She wouldn’t allow herself to sleep or eat for almost 4 days now. She had told herself she didn’t need to. She did not see the purpose of it anymore. It had been 6 months. Her loved ones were trapped in that box. Buried underneath gravel and locked by a stone table that had their names printed on. They were gone now and it looked as if they were not coming back. She sat there looking at there grave stones. She was deliberately punishing herself . She had come to a decision that she had failed them.

Ororo looked at Jean’s grave stone. She was her best friend- she was close enough to be her sister. She wouldn’t be ’there’ if she hadn’t plunged herself into the dam saving her fellow team mates, killing herself. She was a martyr. However she resurrected. Ororo saw her face again but something evil infested her body. The Phoenix. A mythical sun bird that resurrected- it wasn’t mythical- it destroyed Jean Grey. It destroyed her best friend. Nobody was perfect. Ororo was sure that the X Men could help Jean through that phase. They couldn’t. He killed her. Wolverine killed her. No- she couldn’t blame him, he had to save her by destroying both of them. Charles was her ’father’, Scott was her ‘brother’. None of them deserved to die. Ororo dug her nails into her palms. They did not deserve to die- not one of them. But they all still did.

She then broke down in tears- trying to hold them back but they flowed freely. Ororo had to punish herself, crying was releasing. She had to hold it all in. All her emotions kept in causing pain- the way it should be. She blamed herself for their deaths.
‘Why did Jean have to become the Phoenix? Why did she save them- killing herself ? Didn’t she feel loved? Scott loved her, I loved her, Logan loved her’ Ororo asked herself. If Jean hadn’t died at Alkali Lake then Scott wouldn’t have died neither would of Charles. Maybe if she had...

She broke into more tears. They were like acid racing down her cheeks. The weather responded to her emotions . Her white hair had grown , she could cut it again hurting herself as she did but there was no point she had felt worse pain. She sat there feeling the rain patter on her skin. The rain soon died out- Ororo wished she could but she had to be there to mind the school- the children. She’d tell them it will be OK, when she couldn’t believe it herself. Before she would wake hoping that it was all a nightmare but that was one of the reasons why she did not sleep. To warn herself that this was reality not a dream. Ororo buried her head into her knees, her palms were bleeding but she let the blood flow the same way she had let her tears.

Ororo then got up and flew over to her balcony stepping into her room searching for a towel. She grabbed a white one and dried herself then changed her clothes. She clenched her fist then hissed when she felt a sting. She looked at her palms, the four, horizontal slits on either palm answered it all. She did not feel like Storm at all, she felt weak and fragile. Ororo then heard a knock at her door. She heard another one and wished the person would go away, but she forced herself to answer it.

“Ro, y’ OK?” Logan asked. “Yes, Logan” Ororo said trying to sound as casual as possible. She couldn’t fool him, her eyes were bloodshot from crying and he could smell her misery from miles away. “No you’re not” he told her. “Yes Logan . I am” she lied again. Ororo knew she could not fool Logan herself. After Alcatraz they became close, they’d talk to replace their sleep deprivation and their friendship enhanced.

Logan looked at her hand. “Ororo what happened?” he enquired taking her hands in his. “Nothing” she responded slowly sliding her hand out.

“It has always been ‘I am alright and nothin’ when it comes to admitting your pain” he said almost coolly. Logan’s voice softened, he stroked her cheek and then said “I love you too much to see you hurt”. Ororo could not believed what she had just heard. She stepped away from him- from their embrace and from what he said. ‘Logan does not love me, we are just friends, right?’ thought Ororo. “Logan...you don’t love me, you’re just sad, lost, confused. We all are after what happened” she explained. “But Ro I do-”
“No Logan , you love Jean” she sighed then added “You miss her...a lot and because we are friends it has confused you into thinking that you love me-” - before she could say another word Logan wrapped his arms around her kissing her, sucking on her bottom lip. Ororo could not do anything for he had left all the muscles in her body weak. When the kiss ended Ororo sighed. “Now do you believe me?” . For a second she nearly did but then it came to her. “Logan, it’s probably lust” she whispered.
“No, ‘Ro. I know it isn’t, I know the difference” he answered her. Logan saw the glint in her eye. “OK. I’ll give you some time, but you know I’ll be waiting for my answer” he told her before he turned away and left her at her door.

Ororo closed her door gradually then ran her hand through her hair. She couldn’t believe what just happened. She had been wishing most of the past proceedings were just imaginings and this was one of them. Ororo now blamed Jean for this. If she had not died then Logan would not of noticed her, Ororo was attracted to Logan but she knew he would never be aware of her so she had kept it deep inside. And now that he claims that he loves her, she did not what to do. She was afraid of losing their friendship.

Ororo ran into the forest during a rain storm. She did not where she was going. But she was running away from herself. She had been doing this in most parts of her life. She just kept on running. She was running away from complicated questions and people, she was running away from her emotions. But no matter how fast she ran she could never run away from herself. Ororo came to a halt and fell on her knees. Her eyes rested on a dagger. She wondered how it got there. The she wondered if she pierced the sharp object into her heart, then that wound would end her life, she wouldn’t have to answer any questions, every pain she had in her life would end too.
However she knew Charles would not want this, nor Scott, nor Jean.
Ororo then remembered why the dagger was there buried her face in her hands.

Logan could not understand why Ororo did not believe that he loved her. They had became best friends and she had stuck with him even when he disrespected her. First of all he could not believe that he loved her when it was early, he thought that he could never move on from Jean, well neither did Ororo. And even now when he was sitting in front of Jean Grey’s grave, he admitted that he loved another woman.
“When I stabbed you, Jean. I did it to save you, but it felt as it was for release. I miss you Jean, really I do but something tells me it’s better this way. I love ‘Ro and I don’t think I would of known if you were still here” he said nearly choking. Logan then let a tear escape. He then included “If you can hear me wherever you are, you are telepathic and if you can please let her know that I love her. Touch her fer me”.

Ororo sat in her office- once the professor’s- looking at the students’ report cards, she shook her head as she read through them.. They needed more teachers. The younger X Men promised to teach, but she still wasn’t sure. It was like trouble over troubles. She was tired, she was now wishing that Charles never chose her to be the headmistress.But she was very stubborn, she would never admit her pain unless some one had to push her and push her.
She turned around on the chair to face the window. There was a rain cloud again, it had rained alot today, and had fit her mood perfectly.

Ororo stared out of the window looking for a break through.There was a shine coming through the clouds.Maybe it was her break through. She kept staring until she recieved a tap on her shoulder and jumped. She turned around and saw what she was not ready for.

"Logan. I did not hear you come in" she whispered trying to force a smile.
"You weren't meant to" he answered back."Ro, we need to talk".
"So talk" Ororo said keeping an emotionless face.
"Ororo, I gave you time an-"
"No, Logan please I do not want to talk about this anymore" She told him.
"But you told me talk. What else do you think I would want to talk about".
Ororo then got up and walked to the door. "That's what you always do. Run away from your emotions" he growled icily.
Ororo glared at him, "I am not running away" she told him. What Logan had noticed, was that she was talking to him the same tone she did, when they had first met. Ororo's back was facing Logan and he sighed. Ororo rolled her eyes and then looked up into the ceiling.
" Do you now see, Logan?" she said facing him, she sounded as if she would start crying.
"Do I now see what?" he asked.
" Do you now see why I can't do this. I cannot even talk to you without us arguing. Ever since you told me that you 'loved' me, I can't talk to you anymore. I-i can't come to you for comfort. If things are like this now, then what will happen later?".

" But I don't care about the later or the future. All I care about is now- the present. All I care about is you", he whispered, while taking her hand in his. Ororo looked up into his eyes. "Logan I don't know. How do I know if you really love me".
Ororo was right though. She was not a telepath and she was only the Earth's empath so she really couldn't tell.
"I just love you and I cannot put it in any other way. You just really have to trust me 'Ro. But do you know how it feels to love some one and know that they don't love you back" .
A tear slid down Ororo's face. "You don't understand Logan. I do love you. I've loved you for a long time but you never loved me, you loved Jean, you said it yourself. So how could you possibly love me? Your confusing me, Logan and I'm sure you don't know how I feel" Ororo sobbed.

Logan wrapped his arms around her, bringing her closer, and stroked her hair. " You never showed it 'Ro, if you showed it earlier-
"I'm sure it would not have made a difference. You loved Jean and I could never have changed that".
"Logan shook his head, "I thought I told you, that I thought loved Jean, but I didn't. And you didn't let me finish Ro. If you had showed it earlier, then I wouldn't have to use Jean to keep me occupied. 'Ro, there was somethin' the way you talked or acted around. It was like you didn' like me at all". "I did it to save myself from embarassment" she said with a smile pulling away from him.

They stood still staring at each other. Logan lowered his lips to her's and kissed her. "Logan, are you sure about this" Ororo whispered, still worried. "If I wasn't, then I wouldn't have told you the truth".