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Author's Chapter Notes:
Logan contemplates why and what the sudden rush of nightmares mean.
Chapter 40 – Mind Games

Relationship Status – established


The brilliant display of colors that burst out from the setting sun, the verdant trees standing like sentries, the lush foliage and the colorful flowers covering the earth around him, were enough to remind him how much he was in tuned with and loved nature. The meadow encasing the small pond, where he had been seated for the past two hours, was the perfect spot to be one with his thoughts. However, the beauty and splendor of his surroundings were not appreciated at the moment. Especially, when he was overwhelmed with his contemplations of what the hell was going on with him.

The nightmares were now coming fast and furious, offering him no respite. They were consuming him, not just at night when he tried to find rest, but also during his every waking moment. They were now part of his consciousness and he dreaded his daily routine and doing the simple things in life. They had reduced him to living in dread, something that he kept close to his chest, never revealing his anxiety to anyone…all except one. Oh, Ororo knew about his inner demons and battles. She was there next to him during that particular nightmare that rocked his world and thus commenced the vicious cycle that was now well into month five. She was the only one whom he had confided in so far, as he had resisted her entreaties and his own urges to speak with Charles. She was his rock, his tranquility in the chaos the nightmares and images had caused and were causing.

He had thought that everything in his life was right now that Ororo was his, but he should have known that life had a way of sticking it to him. Just when he thought that happiness was finally within his grasp, out came life to toy with him. The nightmares were slowly taking his happiness away, especially since he had to give up on lying with her at night and holding her close to him, drowning in her scent, her calmness and her essence. All in the name of her safety. It was one hell of a price to pay and he was suffering. He knew she was suffering too, if the ultimatum she had given him just this morning was any indication. Finally having it with him, she had given him one choice, either straighten his shit out or give up on them. Hell! She couldn’t have spelled it out any better than that for him and it gave him the courage to finally start fighting back.

That was enough to spur him into action and schedule the first of five therapy sessions with Charles slated to begin tomorrow, with the possibility of more should the need for them arise. Seeking help from Chuck was no longer a weakness but a necessity because there was no way in hell or on earth that he was giving up on them…on her. They had both been through too much to have what they had now and nothing or no one was getting him to give that up. He had no clue as to what he was up against, but for his Wind rider, he was going to fight back or die trying.

So, here he was trying for what had to be the umpteenth time, to make sense of what the damn nightmares could mean. Why now?...was one of the many questions that were constantly at the forefront of his mind…a mind that seemed to be playing dirty tricks on him. The timing of the onslaught of nightmares was a mystery. Over the years, the nightmares still came, but not with the intensity and power they had been coming with for the past couple of months.

A few things that his nightmares had alluded too was that he was quite possibly older than dirt, an extensive traveler, a mercenary and a war veteran amongst a myriad of things. He was going insane trying to decipher what the hell they meant and trying as hard as he did made no sense, especially when he always came back to square one…clue-flamin’-less. He was desperate for some meaning to the, at times, heart stopping and downright terrifying nightmares. Cripes! He really hoped Chuck could help him find some answers because he was all out of options on how deal with the dreams and the significance and implications they held.

Slowly he stood from his position and was about to head back to the mansion, when a few images flooded his mind with brute force, effectively rendering him useless and forcing him to drop to his knees in surrender. He roared, causing the birds in the trees to take flight and whatever small animals around to scurry away in fright. He hissed a few curses as he held his head and winced in pain. He roared again, the immense pain not giving him and reprieve, finally setting the beast that was lingering on the surface free. On and on it went for roughly two minutes…him howling and slashing and clawing at nothing but air in his ineffective attempts to make the pain stop and the images go away.

Once the distressing assault ended, the images disappeared and the pain subsided, but there remained a dull ache. This was a totally new and unexpected turn of events. He had never had an experience like that before and he became more dismayed as he realized that this had only served to amplify his terror. His first instinct after that shocking experience was to get to Ororo. His first three attempts to stand were futile, as his wobbly legs would not allow him the luxury. He had no choice but to sink to the soft earth as he waited for the small tremors that rocked his body and the lingering feelings to dissipate. Even that was denied to him as the beast howled and clawed to stay in control.

He growled menacingly, the urge to cause carnage incredibly strong. The beast was demanding pure good old fashion mayhem because it needed to be satiated and it needed to remind the man that he was the Wolverine and he feared nothing and no one. He did his breathing exercises and tried to conjure up images of Ororo, even ripping her calming scent from his sensory memory bank, in last ditch efforts to get the beast under control. They were all futile.

When he came to, the sun had set and the first evidence of night had descended. Stars speckled and glittered in the cloudless sky and the moon casts its glow, lighting the meadow a charcoal grey color. The trees that earlier stood like guards, were now silhouetted against the velvety sky. His skin was caked with dirt, mud and leaves and he was lying naked on a patch of trampled flowers, struggling for breath. His clothing was now scattered about him in tatters. Once his healing factor kicked in, he slowly sat up, shaking his head, attempting to get rid of the remnants of his disorientation.

A few minutes later, he stood and looked around for something that was salvageable to wear. A few yards away, he saw his jeans and went to inspect them. They weren’t in the best shape, but they would have to do under the current circumstances. Hurriedly, he made his way back to the mansion and to his lady love’s arms. He had to get to her. He needed her to chase away the haunting traces of that agonizing experience. Repeating her name like a mantra, he broke out into a full run, frantic to get to her. He didn’t know what an experience like that signified, but what he did know was that he was going to have to battle like he had never battled before.





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