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Here and now and yet . . .

Never had she felt such happiness as she strode down the aisle, bouquet in hand, the sounds of a small orchestra playing softly in the background. She wished she could see her groom but the tears that had welled in her eyes blinded her. She’d never felt such joy. It was as if her deepest dreams had been realized.

Vows were said though she could not hear for the pounding of her heart, the rapid beats so loud she felt all could hear. A ring was slipped onto her finger and she returned the solemn gesture. Her face hurt from the genuine smile she could not stop. She tried not to sniff but couldn’t help it. She didn’t want to cry and ruin her makeup but there he was lifting her veil and when she saw him face to face she knew he didn’t care what she looked like. He was drawing her close yearning to press his lips to hers as if her touch was all that mattered in that instant. And in that moment when their lips touched they both knew this was their fate.

Running down the aisle now, tears falling freely, hand clasped in his strong hand she felt like a princess set free and she laughed out loud in true ecstasy. She felt his hand squeeze hers and she knew he was pleased but briefly she wondered was she the one to make him happy “ always? Were there any regrets? Would he wish he’d chosen someone else?

Rice showered them and then they were inside the limousine riding off in the sunset literally for the day was late, the sun sinking, night coming. Inside she hugged her lover, her husband and they kissed almost as if it were the first time for them “ hesitantly, slowly.

The reception passed as a blur. She remembered drawing her dress high upon her thigh exposing the long lovely limb for all to see before her husband slid the garter off. He’d stopped to kiss the warm flesh above her stockings and everyone had cheered though she had felt a rush of embarrassment overwhelm her. Still she went into his arms as the men vied with each other to catch the soft little garter. She clung to him as he promised to love her forever.

Could that be possible? What was forever? What could it mean to them, to him especially? But she didn’t have the heart to ask. And this was not the time to spoil their happy day with questions neither of them could answer.

Now she tossed her bouquet of rich lilies and roses into the air, high, soaring. She laughed as the women ran to catch it, some more willing than the others but all smiling. Were they as happy as she? Could that even be possible? For there was no other man comparable to her beloved husband. Were they envious? What were they thinking? Feeling? Would that she could read their minds but no “ even if she could she would not.

On this day, this night all she wanted was to be in his arms, spinning now in their first dance as man and wife and later, later when he would make passionate love to her for the first time. Man and wife. No, no one could be happier than she this day.

The cake was beautiful. She couldn’t remember tasting the different cakes the women had selected for her to try before the wedding and yet somehow it had happened. She loved cake but seldom ate it but tonight she planned on eating as much as she wanted. His hand was heavy on hers as he helped her cut the first piece. Now she gave him a bite and he grinned as if it were truly as delicious as it looked and she was glad. She so wanted everything to be right on this special day. His lips played over her fingers as if they too were desert and she giggled but soon she closed her eyes and sighed. He teased her briefly with a grin on his face then diligently wiped each lovely finger with a small white napkin.

“You’re so naughty,” she whispered as her eyes opened.

“Only with you.”

Her breath caught for a split second as she looked into his eyes but someone was urging him to give her her first bite and so she obediently opened her mouth a little and let him slide just the tip of the cake past her lips. Umm, it was good. Not so much at one time though, she thought, as the cake seemed to keep coming. Suddenly fearing that he would smash the cake in her face she pulled away but he followed her, dropping the cake to the table and he kissed her heedless of the cake or anything or anyone. And she chewed and kissed and laughed while trying all the while not to look uncouth. His lips could work such marvels. She couldn’t resist him.

Hugs were given, kisses shared. The limousine was waiting. All through the day and night she had been crying and yet so happy it felt as if it couldn’t be real. She almost felt as if this day could be stolen from her as if she’d wake and find it was all a dream. But there he was holding the door to the limo for her waiting patiently for her to finish her woman’s emotional farewells.

She hugged Charles last, father figure, teacher, mentor, but he did not smile as the others did. There was no look of joy on his face as the others, not a trace of a tear. She observed him quietly. His embrace was hollow, empty, unfeeling even. Her husband was calling to her and she turned to go.

“Ororo, this isn’t right,” Charles muttered, barely audible.

She looked back and saw Jean and Scott leading the professor away. What did he say? Had he said what she thought he had? And what had he meant? What wasn’t right?

“Don’t let him get to you,” Logan said as she slid into the car.

“But what could he mean?”

“Don’t know, don’t care. Let’s just get to the airport.”

“But the way he . . .”

“Kiss me.”

“You are incorrigible.”

“I’m a man who just got married and I want my bride to shut up and put out now come here.”

But his words did nothing to sooth her and though she let him kiss her again and again and again Charles’ words haunted her. Something wasn’t right but what could it be? He had not been happy for them when he should have been. Yet everyone else had rejoiced. No one had thought it strange when Logan and she announced their wedding.

As they drove to the airport Ororo felt as if her mind would explode there were so many questions. She couldn’t remember anyone’s reaction when she’d announced his or her engagement. She couldn’t remember announcing their engagement. Like the cake, she didn’t recall choosing the cake and neither could she remember choosing a dress. What could it mean?

She glanced at Logan who was kissing her with his eyes shut. She loved him so much. She’d been so afraid to tell him. Hmm, he was such a good kisser. No, don’t get distracted, she thought and pulled away. She couldn’t remember him ever proposing and yet here they were wed and on their way to a honeymoon she wanted desperately.

“Don’t think I can wait, darlin’.”

This was wrong. She felt it. Charles had been right. But if it was wrong then why didn’t Logan know it, feel it? And if it was wrong what was happening to them?




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