From what I have read so far, very good job. Other than a couple of minor punctuation foibles, you have successfully bypassed the usual trip ups of fanfic that determines whether a reader would want to follow the story past the first chapter. You avoided fanfic character cliche. You subtlely touched on but didn't beat us over the head with character traits. Your dialogues, cadance and reactions were very natural and human. Your action measured and moved along very well. You now have a reader in me. I hope to see more of your well-constructed work.

These chapters are just not long enough. Seriously. I really am loving this story. Please update soon...and make the next chapter loooooooooonnnnngggggg!!!!!! LOL. Just kiddin', I'll take whatever you give me, cause it is just THAT good. Keep up the amazing work.