Logan stared up at the ceiling, gently caressing Ororo’s back as they lay together on the sofa in the room he’d found her in moments after her argument with Remy. Outside, the rain still fell gently over the mansion grounds soaking the semi-frozen ground. He wondered if she even realized it.
He shifted slightly on the sofa, feeling the comforting weight of her body across his as he moved. He tightened his arm across her, a strong feeling of contentment washing over him as she simply snuggled into him. The movement brought a slight smile to his face.
She lay sprawled across him, her head against his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. The steady rhythm of it calmed her somewhat and soothed her frayed emotions. Her eyes stared off into the distance as she let her mind wander; trying to avoid the heavier emotions Remy’s words had dragged to the surface.
Logan looked down at her, unable to see her face past the white curtain of her hair. But he didn’t need x-ray vision to tell him what the expression on her face was at that moment; he’d seen it often enough before.
Her brow would be furrowed; her face a study of concentration. Her eyes would be unfocused and she would appear to be looking off into the distance as her thoughts turned inward. She would also be biting her lip gently, worrying it between her teeth as her thoughts tumbled around inside her head.
And he didn’t need to be a telepath to guess just what she was thinking and feeling at that moment. He gave a soft sigh as he pondered the pain her brother had caused her.
There were so few people in her life that she let in, that she allowed to touch her heart. She was such a private person, so afraid of hurting someone and of being hurt herself. God knew that she’d been hurt often enough in the past. And somehow, she’d always survived, always managed to move on and repair the damage.
But this argument with Remy worried Logan. And not simply because it was just another instance of her being hurt by someone she loved. But because of who had caused the pain. Because this time it hadn’t simply been some stranger or friend or even an egotistical jerk that had twisted Ororo’s heart. This time her pain had been caused by a member of her own family; someone she had trusted more than anyone else.
This was for her, in a very real sense, a betrayal beyond anything she might have suffered before. She’d been forced to choose between something that made her happy and something that made her brother happy.
Faced with a no win situation, she’d done the only thing she could do; she’d made that choice; very reluctantly but she’d still chosen. And in a very short time, she would be forced to face the consequences of that choice no matter how much pain that might cause in and of itself.
He was pulled from his thoughts as he felt her shift above him. He chuckled quietly as she absently traced random patterns across his chest with her fingers. He took a deep breath as he looked down at her again and broke the silence in the room.
“I been thinkin’.”
Her fingers continued their lazy movements undeterred by the sudden break in the silence. She watched her hands as they moved around and across his generous chest, not looking up at his words.
“About?”
Her hands distracted him slightly as they continued moving. Not wanting to encourage her, he reached down, a slight smile on his face as he grabbed her hands, stilling them against him.
“What no rippin’ on me fer havin’ a brain?”
She took a deep breath, lifting her head to look him in the eye. She shook her head slightly as she pulled her hands free, an impish sparkle in her azure eyes.
“I know that you are very intelligent Logan. I have seen that for myself many times. If I occasionally choose to ignore that because you are a male of the species, well one can hardly fault me for such a usually accurate assumption.” She laid her head back on his chest, her fingers once more beginning their lazy wanderings.
He flinched at her words and chuckled as he let his head fall back, his gaze fixed on the ceiling.
“Ouch darlin’.” He laid a hand over his heart as if truly wounded and was pleased to hear her chuckle at his dramatics. For a few moments the silence returned as he lay there and enjoyed the feel of her hands upon his body.
She waited for him to continue trying to be patient. But after a few moments of silence from him, her curiosity got the better of her. And she spoke up, her soft voice pulling him from the pleasant sensation.
“What were you thinking of love?”
He smiled slightly, his eyes still fixed on the ceiling, opening his mouth to tell her about his worries and fears when something completely different and unexpected came out.
“I’ve been thinking about stepping up yer training program.” For a moment he was speechless, his mind racing as he wondered exactly where that sentence had come from. For a moment he thought about playing it off as a bit of a joke, something he hadn’t really meant. But in the next instant, he decided to run with it and see where it took them. Maybe it would open the door to the important discussion of her brother.
Her roving fingers stopped and he felt her weight shift on the couch as she levered herself up to look at him.
“You mean that you have been taking it easy on me this whole time?” The tone of her voice was puzzled and slightly indignant at the mere thought that he might have done such a thing.
He chuckled again, tearing his gaze away from the embossed ceiling to meet her puzzled gaze.
“No, no I haven’t done that. And I ain’t gonna start neither. No, I was thinking ‘bout adding to it a bit. Maybe some light weapons training, small arms that sort of thing.” He watched the puzzlement flow across her face as she pondered the idea.
“But why?”
He shrugged even as he reached out to touch her face gently. The idea may have come way out of left field, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that it was a good idea. Now he just needed to convince her of that.
“You told me that first day that you didn’t want to become a liability to the team. This stuff will make you even less of one.”
She didn’t seem convinced.
“I abhor guns Logan.”
He dropped his hand, his face serious for a moment as he tried a tactic that had never failed before, a bit of guilt.
“Maybe, but it might save yer life or someone else’s. Are you willing to risk that cause ya don’t like guns? You started this thing darlin’. Let’s finish it.” He waited tensely for her next words, not touching, not pushing, simply waiting.
She sighed loudly even as she recognized the wisdom of his words. There might come a time when that would be her only option. Stranger things had happened to her and the team before. The Goddess knew the knowledge wouldn’t have helped them on Ellis Island, but in another situation, it might give her the edge she needed.
Could she really make a choice to not learn simply because of her personal feelings? Could she really make a decision to deny herself the skills to protect not only her own life, but those she loved as well? And if she did make that choice, could she live with the consequences of it afterwards?
Ororo possessed a fighter’s spirit. There had never been a challenge that she had not faced head on with grim determination and sheer pride backing her up. That was not to say that she had never failed or known defeat. The goddess knew that both had happened to her before.
But each of her defeats, each of her failures had taught her something valuable and she felt no shame in having faltered. No matter what scientists now labeled her, she was only human. And like any human being, she was bound to make mistakes.
The question now became whether she would face this new challenge the same way she had faced so many others before or whether she would simply let the moment pass her by in order to adhere to a set of rigid principles.
And that she realized what really lay at the heart of her hesitation. Not a true sense of fear at the knowledge she would gain. But a sense that by allowing compromise on one issue, one facet of her personal code she would find it easier to allow the next and the next.
Until one day she would awaken to find that all of the high ideals she’d once held herself to were gone. Swept away by her own rationalization that what she did, she did to help those she loved. She knew she had a price. No matter how self righteous people became at the notion, she knew the truth. Eventually everyone could be bought. She’d just been lucky enough to have never been faced with her own threshold of self betrayal.
She sighed softly somewhat surprised at the sudden weight of her thoughts. She knew the cause for the dark mood she found herself in. But had not realized just how much it had dragged her heart down until Logan had brought up the issue of her training.
Shaking herself mentally, she took stock of just what Logan had said. He wanted to train her in the use of weapons. That did not mean he was training her to kill, only to defend. His focus for her and the students had always been defense. Why should that focus change simply because the means behind it had?
She realized in that moment that she really needed very little thought on the matter, once she ignored the dark emotions Remy had dragged to the surface. One day in the future, she might find herself in a situation where she would be forced to take stock of her principles. But until that time came she would do nearly anything, learn nearly any skill if it meant she could better protect those she cared about.
“Very well. But I am only doing this because I want to be sure I have done everything in my power to protect those I care about. Do not expect me to become a modern day Annie Oakley.”
He smiled slightly and leaned back, picturing her as a rough-riding gun-slinging western woman.
“Wouldn’t dream of it darlin’. ‘Sides I like you in pants better. Shows off yer nice round…auhfff.” His words were suddenly cut off as elbow landed on his stomach and she leaned into him. He looked up and caught the dangerous glint in her eyes.
“My apologies Logan, what were you saying?”
He shot her a pained look as he reached down to move her elbow, resisting the urge to rub the spot.
“Funny darlin’, real funny. If ya keep poking holes in me, I ain’t gonna play with you no more.” He sounded like a petulant child for a moment and it made her laugh.
“Somehow I am not really worried about that ever happening.” She giggled slightly and began stretching muscles stiff with disuse and lying in one position for too long.
He watched her for a moment admiring the sleek lines of her body as she moved above him. And a feral grin stretched across his face as he decided to poke fun at her one more time.
“Hey darling?” His hands slid up her sides and he watched as her eyes closed at his sure touch.
“Yes, love?” She smiled slightly, her eyes still closed.
“It’s still rainin’ outside ya know.”
Her eyes snapped open and whipped to the window.
“What? By the Goddess, I had not realized.” She stood quickly and walked towards the window, muttering under her breath all the while. A moment later, the rain stopped, the sky cleared and the sun shone brightly once more.
He stepped up behind her, resting his hands on her shoulders and massaging the tense muscles he found there.
“How ya doin’ darlin’?”
She looked up at his reflection, smiling slightly. “Better Logan.”
He nodded, continuing to rub the tension away as she sighed.
“Good to hear. Do ya need to talk about it?”
She shook her head.
“No, not really. We both know how much of an ass my brother can be at times.”
His hands dropped to rest on her hips and he leaned against her back. Simply letting her feel him pressed against her, showing her that she had his support.
“Yeah, we do.”
She sighed again, letting her own hands cover his on her hips.
“I am just sorry that you were caught between us.”
He gently turned her to face him, mentally cursing Remy for his egotistical bull shit attitude and the pain he was causing his own sister.
“Darlin’, I told ya before that I don’t give a damn what he thinks or says. If he wants to be an ass, let him. It ain’t no skin off my nose if he wants to shoot himself in the foot.”
She reached up, wrapping her arms around his neck as she met his serious face.
“That may be true, but he did not just shoot himself this time, did he?”
Logan let his hands fall for a moment, sighing loudly.
“No, guess he didn’t.” Again there was silence between them as Remy’s words came between them again. Logan looked over her shoulder and watched the sky begin to darken again as her emotions once more began overwhelming her control. He reached down and grabbed her hand, dragging her to the door. “Come on, let’s get outta here. I think you and I need a breather tonight.”
She trailed behind him, unsure of where they were going but trusting him nonetheless.
“What do you mean Logan?”
He reached the door and opened it, dragging her out into the hallway.
“I mean that this group of adolescent hellions can survive without us for awhile. Ya up for a ride?” He stopped at the stairs and turned to her.
Her eyes lit up and barely restrained herself from leaping up and down in sheer, childish joy.
“Yes, that would be lovely.”
He nudged her towards the stairs as he turned towards the door.
“Great, go change yer clothes and grab yer gear. I’ll go get the bike. Meet me outside in ten minutes or I leave without ya.”
She reached out to touch his face and found herself pulled into his arms.
“In your dreams tough guy. You forget how fast I can fly.” Her face was scant inches from his as she spoke. Her voice soft and seductive and flirtatious.
Logan smiled and decided to torment her a bit. He dropped his voice a bit, letting a touch of his inner animal color his words.
“You darlin’ are teasin’ me. I know exactly how fast you can fly. But wouldn’t the chase be fun?” He kissed her softly and watched her eyes darken with passion.
She pulled away from him and moved up the stairs.
“And you, my love are simply wicked.”
He watched her run up the stairs for a moment, enjoying the view. Then, with a smirk on his face, he headed to the garage to get the bike.
Moments later, the couple roared away from the mansion. Logan sat on the bike, holding onto the handlebars, enjoying the feel of Ororo’s arms wrapped around him, her head on his shoulder. He glanced back, smiling slightly at the picture she made.
Her eyes were closed, a half smile on her face as she rested against him. She’d forgone the helmet and her brilliant white hair streamed behind him as he raced down the road.
He turned forward once more and gunned the throttle, knowing at that moment she would relish the speed. He felt her head lift from his shoulder as she leaned back slightly. Chuckling he sped up even more, letting the wind roar and flow around them even faster.
They rode around for over two hours, stopping only to grab something simple to eat and change drivers. Ororo had been skeptical at first but as they pulled back up to the mansion, she was more than willing to admit that the time away had done both her mind and heart a lot of good.
She stopped the bike just outside of the garage and cut the engine. She and Logan got off and stood facing each other, both of them a touch breathless from the ride.
“Darlin’, remind me next time not to let you drive after I’ve eaten.” He touched his stomach for a moment and let out a gentle burp.
She chuckled as they wheeled the bike back into its spot in the garage.
“Something wrong Logan? Too much for you perhaps?”
“Ya coulda warned me you were gonna do that ya know.” He kicked out the kickstand and settled the bike.
“Yes, but where is the fun in that?” They walked out of the garage.
“Damn darlin’ I had no idea ya even knew how to do that. Who the hell taught you to do it anyway?”
She reached out to wrap her arm around his shoulder, as his arm came up around her waist.
“I am a woman of many talents tough guy.”
He smirked. “Ain’t that the truth.”
They walked into the mansion, shedding their jackets as they went, still chuckling as they headed to the staircase.
Logan caught movement out of the corner of his eye and half-turned, his nose telling him it was Jean and she was highly agitated. Logan grabbed Ororo’s hand and pulled, stopping her on the stairs.
She hurried up to them as they stood at the bottom of the stairs.
“Logan, we’ve been looking every where for you. Remy’s run off with Rogue.”
At those words he turned his complete attention to her. He couldn’t even hide his surprise.
“What?”
Ororo came down the stairs and walked to her friend, placing her hand on the redhead’s arm sensing her agitation.
“Remy and Rogue have run off!”
Logan looked at Ororo, his eyes cold and hard as steel.
“Ororo, if I find him, I’m gonna kill him.” Logan was angry. No matter what he said about Remy not coming between them, he was still there.
“Logan, be calm. There is a reason behind this. My brother is many things but he would not have taken Marie with him without good reason. He loves her, he would not endanger her if he could prevent it.”
Logan nodded slightly granting her that one concession before turning his attention to more important things.
“When did she leave?”
Jean shook her head. She looked at both Logan and Ororo, unsure of what exactly was going on. But pushed it aside, waiting for the right time to find out.
“I don’t know. We might not have found out until tomorrow if I hadn’t gone by your room and found this note pinned to your door.” She held out the note.
Logan took the note from Jean and scanned it quickly.
Dear Logan,
By the time ya’ve read this, Ah’ll have left the mansion. Ah know ya think Ah’m crazy fer leaving but this is something Ah’ve gotta do. Ah can’t stay here another moment; so much of Jennifer is still here that Ah wonder if she’ll ever rest in my mind if Ah stay.
Don’t worry bout me, Ah’ve asked Remy to come along. He knows a place where Ah can start to put all of this behind me and begin healing. Ah’m sorry if yer angry. Ah hope that by the time Ah come back, ya’ll understand why Ah had to do this.
Rogue
Logan crumpled the note tightly in his fist, feeling the paper crinkle and pinch the flesh of his hand.
“Has she been having problems again?”
Both women shook their heads.
“None that I’m aware of, none that the professor has mentioned. But who knows with her; she’s too damned quiet, keeps too much to herself. I probably wouldn’t have noticed unless it bit me on the ass.”
“She seemed to be doing a great deal better. I do not understand why she would simply run off like this.”
Logan scoffed loudly not bothering to hide his disbelief.
“She ran off cause Remy asked her to, that’s why.”
“You do not know that for sure Logan.”
“Come on Ororo, we both know why he left. Cause he’s pissed at the both of us. Maybe he decided to drag her along for the ride.” Logan could feel himself losing the hold he had on his temper, snapping at her slightly.
“Perhaps. But I do not think he did it to hurt anyone.” Her soothing, firm tone did not change. No matter what Remy had said to her, no matter how much he had hurt her just hours ago, she still had faith in that.
He stepped around them and headed to Charles’s study. It was time to cut to the chase and go about getting her back.
“I’m going to see Chuck, get him to track her down.”
Jean spoke up stopping him.
“He won’t, Logan. I’ve already asked him to. He said that she left for a good reason.”
“Then he must know what is going on.”
“I think he does, but he’s keeping it to himself.”
“Then I’m gonna go find out why.” He stomped off even as Jean yelled after him.
“Logan, he has his reasons. No matter what you might think, there’s good reason behind letting her go.”
He ignored her and kept walking. He trusted Charles, he really did. The man was one of the few people in the world that had more than earned that esteemed regard. And she was probably right; there probably was a reason behind it all. But he had to hear it for himself. He had to stand in front of the man and hear the words come from his own lips. He just couldn’t believe it otherwise.
“We’ll see.” He muttered as he walked away.
Logan burst into Charles’s office with violent force. His nose told him that the older man was inside with Hank. The door bounced against the wall, the resulting sharp bang startling the other occupant in the room. Logan stood there a moment, feeling his rage build as he stared at the bald mutant.
Xavier simply regarded him calmly, waving him inside as if there were nothing out of the ordinary about Logan nearly kicking his door in.
“Logan, is there anything I can help you with?”
Logan stomped in, noticing that Hank had stood and taken a step closer to the Professor.
“She left Chuck. She just up and left. I want ya to find her.”
Hank stepped forward, putting himself in between Charles and the angered mutant.
“Logan, perhaps it would be best if you took a moment to calm yourself.”
Logan snarled slightly leveling his gaze on the doctor.
“Stay out of this blue boy. This is between me and him.”
Charles reached out and gently brushed Hank aside as he rolled his chair forward until he was right in front of Logan. His voice was calm, his face smooth and unreadable. He did not seem at all concerned to be confronting Logan in his current, angered state.
“I am very aware that Rogue has left the school Logan. I was aware of her departure the moment she left.”
Logan couldn’t hide his surprise at the Professor’s words.
“And ya let her go? Why didn’t ya stop her? Why haven’t ya been lookin’ for her?” His shout rang throughout the room adding an edge to his anger. He began pacing; frustration and edgy rage pushing his feet to move. Beneath the surface, he could feel the animal pacing as well.
“Because she made it very clear that she was adamant about leaving.” The calm voice again.
“Dammit Chuck, she’s sick she doesn’t know what she’s sayin’.” He snapped back feeling the animal drift slowly to the surface as he let his anger burn unabated.
“On the contrary, I think she was very aware of what she was doing.”
Logan stared at him for a moment. He was dimly aware that Hank still stood next to him but didn’t care any longer. They might as well have been alone together in the room for all that he cared at the moment. All he wanted to do was find Rogue and bring her home. At the moment, it was all he cared about.
So he studied the powerful mutant in front of him for several quiet and tense moments, wondering what was going on. Charles knew a great deal about what happened at the school, a great deal more than people realized. And most people attributed it to his abilities.
But Logan knew the truth. The man didn’t need his powers when it came to the running of the school. He just simply paid attention to everyone around him. Often staying silent and letting them talk as if he didn’t exist. People tended to trust him easily enough and often revealed a lot more than they thought or planned on. So maybe, in this case Rogue had come to him and told him she was going.
“She came to ya, didn’t she? She came and told ya she was leavin’.” With an effort, he reached out and grabbed a hold of his temper. It wasn’t Charles’s fault she wanted to leave and yelling at him wasn’t going to change the fact that she was gone.
“Yes, she came to me a short time ago and told me everything. She wanted to be sure that she would graduate and that she had a home to come back to. I of course told her she would always had a place here and wished her the best of luck.”
Logan stopped pacing, looking out the window.
“So that’s it. That’s the end of it. Ya didn’t ask where she was goin’, ya didn’t ask when she’d be back, ya just let her go.”
“Yes.”
Logan turned to face him once more, sighing slightly even as he felt a new wave of irritation come over him.
“So I guess that me askin’ you to use Cerebro to find her would be a waste of time?”
“That would be a correct assumption.”
Inside Logan seethed at the soothing tone of the professor’s voice. The man was too damned calm about all of this.
“This ain’t a game Chuck. This ain’t some kind of life exercise that’s gonna make her stronger. This could kill her.”
Charles sighed, wheeling closer to Logan.
“Logan, no one here knows better than I just what is at stake. But this is something she must do. Jennifer’s personality is too strong here. She is fighting my efforts to quiet her and tie her to Rogue’s mind. Going somewhere that holds no memories for Jennifer is the last chance we have to save Marie’s life.”
The professor’s words didn’t really surprise Logan; he’d wondered if she’d been having a difficult time. Of course, she kept it to herself and no one had any idea about it, until now. And now he wondered if they were nearly too late.
“Why didn’t you think about this before? It woulda saved us all a lot of time. Not to mention that she wouldn’t have run off on her own like this.” There was anger and annoyance in his voice and he didn’t care; he didn’t even attempt to rein in. He was tired of trying to keep a handle on his temper when no one seemed willing to tell him the truth about what the hell was going on anymore.
“Unfortunately I did not think of it this time either. Jimmy is the one who suggested it.”
Logan stilled, his mind racing at the professor’s words.
“Hold it a minute Chuck, are you tellin’ me that Jimmy’s the one that suggested Rogue leave?”
Charles nodded. “Yes. She spoke to him a short time before she came to see me.”
Without another word, Logan left the room, leaving the door open behind him.
Logan couldn’t see past the red haze in front of him. He was angry. He was beyond angry. He was enraged. He stormed into Jimmy’s room, slamming the door open without knocking.
The door bounced against the wall with a resounding thud.
Jimmy didn’t jump. He didn’t even appear startled. He just sat on his bed, quietly reading his book. It was almost as if he’d been expecting Logan.
“Why did you tell her to leave?”
Jimmy carefully marked his place in the book, placing it next to him on the bed.
Logan strode up to him, looking down at the younger man, fighting the anger inside of him. Logan repeated the question, his voice louder and full of anger.
“Why did you fuckin’ tell her to leave?”
Jimmy looked up at him with a calm, almost serene expression on his face.
“Because she needed to leave.” His voice was quiet, unshaken by the show of rage before him.
Logan clenched his hands, his knuckles brilliant white against his skin as deep inside of him the animal screamed for violence.
“What fuckin’ right do you have to decide that?” His voice was harsh and grating, full of the rage and the surging animal inside him.
“She needed to leave.” Again that calm, quiet tone.
Logan waited for him to elaborate but was given only silence.
“So that’s it. Ya ain’t gonna tell me nothin’ else. Ain’t even gonna offer an explanation.” Dammit Jimmy, she needs to be here. We’re her family we can help her.”
Jimmy looked up at him, a strangely adult set to his young face as he shook his head.
“No, you can’t!”
Logan took a step back, from both Jimmy and his own rage. He could feel his control slipping. He was too close to the edge and he took just a moment to step back and push the animal back down. The animal did not budge; but it stopped pushing forward.
“Says who? You? Well I ain’t buyin’ it. It’s bad enough that she’s run off but she had to go off with that damn swamp rat. I’d like to think that he ran off to protect her but I know better. He ran off with her ‘cause he’s pissed at me and he figures this is the best way to get back at me.”
Jimmy shook his head.
“Remy loves her. He understood that she needed to leave.”
Logan waited for Jimmy to say more, to give him a clue as to why he thought she’d needed to leave. But there was nothing. He pushed forward, hunting for clues to find them.
“So they just left. Just like that, she talks to you and they leave. Why didn’t you fuckin’ come and tell us?”
Jimmy scoffed.
“Because you would have tried to stop them.”
“Yer damned right we would’ve.”
Jimmy met his gaze, unafraid at the simmering anger that Logan was just barely holding onto.
“She’s going to be alright Logan; she just needs to be away for awhile.”
Those quiet words were nearly Logan’s undoing.
“You really think so? She killed someone Jimmy. Worse yet, her powers have trapped that person’s personality inside her head and its makin’ it even worse. If we ain’t there for her, the absorbed personality could overwhelm her. Do you know what that means? It’ll take over and she’ll die. Do you want that to happen?”
“No.”
Logan reached down and grabbed the young boy by his shoulders, resisting the urge to shake him roughly.
“Then tell me where she went.”
Jimmy simply sat there, not fighting, not struggling. He simply let Logan do what he wanted.
“I can’t tell you that.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Can’t. She didn’t tell me where they were going.”
Frustrated, Logan released him and turned away.
“This is just great, just fuckin’ great. She’s sick and needs help and you practically helped her pack so she could run off to God knows where with that damned Cajun.”
“His name is Remy.”
At the mention of the Cajun’s name, the animal surged forward once more. Logan found himself struggling to hold onto it once more and managed a somewhat abrupt response.
“I know what his damn name is.” Behind him, Logan heard Jimmy stand up.
“You have to let her do this on her own.”
“No, I don’t.” He snarled.
He felt Jimmy approach him and forced himself not to flinch or react when Jimmy reached out to touch his shoulder.
“She won’t ever get over what she did if she comes back. She needs to be away for awhile. If you drag her back here, you’ll kill her.”
“We’re her family. We can help her.”
“No you can’t.” Again that calm and quiet tone.
Logan whirled on the young mutant, his eyes blazing and his fangs bared, the beast within so close to breaking free.
“How the hell would you know?” Logan’s shout rang throughout the small room.
“Because she never had a choice! Neither of us ever had a choice!” The enraged reply filled the room, echoing off the walls and silencing Logan’s previous shout.
Surprised, Logan went still. The beast quieted down and waited to see what would happen next.
Jimmy took several deep breaths and then pressed on. “You chose to be a killer, to take lives because of the greater good. But no matter what spin you put on it, you still chose. And because you chose, you can never understand what she’s going through now.”
“This isn’t simply about killing someone, there’s so much more to this than that. And all of you are ignoring that. You all love her but none of you can see, you least of all. You can tell her the right things, you can say words that sound right to you, but are they what she really needs to hear?
“No one was there for me when they made me a killer. There was no one there to tell me that I still had a choice to make. But I realized that I still had one; I could either give in to them and become the killer they wanted, or I could bide my time and disappear. I chose to wait and escape later. That was my choice.
“You told Ororo that what bothered you the most about all of it was the loss of choice for Rogue. But what you don’t realize is that was just the tip of the iceberg. Rogue needed to be given a new choice to replace the one she lost. She needed to be given a chance to reassert control over her life again. But none of you could see that. You took over for her, made her choices for her, decided the next steps for her. You never gave her the opportunity to decide what she needed.
“Before the accident, all she had to worry about was not being able to control her powers; maybe even inadvertently hurting someone she cared about. But now she’s lucky if she had any control over when she went to the bathroom. The accident caused Rogue to lose control over herself for however brief a moment. But afterwards, when she should have been allowed to regain that control, the rest of you stole her control over her life. All I’ve done is give it back to her”
Logan stood there for several tense moments, the anger simply gone as if it had never been. He’d never thought of any of it that way before. He’d never once thought that maybe Rogue’s biggest problem wasn’t just the accident but feeling like she had been cut adrift in her own life. He’d never once thought to ask her what she wanted or needed. He’d just made assumptions based upon his own experiences. Experiences that were a far cry from hers.
Now he realized that Jimmy had seen to the heart of her problem far more easily than anyone else. And when it became apparent that no one was going to do what needed to be done, he’d stepped in and filled the void himself.
Logan wondered if he was right. He wondered if some time away from all of the insanity was just what she needed. He wondered if she would be better off away from all of the people who had the best of intentions, but the worst of solutions in mind. More importantly, he wondered how he would ever thank Jimmy when she came back healed.
Logan reached out and touched Jimmy’s shoulder, squeezing it once unsure of what to say.
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