Date: 02-02-15 - 12:42 am Title: chapt 1
We need the ending.
[Report This]Date: 12-07-08 - 12:48 am Title: True Colors
Jean is a skank and Raul is a no good whore. Isn't he the one that wanted Ororo all to himself, but now expects 'Ro to share him with Jean. What a jerk. I hope 'Ro sleeps with Logan and rubs it in both their faces!!!!!
[Report This]Date: 12-03-08 - 03:16 am Title: True Colors
uh-oh! That doesn't look like groveling! Darn that Jean!
The punctuation is still a little shaky in parts, as is the paragraph spacing, but this is getting good. I like how Logan takes the opportunity to give Ororo "good suggestions" while her man is stepping out on her. Gotta love having a good friend like him, huh?
[Report This]Date: 12-02-08 - 05:27 am Title: True Colors
I like your story. I like the content that you have. The plot and the dialogue, but you have a bit of fundamental grammatical errors that, slightly hinder your work.
Some other of these mistakes I committed when first started writing many, many years ago so its no big deal. First thing, a dot pause. Such as "..." is usually only three dots long anything more is not really needed.
A heal can improve an injury. A heel is a part of the foot.
Some of the other things are just spelling mistakes and or breaking up of your paragraphs to help with organizing your work.
Again, i love your story after this in fact I'll be adding it to my favorites. I just wanted to point out those things I've seen to help out a fellow author.
Please keep writing I look forward to seeing more.
[Report This]Date: 12-01-08 - 02:27 am Title: True Colors
you know Jean deserves what's comming to her. And Raul what a bastard.
[Report This]Date: 07-18-08 - 07:41 pm Title: 5
I hope you update soon. I really enjoyed this fic. I'm dying to know whats going to happen next
[Report This]Date: 07-15-08 - 11:24 am Title: 5
Raul you idiot. You had me all liking you and worrying about how you were gonna feel when the story got RoLo and then you do this! And Jean! Ho!
Loving it so far, and now Logan gets to comfort Ro so It's all good.
btw, I hope you plan to have Scott find out about his slut of a wife
[Report This]Date: 06-18-08 - 02:19 am Title: 5
WHAT?? Dang Jean, whose man isn't she trying to sleep with!? I can't wait for the next chapter to read how this happened.
[Report This]Date: 06-11-08 - 11:06 pm Title: 5
What!! That a** hole. At least now Ororo and Logan can get together.
Nice update.
[Report This]Date: 06-11-08 - 08:58 pm Title: 5
Wow!I actually liked Raul. Wished the chapter would have been longer. Nice to see you writing again. Can't wait for the next chapter!
[Report This]Date: 05-06-08 - 02:34 am Title: chapter 4
This is a very interesting story, but you stopped just when you were about to give us some RoLo action. I want to see her with Logan, but I can't help but to feel sorry for sexy Raul.
Author's Response: I know. I will be updating soon. With an interesting twist
Author's Response: I know. I will be updating soon. With an interesting twist
[Report This]Date: 07-11-07 - 05:33 pm Title: chapter 3
Logan has really stepped in it.
[Report This]Date: 07-04-07 - 04:45 pm Title: chapter 3
This story is good. and i havent read rolo fanfiction in so long, this was a great place 2 start again. keep up the good work and please update a.s.a.p.
[Report This]Date: 07-01-07 - 07:14 am Title: chapter 4
Logan and Ororo on a trip? For two weeks.
Sounds like your cooking up something.
Poor Raul.
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