Secret Burdens
Chapter Sixteen: Personal, Part Two


“It was about being together. Sometimes in the most desperate and painful of ways. But it was together.”


Previously:

“He is symbolizing a goal with this experiment. He is targeting us, here at the Institute, where there are children.” Ororo’s fists were slowly tightening, her anger seething from her nostrils. “I cannot abide that kind of reckless malice.”

“What goal is he symbolizing by experimenting in a place with a ‘Phoenix’ reputation?” Bobby continued, his brows furrowing in thought. “I mean, why would you think he’s about to attack us?”




“It’s personal.”

Everyone looked to Logan as he emitted his low, terse comment, almost a rumble up from his chest. He was still looking at his hands. His knuckles were white from his own grip.

“It was personal for Striker, too” Kurt added softly, nodding more to himself then to second Logan’s idea. “Anyone who goes through that much effort to create subtle connections to his enemies is running a personal vendetta. A vengeful one.”

“Yup,” Kitty piped in, slouching back in her chair resignedly. “We killed his brother.”

Ororo snapped her head to the young girl suddenly. “Kitty…” she started.

Kitty waved her hands through the air as though to clear it of the confused faces looking at her. “I mean, not really, just…you know he got kind of caught, like “ at Alcatraz “ in the crossfire. Magneto’s men got him or something.”

“You might be making sense in Kitty world, Katya, but out here in the real world you’re blabbering.” Peter shook his head at her.

Ororo grabbed the room’s attention once more as she steered the conversation back to sense. “His younger brother was Corporal Andrew C. Shrap. He was one of the military casualties from the battle at Alcatraz. I suppose Magneto is not the only mutant Shrap blames for the death of his brother.”

“And we didn’t have casualties either, huh? That’s what he thinks?” Logan’s sudden outburst startled the room into alertness, everyone’s eyes resting on his hunched and tense form over the table. He was staring at Ororo, breathing hard with barely held in anger.

She took a moment to simply stare back, let her unwavering gaze wash over him. And without even knowing what she was doing, the beast in him was calming. He gulped down the frustration, settled back slowly in his chair, though his eyes never left her blue ones.

“He is ignorant and hateful, but he is also hurting,” she offered calmly.

Logan looked away.

“And that makes him excusable?” Warren asked, scoffing as he crossed his arms.

“No,” she replied, her eyes hardening once more. “That makes him dangerous.”

Every body there seemed to release some of the pent up frustration with that last statement, instead readying to focus themselves on the task at hand.

Sighing, Ororo motioned Hank to continue with the pictures on the screen behind her. “We know what he possesses and we know what he seeks. Our information is limited and based mostly on circumstantial support so we need to retrieve more data before we dive into this head first.”

“Give me the motherfucker’s location and I’ll give you his head first,” Logan threw out calmly, deadly.

“I’m sorry, Logan” Hank started off. “As much as I’d like to see that, believe me, there is more to it than that. These five mutants he has are victims, not opponents.”

“Not yet, anyway,” Kitty interjected from her position beside him.

Kurt leaned forward at Kitty’s remark. “And we must be prepared for the chance that it comes to that.” It was an idea he hated but one that he knew must be voiced.

“No,” Ororo said firmly. “Even if they have been indoctrinated by Shrap already, we will use containment maneuvers. They are to be freed, not killed, and if we must capture them and bring them back to our medlab to do so then we do so. Those are your orders, X-men. No exceptions. They are not the enemy here. Am I clear?”

“Transparently,” Bobby answered seriously. They all nodded simultaneously.

“Now,” she continued, looking to the photos Hank was showing across the projector wall, “our limited information does not tell us the names of his subjects but we are aware of their powers and abilities.”

Pictures of one female and four male army privates were brought up to the screen. “One possesses a chameleon type ability in which he can camouflage into his surroundings, and that includes people. One of them has control over heat, another over vibrations and one has g-force capabilities, so in essence, he can control an object’s acceleration and force. The last of them carries snake-like qualities though it is unclear if that pertains to agility, venom, appearance or any other such factor. Each of them is also exceptionally trained in combat maneuvers. So exercise extreme caution if we confront them, as we do not know the extent of their capabilities.”

As a picture of a different man appeared on the screen, Ororo took a moment to memorize his features. He wore his brown air shorn close to his head in a crew cut. His jaw was wide and set hard, his nose prominent above thin and down-turned lips. His eyes were disarmingly blue and light. Misleadingly light. “This is General Shrap.”

There was silence in the room as everyone ingrained the image into their minds.

“Our first course of action is to send a two man reconnaissance team to investigate the compound we think is holding Shrap and ascertain the strength of the military presence there. If possible, seek out the hostage mutants and report back on their condition. I need someone with stealth for this mission, someone who is good at not being seen.”

“Well, that rules me out,” Hank chuckled softly, suddenly feeling his nonchalant comment was almost out of place in the somber room. But it earned him the appreciative smirks of those around the table.

“Sorry, Hank,” Ororo mock comforted, “I’ve already chosen Shadowcat and Nightcrawler for this one.”

The two mentioned sat up at their names being mentioned, ready for their orders.

“Shadowcat, Nightcrawler, take the Blackbird to one of the off-base fields around Montauk and proceed to infiltrate as deep as you can go without detection and return with whatever information you can gather on troop strength , defenses, the locations of labs and containment cells and the situation of the mutants if at all possible. You leave in six hours, at 1830, to go under cover of nightfall. Start preparation of the Blackbird immediately. Understood?”

The two nodded.

“And when you return, we will develop an immediate plan of action, hopefully to be executed tonight. Any questions?” Ororo looked about at everyone, but when all she met with were set faces and determination she nodded, satisfied. “This meeting is dismissed.”

The light from the screen behind her flashed out and the room was left in dim light once more as Hank gathered up his laptop. Slowly, everyone rose from the table and began filing out of the room, Kitty talking excitedly with Kurt while he nodded and smiled at her remarks. Behind them, Warren and Hank were in a heated, deep conversation while Bobby and Peter trailed silently behind them.

Ororo had leaned back down on the table, one arm holding her weight against it as the other reached back to rub the back of her neck, eyes closed. She blew air from her lips and opened her eyes to find Logan standing behind his previous seat, simply watching her. She straightened up instantly, brushing invisible lint from her leather suit. She moved to walk past him without acknowledging his presence but he reached out a hand and caught her elbow just as she was almost past him. She sighed in exasperated defeat, no energy to start a fight with him anymore, stopping reluctantly as he came up behind her.

Even through their suits, Logan could feel the heat from her body, smell the acacias all over her. He unconsciously moved closer to her, moving his head around her shoulder so he could breathe in her scent. Without realizing it, Ororo inclined her neck for his view, rocking back slightly as she turned her head from his. There was the hot expel of his breath over her neck that made her think that if she looked at him she wouldn’t look back. So she turned her gaze away, though her arm still lay in his grip, unresisting.

“Yes?” she breathed anxiously, and something in her voice gave rise to a hungry need clawing through his chest, aching to hear her say his name in that whisper, in that vulnerable ghost of a breathe across his scorching skin.

He hadn’t meant to be so entranced by the sliver of toffee skin he caught sight of as her neck peeked out from beneath the confining collar of her leather suit. And suddenly, he couldn’t stop looking even further, his eyes moving down her body as he realized exactly how fitted these stupid X-men uniforms were.

He figured he should probably stop complaining at this point.

But whatever words he had intended to say were suddenly caught at the sight of her, the closeness of her, the smell of her, the heat of her thrumming body just out of reach. And yet, so yielding.

He had meant to stay angry with her. His eyes glanced at her turned cheek and he found himself leaning forward against her back, reaching his other arm around to spread across her stomach, urging her back to fit against his chest. At that she pulled her unrestrained arm up to grab his hand across her stomach, try to lift it off but suddenly, she didn’t want to move it from his grip.

“Logan,” she warned, as she stumbled back into him, his chest hot even through the leather, his breathes heavy and urgent.

“Don’t,” he let out raggedly, and the sound was so needy to Ororo’s ears she fairly nearly laid her head back against his shoulder and let him pull her to anywhere he wanted to go.

“Please,” he went on, his breath fanning her neck and cheek. Her skin was moist beneath his lips. “Stop pretendin’,” he repeated from last night, that first night he tasted her while he held her up against the greenhouse wall.

“I never pretended,” she answered softly, her voice shaking even as she cursed her weakness in her head. She sucked in a sharp breath as she felt his teeth graze her neck, the hint of his tongue darting out to taste her skin.

She moved forward to escape his hold but it wasn’t heartfelt and she felt him pull her back, hold her firmly but not painful and not, she realized, against her will. She arched back into him as she fell back against his chest. Her skin peppered with goosebumps at the groan that escaped him and feathered across her neck. She could hear him lick his lips, the heat of his mouth so close to her ear. The hand he had around her elbow moved reverently up her arm to link fingers with her, and suddenly, at the intimate gesture, Ororo’s head turned to the sight and fixed her gaze upon their joined hands.

“Then I ain’t wrong,” he breathed against her skin. “I ain’t the only one feelin’ this.” At his last word, the hand across her stomach smoothed down to her hip and pulled her further into him, the air between them non-existent. She wet her lips at the motion, glancing back across her shoulder to catch his eyes as he planted his lips at the back of her ear, taking it slightly between his teeth.

But he wasn’t looking at her eyes, or her neck, or her body. He was looking at their hands.

He was looking at their hands. Together. Tangled and somewhat innocently awkward, even in the midst of their close bodies and shared breath. But together.

And in that instant, in the barest of moments, in the second of conscious thought with his body pressed so tightly against hers, she knew, she knew, that when he said “this” he meant “together”.

Not the heat. Not the lust. Not the need. Not anything but the sense that when he felt right it was because he felt her.

Her eyes had suddenly felt warm and moist and before she could lift a hand to wipe at them, she felt his warm lips against the wetness of her cheek, her eyelashes fluttering against his skin as he met her tear with his kiss. She choked on a sudden unexpected sob and Logan pulled back slightly to watch her, his arm still holding her to him, his hand still linked with hers.

There was everything right and natural in his touch.

“You are not the only one.” Her smile was shaky at best, but grew wider as she felt him drop his head against her shoulder, heard him expel a relieved breath.

“I meant it.” His voice was deep and husky against her shoulder, the rumbling of his tone felt along the length of her spine and her eyes were suddenly dry, her breath caught by the hunger in his voice.

He lifted his head, his mouth returning to her neck as he brought his moist lips to her copper slick skin. “I meant what I said. You’re all I think about.” The words were hot on her neck, followed by his teeth as he sucked at the tender flesh, his hand on her hip suddenly tight and needy.

She just about died.

He moved against her, pulling his hand that wound with hers to come across her stomach and hold her to him. Her released hand moved of its own accord, finding purchase on the back of his head, her fingers tight and tangled in his hair as she held his mouth to her neck.

She pulled in a ragged breath, a slight keening sound escaping her throat and Logan bit down reflexively, a growl bruising her skin beneath his teeth. She arched unconsciously, moaning softly with the unexpected assault on her skin.

“Say it,” he said darkly, eyes closed, his mouth suddenly unmoving above her.

“What?” she asked vaguely, no where near the vicinity of coherent speech.

His chest heaved behind her, his grip digging into her hip, as he laved the spot where he bit languidly with his tongue. She shut her eyes and pulled his neck harder to her.

“Say it’s the same for you,” he could barely breathe, barely find the mind to ask her for it. “That I’m…” he stopped, pulled hot breathes through his nose into his aching lungs, because if he said it wrong he’d lose her, he knows. “I want to be all you think about. Ororo.”

Her name on his tongue and against her skin sent ripples of unexplained fire through her body.

“Ororo, I want to be it. I want to be-“

But he didn’t get to finish. Suddenly, she yanked herself from his grasp with a force he hadn’t expected from her previously pliant body and whipped around to face him. Before he could even notice the change her hand was pulled back and then coming across his cheek in a sharp and full-forced slap. His head whipped with the strength of it, his eyes flashing back to stare at her disbelievingly, his cheek already reddening, his heaving chest previously from lust doubled in effort of unchecked anger.

Her eyes were hard and sharp as they glared into his, her nostrils flaring, her hands clenched tightly to her sides. He could have sworn he saw her hair crackling with electricity.

“What the FUCK was “ “

She grabbed his face in both hands and yanked him to her, crushing her mouth to his, moving her lips over his urgently, wrapping her arms around his neck and clashing her body flush against his. She pulled her head back to stare into his wide, dark eyes, her own eyes hooded and cheeks flushed. “You are all I think about.”

Her mouth found his again, desperate and searching, her tongue slipping through easily. His surprise was momentary, his arms reaching around her back and pressing her into him as close as she could come, and it wasn’t close enough. They moved their mouths angrily over each other, his tongue instantly finding access to her mouth and his resounding groan filled the heat of her, made her moan herself into the kiss, the crashing of bodies and breath.

Her hands raked harshly over his chest as his reached behind her and grabbed her, pulling her up, hoisting her roughly around to land on the table behind them, the forceful crash of their bodies against the ledge nearly toppling them both. She wrapped her legs around his waist instinctively to steady them and pulled him into her, holding him tight between her legs. Their mouths broke apart on the violent movement, his finding hers again swiftly and hungrily as he pulled her bottom lip between his teeth and raked his tongue across it before delving in once more. Her hands moved rapidly from his shoulders to his hair, to his chest and back again, one grasping the collar of his leather uniform and yanking him further to her, deeper into her mouth, feeling his slick tongue slide across hers recklessly.

It wasn’t until he moved his hands to her waist, pushed his pelvis closer to her center and his thumb grazed absently against her breast that she broke the kiss, gasping for air, her forehead pressed tightly against his as she held his collar, kept their breath shared between them. Logan groaned at the sudden loss but pulled his hooded gaze up, focused his eyes on her closed ones, memorized her face like this, her mouth parted and swollen and pulling heavy needy breathes into her throbbing lungs. “Wait, wait…” she murmured. She sucked air deeply through her nostrils, her eyes still closed.

She felt Logan bring his hands up to hold her face to his. She blinked her eyes open.

She didn’t know how she had never seen this man before now. How she had never seen those eyes and that face, that yearning expression that made her feel whole and hungry and guilty all at the same time. And she didn’t know which to pick just yet, so she concentrated on breathing, swallowing down anxious gulps of need as he simply held her face and looked at her.

Slowly, eventually, he nodded. “Okay…okay.” He licked his lips, seemed to be trying to control his breathing as well. He pulled her mouth to his and grabbed one more kiss, just his lips against hers for the briefest of moments. Just the touching of skin and sharing of warmth that had her instinctively opening her mouth to the pressure and then lost when his lips were gone.

She blinked at him. “I…I want to but…”

Logan nodded again, his thumb grazing her cheek. “I know. It’s okay, because I know now, I know we’re both feeling this. And I know that this is the shittiest timing.”

She laughed, her cheeks flushed, her smile spreading to his hands, and he never thought she had ever looked so beautiful.

“But I need to be there for my team.” Ororo pleaded with him, her hands coming up to hold his. “I need you to be there too.”

“Always,” he said impulsively, the answer coming from somewhere inside he figured may have always belonged to her. He pulled back just enough to see her fully. “But,” he started, a devilish grin breaking across his face, “I do need to work this tension off somehow.”

Ororo raised a brow at him and began to open her mouth in the most degrading and scolding schoolteacher tone she could muster when he stopped her.

“Care for a Danger Room session?” His smile was brilliant.





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