Fantastic. There's more right...right?

this is really well written...well thought out...and deep.

keep the story coming!

You got a lot of good things going with this story and also some bad things as well. The story starts out very strongly has a good amount of personality with the character and the over feel. I like the gradual build of the relationship between Logan and Ororo.

But midway things start to spiral out a bit. The story goes in a few directions that kinda detract from the main issues of the story. Which made it hard to understand what of all was the important events going on. I don't know if that's because it initially was two chapters combined into one or what.

Also the story just ends with only few of the issues brought up of the story resolved, so there is no real sense of closure with the story. I honestly clicked back to make sure this wasn't supposed to be a one shot and actually had a few more chapters.

Honestly, I would redo this story. You had a lot of elements in the story that you brought up to me as the reader and I had an interest in but then it doesn't relate really to the rest of the story. I'd say, flesh out some of those parts and return to the ending of the story.

I hope this doesn't come out as overwhelming. I think you have a lot talent as a writer. I really like a lot of this story, which is why i'm trying to give out so much insight on it.

Author's Response: No,the story isn't resolved. It's excerpted from longer novel. I just decided to post it here because I thought people might enjoy. The rest of the novel is not RoLo, so I knew I couldn't post it here, but I thought people might want to read this snippet, but since it's too overwhelming I'll probably just take it down. Thanks for the feedback!