~~~~
36 Months:
This was routine, for as long as she could remember they had come to this same exact place, at the exact same time. It never seemed to matter much before, but now it caused great confusion, especially with the way everyone around would act.
“Why are you crying mommy?” Keira asked as she clutched at her mother’s leg. Her mother didn’t reply and it seemed as if her mother hadn’t even heard her. It was her father that kneeled and then sat beside her as so he was eye to eye with her, who spoke to her.
“Don’t you remember pum’kin, what your momma and I told you about your brother James?” Keira nodded her head, she recalled her parents speaking of the brother she had never seen, but only on these occasions when they stood out in the gardens, near the lake, sitting in front of the big rock. “Well that’s why your momma is crying, she just misses your brother a lot.”
“Well why don’t he come out?” Keira asked with a slight frown and then marched over to the headstone, and tapped her fists against it. “James, you come out of there so mommy will stop crying.”
“Keira!” Ororo exclaimed as she moved and yanked her daughter from the headstone. This harsh side of her mother was something new to Keira; even though her mother hadn’t been rough to the touch the tone of her voice had been enough to frighten Keira. Keira stumbled from her mother’s grasp and quickly moved to her father, who scooped her up. Once in the safety of her father’s arm Keira instantly began to sob.
“I sorry mommy.” The child apologized to deaf ears as Ororo now sat before the headstone, wiping it lovingly with her hands, and speaking softly to it. Keira then turned her attention to her father and whispered to him. “I sorry daddy.”
“Its ok pum’kin. You didn’t do anything wrong” Logan said as he wiped at her face with his fingers. “I know it’s hard for you to understand it now, but mommy’s not mad at you.” Keira knew this to be true; she knew her mother loved her just as she knew that her brother James always made her mother sad.
“Why don’t James come out so mommy can stop crying, is he hyponetting?” Logan couldn’t hide the chuckle that her words invoked.
“No darling, he’s not hibernating. He’s…” Logan wasn’t sure how to explain it as so she would understand. “He died, and when you die you become an angel and you go to heaven.” His words made Keira’s curious mind run wild and her eyes grew to the size of saucers.
“He’s an angel in heaven?” Keira asked and Logan nodded his head. “Where’s heaven daddy?”
“It’s a place far, far away. Up there.” He pointed towards the sky and Keira’s eyes followed. “Way past the stars in the sky.”
“Wow. What’s it like in heaven daddy?” Keira continued to question and Logan tried to recall what Dr Spock had said about the ‘Why? Why? Why?’ phase that toddlers go through, specifically when this phase ended.
“Uhm…well…what’s your favorite thing to do?” Logan asked the child he still cradled in his arms.
“In the whole wide world?” Keira asked.
“Yeah darling in the whole wide world.”
“Movie night, when we eat popcorn and ice-cream with gummy bears in them, and watch Dumbo.” Keira said beaming.
“Well in heaven you get to do your favorite things in the whole wide world, all the time. It’s a real nice place and your brother is safe and happy there. You understand?”
“Yes daddy, but why doesn’t that make mommy happy, if James is so happy?”
“You know how you always cry when Kitty goes away on the weekends to visit her other family?” Keira nodded her head. “Well that’s the same reason mommy cries, she misses James just like you miss Kitty. Mommy’s just more sad because James can’t ever come back home.”
“But why daddy?”
“Because he’s having so much fun in heaven, and he knows that we’re all safe down here. I know it’s a bit hard for you to understand right now, but when you get a little older it’ll all make more sense, ok?”
“Ok,” Keira replied and seemed to be sated for a moment before adding another question. “When do I get to go to heaven daddy?” The innocent question sent a cold chill through Logan’s body and made Ororo give her daughter her undivided attention once more. Ororo stood and swiftly moved to where her husband and child stood.
“Never, never, ever.” Ororo stated as she grasped her daughter from her father’s arms.
“Why not? Daddy said James is in heaven having fun, and I want to go to heaven too and have fun just like James. Can’t I daddy?” Logan met the cold hard glares Ororo was now sending him, and he inwardly flinched at the hatred he saw in them.
“Not for a long, long time baby.” He replied.
“But why?” Keira began to whine, but stopped abruptly when she heard her mother’s stern voice.
“Keira! We’ll discuss it more when you’re older and can better understand things.” Ororo said all the while glaring at Logan. “It is time for lunch, are you hungry?” Ororo asked now focused onto Keira as she brushed her free hand over the child’s long thick, white tresses; which lay in a cascade of loose curls down her back. Keira nodded her head. “What would you like?”
“Daddy can you make some antihottas?” Keira asked and both parents smiled, despite their current moods.
“Sure pum’kin, daddy will make you some enchiladas.” Keira’s smile widen as her mother sat her on the ground. She grasped both of her parent’s hands as they walked back up to the mansion.
~~~~
She hadn’t said much to him all evening, and the small talk they had had he knew had been for the benefit of their daughter. Now she sat on her side of the bed, with her back to him, rubbing lotion over her arms and legs.
“So how long are ya planning on giving me the silent treatment?” Logan asked as he intensely watched her every movement.
“I just don’t understand it, why in the world would you tell her such things?”
“What, you’d prefer her to keep thinking her brother’s hibernating in some stone?”
“Goddess, of course not, but Logan did you have to make heaven sound so appealing. What if she hurts herself trying to get to heaven?”
“She’s not suicidal Ro, and at the time it was the best I could come up with. Figured her thinking her brother was in a happy place would make her feel better. She just didn’t understand why you were crying, why you always cry when we visit James.”
“I miss him… still…always, and I won’t apologize for it nor be made to feel guilty about it, Logan.” Logan bolted upright and stared Ororo down.
“It aint just your grief Ro, I miss him too, but I won’t be made to feel guilty for preferring to spend more time celebrating Keira’s life, then spending it grieving James’ death.”
“And you think that’s what I do?” Ororo asked now giving him her full attention. The hurt he saw in her eyes made him back down a bit, and his demeanor softened.
“No Ro I don’t think that, but Keira might. You take her out to James’ grave everyday religiously, and you cry. But you don’t open up to her; explain why you’re so sad. It confuses her. It’s only natural for her to come to me for the answers, and we both know how well I do in those kinds of situation, but I try darling. I try to always answer her questions.”
“So you think I should not take her to see him any longer?”
“No, I just think you should share him a bit more with her. Show her his pictures; tell her how he used to kick you so hard you’d get a bruise. Tell her that when you were pregnant with James you always craved peanut butter, and sardines.” Logan said and then smiled when he saw she was smiling at his words. “You got to know him better than I ever did, you can tell her things I can’t. Let her get to know her brother, so she can love him just as much as we do, and then she’ll understand the loss and why we miss him so much.” Ororo nodded in agreement and then crawled up to where he sat on the bed, and he instinctively enveloped her in his arms.
“I guess no matter how much I want to, we can’t shelter her from the world.” Ororo said with a sigh as she burrowed closer to Logan’s chest.
“No, nor should we. Especially considering her genetic makeup, according to Hank she’ll no doubt be a very powerful mutant. So we should be preparing her for the world we live in, not sheltering her from it. There are a lot of bad people out there who will try to do her harm, just because of who she is. Because she’s our daughter.”
~~~~
“I have the results Colonel.” The young woman said as she stood in front of the large oak desk.
“And, Dr. Winthrop?”
“This one’s mutant genes are already very active, I believe this one will be an Alpha mutant.” The doctor said as she beamed with pride and stood as if awaiting a pat on the head for her good work.
“What I want to know is will she have her fathers mutant genes.”
“Oh well that I can only assume about sir. We can’t know that for sure until we run extensive tests on her. But it is highly probably she will.”
“And the lab, how is it progressing?”
“It is an exact replica of Dept. K, and it will be fully functional in under a month.”
“Good, now send for Kestrel tell him I have a job for him.”
“Yes sir.” The man still seated at the large oak desk, watched the retreating woman briefly before returning his attention to the lock of white hair atop his desk, which he gently began to stroke.
