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Title: Warning: Retired X-Man....Bored

Author: Wolverine6Claws Email: wolverine6claws@yahoo.com

Rating: PG - humorous, just for fun

Pairing: Storm/Wolverine

Author's notes: Somethin' totally different an' just for fun. Got the idea from somethin' I saw recently, hope it gives ya' a chuckle.

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, they are owned by Marvel Characters, Inc. The story idea is mine and that's all I make claim to. No profit is made from the use of the characters, it's just for fun. No disrespect ever intended to Marvel or the X-Men.


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It was a beautiful morning as Ororo walked out to the mail box to collect today's posts from the letter carrier. They exchanged pleasant greetings, as usual, Pauline the Carrier asked how her husband was handling retirement and Ororo assured her that, although his attitude about retiring was completely unexpected, Logan was handling the quiet life very well.

Ororo mentioned that she'd be going into the shopping area today, as she did every Tuesday, and, again, unexpectedly, Logan seemed to really enjoy his days out shopping with her. Pauline smiled and bid Ororo a good day. Ororo said goodbye and turned back to the house as she sorted through the small stack of letters and magazines.

As she entered the kitchen, she was vaguely aware of Logan moving about the kitchen and preparing for the day. She glanced at him as she began to open one of the envelopes, the return address showed it was from her favorite shop, which she planned to visit today.

She smiled at her husband as he seemed to bounce around the kitchen like a giant kid, preparing to have a light breakfast of cold cereal, toast and orange juice. "You seem particularly happy today, Logan. What is the occassion?" she asked as she flipped open the letter enclosed in the envelope.

"We're goin' shoppin' today, right?" Logan asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

"Yes, we are. I was not aware that you enjoyed our excursions to the shopping malls quite so much, Logan," Ororo mentioned lightly as if teasing him.

"No, I do," Logan assured her enthusiastically with a vigorous nod, as he poured the milk into his cereal bowl.

Ororo smiled as she watched him for a moment, then focused her attention on the official looking letter of notice she held in her hand. Her smile slowly faded and was replaced with a concerned frown as she began to read.

____________________________________________________

Dear Mrs. Logan,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. umm.. Logan has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We understand that your husband is recently retired and you are a preferred customer of our chain, but we cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning your entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents concerning your husband's mischievous behavior on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Logan have been compiled and are listed below.

Please, take a moment to familiarize yourself with the items on the list. If you wish to contest these incidents, please call the manager of the store in question. Thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MEMO: RE: Mr. Logan - Complaints - Things Mr. Logan has done while his spouse was shopping in our store:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms off the shelf and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her, in an official tone, "Code 3 in housewares"..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling the guns in the hunting section of the Sporting Goods department, he asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the automotive department, he practiced his "Madonna look" using different sized funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And, last, but not least!

15. December 23: He went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

If you could be so kind as to speak to your husband about his behavior within the store and its individual departments we would be most grateful.

Sincerely,
Management
_______________________________________________________________________

Ororo frowned in total dismay over the serious tone of the letter's opening, but as she read the list, counting off in great detail, her husband's child like behavior while out in public, she couldn't help the smile that bloomed on her lovely face.

No wonder Logan enjoyed his days out with her. He had never been one for shopping malls, even when Jubilee would drag him there years ago. But Ororo knew that Logan was simply trying to find a way to keep himself occupied and... yes, entertained, while he got used to being a "retired XMan".

Ororo tucked the letter back into its envelope and folded it neatly, depositing it in the back pocket of her designer-style jeans. "Are you almost ready to go?" she asked him as she stood at the center island, casually sipping her coffee.

Logan nodded enthusiastically and dropped his spoon into his leftover bowl of milk. Grabbing his cowboy hat from the chair beside him, he slid out of his seat and nearly ran to the door and out to his jeep.

Ororo smirked as she left her coffee on the counter and locked the door. Turning toward the jeep she could see Logan nearly bouncing in the driver's seat anxiously waiting for her. She couldn't imagine what kind of list she'd be getting in the mail in the coming months, but she couldn't wait to find out what the "retired XMan's" secret exploits would be.

As she settled into her seat and buckled up, Logan watched her with bright eyes. "Okay, we can go," she mentioned as the buckle clicked loudly. The jeep bolted into reverse and out the driveway; squealing tires and laying rubber on the road as it lurched forward, turned and sped toward the shopping malls.


The End





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