Date: 12-05-06 - 08:18 pm Title: And so it Begins
I like how close Remy and Ororo are. I can see Jean being trouble and not the could kind
Date: 11-14-06 - 01:38 pm Title: And so it Begins
interesting concept cant tell this is your first story cant wait for an update
Date: 11-10-06 - 04:35 am Title: And so it Begins
Bits of punctuation and spelling that need cleaning, but overall, I enjoyed the narrative, which had a poetic feel to it, I loved the opening quotes that you used, and the dialogue between Logan and Ororo in the pool room was believable and clever. This is going to be a great story as you continue to build it. I hope you update this soon!
Date: 11-10-06 - 01:25 am Title: And so it Begins
loved the referral to the meanin of her name
Date: 11-09-06 - 11:57 pm Title: And so it Begins
You better gimme a new chapter, I like it. There aren't many stories with just Remy and Ororo staring out and coming into the mansion together. I get a real comic feel from this and it will be interesting to see if you incoperate other themes from other sources.
I felt though it was a little jumpy and that a little more detail couldn't hurt. But i'm amusing that you need a few more chapters to get a more of a feel of what you what..... Anyway.....
Great job, and i want more from you.
- Roxxi : )
Author's Response: I'm sorry it looks so jumpy your right I'm trying to find a pace that really... I dunno... works for this story I think this new one is a bit better but let me know thanks for the review.
~Jordan