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Author's Chapter Notes:
Logan leaves after Ororo announces her engagement to Forge.
Chapter 18 “ Shattered Hopes

Relationship Status “ pre

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt like shit, or had a hangover of this caliber. Usually his healing factor would have kicked in and absolve him from feeling like this, but even that seemed to have failed him this time around. He had spent the majority of the night in some dingy bar in the outskirts of Niagara Falls getting stinking drunk in his lousy attempt to purge his mind of her. He needed the large quantities of alcohol to help console him, to provide him with some respite from his heartbrokenness. The alcohol, like his healing factor either was unable to or refused to provide any sympathy for his pathetic situation, because his mind was still filled with images and thoughts of her. Ro was getting married. His Ororo was lost to him forever. He groaned as he rolled over onto his back on the grimy bed of the even seedier motel he managed to crawl into. At another time, the foulness permeating the air of the filthy room would have bothered his sensitive nose, but this was one time he just didn’t give a damn.

He had left the mansion the day after she announced her engagement, under the guise that he needed to take care of some business in Canada. That was two days ago. But if he was honest with himself, he would admit that he was running. He was running from his feelings for the ethereal wind rider. He was running from the sick feeling he was bound to have if he stuck around to see her pledging undying love and her life to the unworthy bastard Forge. He didn’t want to hurt her and he felt rotten for he knew that is exactly what he did, but he couldn’t hang around and sacrifice his feelings. He knew this was cowardly of him, but he believed he had no other recourse. Life sure had a way of playing funny tricks. When he had finally come to terms with his feelings for Ororo and felt comfortable enough to reveal them to her, in swooped the Maker, sweeping her off her feet and proposing marriage to her, giving the big bad Wolverine the good old one-two punch.

Logan readily admitted that Forge took him by surprised. He underestimated him and he had no one to blame but himself. He had ample time to make Ororo privy to how he felt about her, but he allowed fear to guide him, thus snatching the possibly of a future with the weather witch right out from under his hypersensitive nose. Fear. It was one hell of a thing and he, a man who prided himself of being unafraid of anything and anyone had succumbed to it. He had held on to that fear for a long time, convincing himself that his status as a murderous animal was not good enough to experience her love. He allowed the fear to lock his feelings for her in the very depths of his tainted soul, thus closing off his heart to her. He had allowed fear to shatter his hopes and now it was too late to do anything about it. She was happy, albeit with someone he deemed undeserving, and he wasn’t going to sink low and take that away from her. But he’ll be damned if he stuck around and allowed Forge to deliver the final knockout punch. So yes, he ran to where he’ll be able to unleash his pain and hopefully heal.

He dug his knuckles into the sockets of his eyes, in an effort to stop his sensitive eyes from burning so much. He groaned as he heaved his heavy frame off the bed and meandered over to the window. He opened the blinds and immediately regretted it. The bright morning light was too much for his eyes to take. He closed his eyes and slowly opened them, squinting until they adjusted. The spot where his prized motorcycle was parked came into focus, but he hardly saw it as the last conversation he and Ororo had filled his addled mind. He scowled at the recollection of the hurt he saw registered on her face when he informed her that he was leaving.

He had accosted her in her History classroom after the last of the students had scattered. She was rising from her chair, when his gravelly voice rang out, “So you and the Cheyenne, huh?”

He saw her body instantly tensed into immobility. For what seemed like a small eternity, she remained poised motionlessly over her desk. Then gradually she sank into her chair. “He does have a name, Logan.” Her voice was unusually hoarse. As with always seeing him, her heart seemed to skip a beat and then pounded at double time, sending the blood roaring in her ears.

“Sorry. So you and Forge, huh?” He replied sarcastically.

She ignored his sarcasm. She knew that he didn’t care and would never care for her fiancé. She was hoping that as her friend, he would accept Forge and be happy that she was finally having her dreams realized. “Yes.”

“Accept my congratulations.” His voice was laced with something else she couldn’t put a name too. Something was obviously bothering him. She waited for him to confide in her.

“Thank you, Logan.” She answered softly.

He moved around the classroom nervously. Yes, something was definitely troubling him. He tried to gather his thoughts, but they seemed to have escape from his mind at that given moment. He looked up at her and fell victim to her beguiling eyes. He looked at her an interminably moment before saying gruffly, “I wish you all the happiness in the world, ‘Ro. Ya deserve it.” Damn, that left a bitterness in his soul and a bad taste in his mouth.

Ororo offered him a shy smile and nodded her thanks. “I appreciate that, my friend.”

Friend? Yes that solidified it for him. She saw him as nothing more and he would never be anything more than a friend to her. His heart, which was already in pieces, seemed to shatter into a million more. What? Did ya ever expect her to want an animal like us? His feral half taunted him. Hell, he had to leave. His sanity depended on it.

Try as he might to hide his feelings, Logan’s gray eyes surveyed her lovingly. He analyzed her cloud-colored hair, her sexy full mouth. “I’m headin’ up north fer a while,” he blurted out quickly. He lowered his head in shame, unable to look at the hurt that was evident on her beautiful face.

“I see,” she replied dejectedly.

“I have some business ta take care of.” He tried to justify his desertion but he knew it was falling on deaf ears.

“So you would not be around for the wedding?”

Logan shook his head and Ororo’s heart broke. “No, darlin’. This is my congratulations and goodbye.”

“When will you be back?” She choked out, willing the tears that gathered in her eyes to stay in place. Didn’t he know that she needed him?

“Dunno.” He was disgusted with himself, disgusted that he was taking the coward’s way out and running.

Ororo drew herself up elegantly. No way was she going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was hurting her. “Okay, Logan. I wish you the best. Now if you will excuse me, I have work to do.”

He nodded at her chilly reply, knowing that he deserved it and much more.

“’Bye ‘Ro.” His heart was destroyed as those words escaped from his mouth. With that he turned and left as quietly as he entered.

He was half way to the garage, where his duffel bag was already strapped to his motorcycle, when he heard the first of her broken sobs. He debated with himself as to whether or not to go back and gather her in his arms and show her much he loved her. But commonsense won out and he all but sprinted the remaining distance to the garage. In a fit of rage at the entire situation, he unleashed his frustration into the wall on the opposite side of the garage door. After a few moments, his rage spent, he hopped on his motorcycle, thumped the vehicle to life and rode away from his one true love, his last chance of happiness.

He shook himself out of his reverie and scowled. “I need ta get laid,” he mumbled to himself. But as soon as the thought appeared in his head, he extinguished it. He wanted and needed one woman and a roll in the sack with some random broad to assuage his frustrations would not do. He turned away from the window and walked over to where his duffel bag was haphazardly lying open at the foot of the bed. Deciding that the faster he got to Canada, the better, he roughly stuffed the scattered contents back in the duffel, slipped into his worn-out cowboy boots and downed his battered leather jacket before he stalked out of the room to check out. A few minutes later, he was on his motorcycle, riding into desolateness.





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