Suicide Is Painless by Telaka
Summary: A short story set after the events of X2. One tries to help another in her time of grievance and finds a soul he never knew was there.
Categories: General Characters: None
Genres: Angst
Warnings: None
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes Word count: 4738 Read: 3638 Published: 09-13-03 Updated: 09-15-03

1. He Came To Her by Telaka

2. Forever Learning by Telaka

He Came To Her by Telaka
Suicide Is Painless
Below her lay a vast fully sized mansion with seventeen bedrooms, three lounge, two rec rooms, a basement and her own attic space, more than enough room to find a place for privacy and solitude. She chose to sit on the roof.

And now as moonlight hid from her behind clouds darker than the midnight sky, as she sat with her knees to her chest and only her tears for comfort she believed she had never felt more truly alone.

One week it had been. One week since she sat on that plane, forced to the spot as she watched the woman who had acted as her surrogate sister for nearly ten years of her harsh life drown to save them. One week had felt like double a lifetime. One week of dreams that played on her mind until she was no longer able to sleep. One week of food that never settled in her taut stomach. One week of hell and she had no idea how she was going to handle the rest of her life like this.

She could only imagine what Scott was going through.

She hadn’t seen him or anyone else since the funeral a couple of days ago. That had been the hardest day of either of their lives. They had stood together, held in each other’s arms as she wept and he stood silent. Logan and Kurt had been there but to her, at the time, both had just been another one of the students standing awkward and unsure, watching as she, Scott and Charles said their final goodbyes.

Since then she had seen no one, not Scott, not Rogue, not Kurt, not Logan, not even Charles. She was falling into a state of agonising grief and utter loneliness.

So he had to come to her.

It had taken him a week to figure out where she went at night. Once outside her scent, a scent that was once sweet and natural but was now overlapped by sickness and despair, would wash away with her winds to lock her in an unseen veil away from the small world around her.

He hauled himself out of the skylight ungracefully, finally making it onto the roof unbalanced. She was not but twenty or so feet away, still and hunched over with short white hair hiding a face that once glowed with the essence of life but now was empty and shallow.

“Storm?”

She didn’t even flinch.

He was trying to remember her real name. He had only heard it once and soon taunted her for her codename after. Munroe, something Munroe” “Ororo?”

This made her turn. Few people called her by that name. Her face made him worry, not something he did very often for other people.

“That’s your name, right?”

She nodded slowly as if trying to remember herself what her name was.

He was unsure of what to say or do next. He hardly knew this woman, but then no one else seemed to be making moves to help her, or at least they weren’t getting anywhere with her. And he wasn’t about to let her waste away like this, no matter how little he knew her.

“Unusual name.”

She turned away, looking down at the rough black tiles on the roof and then down to the hard ground below. He steadied himself and found a centre of balance that allowed him to sit those twenty so feet away from her without risking his own neck, although he should heal pretty quickly if he did fall.

“My mother gave me the name.”

Logan looked a little surprised. It was the first time he had heard her talk since the funeral. Eager to keep her going he carried on the conversation.

“So where’s your mum now?”

There was a beat of silence.

“Dead.”

He swore at himself.

“I saw her die just as I saw Jean die.”

He brought his shadowy narrow eyes to the tiles where hers rested. Maybe if she would talk about Jean…

“So you two were close then? You and Jean I mean.”

Logan saw shapeless tears peel down her dark face as she nodded.

“Yes. I came to Xavier’s when I was about fourteen, Scott and Jean where already here. They were the first people to ever accept me as a friend and not lay social prejudice on me. Jean became like a sister to me and we fought together side by side for all those years after, always coming through whatever life threw at us in the end. But now…”

Her head fell into her knees as if the effort to talk was too much for her. He guest it probably was.

“When’s the last time you ate darlin’, or even slept?”

She didn’t move for a minute. Then she shrugged.

“That’s not good.”

Again she shrugged, raising her head back out from her knees. It began to rain. For a few brief seconds it was nothing more than a light shower, then it became a downpour. The two were drenched in a heartbeat. He lowered his head, pointlessly shaking rain from his thick dark brown hair in an attempt to dry off.

Finally after sitting for a few minutes in the rain he gathered his body and found the balance he needed to walk across the slanted roof over nearer to her side.

“This your doin’ then?”

She shook her head. “I only knew it was coming.”

“Storm?”

“Please, call me Ororo, I liked that. What?”

“Okay, Ororo then. Don’t suppose you could turn it off?”

On his word the rain was gone.

“Why?”

He managed a small smile. “Well I don’t really like being on a soaking wet roof this far up when the grounds like concrete below.”

She didn’t respond to this and things became eerily quiet in the night. The only noise Logan could pick up was the light shallow breathing of the woman next to him.

“You okay ‘Ro?”

She turned her eyes on him. “’Ro?”

He shrugged. “Name fits. Are you feeling okay?”

Truthfully she shook her head.

“I suppose when you do not sleep for three days and only eat to throw it back up again the body could begin to suffer. But not as much as the mind does when you loose someone so close to you.”

Logan wasn’t sure of what to say to that.

“You really miss her?”

“I thought that much was obvious.”

“Is it worth getting sick over?”

“She was worth the world to me.”

It was funny. He had hardly ever spoken to her before, the last words he remembers her ever saying to him directly where over an intercom. But now they were sitting on a roof of all places having the most heart felt conversation he could ever remember having with someone. Yet, it felt so natural and easy to do so with her.

Thunder shook overhead, sound waves bouncing off the roof, shaking the tiles. It made him jump but she didn’t move.

“There’s a storm approaching.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “You knew?”

“I’ve been waiting for it.”

He froze, felt his blood chill over and his skin crawl. It was the way she said it more than what she said. Simply and decisively, so calmly that he now knew exactly why she was sitting out here in the open, when a storm was approaching.

No, he didn’t know this woman but if there was one thing he was more than sure of about her, killing herself in the middle of a torrent was not something she would do if she were in the right state of mind.

He took hold of her forearm gently with one firm hand.

“Come on ‘Ro, come back inside”“

She pulled her arm away from his hold.

“No.”

He issued a low growl in frustration. She was not an enemy, he could not deck her across the face just to get his way. He was going to have to be patient, even if that didn’t come easy to him.

“D’y’ really think Jean’d want you to do this?”

There was a flash of lighting and a roll of thunder as she let go of her hold on the rain so that it drenched them yet again. Her voice was low and threatening in response.

“How dare you. How dare you use her name like that, to tempt me.”

“Ororo, I didn’t mean it like that, you know”“

“Leave.”

The incoming storm was fast arriving.

“Storm don’t.”

“Why not? I’m through with life. Jean left us on her own accord, why can’t I?”

Again Logan growled. “You think you’re the only one that misses her? You think you’re the only one grieving? Me, Scott, the Professor, the students, we all mourned too y’know! Don’t add to the losses here.”

She shouted back over the now furious winds.

“My life has been nothing but loss! I’ve seen too many people die to really care much anymore. I have no faith, I don’t believe things will get better because so far they haven’t and they probably never will. This day was a long time coming, trust me.”

He was growing panicked; his stomach lurched as she spoke because he knew now there was no reasoning with her, she was beyond listening to anyone or caring for herself.

Just as he was bringing himself round to the only idea he had, as much as he didn’t like it, the storm was upon them and he was forced to cling to the roof as it battered them from every angle. He grabbed her forearm again.

“C’mon ‘Ro!”

But she pulled away and just as she did he punched her, hard, across the face. As it turned out it seemed he did have to deck her to get his own way.

He seized her before she could fall and in the longest five minutes of his life he managed to pull himself with her across the roof and over to the skylight, where with her held firmly in both hands he dropped back into the attic below, where her bedroom was.

She was already coming round and began squirming and kicking in his hold. He easily overpowered her though and made it over to her bed with her tightly pressed to his chest. There he gently laid her frozen sodden body down and then sitting beside her rubbed down her bare arms, trying to warm her up again. She had stopped struggling now, just fell limp in his arms, and he didn’t know whether to take that as a good sign or not.

When looking down at her, looking at her the closest he ever had, his breath caught in his chest.

She was stunning, pure and simple. He hadn’t seen it before and he had no idea how. He had never noticed the smooth flawless dark skin that covered her body with the perfectly shaped face that was lined by hair of the purest white streaked with silver. Of her slim well built body, both feminine and strong. And in the middle of it all he knew where a pair of dark blue eyes, the centre focus of her entire being.

Why hadn’t he noticed her before? Too busy pining over someone he could never of had, when here was a woman alone and free.

But he was forced to push this all to the back of his mind for now and focus on the present.

Sitting over her he gently slapped her cheeks, the left one already bruising down to the jaw line from a punch that had been backed by adamantium.

“Storm? Ororo? C’mon darlin’, wake up.”

There was the slightest hint of guilt and despair in his pleading.

It took a few minutes before she began to arouse reluctantly, moaning miserably. Her breathes where no longer shallow and light but now heavy and strained. Her eyes opened slowly and she took in her surroundings painfully.

“Logan?”

He sighed in relief. The hit couldn’t have been as hard as he had worried it had been.

“’S’okay Ororo, you’re in your room. I had to get you out of the storm, you gotta understand”“

She held up a hand to him, her voice rough as she spoke back.

“I know. It’s okay.”

She turned her head to the side shamefully then felt as his hand touched on her bruised cheek lightly.

“I’m sorry ‘bout the punch. I didn’t mean to hit you so hard, I just panicked I suppose.”

Then his hand pulled back hesitantly as she sat up, letting her eyes fall onto his and stare deep into them.

She shuddered in the cold and he moved over closer, taking off his brown leather jacket and handing it to her. If no one was going to be there for her then maybe he could step in.

“Thank you.”

He wasn’t sure what to say, again. He did want to help her, desperately, but he usually didn’t get so close to someone, that tended to lead the other to be killed. He didn’t want that to happen again, especially not to her.

“Eh, yeah sure. No problem.”

Suddenly he pulled away and she shied back from him.

“I’ll leave you alone now. See y’ round.”

She went to ask him to stay but he was gone before she could and she was left alone, again.

Forever Learning by Telaka
(The next night)


The mansion at night was near enough the only time he ever liked the place. No noise, no crowds, no rush of students screaming at each other, sneakily using whatever powers they had on hand the second the teachers weren’t watching.

He rarely saw life so late at night here. A few times he had ran into the new mutant, Kurt, or was it Nightcrawler, he wasn’t sure. That one gave him an unusual feeling of wariness, reminded him too much of Mystique. But the guy was nice enough, hard to be nasty to without good reason, so he didn’t bother him as long as it went both ways.

His rough bare feet slapped down onto a hard wooden floor hallway that would eventually lead him to the kitchen in passing the rec room first. Every night that he had taken this route to the kitchen without fail was the same kid, in the rec room, flicking through the television channels with literally a blink of the eyes. It was one of the few sights of late that still made him smile.

The poorly lit hallway cast long enigmatic shadows of him, passing them across the wall to mimic his every move. His shadow reached the rec room long before his body did and instantly alerted her to his presence.

Her deep blue eyes stayed fixed on the television screen, watching closely what was in front of her as she sat next to the child who changed the channel on her command.

Slapping footsteps echoed in her ears before the shadow that had danced on the wall in front of her came to a stop.

“Hey kid.”

“Hey.”

The little boy nodded but stayed transfixed to the screen. Logan’s eyes came to rest on her.

“Hey.”

She nodded but no more. He lent in to see what had her so intent in watching the television. The sight was ironic in itself alone.

“So, you’re watchin’ the weather channel.”

He allowed himself a small, slightly amused smile.

“It would appear so.” Her voice was near toneless, giving away nothing of her mood or state of mind.

“Why?”

There was a short silence before her blue eyes slid off the screen and her face turned to confront him.

“Because I like to make a mockery of their stupid satellite forecasts on a force they could never hope to understand, let alone think they can predict.”

Logan stared. “Fair enough.”

He could almost swear to it that he saw something of a daring glint in her ever-calm blue eyes before they turned away from him. Either it had something to do with the weather reporter cheerily determining sun for the next few days or simply it was he. He lent heavily on guessing the latter.

His only condolence for this was that she wasn’t on the roof. At the same time though her being down here meant she was again starving her body of any real rest.

“Goin’ to the kitchen for a drink, want anything?”

Again he was made to stand in silence for a few seconds. Then both suddenly and surprisingly she got up.

“If you don’t mind, I’ll join you.”

He raised a dark eyebrow to portray his surprise but shrugged casually.

“Sure, if you want ma company for the night.”

She gave the boy a small nod and he blinked, changing the channel to a nature show about rats.

Logan stared queerly at the screen for a few seconds before turning to walk out the door with Ororo, watching her closely as she went. Her simple white silk robe rippled as she walked, hugging her tall elegant figure neatly and also complimenting her short silver streaked white hair. She turned when he did not come behind.

“Are you coming or are you going to stare all night?”

He snapped back to his senses and as he did he could honestly say he saw that daring glint in both eyes as well as a small flicker of a smile.
He grunted then moved on with her to tread the short distance to the kitchen.

It was as dim in here as it was out in the corridor but neither made an attempt to switch on another light.
He went to reach for the cupboard where he hid his beers then stopped, not quiet sure what she would say, or more worryingly do, if she saw him with a six pack.

He turned to see her staring at him, with a can of beer in her hand.

“Where’d you get that?”

She smiled teasingly looking down at the can in interest then at him.

“When will you stop believing that you and only you can sneak up on people perfectly without the body in question noticing? I have on more than a few occasions watched you sneak in beer to the school Logan. I have watched from yards away as you do so.”

With one slim finger she took the pull ring in her grip and tugged, letting the can fizz before she took a drink from it.
He watched all of this questionably, not bothering to hide the surprise from his face and eyes.

“What?”

He shook his head. “Nothin’. Just wonderin’ how I didn’t even smell you when you were pulling your stealth thing on me.”

The small smile on her face turned as daring as the glint in her eyes. She took another drink before giving him an explanation of sorts.

“A thief always knows where to place herself to make sure she is as invisible as is humanly possible. You are no exception when hiding from, just more of a…challenge.”

He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or take that seriously.
“A thief?”

She nodded. “A thief.”

“Okay… A thief who likes to steal a Canadian man’s beer? Your bold as well, I’ll give you that.”

She stared down at the hole on top of the can as if growing bored with the conversation and finding the brown liquid inside much more amusing.

“I would steal the visor from Scott’s face if I fancied a little humour. I felt maybe a can or two of your beer was in order for myself.”

Logan raised an eyebrow, again. “Anything else I should know?”

She shook her head. “I’m not really in the mood for sharing my life stories right now. A thief is all you need to know for the moment.”

Finally after giving her another unsure glance he reached for a beer himself that was stored in one of the higher cupboards near the back corner.

“That an’ you like beer.”

This time she laughed.

“Actually, no I don’t.”

She poured the rest of the can’s contents down the sink then watched with unblinking eyes as he frowned at her in growing annoyance.

“Now you’re just pissin’.”

“Perhaps.”

Moodily he took his beer, opened it and downed it in one, reaching moodily for another after he had done all that. He didn’t like people messing with him, no matter the joke or taunt.
This only satisfied her.

“What you playin’ at tonight then ‘Ro? It’s a dangerous game whatever it is.”

Her grin turned somewhat darker. Ever since the death of Jean, of her closest friend, she had changed. She had a tendency to throw caution to the wind and hold herself and her emotions much less tightly. Basically, she hardly cared much anymore for herself or pretty much anyone else around her. At that moment in time it suited her fine.

But it was worrying Scott and Charles. It was annoying Logan.

He wanted to help; he wanted to get to know her a little more, maybe be somewhat of a friend to her. But if she played about like this he would either be giving up soon or loosing his temper with her. The thing about that was it seemed to be what she wanted.

He drank half his other beer, watching her carefully, studying her face as she stood choosing her next words carefully.

“I don’t play games very often Logan. And what could you do to stop me even if I was to wined you up, punch me again?”

His eyes locked onto the still dark bruise that ran across her cheek and jaw line.

Scott had not been happy about that. Logan was beginning to see that Scott acted as some sort of an older over-protective brother to Storm. But maybe that was because he would not be able to stand the loss of someone so close to him again.

Putting down his beer on one of the reflective steel kitchen units he slowly walked over to her, growling.

“I wanna help, I wanna to be the good guy here Ororo, but there’s only so far one man’s patience can go. An’ mines just about reached the end of the line. You hear that?”

His response was a pair of narrowed white eyes.

“I hear fine Logan, but do you?”

She had stumped him. Then her head fell and her eyes lay on the ground at her feet as she uttered a miserable sigh.

“I’m hurting and I’m confused. I want to be left alone but at the same time I can’t stand the solitude. I want so desperately to sleep but the nightmares wont let me. I want to run but my mind is rooted to staying here. I want Jean back but she’s dead and I’m being told to move on from all angles when I’m not ready yet. Do you hear?”

Logan said nothing because shame had hit him. He knew near to nothing about this woman but thought he knew what was best for her. That last comment was aimed at him, that much he did know.

After a few minutes he moved forward, closer to her. One rough hand came to rest on her chin, tipping her head back up slowly and gently.

Her eyes were no longer white but blue and tear filled.
When both pairs met something passed through the gaze, what Logan could only think to be an understanding of sorts.

“Ah here ye ‘Ro.”

Neither thought about what they did next, it just happened.

He leant into her soft lips and embraced her cold slim body and she didn’t fight him off, just merged in with him. Her hands ran through his thick messy black hair and his crossed her back.
The kiss grew in passion as both sought a love denied to them for so long.

Then as his hands began to move down lower she pulled away sharply, taking a few steps back from him. Her face was ridden with guilt.

“No, no this is wrong. Not now, not when you… No, I can’t.”

She turned swiftly on her heals and he grabbed her forearm.

“Ororo, don’t.”

She shook him off reluctantly.

“Goodnight Logan.”

“Ororo—“

But she was gone, her long white robe whipping around the corner of the door as she left him standing in devastation.

Angrily he picked up the half empty beer can and crushed it in his hand, letting the newly formed sharp edges dig greedily into the palm of his hand. He watched with grim satisfaction as blood ran free, dripping onto his feet, then narrowed his eyes as the wounds healed themselves seconds after he unclenched his fist. With a mass of strength he threw the can at a wall, letting it fall into the sink below then watching as the beer passed away to follow down the pipes with the liquids Ororo had poured.
With it went his devastation to be replaced by a deep sense of self-loathing and hurt.

Minutes later Scott came in to be confronted by the sight of Logan standing over the sink, his back to the door.
He had smelt him coming in but never bothered to turn round and face him.

Scott had seen Ororo racing down the hallway, near to tears as she ran into the lounge and threw herself onto a plush red sofa finally allowing herself to cry into the arm of the chair.

Instead of going to her side though Scott had went to hunt down Logan.

There was an abrupt tapping on Logan’s shoulder and he turned to be dealt a fairly hefty punch across his jaw. Scott’s face was that of pure livid hatred.

“If you ever hurt her again, if you ever touch her, even lay a finger on her, then so help me I will kill you!”

Logan turned back slowly to face Scott, a low menacing growl filling the kitchen air.
He looked to be on the verge of throwing six adamantium claws in his face but through a heavy amount of strained self-control he didn’t. The growl only faded as he pushed past Scott out of the kitchen, saying nothing in response.

One thing Logan did know now, Scott meant every word of that threat.


End