El Conclusión
She could have killed Logan, if she wasn’t so sure that this was something she wanted to do, needed to do, for herself. It took only a few seconds for him to turn her emotions upside-down, again. When they talked, she realized they weren’t completely wrong for each other. No, they were just right for one another. He’d been saying it all along, and she’d been fighting it.
Somewhere, deep inside, she’d always known that. He never intended for her to interpret his actions”what happened in the club, what happened in her bedroom”the way she did. However, she had because he had never led her to believe otherwise, but things had gotten the way they were because she’d been too afraid to let him go.
She never told him “no.” At least, she never told him “no” and really meant it. She was the one who kept letting him back in when she should’ve made him stay away. Instead, she let her needs for sexual companionship rule her actions, and in the end, it came back to burn her emotionally.
Still, she couldn’t completely forgive him of his actions”or rather his inactions. When he believed she would be around forever, he never took the opportunity to make her believe that she was worth more to him. It wasn’t until she said she leaving, moving on with her life, that he felt the need to tell her how much she meant to him. If she never said she was leaving, would he have ever told her how he felt about her?
He allowed her to believe that she was just a bedmate and nothing more. She wouldn’t doubt his feelings for her, but she still needed time to come to terms with everything, including her feelings for him. She needed to be away from him, to clear her mind of him. Now that she wasn’t working at The Phoenix, she wouldn’t be around him. But to know that he was only a stone’s throw away left her yearning for him.
A little distance and a little time would make all the difference because she did doubts her feelings about him. Would she still feel the same once she had time to sort this all out? Would he? Maybe, it was her own cowardice pushing her forward. Maybe, she really was too afraid to explore anything with him, but she couldn’t allow herself to be with him. Not right now.
The whole situation had just been too painful. They played too many games, and she was the one who was left feeling confused. Things could’ve been simple between them, but their actions made things complicated for them. Maybe, she was crazy for believing anything could really happened between them, anyway, despite what their feelings might say. What were feelings away?
She felt there was still so much she needed to say to Logan, but she couldn’t make herself face him, again. If she did, she knew she would stay, and she needed this.
She needed this.
She shouldn’t still be debating this issue with herself. Her mind was made up. Besides, she finally found someone who really felt what she felt, but she just didn’t know. She had so much fun with Joaquín, but there was something missing. Maybe, she wasn’t completely able to give herself to him because of Logan.
She didn’t go straight home. Instead, she went to Yukio’s hotel. She’d told Yukio that she could’ve stayed with her, but Yukio said something along the lines of three being a crowd while smirking at Ororo knowingly. She hadn’t really expected Yukio to be around her hotel. They were supposed to catch up with one another after Ororo’s shift, but Yukio surprised her by being in her room. Granted, she was getting ready to go out when Ororo showed up.
“I thought you didn’t get off until much later.” Yukio said, running her fingers through her damp, short hair, as Ororo entered the room. Ororo sat on the edge of the bed.
“I wasn’t, but I quit,” she said. She told Yukio everything that happened at the club, including what happened with Logan. She still couldn’t digest the fact that Jean planned to deceive Scott. You don’t deceive people you love like that.
“I can’t believe Jean, but I’m not surprised at any of the things you’ve told me about her. It’s impossible to be that perfect, even Jean.” Yukio said, rolling her eyes. She put her hand on her hip and said, “I think you should go back down to that club and tell Jean what’s really on your mind. Don’t hold back. Use a few profanities for emphasis, especially the word fuck. How much more love can you two lose for one another?”
“No, I wouldn’t want to upset her.” Ororo said, thinking of the baby. Now was definitely not a good time to have a screaming match with Jean. Besides, she liked to think that she beyond all that. Oh, she did want to really get it all out with Jean, but what was the point?
“You’re too nice for your own goddamn good. Or maybe you’re just too non-confrontational.” Yukio grumbled. At that point, Yukio was talking to herself while she dug through her suitcase. Ororo was vaguely aware that Yukio had jumped subjects and was talking about Logan. “…then again, you did always have a thing for guys who had a reputation of being tough. Surprised the fuck out of me when you ended up marrying someone like Bishop. But I guess you chose him because he was dependable.”
Ororo chewed on her lip in thought. “Let’s go to Barcelona.” Ororo said, interrupting Yukio. Ororo stood from the bed and approached Yukio.
“What?” Yukio said, pausing, raising her eyebrows at Ororo. She stood up slowly, looking at Ororo as if she just sprouted a third eye.
“Let’s just do it. Let’s go.” Ororo said, grabbing Yukio’s hand, excitedly. She would feel so much braver about her decision if Yukio was there with her. She knew she could always rely on Yukio to lend her strength. Yukio never turned down a new adventure, and she could only imagine tasting life the way Yukio did.
“Who are you? And what have you done with Ororo?” Yukio asked, snatching her hand away from Ororo. “Ororo, are you in there? If you can hear me, come out! Some crazy woman’s taken over your body.”
“I’m serious. I need to do this.” Ororo said, and Yukio’s look of questioning melted into that of empathy. “I have never been so sure about anything in my life, Yukio.”
“Well… I’ve never been to Barcelona before.” Yukio said with a smile. She knew she could count on Yukio. “Let’s go tonight!”
“Tonight! We have to make the proper arrangements first.” Ororo said with wide-eyes. She had to tell Joaquín she was going. She had to make flight plans, pack, book a room… She forgot that being spontaneous meant just that when it came to Yukio.
Yukio nodded, satisfied. “Now, that’s the Ororo I know.”
Fucked up again. Ororo didn’t seem upset when she left, just determined. He was barely able to finish working after Ororo left. He felt like storming into Jean’s office and demanding she ask Ororo to come back, but he couldn’t do that. Did he blame her for being fed up with everything? He should’ve known it was coming sooner or later.
It was like one big soap opera, and they were the lead players. He was tired of it himself, but in order to put a stop to all the drama, things needed to be sorted out”particularly things with Jean. None of this would be happening if he’d learn to keep it in his pants. He hadn’t expected all that to happen because of sex.
Once again, he found himself wishing he never knew Ororo. He would prefer if he didn’t know Ororo rather than knowing her and not being able to have her. Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than not loved at all was out of their mind. He wouldn’t know these feelings if he hadn’t met her. That would have suited him fine.
Maybe, he wasn’t supposed to be happy; his life was full of too many complications. He used to believe that he wasn’t supposed to be happy, anyway. That was part of the reason he lived his life the way he did. Then, she came into his life, and when he was finally man enough to admit how he felt about her, he had believed that he wasn’t destined to be completely unhappy the rest of his life.
A part of him felt there was nothing he could do about what happened between them, now. Maybe, it was his destiny, his fate. He believed that he had been born unlucky. His whole life he had struggled to make something of himself, to try to outlive that miserable future he’d seen for himself. In some aspects he had, he was still alive and doing pretty well for himself, but in some aspects of his life, he was still failing”miserably.
But now he saw that thought was nothing more than a illusion because, maybe, he wanted to be happy. He wouldn’t exactly say he was the most depressed person in the world, but he wasn’t all sunshine and smiles either. He was just very cynical where life was concerned. Experiences in life had left him distrustful, he guessed. No, he would allow the pessimist in him tell him that this was all there was.
He was willing to take a chance on her. Cynicism be damned. She wanted her to let her go, but this wasn’t the end. Somehow, he had to make this right.
“This is it.” Ororo told herself as she closed her last bag. She was really going to do this. Two weeks had passed since she made the suggestion to Yukio that they go to Barcelona. Her heart was already thumping in anticipation. She couldn’t believe she was actually going to leave behind everything she’d ever known. Sure, she’d be back, but this was her first real adventure. She started calling it her “emancipation.”
She didn’t know what would happen once she got there or after the experience was all over, but she was hoping for the best. She hoped it really did grant her the freedom that she’d been longing for. She hoped that when she did return, she would be in a better frame of mind, that everything would make sense to her.
Joaquín said he would meet them in Spain at a later date when his classes wrapped up. Goddess, did she really plan to be there that long? Well, from the looks of all the bags she had, she did. It wasn’t as if she had anything else to do. She would enjoy her vacation. Joaquín insisted that they stay in his condo. He said somebody needed to put it to use, since he was away.
“So how is Mr. Wonderful?” Yukio asked her. Ororo chuckled, lightly. She’d just gotten off the phone with him, and she was still smiling. She did that a lot these days. Yukio rarely called Joaquín by his given name unless they were face to face, and even then, she sometimes called him some pet name or another. Ororo sat on the bed beside her bag.
“He’s okay,” she said, then a fleeting thought of Logan crossed her mind. That happened from time to time when she least expected it. She hadn’t seen him since that night she quit, but he would randomly press on her thoughts.
“What’s wrong?” Yukio asked.
“You know, I don’t really understand my emotions where Joaquín’s concerned at all. First, I’d swear I was in love with Logan. Then, I’m not…” Ororo was quiet for a moment. Goddess, she’d never admitted that to anyone, but if she couldn’t tell Yukio, who could she tell. “Well, maybe I do love him.”
“Uh-huh. Maybe, you latching on to Joaquín is a means of trying to right the way your heart feels, right now.” Yukio said. Ororo had thought of that. Maybe, the feelings she was having for Joaquín were forced because she wanted to feel complete, in a sense.
“I don’t know to be honest. Sometimes, I think I have deep feelings about him.” Ororo said, uncertainly. Her eyebrows furrowed. She’d never admitted that aloud either.
“Are you sure?” Yukio asked, not sounding completely convinced.
“I don’t know. He makes me feel good, and I want to have that feeling forever.” Ororo said, honestly. She did love the way he made her feel, as if she were special and wanted by someone. “Goddess, I wish I were still ten-years-old. This would be so much easier. Considering at ten, I was making boys eat worms.” Ororo added, wistfully, only half joking.
“I made boys eat slugs. They were grosser.” Yukio said with a laugh. Then, her face took on a serious expression. “Seriously, Ororo, you have to do what you know is really going to make you happy. If you’re just with Joaquín because you can’t face what’s happening with you and Logan, you have to let him go. If you really do care about him and want something to come of this, then tackle it head on. If Logan is what you want, well, I don’t have to go on with this, do I?”
Ororo smiled at her friend. She was absolutely right.
Logan leaned against the bar thoroughly bored. It was a slow night, but then again, the storm of the century was happening live. You could always tell the dedicated clubbers. They would still come to the club, even if the second coming were going on. Hell, they’d probably think that was a party, too. Jean should just close up for the night, but she was stubborn. Any business was good business. Whatever.
Logan looked around expectantly for Ororo when Joaquín took a seat in front of him, but quickly found himself disappointed when that didn’t happen. Joaquín sat, silently, sipping on a drink. Logan just continued to eye him, refusing to move from his post. He guessed he could see what Ororo might see in him. He did have that sensitive look. He even drank his drink like a pansy. He half-expected him to hold up a pinky.
It was kind of uncomfortable standing there with Joaquín right in front of him. He was face to face with the enemy, and maybe, if he were in a nastier mood, he would’ve said something rude to the man. Was he there to gloat? Is that why he’d chosen to sit right in front of him? He didn’t think that was quite right, since there was no gloating going on.
“She leaves tomorrow, 9a.m.” Joaquín said, suddenly, to him over his glass. Logan looked at him perplexed. “Ororo’s flight to Barcelona leaves tomorrow. You might want to be there.”
Ororo was really going through with it. He never doubted that she would, but there was just something about it that didn’t seem real, as if that day would never really come. However, Joaquín was telling that day was almost here. He tried to gauge his feelings on what Joaquín had just said. He could only compare the feeling to being run over by a truck.
“Why are you helpin’ me?” Logan asked. He sure as hell wouldn’t be helping him if the tables were turned. If things were different, he would be telling Joaquín to go fuck himself instead of giving him that information.
“I am not helping you. I’m giving you a chance. If you allow her to leave, you will never see her again.” Joaquín said. Logan’s chest tightened at the man’s words. “Though, I doubt it will do much good.”
“The fuck?” Logan said. What the hell was this bastard talking about?
Joaquín let out a sigh, putting down his glass, and Logan tensed, as the man slowly turned to face him. He was half-expecting him to attack him, but he only pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and said, “I want her to be happy, and if you’re what makes her happy, then I will not stand in the way of that happiness.”
“Let’s get back to the ‘it won’t do much good’ part. No, better yet, let’s talking about this ‘never see her again’ part.” Logan said. He was trying to decipher some kind of malice in the other man’s words, in his actions, but there were none that he could detect. However, he knew that some nastiness was meant to be subtle.
“It just means, don’t let this pass you by because this chance might never come again.” Joaquín said, placing his glass back on the bar. He didn’t say anything else, as he stood from the bar. Logan watched him disappear through the crowd. Without so much as saying a word to anyone, Logan walked out of the club.
“C’mon,” he muttered to himself, trying to keep his control. It figures someone would decide to have a head-on collision on the day he had to get to Ororo. He pounded a fist against the handle of his bike. If he’d been smart, he just would have spent the night at the airport, but he’d been under too much pressure the night before to think of that. Planes never leave on time, anyway, he tried to tell himself to calm himself.
He hadn’t been able to get in contact with her the night before. After he left work, he went by her house, but it was dark. She didn’t answer the door. He figured she was staying somewhere close to the airport, but short of calling every hotel in the phone book, there was nothing he could do to find her. By the time he got back to his apartment, he was just three seconds short of falling apart.
He finally managed to get a few hours worth of sleep, and when he woke up, he nearly had a heart attack because he thought he overslept. He hadn’t, but now he had traffic to contend with. A part of him told him he should just turn around and go back home, but another part of him was actually optimistic.
When he finally made it to the airport, he rushed through the throng of people, pushing and shoving to get to her gate, leaving a path of toppled people in his wake. Her flight hadn’t left yet. At least, planes being late were one thing he could count on. He tried to ignore the feeling of dread in his stomach, swallowing hard.
His heart leapt when he saw her waiting her turn in line. A woman in front of her handed the attendant her ticket. She turned to Ororo and said something before walking through the tunnel. Ororo was next. He was so close, but so far away.
“Ororo!” he called, watching her hand the attendant her ticket. She looked over her shoulder, hearing him call to her. At first, her face registered shock, but then she smiled serenely at him, raising her hand in a wave. She disappeared through the tunnel. “Wait!” he called after her, but he knew it was too late. He tried to push his way through the line of people.
“Sir, I can’t let you through without a ticket,” the attendant said, blocking his path, as he attempted to follow her. He tried to push his way through, but airport security got involved and everything nearly turned into a huge mess. Fortunately, they didn’t throw him out. They only warned him that they didn’t allow that kind of behavior and flashed a little gun. He almost asked one of them to just shoot him.
In the end, he stood in front of the large, glass windows, his palm face down on the pane, his forehead touching the cool glass. As he watched he plane take-off, he called her name in his heart. He sat in one of the chairs across from the window after her plane disappeared from view, gripping his hair between his fingers. He didn’t know how long he sat like that, but when he looked up again, it was dark outside.
It was all over.
Author’s Notes: Oh my, I seemed to have confused many people. That last chapter wasn’t the end. I didn’t know it sounded so… final. Now, that I look at it. It would’ve made a nice ending, but that’s not the end. Really, I’m sorry, everyone. If you really want to think of that as the end, I don’t mind, though. Next chapter is the last chapter. It’s only an epilogue, so it’ll probably be very short. This was slated to be longer, but I cut some of the original ideas because I anticipated that I might write a sequel. Now, I’m not so sure. I still may write a sequel using the ideas that I omitted… or I may use those ideas to construct something new altogether. I have the technology. I can rebuild it. I appreciate all your reviews. You were the ones who made this story so much fun to write.
