This is a good story. It does need some work. There are some misspellings and tense changes.

Wow. Very intense first chapter!

Author's Response: thanks so much for the wow! thrilled that you like it :)

Hey Monroe
I was really excited to see another writer on the site, as I'm sure all would say welcome.
I have read your first chapter 3 times now and find your concept to be great. I would recommend getting a beta reader before final post however. Not being critical just a little constructive advice, I hope. A lot of the mispelled words are a hindrance to an enjoyable read to your fantastic fic. It also seems some thought points are missing. I'm no expert, so please don't think I'm trying to be harsh, god knows I make my fair share of bloopers. Just look in the menu section of this site and I'm sure betas are willing to help you. Please continue writing, as you have a talent for it, and I will be reading. Once again this is not a negative, I like your imaginative story, it's different from most. : )

Author's Response: Thank you for your suggestions, i have been beta hunting but no one has gotten back to me. I did also say i needed a beta on my profile, because i know i really do need one. :) thanks again for the review.

Well done!!!!! :D i like the ending but mostly how it come to be. Her going after him without using so many words....good job! update soon! :)

Author's Response: ah yes im glad to see you that up! thanks compliments as well. :)

Author's Response: ah yes im glad to see that you picked that up! thanks for the compliments as well. :)

Beautiful. Wanna read more!!! ^.^

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :)