me long enough to zip up the leather jacket he wore, I suspect to cover up his holey blood stained shirt, but there was so much blood I’m sure onlookers would have thought that he was simply wearing a red shirt.

“Oh my Goddess Logan, should we not have waited for the police?” I asked and I double stepped to keep up with him.

“No, we’ll head back to the hotel, pack up our things, and head to Jasmine Falls as planned.” He announced. “’Sides there ain’t nobody in that restaurant gonna provide any information to the police about what happened. Everyone in this country is afraid of the Yakuza and when any Yakuza is around people tend to go blind and deaf.”

“If this Yakuza is so powerful and dangerous shouldn’t you be more concerned about them retaliating?” I questioned and judging by the slight smile that spread across Logan’s face I was sure he was hoping that they would try. “Why did you leave one alive?” I asked and the question sounded strange even to my ears. Usually I’d chastised Logan for being overly aggressive and deadly.

“So he can relay a message back to his boss,” He replied but explained no further.

“And that message was?” I asked curiously.

“That the Wolverine is back in town and the Megami belongs to him,” He answered before once again grasping my hand into his as we continued moving along with the crowd. “Don’t worry, I’m well known around these parts and to the Yakuza. The old-schoolers will wisely heed the warning and not bother us, but I cannot say the same for the newer members that maybe around now. Some of them may come after us and try to make a name for themselves as a way of moving up the ranks. They’ll have to learn the hard way that that will be a career ender.” More like a life ender I thought as I continued to follow him in silence.