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Chapter Three
Still Running

The seconds seem to tick by slowly as Selene led her closer to Charles, Jean, and Logan. This moment was her worst nightmare, and she kept waiting to wake up. Maybe if she closed her eyes and counted to ten, she would open her eyes and everything would be the way it was supposed to be”except she wasn’t so sure how things were supposed to be herself.

Jean was still staring at her, but Ororo couldn’t see any telltale signs of what she was thinking. And she couldn’t even bring herself to look at Logan. She felt like digging her heels into floor. She knew she would only end up embarrassing herself in the process by acting like a small child, but consequences be damned. This wasn’t exactly how she played this moment out in her head. In fact, coming face to face with Jean and Logan in the same night hadn’t even entered her mind.

“You have to nothing to lose,” she heard Selene whisper at her side as they made those last few steps to turning the threesome into a five-some. She was starting to believe that Selene had ulterior motives for this “meeting.” Maybe Selene believed she was being helpful when she really wasn’t. Selene didn’t know how delicate the matters of the heart were to be handled.

Besides, she had a whole hell of a lot to lose. Take her pride for instance. It already killed her to know that Logan was there with Jean, and she couldn’t help feeling ashamed of that. Why wouldn’t he be there with Jean? Had she honestly expected him to wait for her like the ever-doting lover? If she had, she’d been reading too many contrived romance novels. Her emotions teetered between selfishness and selflessness in a matter of seconds. She knew she shouldn’t covet him for her own when he had a family, a family that needed him.

She’d entertained delicious little fantasies that they would be together again, making love in all the wrong places, but they wouldn’t care because it”their love”would be theirs. Staring at the scene before her was enough to jolt her from her silly fantasies.

She dared to look at him, grateful that he wasn’t looking at her. Jean was saying something to him, and she had his utmost attention. Then, his eyes suddenly shifted catching hers, and she snatched her gaze away but not before seeing the questions marks in them.

Jean turned her attention back to Charles, and Ororo heard her make mention of the club. Sometimes, she did wonder about the others at the club. Was Yuriko still gossiping while denying her attraction to the “new guy” (who wouldn’t be so new now? Did Victor still threaten to “fuck start Logan’s”or anyone else’s for that matter”head” every time they were within hearing distance of each other? She could only assume that he was still working at the club since he was there with Jean.

“Hello Charles.” Selene said a little too loudly, cutting Jean off in mid-sentence. Jean glared at Selene, eyes lighting in anger, and Selene gave Jean her best “what then, bitch?” look. Please, let me make it out of this without confrontation, Ororo pleaded silently to no one. She had enough etiquette to try to keep things civil between Jean and herself. Selene didn’t care who she pissed off, and Ororo knew she wouldn’t care that the person she pissed off was pregnant.

Ororo tried to keep her gaze concentrated on Charles as Selene made the formal introductions. She felt eyes burning through her skin as she shook hands with him. She didn’t know if they belonged to Jean or Logan, and she didn’t want to know. She could only offer Charles a weak smile as she told him she admired what he did for children, saying she’d always wanted to work with children, mentioning she had a degree in English that she was doing nothing with. Well, not exactly “nothing” since she was working for Selene now.

“Do you have any prior experience, Ms. Munroe?” Charles asked her, genuine concern in his voice.

“Not really. I’ve volunteered here and there for various after school type programs, but that’s about it,” she answered. The last time she’d been around kids for any length of time had been before she started working at the club. She’d volunteered part-time at a juvenile detention center. During her divorce, she’d given up the job because she felt that she didn’t have anything positive to contribute at the time, and many of those kids needed something positive in their life.

She’d gotten married straight out of college. She’d wanted to work, maybe find a teaching job close to where they lived at the time, especially since money was tight those first few years, but there was a matter of male pride that she had to contend with. She’d given in too easily, wanting to avoid a big fight, and she’d still been young enough to believe that marriage meant forever. She should’ve been firm with him even, though, if he hadn’t liked it. Maybe she would’ve found herself working somewhere prestigious like Charles’ school. She couldn’t let herself mourn the “maybes” now, though.

“Tell me about a few,” he said, and she almost felt like she was being interviewed. That’s ridiculous, she thought to herself, as she stated a few of the programs that she’d work with. “Impressive,” he said afterwards with a slight smile.

“Don’t get any ideas about stealing her away from me either, Charles. I might have to kill you in the process.” Selene joked. At least, she thought Selene was joking. She wasn’t smiling, but Selene’s brand of humor was often very “different.”

Jean cleared her throat, and Ororo thought better of saying anything else. She wasn’t supposed to be preening in front of the school’s headmaster, anyway. She was supposed to be in misery, lamenting her lost love like all those women in poems do. “Where are my manners? Let me introduce you to”” Charles started.

“We already know each other.” Jean said a little too dryly, breaking off Charles.

Ororo looked into Jean’s eyes for the first time since she’d spotted Jean. A slight glimmer of anger gripped her heart. She hadn’t expected Jean to forgive her, but she hadn’t expected it to still be a thorn in her side. However, the look in Jean’s eyes told her that she still blamed her. They’d all had a part to play in this story, and the chapters were still unfolding with every passing second. She could remind Jean of this with a few simple choice words, but she wasn’t the one to smear someone’s good name. Ororo wouldn’t retaliate with viciousness. Jean knew this, and that’s why she took this opportunity to be cold to her in front of Charles.

“Yes,” Ororo said quietly, keeping a firm gaze on Jean, “we do know one another.” She tried to keep her tone a bit more civil than Jean had. Jean was the one to look away this time.

If Jean thought she would continue to make her feel guilty about what happened, she was wrong. She’d been afraid to see Jean again because she didn’t want the feelings to continue to boil over”not because she felt guilty about Logan. She wouldn’t lie to herself and say she didn’t feel a little guilty about him where Jean was concerned.

There could’ve been more honesty there. She could’ve told Jean what was going on, but Jean could’ve been honest about her feelings for Logan. He wasn’t just some guy she slept with; he meant more to Jean than that. And goddess, he wasn’t exactly innocent either. He could’ve been honest with both of them from the beginning. However, that was the past, and there was no need to continue to place blame. They all played their part, and things would eventually see some sort of conclusion whether positive or negative.

Maybe this is the conclusion, she said to herself, but she didn’t feel that was true in her heart. Maybe it was true that he wanted Jean. Things would never really be “over” between them if she didn’t talk to him. She owed him that much. She’d left things up in the air when she was in Spain, and now, she would need to conclude this chapter of her life in order to truly progress. The whole affair was still an emotional hang-up, and it needed some sort of resolution.

They made more small talk with Charles. Ororo tried to keep her answers limited to only the questions he directed toward him, and he directed an awful lot of questions to her. Most of them were geared toward education. He seemed to want her opinion on how a program like his would work with “troubled children.” She was very flattered that he wanted her opinions, but she just wanted to disappear. She wished she’d met him under different circumstances.

Jean was the total opposite; always taking the opportunity to spout her opinion in a superior manner that Ororo knew was for her benefit. She felt like pulling Jean to the side and asking her if they could just be courteous toward one another for that one night.

Logan didn’t say much, but Ororo could see from the few stolen glance she cared to risk that Logan wasn’t comfortable with the situation, and she didn’t think that was just because of her either. She could tell from the stiff way he stood and fiddled at his tie that this wasn’t he type of party. For a moment, she let her thoughts wonder to what Logan might consider fun.

That should’ve told her the sad state of things right there. She didn’t even know what he did for “fun.” She didn’t think he was much of a partier. He hadn’t shown a particular interest in it even though he worked a club where life was a constant party. Jean was a social butterfly, and she never went to a party solo. Did she take Logan to every party she went to now? Did Logan find them fun? She knew she hadn’t found most of the parties Jean went to exciting. She shook herself mentally. Now wasn’t exactly the right time to ponder things like Logan’s social life, or his burgeoning social life thanks to Jean.

Charles invited them all to have dinner at his table, but before she could politely decline, Selene was pulling her towards his table while she groaned inwardly. So far, things had gone okay, and if at all possible, she wanted to keep it that way. She didn’t know what would happen if they all continued to share each other’s company, though. Nothing good if you asked her.

There were already a couple of people at the table waiting for Charles”his wife (who was sporting a very a hairdo that Ororo could only describe as otherwordly), Lilandra, and a geneticist named Henry McCoy whom she’d seen on television numerous times. Silently, as quickly as her brain could process the information, she tried to manipulate a seating arrangement that would work in her favor, keeping her out of harm’s way.

Charles took his place to Lilandra’s right. Dr. McCoy sat one seat removed from Lilandra to the left. That left an empty chair between Dr. McCoy and Lilandra and four empty chairs to Dr. McCoy’s left. Charles mentioned another guest would be joining them soon. But she didn’t process quickly enough. She decided to take the chair between Lilandra and Dr. McCoy, but Selene beat her to it with a smile that brimmed of deceit.

She stood for a second unsure of what to do while listening to Selene ask Charles how he’d known to have exactly the right number of chairs at the table. Charles explanation curled around her thoughts, as she tried to concentrate. There really was no getting around it now. Ororo slowly sat down to Dr. McCoy’s left, cursing Selene silently. She definitely was up to something, and Ororo had her ideas what that “something” was.

She could only hope that they would leave the chair beside her empty. If not, goddess, she hoped Jean sat by her and not Logan. She much rather deal with Jean’s subtle anger than that”and she wasn’t even sure what “that” was. She just knew she didn’t want to deal with that right now. However, things rarely went the way she wanted them to go. She reminded herself of that fact as Logan sat right next to her.

- - -

When he sat down next to Ororo, he knew that was exactly the wrong thing to do. He saw Ororo bite down on her bottom lip softly, as a sort of soft panic took over her face, and Jean was shooting him all kinds of warning stares that said, “Don’t go there.” And damn, he hadn’t even done anything, yet. But that didn’t mean he hadn’t sat by Ororo deliberately.

He realized he could’ve sat one seat away from her. He realized he could’ve let Jean sit by her if he were so inclined. He realized that he made Ororo uncomfortable. And he realized that Jean was probably mentally calling him an asshole in as many languages as she could remember. He realized many things, but that didn’t mean he gave a damn about any of that at the moment.

What he wanted to know was why. Why was this the way he had to find out about her return? Why hadn’t she called or whatever? He’d thought they come a long way from those confusing weeks when everything was in a state of constant disorder. He thought they’d come to some kind of understanding when he’d gone all way to fucking Spain just to tell her that he wanted to be with her. Now, the old games seemed to be starting again. Her avoiding him. Him feeling he did something wrong (when he really hadn’t this time; hell, he hadn’t had the time to fuck up yet). And Jean bearing her fangs at the hint of trouble.

He just wasn’t willing to go through all this again. But one look at her, and he knew that he was lying to himself and that he would go through it all again if it meant that things would work out between them in the end. There was still the matter of Jean, though. He found out that Jean was… persistent to say the very least. Well, he’d always known that she was strong-willed, but he hadn’t realized how stifling it could be until things between him and Ororo hit the fan. He’d even be a little more lenient than that with Jean. Jean’s determination became a real problem after she separated from Scott.

He didn’t mind being there for Jean. This responsibility wasn’t hers alone to bear, and he would do what he could for the baby and for her as long as he had breath in his body. But Jean had to realize that there time was over. He remembered she’d been waiting for him at the airport when he returned from Spain. The relieved look on her face told him that she thought things hadn’t gone well while he was away. He hadn’t volunteered any information, and to that day, she still didn’t know what happened in Spain.

Honestly, he hadn’t told her because he hadn’t wanted her to rub his face in the whole thing. She would’ve said he was pining away on a false promise from Ororo, and she might’ve been right. That didn’t mean that he wanted to be reminded everyday how much he’d messed up. He wanted to have his hope, and Jean would’ve done everything she could to rip that away from him. She didn’t have much nice to say about Ororo, even though they’d been friends for years. She had a way of letting her anger get to her that could be frightening at times.

Jean didn’t like to look at the facts that didn’t coincide with her own “facts.” She liked to believe that Ororo had “stolen” him for her when in fact he was the one who’d started that affair. She liked to ignore the fact that they’d been the one who committed the first wrong when they fell into bed together”despite the fact that she was married. In fact, she was still married. This was supposed to be a trial separation between Scott and Jean. They saw some fancy-schmancy therapist on Thursdays. It couldn’t be doing them much good if Scott was prancing around New York with Emma Frost and Jean was still showing up at his apartment unannounced.

Sometimes, he wondered if she talked about the whole affair with the therapist. He wondered if her therapist knew all about Ororo or Jean’s version of Ororo, anyway. He thought about asking her sometime, but it was agreed that Ororo was a topic they wouldn’t discuss with one another; a rule that he whole-heartedly agreed with.

Still, he needed someone he could talk to about Ororo. Unfortunately for him, he decided that person was Creed, of all damn people. He had given him some sound advice when he told him to go after her, so that meant he had some decency. That didn’t mean they were friends, though. That just meant he trusted his advice enough to somewhat listen to what Creed had to say.

The fucker wasn’t half-bad when it came to advice. Ororo seemed to be the one subject that didn’t make them want to kill each other, so they’d taken to talking about her a lot when they were alone. They even had beer at Harry’s and laughed about how they sounded like a couple of stalkers. “She’ll be back.” Creed told him one night when he was really down in the dumps about Ororo and the whole baby situation. That’s all he said, and he’d sounded so sure like he really was the master of these matters.

But it looked like he’d been right about that, too. Here she was, again, only months after her initial departure from New York. Still, he was puzzled that she hadn’t tried to contact him. And he was tempted to ask her why in front of Jean and all these strangers, but he didn’t want to put her on the spot. He had nothing to gain by embarrassing her in front of these people.

He tried to see things from her perspective on why she might avoid him, but his mind kept drawing a blank. And while he didn’t understand what made her continue to avoid him, he did understand what might be on her mind about the night”about Jean and him. He realized that she probably assumed that because he was with Jean that meant something more was going on. What he wouldn’t do to make her look at him so he could tell there wasn’t. He did what he could for Jean because he wanted to help, to be responsible, but that’s where his intentions ended.

He didn’t know whether Jean was latching on to him because she needed someone or if she really cared about him”probably a combination of both. She’d made mention of them being together like a couple or something, and he ignored it because he didn’t want to get her hopes up. Even if Ororo wasn’t going to be with him, he couldn’t make himself be with Jean. He realized that.

He couldn’t deny that there were feelings there for Jean, but some feelings”he realized”were impulsive and deceptive. He would’ve said he loved Jean at one time. Maybe he still did believe he loved her, but… He didn’t know it was all too confusing, too complicated. He cared for Jean, and maybe his initial beliefs regarding his feelings for her were just a smokescreen”an emotional cloud created by sex.

Before dinner, Selene excused herself from the table for a moment, returning with a smug grin on her face, the kind of smile you don’t usually like to see on people’s face. He could only wonder what she’d done in the little time she was absent from the table and who she’d done it to. He liked Selene well enough, but she did have a look that said she could be devious when the need presented itself.

His thoughts shifted, again, as a rather large man joined them at the table”Charles’ other guest. Charles additional guest was an “interesting” person to say the least. “Cain Marko. Charles’ stepbrother,” the man said as he sat down, emphasis on the “step.” Logan noticed that Charles’ friendly manner dissipated a notch with Cain’s arrival. And Logan wondered why you would ask someone to join you for dinner who made you uncomfortable. Was it some kind of rich politeness that he hadn’t quite picked up on yet?

He saw the two men exchange looks that he could on describe as withering. Cain’s look was a little more intense than Charles was as if he’d stand up at any moment and throw Charles across the room if Charles so much as uttered “boo” in his direction. It was nice to see that he wasn’t the only one who had relationship problems. He had love problems, and obviously, Charles had sibling problems.

The dinner conversation was strained but civil, at first. There was so much tension at the table that he could literally taste it. No one said anything that might be considered threatening. Well, most of them sat miserably at the table. Of course, there were always exceptions. Selene didn’t seem to notice the mood at the table or maybe she just didn’t care. If he were a betting man, he’d say she didn’t care. Cain seemed to revel in the rigid emotions that plagued their table. He laughed and joked while everyone else managed to look miserable.

After a couple of glasses of wine, things did loosen up a bit with Dr. McCoy starting what he believed was an interesting conversation on human evolution and what he believed would happen to the human race in the next thousand years. Well, it hadn’t been interesting to Logan, but everyone else seemed to have something to contribute.

But he thought since the mood had changed that he might have the chance to look Ororo in the eye, to silently relate some kind of emotion to her, but she kept her gaze intent on the others at the table. And he realized that this was going to be harder than he thought. The only time she even acknowledged his presence was when she muttered a “sorry” when their elbows bumped. Even then, she hadn’t looked at him.

A friendly chat about politics turned into a fiery debate over the efficiency and ethics of the death penalty with Ororo and Cain trading heated remarks that rocked the whole room. She was adamantly against it, and Cain was adamantly for it. Though, Logan couldn’t tell if he was for it because it made Ororo angry or if he genuinely believed that. He thought Cain might be getting a kick out of making Ororo angry, a thought made valid by Cain’s next words.

“The kitten has claws,” he said with a sarcastic laugh.

“That’s more than I can say for your lack of matters,” she huffed back at him. Then, she excused herself from the table, saying she needed to get some fresh air.

“Don’t mind her,” Selene said to the table as Ororo walked away. “She’s sensitive.”

Logan slid his chair backward and Jean caught his arm, her eyes holding a mixture of questioning and knowing. She didn’t question him, though, and he weakened a bit when he saw pain pass over her face, but he pulled away from her gently, leaving the table without a word.

- - -

Author's Notes: Please excuse my non-formatting of the chapters lately. I've been too lazy to do much of anything, but I did wanted to update. Anyhow, these past three chapters have been somewhat filler-ish I realize, so it's time to get on with the good stuff I suppose. :) And keep all the good work to all the writers out there. I've been slowly catching up. You all write faster than I can read, though. ;) That's a good thing, though.





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