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Author's Chapter Notes:
Still don't own them...and I still don't want to be sued.
"Logan I find this very difficult to tell you, but I have discovered a more recent signature gate subtlety hidden behind the older ones placed in your cerebral cortex. As you know these gates allow for easy movement within ones mind by a given telepath, the same as we use a door to gain access from room to room. Though the others appear to have had no activity for many years, this one shows all the signs of repeated ongoing use, be it fairly minimal each time." Charles cautiously told Logan his findings after a rather intense session, knowing he couldn't keep something of this magnitude from him.

Since Logan had gained his memory of who he was and his past, it had been nearly two years since he had need of a therapy session with Charles. But the old nagging sensation of things not being quite right within his adamantium covered skull and his behavior in Washington, left him with the old feeling of being off balance.

Now this information and the immediate understanding of who and why someone would tamper with his mind again had him sitting in the professors office seething, taking deep breaths to calm himself as he neared the border of becoming feral.

"That Bitch!" he spat, as his arm swung out to his side swiping the table next to him clear of all objects as they crashed to the floor. He stood to his feet pacing back and forth like a caged animal.

"Logan, I know this is extremely difficult to deal with..."

"...it aint difficult Chuck,...and it aint impossible," Logan spoke in a deadly calm, near whisper, the claws on his right hand made a sudden appearance, "I'm going to fuckin' kill her!"

"Wolverine, please calm yourself. I know that Jeans actions have been deplorable, but I realize now that she is a very troubled woman..."

"Yeah and I got the cure fer her trouble right her," he held up his claws, "no body and I mean nobody is ever gonna fuck with my mind again." Before he could stop himself the words further came from his mouth, opening his heart and the emotion hidden there, "She has taken everything from me. Everything Chuck, never again...", his thoughts immediately on Ororo. Logan seemed to lose himself in reflective agony, his words almost inaudible, both hands now cradling his head, as he found himself seated again dejectedly.

Charles cast the emotional man before him a look full of compassion. It was taking a great deal of his telepathic ability to calm the enraged Wolverine. Rightfully he had more than reason to justify his anger with the emerald eyed beauty, but Charles could not allow things to get out of hand no matter the provocation.

Reluctantly Jean had taken Logan's advice and had gone to the professor for therapy. For nearly two weeks now he had been working with her to sort out the mess that was left of her psyche. It saddened and pained Charles' heart that Jean had been capable of the deceitful actions against Logan and the bitter feelings she harbored toward Ororo. But through all of her confusion Charles was still able to feel the enormity of the love she had for Ororo and Scott and the misplaced lust she had for Logan. Working past all the unhealthy garbage that had been built up over Jeans lifetime was an enormous obstacle. Charles had to continue trying. They all deserved so much more than what they had been dealt, Jean included.

"Logan, it is clear to see that no one has a right to ask that you not feel what you do about what Jean has done to you, but I will ask this...please try to give her the same mercy that was extended to you that has led to your life change. We all saw beyond your gruff exterior and obvious wounds that even your abilities could not heal, and we offered you the chance to show us the man we all knew you were inside. Jeans manipulations have been exposed and with proper care and treatment no more harm should be done. But in order for you to fully heal you must let go of this."

Logan released the hold upon his head and again looked at the professor through pained eyes, "Ya don't know what yer askin' me ta let go of Chuck. Fer the first time that I can remember I was...I was...happy. really happy, instead of facing a life of shit. Now I'm right back where I started, only this time with more hurtful memories of all that I've lost. Excuse me Chuck if I'm not so full of mercy right now. Ya can toss the rainbows and we all live happily ever after shit down the crapper where it belongs." With that said, he sheathed his claws, stood and headed for the door.

"Logan," Charles called after him before he could go, "you are a man. You are not a prisoner ofyour base instincts. You are a valued member of this household, family, and team. You are an X-Man."

Paused with his hand on the doorknob, Logan spoke over his shoulder, "Thanks fer keeping the Wolverine at bay just now. Make it yer last time ya attempt to touch my mind without my permission. And professor...I won't be giving that permission."

Charles sat staring at the door Logan had just exited. A small smile pulling at the corner of one side of his mouth. Logan had already shown mercy before leaving his office. His knowledge that Charles had swayed his anger by accessing the outer surface of his mind and he still sat unharmed, spoke volumes.

Still he sent the telepathic message to Jean to stay where she was in her room safely behind her closed door, well semi-safe. Logan would be gone from the house in a moment, no sense tempting fate. Charles was optimistic about Logans capacity for mercy at the moment, not stupid.


The ability to catch an x-man unaware was a rare thing.

Yet Storm had stood in the doorway of the classroom without being observed by the telepath she had come to know and love. For years they had fostered their growing relationship and had come to accept one another as family.

Unfortunately, no one had the ability to hurt you more than a family member could.

Finally the weight of her presence being too much to be ignored, Jean lifted her troubled red head. Her eyes lit upon the woman standing quietly obeserving her and her heart clenched. This was the first time she had seen Ororo since her return home and her immoral travesty had come to light. Looking into her eyes her own heart now felt the burden of the betrayal she had done to the woman she likened to a sister.

Unable to hold her steady gaze with the devastating guilt that threatened to encompass her, she quickly dropped her eyes to the unusually untidy desktop.

Silently Ororo walked into the room and took a seat at the student desk directly in front of Jean, crossing her long shapely legs as she did. Still not a word passed her lips.

"You really don't have to hate me Storm. I hate myself enough for the both of us right now and then some." Jean said with a tremulous voice. She dared take a quick peek up to see the reaction of her lost friend. Emotionless eyes met her own.

Taking a deep breath, but holding her head between her hands, she squared her shoulders and looked at the wronged woman across from her.

"I know there is nothing I can do or say that will make what has happened..."

Ororo raised one tapered brow at her.

"what I did...to you, Scott and...Logan go away. If I could take it all back I would, but we all know that is an impossibility. The only thing I can offer either of you is my deepest regrets with a life time of apologies to try and make amends."

Ororo started to slowly swing her crossed leg as she folded her arms over her chest.

"I won't insult you with a lie to say that I didn't mean to hurt you. I was lashing out from years of jealousy that I know now was completely unwarranted. I was hurting and I wanted to hurt someone back. You became the center of my misguided imagination. You had the love and attention of the people closest to me, in a way that I could never hope to achieve. To the professor you are the light of his life, closer even than a blood born daughter. To Scott," another gasp for breath, as emerald eyes filled with water, "you are the unattainable beauty he couldn't bear to lose, so he placed you in his life forever as his sister. And to Logan,...you were...are, everything he ever wanted and couldn't live without."

"They couldn't see me. So I thought. I had to make them notice me, I had to matter to them just as much as you do. I saw and felt the love and admiration they all hold for you. You who are so sure of yourself, with all you have and are. Me on the other hand...well I have never felt that security. I comforted myself with the knowledge that the professor and I share a like ability, while I had Scott in a way you never would. Logan,...Logan was another thing all together."

Once again she dropped her eye contact for a minute, before being able to continue.

"Please...Storm...please..." she was taking great gulps of air to finish what she had began. "I wanted to have him feel for me what he felt for you. God forgive me...I needed to have everything you had with him. I just didn't realize it wasn't ever going to be. He didn't want me. I had to use my ability to get what I wanted from him. Oh god...I now see I am essentially quilty of ra...rap...and much more.", she couldn't bring herself to say the word, as emotion threatened to overtake her.

I just can't make sense of how I got to such a place that I was capable of harming you in any way." She paused as she gasped for the breath that fought its way into and from her lungs. "I have become someone I no longer recognize...because I made myself so focused on you and all the extraordinary things that you are, I lost sight of just ...of just, being myself.

"Now I have taken us all on the path we never should have had to travel, and I'm sooo sorry Ororo." Tears now fell, rolling down her face in rivulets. "I am sorry, I am sorry...I am sooo sorry, please forgive me Storm, please...I hate what I have become, I despise what I did and now...now...now, I don't know what to do..." Her shoulders heaved with the weight of all the shame and pain she carried. Nearly silent wails tore from her throat.

Ororo was swiftly on her feet and kneeling before the bereft x-woman, as she reached out to embrace her in her strong arms, letting her free herself of all that had held her bound for so long. When the turmoil ebbed its way to an end, Ororo gently kissed her upon the cheek before rising, holding onto Jeans still trembling hand.

"I know this is where I am supposed to be magnanimous, and possibly turn the other cheek but...quite frankly I'm just not feeling like it right now."

Ororo's words shocked Jean as she continued to quietly release her pent up emotions.

If she were to be completely honest, Ororo was shocked by her own words, in light of all that her confused sister had just confessed to her, but simply put she was tired of having to keep such a tight rein on her own emotions, while others seemed to just romp in the liberty of their own, with little or no regard to the consequences.

"You hurt Scott...and Logan.", she said dryly. You've caused more pain than your own selfish desires could began to imagine and because of that, I can't fully forgive you...yet. My own hurt due to your actions were forgiven before I came in here and that being because of the fact that I have loved you more than you have despised me. You claim to love my brother, but true love is to put someone else's wants, needs and well-being before your own."

At her next words her voice held a catch she could not hope to disquise.

"You told me long ago that you wanted Logan...merely as your plaything. Well you did what you had to in order to accomplish just that. Congratulations. Did you find the satisfaction in achieving you goal worth it? Was it everything you bargained for? You took what wasn't yours to have.", she eyed her suspiciously, "and if I know what I think I do, the pleasure you got from it, makes you consider doing it again if you can. Are you done now or was that just the beginning? Should I tell Kitty to look out for Peter or take out a full page ad warning women who may be a hint of a threat to you that they need to duck and take cover? Or am I your only object of antipathy?"

"I'm sorry am I being a bit harsh in light of your revelation of your wrongdoings? I quess I don't behave very companionably when those who have proven to be my heart have been victimized. In case you are wondering, yes I heard every word you said, and though you waxed eloquent and I am sure your words were heartfelt, I have to let you deal with what your apathy has brought about."

"Thus is your life that you now have. Please for your benefit and all that love and care for you, do better with it."

"For your actions and feelings towards me, I forgive you sister. Our lives were never a competition. The world outside our bonds mean us so much harm I could never think to hurt you, yet if my existence has caused you such pain I too am sorry. But know you were and are worth more to me and all who love you. Our lives are not a measure of one another, but of how we as individuals choose to live it. Your true ability lies not in your mutation, but in the capacity of your own heart to see and act beyond yourself for the good of all around you. Do you hear me Jean, 'Our lives were never a competion'."

With that said, Ororo let her hand go slowly, reluctantly till their fingers could no longer touch as she left the room. There was no war to fight or battle to be won, just a family to hold onto and start to repair.





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