“I’m telling you; I saw them.” Jubilee’s voice was steadily rising in volume and octave as she tried to convince those around her what she had just witnessed in the workout room between two of their teachers.
“Yeah right, Jubes. This is just like the time you swore you saw Bigfoot in the back yard; only it turned out to be Mr. McCoy arriving.”
The students started laughing. “Yeah, or the time that you swore you saw Logan gardening. Next you’ll be telling us he’s taken up basket weaving or knitting.”
The others laughed harder as she became even more irritated. “Hey, I did see that.”
“Or what about the time…”
Jubilee threw up her hands in disgust even as she persisted in trying to tell her story. “Look, a person is entitled to be wrong occasionally.”
One of the other students around her snorted loudly. “Occasionally? You’ve been wrong more times than the National Enquirer.”
Jubilee ignored the outburst and kept on. “But I’m telling you, when I went down to the workout room this morning to see if I left my CD player down there, I saw Ms. Munroe and Logan kissing. And it wasn’t just a simple peck on the cheek either. This was a full fledged, all out lip lock.”
Just as she spoke, Rogue wandered by, stopping in her tracks. She turned to Jubilee, her mouth agape and her eyes wide with shock. “What did ya say about Logan and ‘Ro?”
Jubilee seemed thunderstruck by Rogue’s outburst and was struck into silence; something nobody around them had ever expected to see.
Rogue grew impatient and grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her, repeating the question. “Spit it out girl, what did ya say?”
“Kissing…I…I saw them kissing.”
Rogue smiled broadly laughing loudly. “Ya saw them kissing?” Jubilee nodded dumbly and Rogue impulsively hugged her, mindful still of not touching her bare skin. She whirled away from the group of stunned students laughing out loud.
As she walked out of sight of the group, the others turned back to Jubilee. “So you saw them kissing huh?” One of the students asked.
Jubilee smirked as she settled in to tell the story once again. But a sudden thought occurred to her just then. “So who won the pot?”
Logan in the meantime was wandering around the mansion looking for Jean; unaware that what had happened between him and Ororo had not only been witnessed, but now was fresh fodder for the student gossip mill. After the sparring session and the passionate kiss they had shared, the rest of their time together had passed all too quickly.
Despite what had happened between them, they still managed to find the will power to go for their daily run. But even that had taken them far longer than normal; especially when they kept stopping to repeat the passionate kiss they had just shared.
Ororo had been just as guilty of it as he was; more often then not, she’d been the one doing the grabbing. He’d gone along with it until he realized that ‘Ro’s next class was starting in less than an hour. He had quietly walked her to the classroom door, leaving her there with just a simple peck on the cheek, promising to see her later that evening. He had left quickly, before he lost the will to walk away from her altogether.
So now, he was wandering around the mansion, wrapped up in thoughts of what had happened between them a few hours before. Not noticing the strange looks that most of the students were giving him as they passed by on their way to their classes. His mind kept wandering back to the feel of her in his arms, hot and willing, and the feel of her silken lips on his as her fingers tugged on his hair.
He could feel himself getting aroused all over again just from the memory of her touch and wondered if he was going to end up walking around that way all day. He caught a faint scent, his nostrils flaring as he recognized it as Jean’s and began following it as he pushed his memories aside. With effort, he turned his mind to the task of apologizing to Jean for his outburst earlier that week and setting things right between them.
He found her sitting in the library reading quietly and taking notes for a class. He stood in the doorway for a moment working up the nerve to approach her and wondering just what to say.
She looked up suddenly and regarded him warily as he stepped further into the room. “Good morning Logan.” She set her books aside and prepared to stand up and walk out before he could rip into her again.
“Don’t leave Jean; I need ta talk with ya.” He held up his hands, stopping her. He intended to have his say; even if it meant he had to force her to stay.
She seemed unconvinced. “The last time we spoke, you were less than kind.” Her tone was abrupt and cutting.
He sighed seeing that he hadn’t been the only one in a bad mood since their argument. He felt even guiltier about what had happened between them and his over reaction than he had before. “Look, I may have said some things that I shouldn’t have, but ya did too. So as far as that goes, I’d say we’re even.”
Her eyes narrowed, despite the grain of truth in what he said. “Did you come here to start another argument?”
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t. I actually came to apologize.”
The look of shock on her face was priceless. He never expected to see her totally taken aback by what he’d said. He found himself enjoying the expression; sort of. “Apologize?”
Logan sat down in a chair across from her, his face serious. “Yeah. Look I may not agree with ya needin’ ta protect Ororo, but I understand why feel ya have ta. She’s yer friend and ya care for her. I’d like ta think that I’d do the same if I were in yer shoes.”
She was silent for many moments, seeming to be mulling over his words. Jean leaned forward, her voice sincere. “That’s just it Logan. I promised myself that I wouldn’t do what I did. I even told Ororo that I wouldn’t butt in like Scott and Remy might. I'm sorry too, if you feel that’s what I was doing. The only reason I started asking you about her was because I thought that you might not feel the same way towards me like you once did.”
This time Logan was silent for several seconds wondering when she had discovered the truth. He had tried to keep it from everyone; he’d even managed to keep it from himself until he’d been hit over the head with the truth, so to speak. Somehow, she had managed to discover something he’d thought he’d kept to himself rather well.
He decided that the time had come to be honest; with both himself and her. “I have ta be honest, I don’t. There’s still something there Jean; I’d still do anything ta help ya if ya needed my help. I still care for ya; I want ta see ya happy but it’s not like before.”
Jean smiled slightly. “I thought so; I’ve been feeling something shift inside of you since you came back. That morning in the kitchen, when you cut yourself, I caught some of what you were thinking. It was faint, but it was there. I’d suspected that you might interested in Ororo for some time; you’ve always been close with her, but this time when you came back it was different. There was something there that I could sense, but couldn’t put my finger on. That morning in the kitchen when we fought, you were mentally projecting right before you shut down; that’s when I knew for sure that you felt something for her. I just want to make sure that you understand why I did what I did.”
Logan nodded things beginning to make sense about the argument and the course it had taken. “Ya wanted to make sure what I felt was sincere. That I wasn’t lookin’ for a fling, or a one night stand.”
Jean nodded. “’Ro deserves so much more than that; I’m not saying you would have done any of those things, but I needed to be sure.”
“Ya thought I’d hurt her.”
“Unintentionally, yes.”
His voice was quiet, his eyes full of an emotion that she had a difficult time placing. “She’s been hurt before hasn’t she?”
“Many times.”
“I’m not like the others Jean. I got no intention of hurtin’ her, ever.”
Jean leaned back from him, crossing her arms over her chest; shutting him off. “I’ve heard that before Logan. I believe it less now than I did then.”
“Look, just because you…”
She cut him off with a quick wave of her hand, her tone irritated. “No, you look. I wasn’t just worried about you looking to have a fling with her Logan. Ororo’s a grown woman and is more than capable of deciding if all she wanted was sex. What I was worried about was if it got serious between you two; if she developed feelings for you, even fell in love with you.” Jean took a deep breath gathering her thoughts and reigning in her emotions. “When I said you weren’t her type, I didn’t mean what you thought I did. I didn’t mean that she wouldn’t find you attractive because I'm very sure that she does. What I did mean was that you aren’t the type to stay around; you leave whenever the urge hits you and you stay away for long periods of time. What do you think that will do to her?”
At last, he understood her concerns. But the understanding was lost under a building wave of irritation. She was berating him for something that he might or might not do. “Jean, we just started this relationship. I don’t plan on leaving her, for any reason.”
“Can you honestly sit there and tell me that it will stay that way? That you’ll never feel the urge to run off and chase down some ghost of the past? Simply drop everything and leave? Can you tell me that you’ll be there for her even when you’re clear across the country?”
He was getting angry. Somehow he’d been drawn into another argument; something he’d been determined to keep from happening again. He wondered for a moment whether or not Jean’s anger was really directed at him, or if something that happened before had brought this to fester beneath the surface.
“Dammit Jean, that’s not fair. ‘Ro knows how important finding about my past is to me. We understand each other; she would never make me choose. Would you stand in Scott’s way if he found out that there was even the slightest chance that his parents were alive?”
“We’re not talking about Scott and I, Logan. We’re talking about you and Ororo.”
Logan stood, feeling the urge to move, to fidget, anything to keep his anger from controlling him or erupting violently. He paced in front of the fireplace; part of his mind wondering why nearly every room had a working fireplace in it. “Yeah, we are; so let’s be honest shall we. I don’t know where my relationship with ‘Ro will end up; I’m still tryin’ ta sort out my feelings for her. But I do know that if the relationship gets serious, I won’t leave her; at least not willingly and not for long.”
Jean stood, facing him watching him as he paced. “Forge said something like that to me too, right before he left her; right after he proposed.”
Logan was silent and still, his thoughts racing. Of all the things that he and Ororo had discussed when they talked, Logan realized that the one thing they had never talked about was the previous men in her life. He had talked plenty about the women he had truly loved; largely because both of the relationships had ended tragically and Logan still felt a sense of guilt over that. But whenever he had tried to discover more about the men she might have loved, she directed the conversation elsewhere.
He knew that she was a private person; but he had assumed that there hadn’t been anyone that she ever felt that deeply for. Given her mutant abilities, the power at her command, not to mention her chosen lifestyle there were very few men who would not feel threatened by her. Somehow, it never occurred to him that one of them might have hurt her deeply.
“Who was he? What happened?” His voice was deadly soft; there was a knife edge to it as he looked at Jean. His body was tense, the unspoken violence radiating from him in waves.
“It’s not my story to tell.”
Logan’s clenched fist slammed down onto the fireplace mantle. The wood cracked audibly, the sound echoing sharply in the large room; Jean jumped. Logan found that he didn’t care; all he wanted was answers and she was trying to keep them from him. “Dammit Jeannie, ya started this, finish it. What the hell happened?”
Jean stood up, looking out the window. Her voice was soft and quiet as she related the story to Logan. “’Ro was 20 and she’d only been here for two years when Forge showed up. The professor had contacted him to join the team; he was a gifted engineer and had made quite a name for himself in both the government and private sectors. Scott and the professor thought he would be an asset to the team.”
Logan sensed her hesitation and noticed how she didn’t include herself in that statement. “But ya didn’t.”
She nodded absently, her mind far away. “There was something about him that I couldn’t put my finger on but his mind, it felt slippery; I can’t explain it any better than that.” She turned back to Logan as she continued her story.
“He was older than her, about ten years I think. But he was very handsome, tall and well spoken. He was also very cultured and had a great deal of mental discipline. I thought he was distant, even cold with everyone around him. I don’t know if he was a great deal different in private because Ororo rarely spoke of their time together; he didn’t look kindly on that kind of ‘girl talk’. He was also full blooded Native America; I forget which nation. But she was drawn to that side of him; his close tie with nature, it appealed to her.
“She was taken with him because she never thought someone like him would ever give her a second glance. You have to understand that she has not always had the self confidence she has now. She was once a very self conscious person; largely because there were so few people willing to get close to her for fear of getting hurt. And she was afraid of letting them get close for the exact same reason.
“Forge was taken with her for obvious reasons; she was, and is a very beautiful woman; but he didn’t see her as a mere woman; he saw her as a trophy, something to be placed on a pedestal and admired. He said everything she ever wanted or needed to hear; he swept her off her feet. At the time we both thought it was very romantic; but now I know the truth. He never really loved her; not like she needed him to. He looked at her as if she were a goddess reborn; he never once thought of her as a flesh and blood woman with normal wants and needs. But it didn’t really matter; she loved him, desperately.
“For the first time since I’d known her, someone was willing to approach her on an intimate level, beyond the ties of friendship and family. She couldn’t see that all he cared about was the prestige and jealous looks having her for a wife would bring him. The others thought he was a good man; and in many ways they were right. He did treat her good and she was happy while they were together. But we both know that they way he felt about her wouldn’t have been enough for her; after awhile she would have seen that he didn’t love her as much as she loved him and it would have ended between them.
“Still, it was quite a shock when he suddenly left one night just as a terrible storm broke over the mansion. I went immediately to her room and found her in tears. After an hour, I was able to get the story out of her. A few days before, Forge had proposed telling her that he was leaving for Texas. The government had offered him a job and he couldn’t bear the thought of being without her. He wanted her to come with him and they’d build a life together, away from the X-men.”
Logan whistled softly; surprised that someone who claimed to love her would fail to see something vitally important about her character. “But he had ta've known she’d never willin’ly leave the team, or Charles.”
Jean turned to look at him, her face grim and sad as she continued. “You and I both know that about her, but apparently Forge failed to see just how much being an X-man meant to Ororo. When she didn’t say yes right away, he took it as a no and took back his proposal. She was devastated; she didn’t leave her room for two days. And when she did, all she did was float in the sky for hours, staring off into the distance. It rained solid for a week before the professor managed to break through to her and show her the harm she was causing to others.
“After that, she shut it all away. She wouldn’t talk about any of it; not him or the pain she was feeling not to me, not to Remy, or the professor or even Hank. She tried to pretend that it had never happened. She’s always been a very solitary person; but after he left, she started pushing people away a great deal more until the only ones that could still get through were Scott, Remy, Hank and I and more recently, you.”
Logan nodded absently. He had known that she had included him on the elite list of people; she had admitted as much to him earlier that day. And he also knew that she had a tendency to push people away; but until that moment, he hadn’t known just how small her list of confidantes was.
“And ya think that somehow, I might end up doin’ the same thing ta ‘Ro that Forge did.”
Jean nodded. “If ya think that, Jean yer insane. There’s one big difference between Forge and me that ya just don’t get. I’d never give her an ultimatum like that. I know her and I know what’s important ta her. This school, the students, you, Scott, Remy, Hank, and the professor, being a part of the team, fightin’ for something greater than herself; all those things are important ta her. I’d be a fool if I didn’t see that; and I’d be an even bigger fool if I expected her ta walk away from all of that just ta be with me.”
Jean is flabbergasted. “Logan, I think you really mean that.”
“Yer damn right I do.” She flinched at his harsh tone and he took a breath to calm himself down. “Jeannie, I don’t know where these feelin’s are gonna lead; hell I’m not even for sure just what I feel yet. But I want the chance ta find out. I’m not gonna promise ta stay away from her if that’s what yer lookin’ for. But I’m gonna ya my word that I’ll do everythin’ in my power to keep from hurtin’ her. I can’t promise ya anymore than that.”
“I fear, Logan that such a promise might one day prove beyond even you.”
He shrugged. “We’ll just have ta wait and see won’t we.”
“Yes, I guess we will.”
He stood to leave but her soft voice stopped him. “Logan, I am glad that you make her happy; and thanks for being honest with me about how you felt.”
“No problem Jeannie. I’ll get out of yer way; I’m sure you can’t wait ta tell Scott about me getting’ over ya.”
Jean laughed. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were a telepath.”
“Nope, I just know how to read people.” He pointed to the damaged fireplace mantle that he had punched in anger. “I’ll get that fixed up this afternoon. Thanks for lookin’ out for her Jeannie.”
She smiled. “Make sure you do the same or you’ll have more than Scott or Remy to worry about; you’ll have one pissed off telekinetic red-head on your case; not to mention a blue furred mad scientist looking to experiment on you.”
Logan chuckled as he walked out of the library, leaving her to her reading.
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