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Secret Burdens
Chapter Fourteen: Right and Natural


“Nothing had felt so right in such a long time. Nothing felt like her.”


There was something in Logan’s kiss that made Ororo think she had always known his taste. Something natural and fluid in the motion of his lips over hers. Something effortless in her instinct to move against him. Some memory that felt relived again and again.

That old sweater you pull from the back of your drawer to discover it still fits. That childhood friend who, once reconnected, sounds just as they did fifteen years ago. That song you’ve never forgotten the words to.

Logan’s kiss was as familiar as rain.

She’d felt it before in the earth, seen it before in the skies, sensed it in the power rippling beneath her skin. His touch was one she’d known intimately all her life, in the feel of the wind around her, the water and thunder at her fingertips. The electric thrill of his mouth on hers.

And she kissed back with an ancient remembrance of what it was to kiss Logan. As though she had always known his lips, his skin, his touch. As though they were her own. Some part of her that now, finally, felt it had come home.

She hadn’t known how long she’d been missing.

Ororo’s fingers curled into the material of Logan’s shirt as he still held her hands to his chest. She gripped him tighter to her, a strength in her hold of him that surprised even her. It almost scared her to feel such need.

Logan’s mouth moved against Ororo’s roughly as he released her wrists to grip at her waist tightly. And when the tip of her tongue grazed his lips, he grunted in response, pushing her back so that she hit the glass wall behind her.

The coolness of the glass pane against Ororo’s back instinctively made her arch further into Logan’s body and he pressed into her, his mouth opening up to hers. The heat and breath of her in his mouth flooded his senses and he moved his tongue against hers greedily. Her breath hitched as his lips pushed against hers, his teeth nipping at her lips. She had lost track of her hands somewhere between his back and his mass of hair.

Logan dropped one hand from her waist and trailed it to her hip, gripping the skin there painfully. Her moan in response spurred him on, and with a final swipe of his tongue along her lips he moved his mouth over her neck. His lips were hot against her dark skin, the wetness of his tongue searing. When she felt his groan resonate through her whole body she suddenly felt her senses reclaim themselves.

“Logan,” she breathed weakly, one hand coming to his shoulder in some feeble effort to get his attention. He barely grunted in response, instead pushing harder against her, his fingers digging into the skin at her hip as he sucked at the skin below her ear.

Ororo’s breathing jagged and rough, she blinked hard, trying to focus through the feel of Logan’s body flush against hers. She cleared her throat, repeating, this time louder, “Logan.”

He didn’t pull away from her but the sudden halt of his lips against her neck told Ororo that he had heard the urgency in her tone. He had yet to release his hold of her however.

Swallowing, Ororo pulled her head back and pushed at his shoulder to get his gaze up.

There was a low growl rumbling through his chest as he pulled back just enough to catch her eyes. His breath still fanned her lips, her hand trembling at his chest. Logan stared at her, his dark gaze unrelenting and impatient. “What?” The word was hot against her face.

Her eyes narrowed slightly, her annoyance focusing her further. “Do not ‘what’ me.”

The slight crinkle in his eyes told her he was smiling, but his breathing was still deep and the weight of his body against hers meant he wasn’t planning on having a conversation anytime soon. She sighed, licking her lips and suddenly regretting it as his gaze darted there immediately. His face was moving toward hers without warning again and she had barely a second to mutter his name before his lips were pushing against hers again.

Logan couldn’t get close enough. There was too much space, too much air between them. He wanted to feel nothing but her. Not the greenhouse around them, the air between them, not the shirt keeping his hands from her skin. He moved a hand beneath the material of her shirt and gripped at the warm skin of her hip.

Ororo tore her mouth away. “Logan, please! I need to “ you need to listen.”

“I am listening,” she heard him breath impatiently. There was a pause in his voice then, and Ororo could have sworn she could hear his smirk. “You sound amazing.”

She didn’t think Logan could still make her flush. She took the moment to clear her throat and push him further away from her. He relented, reluctantly of course.

“Logan, please, I do not think I can…” Her voice trailed off and her gaze dropped to her hands resting on his chest. Somehow the image didn’t seem strange. The feel of him beneath her fingertips was the most natural thing she’d felt in months. Her brows furrowed at the thought and she turned her gaze to look through the glass of the greenhouse, her eyes taking in the mansion behind them, the children sleeping obliviously in their beds. Her throat tightened.

But as she was about to open her mouth and explain, Logan brought a hand up to her chin and turned her face toward him once more. She was surprised by the softness of his pull, the gentle plead in his eyes for her attention. It was a blaring opposite to the force she’d just felt in his hands on her skin. It caught the words in her throat.

“Do you trust me?” He had asked it so softly, she barely believed he had said anything.

Ororo’s brows scrunched in confusion. She was suddenly aware of her heavy breathes, her trembling body pressed between him and the glass at her back. She swallowed. “What?” It was a breathless question.

Logan held his hand below her chin, and his eyes crinkled with his small smile. His voice was warm and low this time. “Do you trust me, Ororo?”

She stared at him, trying to figure out at what level she wanted to answer that question. Because did he really think she had a single answer for all the trusts she’d learned to place in him? All the trusts she was secretly holding back in hopes he’d never have to know the reality that was Ororo Munroe. This person she was becoming. This person she was losing. All the things she wanted and yearned for and could never have. And all the things she spends nights crying over. Lives past and loves lost and a Dream she doesn’t think she has the heart to continue alone anymore. Were these the things he was asking for? Were these the realities he hoped she trusted him with?

Ororo sighed softly, and quirked a small smile. “I have always trusted you with my life, Logan, since the first time I fought alongside you.”

Logan’s small slowly faded.

“My heart is another matter entirely.”

Logan dropped his hand from her chin to rest on her neck. He glanced at the skin there, at the sight of his palm to her skin. It was a welcomed sight. But he could feel even then the tremors beneath her skin, smell the trepidation blossoming beneath the surface. Hell, he could swear he heard the clenching of her heart every time she drew a breath. He looked back to her eyes. “I know. I know it’s hard. And I never expected any of this to happen but I can’t just-“. He stopped. He didn’t know. Can’t just what?

She was screaming the question inside.

He licked his lips. “I can’t just ignore what might be the best damn thing to happen to me in God knows how long. I mean, fuck Ororo “ I don’t…I don’t know how to do anything but act on what feels right and natural. And right now that’s you. You feel right to me. And I have no fuckin’ clue about how it all came to that but there it is. There it fuckin’ is. And I ain’t running away from this one.”

Ororo’s lips trembled, warm tears stinging the corners of her eyes. This wasn’t how she had wanted things to happen. There was so much more she had to do, so much more she had to say before she could allow herself to even think about “natural” and “right”. And Goddess if she didn’t want to feel him too. But there was too much. There was too much now between them and around them and behind them for her to think that anything good could come out of this, to think that what she wanted was worth discovering. She blinked back the moisture in her eyes and moved to speak again when Logan had silenced her once more with his own mouth. She had a moment to close her eyes to the warm feel of his lips on hers, a moment to seal this feeling away into her memory, a moment to enjoy his taste one last time before she denied herself.

“Stop,” she urged, as she pulled her mouth from his, turning her head to the side so she couldn’t see his eyes as she spoke. “I can’t. Not now. There are too many people I need to think about right now and more important things “ “

“There is nothing more important,” his voice was a low growl, but his hold on her waist and neck were still loose, mindful of her hesitance. It was killing him, but he wouldn’t push her further.

Ororo stopped at his remark, blinking. Slowly, she turned her gaze back to his, her eyes narrowed slightly. “’There is nothing more important’?” she repeated.

Logan’s eyes were heavy on hers. “Nothing.”

At that, Ororo found the strength to push his chest off hers to stand out of his grasp. “How can you say that?” she asked, the moistness returning to her eyes. She grasped her own arms. “How can you say that when you are an X-Man? When the lives of these children and the conviction of our cause should be the only important things?”

Logan didn’t even blink. He held his arms steady at his sides. “I don’t care. I don’t care about any of that shit. I’ve lived and lost too much not to act on this.”

Ororo shook her head. “But I do care. And I must put others first right now, now when I am needed most.”

Logan grit his teeth. “Fuck that. You always do that. Hell, I’ve been doing that too much lately, thanks to you. At least I fuckin’ know when to go for what I want.”

Ororo’s expression turned pained, her voice lowering. “Sometimes you cannot get what you want.”
“And sometimes you can,” he urged, stepping toward her, his hands moving to her waist once more.

But she flinched at his touch, and he didn’t think anything could hurt quite so much anymore. He pulled his arms back.

Her eyes searched his, and she licked her lips, reaching for an answer to her reaction. “I just…Logan, understand that I cannot do this right now. I cannot give in to personal desires. I cannot give myself in to figuring this out in a time when any distraction could cost me the team and our way of life. There are more important things now, Logan. And if you cannot understand that then maybe…maybe…”

Logan’s jaw clenched tightly, his chest heavy with the weight of holding in words. Words he just wanted to scream at her, shake her with. “Then maybe I shouldn’t have spilled my guts all over your floor, huh? That it, Storm? Well, sorry for dropping this shit on you in an obviously inopportune time. I see now we feel differently about the subject.” He turned sharply.

“Logan, please, I do feel “ “

Logan whirled back. “No, you don’t. You’re a fuckin’ coward, Storm.”
Her nostrils flared and she gripped her arms tighter. “I simply have my priorities straight,” she replied, deadly calm.

“Oh, and I don’t? Well, apologies if it came off as though you were one of my priorities. Obviously, you can’t be worth that much effort, huh?” he cut back.

Ororo felt the acid slung in that one, and for a moment she thought she might not be able to answer, afraid the break in her voice would give her away. But then her voice came of its own accord and she was surprised the words could come so easily. “About as much as can be said for you, right Logan?” She regretted it the moment it left her mouth.

Logan pulled in a deep breath, his fists balled at his sides. “Guess so. Though I wish you could have told me so months ago, so I could have been done with this fuckin’ place. Nice to know you thought I was a waste of time.” With that he turned and made for the path out of the greenhouse.

“Logan!” she called, reaching a hand to his back.

“Don’t fuckin’ bother! You never did before.” he yelled, his form retreating through the foliage.

Something flamed inside her. “Good then. Leave! I was starting to miss the image of your back!” she screamed as he slammed the glass door to the greenhouse, her voice hitching with tears on the last words. She gripped herself as the silence of the room filled her ears. This time, she knew the ache in her chest. Inside her, somewhere, something was dying. Something she didn’t know could live again.

* * *

Kitty was walking the halls of the mansion in search of Ororo, her friends long since gone to bed, but she had been up in the lab working on the encryption of the committee files her X-Leader had wanted her to decipher. She held the papers in her hands now, neatly organized in a manila folder. As she passed one of the windows past the rec room she caught the glimpse of a figure with white hair leaving the greenhouse. She smiled to herself, bouncing along the hallway to meet Ororo at the door to the rec room.

“Captain,” she hailed, mock saluting as she stood at attention in the doorway, just as Ororo made her way up the steps.

Ororo snapped her head up at the voice, blinking, and pulling in her breath suddenly. She brought a hand to her chest. “Kitty, you frightened me.”

The girl smirked. “’Bout the only one who can claim that, huh?” she asked cheekily, but her smile faded as she viewed the tight expression on Ororo’s face. “Storm,” she said softly, her hand falling from its salute. “What’s wrong?”

Ororo raised her head, wiping one had across her cheek. “I am fine, Kitty. It is of no matter.”

Kitty eyed her suspiciously for a moment but knew there was nothing she could pull from the woman. “Well, okay, then.” She still glanced at her worriedly as she brought the manila folder into view, holding it out to Ororo. “I’ve got all the information you requested on General Shrap.”

Ororo reached for it. “Thank you, Kitty. I appreciate your work on this and your,” she paused narrowing her eyes playfully at the younger girl, “indiscretion.”

Kitty had the grace to look sheepish and shrugged her shoulders. “Hey, Wolvie has a way of getting what he wants. One way or the other.”

Ororo’s voice lowered, her shoulder slumping slightly. “Hmm, one way or the other,” she mused. Smiling at Kitty once more, she shook the thoughts from her head. “Thanks again. I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow to inform you of our next plan of action.”

“Right-o.” Kitty spun on her heel and waved goodnight as she made her way down the hallway and up into her dorm. Ororo took the stairs to her office and closed the door behind her. She made her way to her desk and turned the tableside lamp on as she settled into her chair. Opening the folder, she flipped to the first page.
The night seemed to get colder.





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