Chapter Eleven
La Conversación
This was a dream. He would wake up and things would be the way they were before Jean got pregnant, before Ororo decided to leave.
When he opened his eyes, things would be the way they were before everything got complicated. Then, he’d laugh, smoke a cigar, and make things right with Ororo and Jean. He’d tell Jean that she needed to be faithful to her husband, and he would tell Ororo that he wanted to explore something with her.
Yeah, just a dream.
Logan opened his eyes and grunted in frustration. Nothing changed. Not that he’d really expected it to. He was just trying to make a bad situation seem better somehow, and it hadn’t worked. He was still at the club, not in his bed waking from a horrible dream. And he was still dressed in the uncomfortably tight pleather suit Jean somehow talked him into wearing, a suit that made him sweat in all the wrong places. She sported a similar suit while babbling about them being superheroes. She said she could move things with mind.
He humored her, though. He felt obligated to. He eyed her still-thin form in the tight suit, his eyes resting on her stomach. “What’s my power? Metal claws? A healing ability? Animal senses?” he asked, trying to keep a straight face. He didn’t feel like a complete idiot, though. He wasn’t the only employee Jean talked into wearing that God-awful outfit.
Yuriko and that new kid, Remy, were wearing similar getups. Kurt was running around the club dressed in some flamboyant outfit saying something about “Ze Amazing Nightcrawler” and teleportation skills. Mort let Kurt talk him into painting himself green and calling himself “Toad”. Dumbass, but he did look like a toad, though. And Logan wondered just how many cows Creed had killed to make that brown outfit he was wearing.
He’d already seen some interesting characters. He saw some kid in a tin suit calling himself Colossus. Another woman, painted the same color as Kurt and very naked under all that paint, with dark red hair was claiming to be a shape-shifter. He told her to turn into him, so he could go home. A woman dressed as a werewolf or something called herself Wolfsbane. A big green guy “ the Hulk. They even had a guy dressed in a bat suit demanding to be called Batman. Batman, what a silly name for a superhero.
He was actually having a better time than he thought he would. Listening to some of the outrageous stories some of the people told, noting the obvious care they took to make their costumes, was actually more interesting than he was willing to let on. He would never tell Jean that. Four of her favorite words were ‘I told you so’. The only person he hadn’t seen was Ororo, and she was supposed to be there already.
Then, he saw her parting the sea of dancers on the fringes of the crowd. The tin man”Colossus, or whatever he called himself”grabbed Ororo in his large arms, swinging her around as she beat on his chest. Then, he put her down gingerly with a somewhat embarrassed look. She made her way behind the bar, unbuttoning her coat. Earrings in the shape of lightning glinted in her ears.
She was wearing a suit similar to the rest of the bartenders, except for a few alterations. Her suit wasn’t actually a suit really. It was more like a cropped shirt that exposed the space beneath her breasts to the bottom of her bellybutton and a pair of low slung, pleather pants with a cape as an added bonus. Yet, she managed to make it appear demure.
“And who are you s’pose to be?” he asked when she took her place alongside him.
“I am Storm, mistress of the elements,” she said with a silly smile, putting her hands on her hips in a commanding stance. Then, she laughed a little. She looked around the club. “I don’t think I have ever seen the crowd be so creative.” Her eyes followed a woman who had fake fur placed in strategic locations on her body. She sported a pair of paws and a long cattail. “Glad I didn’t come as a cat woman as I originally planned.”
She laughed again, and he laughed with her this time. They spent at least an hour together at the bar, just laughing at the various costumed customers they had to serve. It was nice. They actually talked to one another without that usual tension suffocating the air between them. What was more surprising “ they laughed together. Something he could never remember happening.
She had a quirky sense of humor. Something he would have never suspected or expected from her. She listened to the customers tales of their costumes, fascinated, even adding her own element of intrigue to their stories. She even made up one for him after he mentioned something about claws and animal sense and a healing factor.
“You’re a man without a past, or a past you don’t remember,” she began. She weaved a tale for him complete with government conspiracy, vengeful commanders, brainwashing, and sordid past deeds like assassination attempts. She really knew how to craft a story. He would give her that much.
“There’s something I gotta tell you,” he said suddenly, his voice becoming somber, breaking up the light mood. Why was he choosing this moment to tell her anything? She seemed so carefree right now; he should be happy with this.
She looked over behind him for a moment, smiling. Then she looked at him again. Logan turned to see Joaquín walking their way, dressed like the phantom of the fucking opera. Since when was the Phantom considered a villain or a hero? Logan thought that Joaquín was just being pretentious. Ororo looked over at Joaquín and then back at him. She had a look in her eyes that asked if him he really had anything important to tell her.
“Never mind,” he said disappointed, “it can wait.” She patted his hand amiably, migrating to the end of the bar where Joaquín sat.
He didn’t get a chance to talk to her before they closed the club. He made sure Jean got home okay, and then he found himself at Ororo’s house. He felt kind of silly standing there in front of her door still in his costume, but he wanted to talk to her before he went home. He knocked on her door tentatively. Can’t say he’d ever done that before. It was an alien feeling, his knuckles rapping against the hard wood of her door. Before, he would just let himself into her house, but things were different now.
“Coming,” he heard her say. She was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a large shirt. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She looked far younger than she really was. She arched an eyebrow at him. “Logan, what are you doing here?”
“I just needed to see you.” He answered.
She crossed her arms across her chest, her lips thinning into a hard line. “Another talk? Or maybe you would find my bed more accommodating?” she hissed at him. It amazed him how she could go from friendly to cold in just a matter of hours.
He knew he deserved all her anger and he wouldn’t stand there and make any sorry excuses for his behavior. She had a right to be angry, and she had a right to take that anger out on him. She thought he was there to sleep with her. And why shouldn’t she feel that way? That’s all he seemed to be using her for before.
“Jean’s pregnant,” he said suddenly.
Her face softened considerably, and she opened the door wider, stepping back, his invitation to come into her home. She led him to the living room. The television was on some kind of gardening show. Did she like gardening? He wondered, but he guessed he would never know the answer to that question. She picked up the remote and switched the television off.
They sat on the opposite ends of the couch. She picked imaginary lint off her shirt while he gathered his words. He could never remember feeling this uncomfortable with her. They were like two teenagers waiting for the other to make the next move.
“She says it’s mine.” Logan said after sitting there for a while. “She said she hasn’t been with Scott in a while because he’s been workin’ so hard lately at the firm. When you came to Luchesi’s with him, she had just told me about the baby.”
“What are you two going to tell Scott?” she asked.
“I don’t know. She is keeping the baby, but she don’t wanna hurt Scott, either.”
He didn’t know what they were going to tell Scott. He’d discussed it with Jean, but she was too busy being elated about having a baby. He knew she wanted that baby, and he was glad that she was happy. Even he was a little excited at the thought, but Jean was avoiding the problem at hand “ Scott.
It seemed like he would try to talk to Jean about Scott, and she would divert the conversation to something else “ baby names, baby clothes, anything other than Scott. She was scared. Maybe it hurt to think that she might have to sacrifice her marriage for the baby. Logan didn’t think Scott was that cruel, though. He had a feeling that Scott loved Jean enough to accept this after the initial hurt faded.
“I think it’s too late for that,” she said quietly. He didn’t hear anything malicious in her voice. All he could hear was sadness. “You may be able to hide an affair from Scott, but there’s no way you can hide this baby from him.”
“I know, darlin’. I never wanted things to turn out like this, you know?” He rested his elbows on his knees and buried his fingers in his hair. “What was I thinkin’ getting involved with a married woman, anyway?”
Why couldn’t he have just stayed away from that broad? From the day Jean hired him to work at the club, he’d been the aggressive one. She told him she was married, hadn’t considered cheating, the usual things married women say. At the same time, she didn’t protest against the constant flirting, the lingering stares, the accidental touches. He knew she was attracted to him. She was curious. He saw it in her eyes when she looked at him.
Why couldn’t he have been content with looking and not touching? Why did he have to pursue Jean? At the time, he just had to have her. There was nothing he wouldn’t do in order to have her. He hadn’t figured Ororo into the equation; he hadn’t even known her at the time. He hadn’t even believed that someone would stir him more than Jean had.
“We can’t really help who we’re attracted to. It was a bad decision on your part and on Jean’s part, but there’s no sense in beating yourself up over it now. What’s done is done. You have to think of the baby now.” There was an air of wisdom in her voice. He was sorry that he had never talked to her for any length of time. Conversation had never been a top priority for him when he was sleeping with her.
“I know. I’m tryin’ to concentrate on that. It’s hard, though,” he paused for a moment. He had almost called her ‘Ro. “I ain’t ever been scared of much in my life…”
“But Jean’s pregnancy scares you,” she finished for him. He nodded. She put a comforting hand over his, and he looked into her eyes. A sympathetic smile parted her lips.
“I’m gonna be responsible for someone other than myself. This kid’s life is gonna depend on me. I can’t help feelin’ like I’m gonna fuck it all up.” He continued to babble about his fears concerning fatherhood.
“I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful father.” Ororo said.
“You’re just saying that because you think I want to hear it.”
“Most men in your position would have already left Jean alone to worry about the baby on her own. They would figure it was her problem as an unfaithful married woman, but you’re hanging in there with her.”
“It’s my responsibility to be there for her… and the baby.” Logan said.
“Yes, it is, and I’m glad that you’re accepting this responsibility like a man.” She said tenderly.
“How do you feel about this, Ororo? You haven’t said much in the way of your feelings?”
“Why should I, Logan? That would be selfish of me. My feelings are insignificant in this situation.”
“No, they’re not. I gotta know how you feel about all this.” Logan said.
She paused for a moment, searching his eyes. “Honestly, I’m hurt, but that’s nothing new. I was hurt when I found out about you and Jean. I’m hurt now. I want to feel betrayed, but I can’t since there was never any substance to our relationship to begin with. Listen, I care… cared for you deeply. I’m saddened by all this, but I am proud of you, Logan, for being a man about this whole thing.”
They were quiet, again. This time it wasn’t uncomfortable, though. He didn’t think she was aware of the fact that she was tapping her fingers against his skin. Her fingers beat rhythmically against his hands while she lost herself in thought. He relished the feel of her hand on his skin. He tried to memorize the warmth, the texture. He may never know her touch again.
“You’re movin’ to Spain with a man you barely know?” A statement rather than a question.
She shook herself from her thoughts and stared at him. “As opposed to sleeping with a man I barely know?” she countered with a hard chuckle.
He wondered if she had always been that abrupt or if this was something new. When he first met Ororo, she seemed like a pushover. She didn’t seem very confident in herself. Now, she was brimming with confidence. He could feel it oozing from her. He couldn’t argue with that, though. She probably did know more about Joaquín than she did him.
“If it makes you feel better, Logan, I am not moving to Spain with Joaquín to live with him. I hadn’t planned to in the beginning. I just saw him as some sort of sign, and it just went from there.” She said softly. He didn’t want to hear that, didn’t want to know how her relationship with Joaquín evolved. “I was leaving at first, but now, I am only leaving for a while. I just need to be out of the city.”
“So, you’re comin’ back?” he asked hopefully.
“Eventually. That could be a year from now. That could be ten years from now,” she answered. The hope he felt in his heart fizzled and died. A year he could handle, but ten years was an eternity in his book.
“I’m sorry about all the things I’ve done to you,” he started, “I didn’t mean to make you feel like some whore or somethin’. I know I ain’t exactly show it, but I do care about you. I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay here… with me…”
He was asking her to commit to him, a man who had a baby on the way with her best friend, a man she thought treated her like a piece of ass and not a woman. He was asking her to stick by his side despite all his personal problems. He was asking a lot of her “ maybe too much. He wasn’t asking her to be a surrogate mother to his baby, and he hoped it didn’t sound like that. He was just asking for a chance.
He could see her emotions warring on her face briefly before it became the mask of serenity again. “Our time just isn’t now,” she said a little wistfully with a shake of her head. She pulled away from him and stood up. She went to the window and stared out into the night.
“But you won’t know that until you’ve given us a chance.” He stood as well and followed her to the window. She fingered the collar of her shirt tensely, a nervous habit he’d seen her perform many times.
She shook her head sadly, not looking at him. “We’ve had our chance. I used to blame you for everything that happened between us. I blamed you for using me, but I’m just as much to blame for letting you use me, for not seeing if there was something more for us. I used to wonder what would happen if we ever had a real relationship.”
“And now you don’t?” he asked.
“It’s not that. I just need time to sort things out, and you have… another life to worry about, right now. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. If it’s not, it won’t.” She said. He hated the calm way she said everything while he found his chest tightening in rebellion. Things shouldn’t be this way. How could she dismiss him so easily? She obviously thought about the possibility of having more with him, but she didn’t even want to give it a chance now.
He wanted to tell her that he still wanted her in his life despite the baby. Maybe she didn’t want to be in his life because of the baby. He knew how bizarre it all sounded. He was having a baby with Jean, but he wanted a life with Ororo. It probably sounded ten times weirder in her head. Why should she bear the burden of a baby that wasn’t hers anyway?
He may have to choose between Ororo and the baby. He didn’t really think Ororo was the type to make him choose. She was too gentle in nature, but he wasn’t so sure. And as much as he wanted to be Ororo, he knew he wouldn’t be able to choose her of the baby. He would probably loathe her if she made him make such a decision.
He was thinking too far ahead… or being fanciful altogether. She hadn’t asked him to make any kind of decisions. She’d all but told him that they couldn’t be together. He had a feeling her pride said those words more than her emotion. She was so determined to be rid of him, to show him she could find something better. It’s as if she felt she had something to prove to him. Had he pushed her to this, this stubbornness?
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Author’s Notes: I wouldn’t let myself update another story before I updated this one. Well, once the muses heard that, they got the ideas churning for this chapter. ;) Funny what a little motivation will do for the muses. Hopefully I can blackmail them into working on the next chapter, too. And Lullaby if you keep talking about seducing my muses, they might just runaway to be with you.
