So, having said that, and having finally recovered to the point where typing is no longer painful, and I can make a fist once more without flipping everyone off, I am continuing on with my tale.
In this chapter, the X-men begin moving on from their recent tragedy, while one of their own decides to lend a hand to a friend in need.
Jennifer’s parents left two days after the memorial service. With the service done, her room cleaned out and all of her possessions taken back by her parents, life in the mansion began to slowly move on. Classes began once more, and if at first many of the students were quiet and withdrawn, they did not stay that way. Within the week, many were laughing and arguing much as they had before the tragedy. Almost as if the tragedy had not really happened; but such is the way of the young.
Rogue was excused from self-defense with the other students until Logan and the professor were able to determine if the powers she had gained from Jennifer were permanent. If the transfer appeared permanent, Logan would work with her to help her learn to control her new abilities. They had no wish to see anyone get hurt; least of all Rogue.
So Logan waited, giving her the time that everyone said she needed to come to terms with what had happened. But he watched her closely even as he waited. He wasn’t quite as convinced as everyone else that all Rogue really needed was time. And he was fearful that there was a breakdown awaiting her in the near future.
Time passed slowly for the residents of the school. Ororo finally began training again. True to his word, Logan let her run after a short conversation with Hank. But it was a few days before he began sparring with her; and nearly a week longer before Hank allowed her back into the air to ride the winds.
Ororo for the most part took it in good grace; but her temper was nearly gone by the time everyone stopped babying her. The day that she was finally allowed free reign in the sky again, everyone in the mansion breathed a sigh of relief.
Logan spent a great deal of time with Ororo, trying to occupy her and keep her from lashing out at those around her. Together, they spent a great deal of time roaming around the mansion, arguing good naturedly about movie plots, actors, music, books anything that they had recently done together.
They also spent a great deal of time with Jimmy once more. Now that they were once again able to focus their attentions to helping him regain what was taken from him. They often spent time with him doing things with him that were simple, ordinary things that often were taken for granted by other children. But Logan quickly realized that for him, each one was a treasured memory. And each memory he made, replaced one that had been lost.
So Logan set about helping him to replace the memories that had been lost. He gave Jimmy a lot of firsts over just a few days. He played basketball with him, took him for a ride on his bike (despite the frigid weather), he took him hiking in the woods showing a great deal about tracking and even took him to a horror movie that was playing in town.
Jimmy was ecstatic about his new experiences and slowly began to open up. He was still quiet, still a bit withdrawn. But now, he would respond when spoken to and on rare occasions, he even volunteered information that wasn’t asked for.
Professor Xavier felt that it was a very good sign.
But for Logan, it wasn’t enough. He knew that Jimmy needed to begin interacting with the other students and soon before they had a chance to make up their minds that he might be strange. So he decided that the winter weather would be the perfect excuse to get everyone outside and involved in a somewhat neutral activity that Jimmy could participate in as well. He decided to start a snowball fight.
He figured that a snowball fight was something that everyone could join in and would enjoy. And it would give Jimmy the opportunity to interact with the other students in a non threatening environment. He’d also get to see how many of the students interacted with each other under different circumstances. Logan thought it might be good for him to see the students being competitive, even mildly violent with each other but not acting upon the violent tendencies beyond pelting each other with snowballs.
The problem was that they’d had a warm spell recently, and most of the snow was gone. There were still small patches, bravely holding on despite the beating sun. But there wasn’t enough to have a decent snowball fight with. So Logan turned to the one person he knew who could change it. Ororo.
He found her outside, walking around the mansion refilling the multitude of birdfeeders that she and Jean had put up over the years. He walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her from behind, sighing as she chuckled. “How ya doing today beautiful?”
“Fabulous Logan. Even better now that you are here.”
“Glad to hear it, ‘cause I need a favor.”
“And what might that be Logan?”
“We need some more snow.”
“More snow?”
“Yeah, and it needs to be warm enough ta pack together. Can ya do it for me?”
“Of course I will be able to do it Logan. But I must ask why.”
“I think the kids would like some fun. So how ‘bout a snowball fight?”
“That sounds like a wonderful idea Logan. I would very much enjoy a snowball fight. I shall take care of that immediately.”
Ororo did as promised and brought down a great deal of snow, piling it high around the mansion. She was a vision floating in the sky, her arms outstretched to the heavens as the snow fell down around her.
The news that it was snowing and that Logan was looking for teams for a snowball fight spread quickly. And while most of the students had returned to their homes to be with their families during their break, there were many more that had stayed behind and gladly joined in the fun.
The snowball fight lasted for over an hour, with neither side willing to concede defeat to the other. But as time passed, the students’ interest in winning the battle lessened as they grew cold and wet. Slowly, they began to drift away, back inside, into the warmth of the mansion and dry clothes. Until the only ones that were left were Ororo, Logan and Jimmy.
Logan draped his arm around Ororo’s waist, holding her against his side as they watched Jimmy throwing snowballs, trying to hit some nearby trees. Logan had a pleased expression on his face as he watched Jimmy engaging in some frivolous fun
After the accident, they’d given up any pretense of hiding their new relationship. Most of the students hadn’t believed the façade anyway. When Ororo had been hurt, it had become very difficult for Logan to control the urge to touch her whenever he was around her. So they both had just stopped pretending.
Most of the people close to them already knew about the change in their relationship. But for some, it had been a welcome and long awaited surprise.
Ororo sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder.
“Thanks ‘Ro. I think that’s just what everyone needed.” Logan looked around the grounds, seeing the newly fallen snow trampled by dozens of foot prints. Someone had even built a few snowmen up near the house.
“Everyone seemed to greatly enjoy it. Although it is too bad that they decided on a draw. I would like to have kept on kicking your behind.”
Logan looked at her, seeing the smirk on her face and snorted loudly. “Whatever ya say darlin’. I had ya on the mat.” He turned her to face him so he could look her straight in the eye, keeping his hands on her hips.
“Dream on tough guy.” She snorted, poking him in the chest, one hand behind her back.
He chuckled, reaching behind her back and closing his hand around the snowball she had formed in her fist. He took it from her and held it up in front of her. “Ya weren’t thinkin’ of cheatin’ were ya darlin’?” His voice was soft, low and he felt her shiver at it.
She shrugged. The impish light in her eyes was unmistakable. “Heaven forbid Logan, I was simply leveling the playing field.”
“Uh huh. And I suppose ya weren’t plannin’ on plantin’ this between my eyes either.” He tossed the snowball away, drawing her closer to him.
She shot him a look of pure innocence. “Of course not Logan, that would be very unsportsmanlike.” She reached up to touch his chest lightly, her hands splayed across the generous width of it. “I was, however, planning to hit you with it when your back was turned. Preferably in the back of the head so that it would slide into your jacket.”
Logan chuckled, his lips mere inches from hers, teasing her.
She laughed, leaning back slightly, teasing him in her own way.
“And ya keep tellin’ me I’m the devious one. I ain’t got nothin’ on you darlin’.”
Ororo laughed, kissing him lightly.
There was the sound of a voice being cleared behind them, reminding them that they were not alone.
Logan’s arms dropped as she stepped back from.
“I forgot that we were not alone.”
He touched her cheek gently, running his thumb along her chin slowly. “We’ll finish this conversation the minute we’re alone darlin’.”
She smiled, reaching up to touch his hand with her own. “Of that I have no doubt, tough guy.” She struck quickly, like a snake, her arm lashing out, extending as she pelted him with a snowball square in the face.
He stood there for a moment, stunned. He’d never expected her to strike again so quickly. Somehow, she had managed to create another snowball behind her back. And he knew exactly how she’d done it too. She’d used herself as a distraction. He reached up, wiping the snow from his face, the ice cold water dripping down his neck.
She laughed at the murderous look on his face and leaped into the air, escaping from his wrath. She hovered, just out of reach, taunting him.
“Ya have ta come down sometime darlin’. And I promise ya, when ya do there’ll be hell to pay.” He didn’t know how, but he would get her back. It was just going to take some time.
“Promises, promises Logan.” She flew off, her joy infectious.
Logan watched her cavorting in the air with a smile on his face. He turned from her, leaving her to enjoy her flight to see Jimmy watching him closely.
There was a strange look on his face, almost as if he were remembering something that he’d forgotten before.
Logan wasn’t sure what the look meant or what he might be recalling inside his head. So he decided to keep the mood light. “Come on Jimmy, let’s go inside make some hot cocoa and the plan the demise of yon treacherous woman.” He nodded his head in Ororo’s direction and Jimmy smiled.
For a moment, Logan froze in place, his claws itching to be free. There was something in his smile that raised Logan’s hackles. It seemed forced and held a cold calculation to it that made Logan immediately leery of him. He reached out and touched Jimmy’s shoulder.
Jimmy jumped a bit, the smile fading.
Logan said nothing, just waiting.
“Sometimes it’s hard to control, you know?” Jimmy’s voice was soft and shaky, even touched with guilt.
Logan looked at him, squeezing his shoulder firmly and nodded. “Yeah, I know. Come on Jimmy, let’s get ya that hot chocolate and make mine a cup of really strong coffee.”
A few minutes later, they sat at the kitchen table, looking outside as they both sipped their hot drinks.
Jimmy was quiet; he had been since the incident in the gardens. At that moment, he was staring into his hot chocolate, not drinking it.
Logan sat there with him, quietly waiting. He figured that if Jimmy wanted to tell him about what was bothering him, he would. He wasn’t about to pressure the young mutant. So he sat at the table, sipping his coffee and watching Ororo flying through the sky.
He wondered if anyone had approached Rogue about learning to fly. He decided to take it up with Charles the next day. It was time that she started learning how to control her new powers.
He felt the weight Jimmy’s eyes resting on him and waited, never taking his gaze from the window.
Outside, Ororo continued her aerial dance.
“You love her, don’t you?”
Logan took another sip of coffee and turned his attention back to Jimmy. He wasn’t sure what had sparked the question but he knew that at the stage he was at, honesty would probably be for the best. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I do.”
“I think someone loved me once.” His voice was quiet, even thoughtful. Almost as if he was not completely sure that such a thing mattered to him.
“I’m pretty sure someone did; I’m sure that someone still does.” He looked at Ororo again and watched as Jimmy did the same.
“She does?”
“Yeah, she does.”
Jimmy was quiet for some time, thinking. “But how can she? She doesn’t even know me.”
Logan shrugged, gazing out the window. “She’s funny like that. Ororo may not know ya, but she knows this.” Logan reached out and touched Jimmy’s chest, right over his heart.
Jimmy looked down at Logan’s hand, and then back up at the older man.
“She can look right inside ya, see the hurt that ya feel and she wants ta take it away. She sees yer heart Jimmy and she knows ya need someone ta love you.”
Jimmy nodded. “Kinda like how you care about Rogue.”
Logan nodded, his voice quiet and somber. “Yeah, kinda like that.”
“I saw the memorial service.”
If Logan was surprised by the change of sudden change in subject, he didn’t let it show. “And yer wonderin’ what happened.”
Jimmy nodded. “I understand the parents’ grief. But Rogue was just as upset by the girl’s death. Why?”
Logan sighed loudly, looking into his coffee and wishing that it was a large glass of whiskey instead. He looked closely at Jimmy, measuring his interest. He saw no malice in Jimmy’s face, just a mild curiosity.
“Rogue’s gift killed the girl. She can’t touch other people without absorbing their life energy. But along with that comes their memories and abilities; even their mutant powers if they have any. Ya heard about the car accident she was in.”
“Yeah, I saw you carry in Ororo.”
“Well, that’s how it happened. Someone hit them and there was bare skin contact between the two girls. Only no one realized it had happened until it was too late. Rogue is devastated by what happened. That’s why she was as upset as Jennifer’s parents.”
Jimmy thought quietly for several moments.
“I understand why she’d be upset.”
“Yeah, so do I.”
“They made me kill someone against my will too.”
Logan went completely still, his mind racing. The professor had never mentioned this in any of their meetings concerning Jimmy. But he waited, silently for Jimmy to continue. He was afraid to say anything for fear that Jimmy would stop talking.
Jimmy looked at him, his eyes now shadowed with knowledge and insight that no fifteen year old should possess. “Have you ever killed anyone when you didn’t want to?”
Logan snorted, taking a sip of his coffee thinking back on the parts of his life he could remember. It seemed that all he had ever done had been killing someone, for one reason or another. Had any of it ever been against his will? Now there was the $64,000 question.
“I’ve killed; can’t say whether I ever really thought about bein’ given a choice before.”
“Did you ever enjoy it?”
Logan answered without hesitation. “No, not even when it was my worst enemy.”
Jimmy seemed surprised by the vehemence of his response. “I guess you’ve spent some time thinking about it.”
“Course I have. Killin’ any livin’ thing is bad mojo. Why do ya think our cave dwelling ancestors created rituals ta purify hunters? They were afraid that the spirits of the animals they killed would come back ta haunt them. Why should killin’ people be any different?”
Jimmy’s voice was haunted and he didn’t look at Logan as he spoke again. Instead, he focused his attention on the window and Ororo, still flying in the sky. “How did you get past it, how did you do it again and again without going crazy?”
Logan set his coffee down, looking Jimmy right in the eye. The fact that Jimmy had killed someone, probably several people if the bastards at the lab had their hands in it, was a revelation. Logan wished that he could go back and kill the bastards all over again for what they’d done.
They’d taken a young man, tortured him mentally and physically, exposing his young psyche to horrors unimaginable hoping to turn him into a heartless human being. But it hadn’t been enough, or it hadn’t worked fast enough for them. And so they’d forced him to take a life.
There had been no one there for Jimmy when that had happened. No one there to talk to him and help him through the trauma of the act; no one to help him put it in a perspective that he could manage and deal with; no one to explain to him how killing someone changes you, deep down inside your soul where no one else can see it; where sometimes, you’re not even sure you can see it yourself. In short, there had been no one to help him hang onto his humanity.
Given that, Logan was amazed that he wasn’t exhibiting worse symptoms than the ones that he had. In fact, Logan was amazed he was still sane.
“I never let myself think about it if I could. I never let myself feel anything when I did it. I was afraid I might break inside and begin ta enjoy it if I let myself feel at all. I stayed alive, I survived. I did it for years and I hated it; hated what I was; hated what they forced me ta become.
“But I didn’t know it at the time. I thought I was doin’ the right thing. I thought I was doin’ what needed ta be done, what I’d been born ta do. Its only when I look back that I realize somethin’ was missin’. It’s only when I look at my life now that I realize that I was two steps away from becomin’ one of the monsters that I’d spent my life killin’.”
A look of confusion swept across Jimmy’s face. “Then why do it?”
Logan shrugged. “Sometimes people gotta be killed ta keep them from killin’ someone else. Sometimes people gotta be killed ta simply keep other people from dyin’. And sometimes, there just ain’t no reason at all ta do it, but ya do it for mercy’s sake. ‘Cause if ya don’t do it, they’re gonna send someone else; someone who might be more bloodthirsty than ya are; someone who might not end it as quickly as ya would; someone who might drag it out for some sadistic reason; someone who might not let the person die with any dignity. There’s a million reasons ya tell yerself so ya can sleep at night. But sometimes, there’s just no straight answer.”
Jimmy seemed to think on this for several moments.
“Somehow Jimmy, ya made it through it. Somehow, yer here ta tell me about what happened when others might have been destroyed by what was done to ‘em. There’s not many people in this world that can deal with what ya were forced ta do.”
“Will she be alright?”
There was no need for Logan to ask who he meant. Logan shook his head slowly. He wondered that himself. “I don’t know kid, I really don’t know.”
After his sobering conversation in the kitchen with Jimmy, and after he sent the young man off to the med lab to see Jean and Hank for some more tests, Logan went running to the Professor’s office. He told Charles what Jimmy had told him only a short time ago.
Charles seemed greatly disturbed by the news, but also somewhat relieved. “I knew that something had happened to him that he didn’t wish to share with me. I was afraid that if I was unable to discover what it was, I would not be to deal with the repressed trauma effectively.”
“Do ya think ya can get him to open up more?”
“Perhaps. I do not know at this point Logan. He has undergone so much damaging trauma, I am unsure if he will ever completely recover. Like Marie, I fear all we can do is give him time.”
Logan nodded. It seemed to him that was all they ever could do anymore.
Later that night, he lay in bed next to Ororo, her head resting on his arm as he absently stroked her hair, thinking on the days events. It had started out so promising, but somewhere along the line, it had jumped the tracks and descended into a dark abyss of chaos.
He and Ororo had managed to spend a quiet evening together, complete with a casual dinner in town. She’d even managed to con him into watching a few old movies that she greatly enjoyed and wished to share with him.
He’d enjoyed the dinner and the company. And many of the movies had been a pleasant surprise. But the moment he began to relax, the memories would rise to the surface and wipe away his good mood. He’d felt distracted the entire time.
Even Ororo had sensed something amiss. She had asked him about it, but he’d simply smiled, kissed her lightly on the cheek and changed the subject. Surprisingly, she hadn’t pressed him.
So now he lay in her bed, unable to sleep, thinking about the day and what Jimmy had revealed to him. Someone inside the Canadian government had tried to make him a killer. Hell if the truth be told, they’d succeeded to some extent. The boy thought and acted like the killer that they’d trained him to be. And he was only 15 years old.
Xavier was hopeful that given time, the damage could be repaired. The training could be suppressed and forgotten. In time, he hoped Jimmy would look back upon the events like a hazy nightmare, the kind that is lost quickly in the growing light of dawn. And eventually, Jimmy would be able to function normally in normal society settings.
But Logan was no longer sure. When he’d thought that Jimmy had simply been physically tortured, he’d been convinced of his eventual recovery. Physical torture left scars, but they were scars that were relatively easily dealt with, even in someone as young as him.
But this was far different. He’d taken someone’s life. He’d watched them lay on the floor, dying after dealing that death blow himself. There was turning back from something like that; not when he’d been trained and expected to do it. Jimmy would more than likely battle the training and the urge to follow it for the rest of his days. Only time would tell how well he’d manage that battle.
Logan felt Ororo shift in her sleep, snuggling closer to him, throwing her arm across his chest. Almost as if she could sense his turbulent thoughts, even asleep. He touched her arm lightly, not wanting to wake her.
He gazed at her for several moments, still in awe of the fact that she was there beside him. He rolled to his side and held her hand in his as he watched her sleep peacefully beside him.
Somehow, she had become his anchor. Something he reached for when the world around him stopped making sense or simply just decided to pull the rug out from underneath him.
Whenever something went wrong, she was always there, her quiet presence supporting him in more ways then he ever realized. The thought brought a smile to his face. With an effort, he pushed the dark thoughts aside, and settled in to sleep. Using the warmth and feel of Ororo’s touch to drive away the demons, he drifted off.
Sometime in the night, he snapped awake. He listened closely, taking in the sensations around him to try and understand just what had awakened him.
Ro lay on her side next to him, her back pressed into his side as she slept on blissfully unaware that something had awakened him.
For a second or two, he thought that he’d had a nightmare but immediately discarded the thought. Whatever had woken him from a dead sleep was something outside of himself. He sniffed lightly, testing the air as he caught a familiar scent. He heard the faint rustle of Ororo’s drapes even as a gentle waft of cold air swept across the room and the faint click of her window closing reached his ears.
Logan knew that whoever had snuck into her room had left just as quietly as they had entered; and he knew that tomorrow, he would need to have a talk with that person.
The next morning, Logan went down to breakfast while Ororo was in the shower. The kitchen was empty, so he set about cooking for the others. He was making a pot of coffee when Remy walked in.
Logan looked up as he stood in the doorway. “Mornin’ Remy, hungry?”
Remy was silent for a moment, a strange look in his eyes as he stepped further into the kitchen. “Non, Logan.” He grabbed a coffee cup and stood by the coffee maker, waiting silently as the coffee brewed, staring at Logan the entire time.
Logan could feel the cajun’s eyes on him but ignored it. The weight of Remy’s gaze was like an itch between his shoulder blades and Logan fought the urge to shrug it off.
Instead he turned meeting Remy’s gaze stare for stare. The soft trickle of the coffee maker filled the room. They were still standing there silently staring at each other when Ororo walked into the room.
She smiled at both of them, grabbing her own mug, kissing Remy on the cheek as she reached out to fill her coffee cup. If she sensed the tension between the two men, she didn’t let it show.
“Good morning brother dear.” She filled his mug after she filled her own and walked over to Logan. “Good morning Logan.”
He smiled at her, giving her a quick kiss. “Good mornin’ darlin’. Ya hungry?”
She shook her head. “No, not right now. I was hoping to get the rest of those papers graded this morning. I shall see you in the gym for our training session later this morning.” She gave him one more kiss, touching his chest lightly as she leaned into him.
Logan caught a strange noise coming from Remy at her words. He ignored it as he nodded at Ororo before she left the room. He watched her until she disappeared from the doorway, his keen ears telling him that she was still walking away from the room. Then he turned his attention back to Remy. This time, he could see a light of anger in the younger man’s eyes.
“What’s bothering ya Gumbo?” Logan asked the question, but he wasn’t really interested in the answer. He had a pretty good idea what was bugging him.
Remy stepped closer, invading his personal space. His posture threatening and tense. “Remy saw you in Ororo’s bed last night.”
Logan resisted the urge to step back, instead he crossed his arms across his chest, trying to seem unconcerned. Yeah, and what were ya doing sneaking into her room in the middle of the night?”
Remy ignored the question as he pointed an accusing finger at Logan. “Remy know dat you spent da night wit her.”
Logan shrugged. “And if I did?”
“Remy not tink dat is a good idea.”
“Yeah, well I happen to know you spent the night in Rogue’s bed over a month ago.”
Remy’s eyes glittered with anger. Apparently he’d forgotten about Logan’s keen senses. “Yes, dat is true; but not’ing happened.”
Logan stepped closer, lowering his voice an octave, letting a touch of the wild beast come out in his voice. “Same here bub, we were sleeping.”
Remy’s voice dropped to a harsh whisper as he tried another tactic. “Remy not like dat you are seeing his sister.”
“And I don’t like yer overprotective attitude. We had this discussion before; she’s a grown woman. And last I saw, she was perfectly capable of makin’ her own decisions.”
“For da most part yes, but where you are concerned, maybe yes, maybe no. Remy not so sure.”
“Don’t try pullin’ this shit with me kid, I’ve been at the intimidation game a lot longer than ya’ve been alive. I suggest that if ya have a problem, ya learn to deal, ‘cause I ain’t steppin’ outta her life on yer say so.”
“We shall see.” With those parting words, Remy stepped around him, heading to the door.
Logan stood behind him. Letting him walk away before either of them did or said something they’d regret later.
Just before Remy left the room, he threw his hand over his shoulder in a nonchalant gesture.
Logan watched the playing card heading towards him, and reacted instinctively. His claws unsheathed and he slashed the card as it flew through the air at him. The two halves glittered dully and then suddenly exploded. The kitchen was filled with acrid smoke and bits of ash as the force of the blast burned the front of his shirt and singed the skin underneath.
Logan growled softly even as he felt his healing factor kick in. He stood in the kitchen, his shirt ruined and his temper frayed , clenching and unclenching his fists, his claws sliding back and forth as he fought the urge to go after Remy.
A moment later Jean walked in. She gazed at him, puzzled as she took in the bits of burnt shirt that were still clinging to him and his healing chest.
“Problems with the toaster Logan?”
He growled at her as he shrugged out his ruined shirt.
She stepped up to him and looked at the wounds, even though they were closing. “I’m going to guess at what did this, given that I just saw Remy leaving here with murder in his eye. Just what did you do to piss him off?”
Logan chuckled as he tossed his shirt in the trash. “He can’t handle the fact that I’m sleepin’ with his sister.”
A shocked look shot across Jean’s face. “You’re sleeping with Ororo?”
“Yeah, I am, and I’d appreciate it if ya’d keep it ta yerself, alright?”
She nodded at him silently.
He stormed from the room to get a new shirt and to talk with Ororo about her brother meddling in her love life.
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