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** ** indicates telepathic communication.
‘ ’ indicates thought
“ ” indicates spoken words
‘There is no need to worry.’

‘Is there?’

I watch them, all of them. They think I, Henry Philip McCoy, or Hank as my friends call me, am always busy in the infirmary or my laboratory and only coming out for the x-men missions, my classes, sleeping or to eat food. What they know but do not realize is that my mutation is just not the way I look. The *Beast* inside me gives me enhanced senses much like Wolverine’s. And as he very succinctly and perceptively says, ‘The nose never lies.’ It always knows….and so do the eyes.

My eyes see what others miss. I could say that it is also due to my mutation, but I think that explanation is flawed. The reason I see all these *plays* between the various members of my adopted family, is that I am outside their loop. Oh, I am very much a member of this *group of misfits*, another Logan phrase. He, says or does things, which in their own simplistic way carry a very deep meaning, not surprising given his still unknown age and his travels to and experiences in various parts of the worlds. However, he is not the only person I observe. As I was saying, I am a member, a *senior* member now, of this X-family, but I am removed from their everyday emotional rollercoaster, not because of anything they say or do, but because of my own past insecurities about my appearance and the way people react towards it. Its not everyday that you get to see a blue furred, walking on two legs, lion. Even from a mutant perspective, I am rare, unique….different. The only other mutants I have seen with such a skin tone are Nightcrawler and Mystique, with only Kurt being the only one who cannot change it to look *normal*.

-----

Having been one of the so called *Original* x-men, I have witnessed a lot of changes in this house, from the original five of Cyclops, Marvel Girl, Iceman, Angel and myself ‘Beast’, to the newcomers Storm, Colossus, Nightcrawler and of course Wolverine. I have seen dear and caring friends like Jean become the distant and unfeeling, having been taking over by the Phoenix entity to make her into the ‘Dark Phoenix’. I have seen Logan, the Wolverine pursue her with a vengeance only to have his heart broken when she turned away from him for the arms of her true love Scott. They were the resident ‘perfect’ couple, the only spot being the resilient Wolverine. Many of us worried, whether and when Jean would give into him and stray away from her marriage. She never did, nor did he keep on the pressure once she and Scott tied the knot. He still flirted with her, but not as much as before. Time healed him, his relation with Jean changing from a prospective paramour to a dear and valued friend. Jean had once said that although Scott was the love of her life, she would always have a special spot for the feral Canadian.

They were happy, her and Scott. They were supposed to remain happy….remain together. With Wolverine stepping aside, their was supposed to be a fairy tale life, complete with a happily ever after. Only it was not to be so. In the end, it wasn’t Jean who betrayed the trust and sounded the death knell for their marriage. It was Scott, our fearless leader. The man who was supposed to be a beacon for trust became the man who betrayed the most sacred trust of all, the man who broke his marriage vows. The vows that he had made in front of all the others….in front of God.

That’s when Emma came into our lives. Oh, we had faced her as an enemy and somewhat reluctantly accepted her as a team member, but never had she played or come into such power in the lives of the x-men. She removed the keystone brick from a already shaky marriage. I say shaky because, Jean and Scott were having problems just like any other married couple. Left on their own, they could have worked their problems out. That’s the main point, ‘Left on their own’. Only Emma didn’t do that. She gave Scott the ear he needed to vent out his frustrations and then she gave him a bed, albeit initially a ‘mental’ one to ‘solve’ his problems with his wife. How long they carried on for, no one knows. Maybe Jean did. She was the one who caught them and exacted her revenge.

That was a lifetime ago. Dearest Jean is no more. I do not and cannot say ‘dead’ because she is the Phoenix and the just like the fabled bird, she too rises from her ashes. She will return one day, we all know. When? That is something that is unknown. Scott and Emma are the resident ‘power’ couple now, with Emma wearing the proverbial pants in the family. There is something about her that drew me to her during her first days at the mansion…and there is anther thing in and about her that prevents me from trusting her completely. Its as if she is always hiding something.

-----

However, they aren’t the ones I am concerned most about. That notorious privilege goes to a different group of people, namely Storm, Gambit, Rogue, Nightcrawler, Marvel Girl and of course Wolverine. Their lives have mingled in a very precarious manner. It is a maze, with Ororo being the common point of all the connections. She had not one, but three men not only lusting but also maybe even loving her.

Lets start alphabetically. Gambit. Ever since he came to the x-men, the ex-thief Cajun charmer has always been a constant in her and Rogue’s lives. When he first came here, we thought that he was in love with Storm and she with him. We were wrong….or so we thought then. Storm was in love with Forge and Gambit fell in love with the southern hot-belle, Rogue. He called her sister and she him brother. Coming from Storm it is not odd. She calls almost every female sister and every male brother, the exceptions being, The Professor, Emma, Kitty, Jubilee and once again Wolverine. The Professor is like a father, Emma is just Emma and Kitty and Jubilee are daughters. That leaves Logan. He is her dear friend.

There in lies the problem. Remy, Kurt and Logan all love her in their own way. Remy, loves Rogue. She owns his heart, but Storm….its as if Storm holds his soul. Not by any actions or words of her own, but by just being who she is. I suspect Rogue knows that too. Whether she neglects it or just accepts it, I do not know. Her mutation gives her an insecurity that cannot be removed by any amount of words. She knows that she cannot physically *touch* her lover and in her love for her, she wants him to be happy and maybe leave her to find another. That thought scares her too. She doesn’t want him to leave, but then feels he should leave and then is afraid he WILL leave. I sometimes pity her.


That brings us to Kurt. Having given up the church, he took his first hesitant steps towards forming a romantic relation and ended up giving parts of his heart to two very beautiful women, Ororo and Rachel. His situation, although just as troubling is easier to solve, at least from the angle I view it. His attraction towards Ororo rises from familiarity. Her natural caring personality has confused him, the feelings he has towards Rachel only bewildering him further. I hope that things will work out for them and that each of them will get the love they want and truly deserve.


Last, but not the least is Wolverine. Logan is a enigma in himself. Even after years of staying and working alongside him have *failed* to reveal all the facets of his complex and multi-layered personality. On one hand is the hard, rough, no nonsense, world-class ex-assassin and ex-secret agent, while on the other he is the gentle caring man who we have come to know, understand and love with the passage of time. If there is one thing I can say about my co-feral friend, is that he does everything with a vengeance, whether it be love or battle.

There is something about him that draws the opposite sex to him, whether as lovers or in some other capacity, the number of ‘girls’ who respect and love him as *daughters* make it all too clear. Amiko, Jubilee, Kitty, X-23 and even Rachel look upto him as a father or at least someone in that position. It is his personal love life that has been a saga of tragedy. Silver Fox, Heather Hudson, Elektra Natchios , Mariko Yashida, Yukio, Jean Grey, Elizabeth Braddock, Carol Danvers, Ororo Monroe and even the unfeeling, uncaring Mystique have all loved or been loved by him in one way or another. There must be more that I don’t know of, but they all share a common factor….none of them are with him. Some he loved and left, some left him and some, like Ororo either don’t see or don’t want to see his love for them.


He loves her, just like Remy and Kurt. However, unlike them, his love doesn’t arise from physical or emotional attachment. His love, although having both those factors, rises from a meeting of two people on an entirely different level. Remy loves Ororo, the woman, Kurt, the friend….while Logan, he loves the woman, who is his friend and who he wants to be not only his lover, but also his soul mate….his life partner.

As for the woman in question, her thoughts are still not totally clear to me. She loves all of them in her own way. Although, if she loves one of them enough to make him her life partner and whether she will do it, I do not know. From my point of view, none is a better choice than the other. While Remy has worship, Kurt has honesty and Logan honor, all three of them carrying a deep love and sense of loyalty towards her.

It’s a difficult choice, one that no one should have to make, but one that Ororo WILL have to make sooner or later. She will have to decide whether to choose to accept the love of one of them or to reestablish and stabilize the status quo. I say those words because I can see the growing unrest among the three men. I fear the day they finally go against one another. The day that will affect the lives of not only the three of them and Ororo, but also of Rogue and Rachel and all those connected and related to them. That will be the day when lines will be drawn and the x-men will break once again.

What do I do? What can I do?

I pray.

I pray that that day doesn’t come.

I pray and I watch.

I watch…..just like always.

Note: I had planned on doing smaller musings from various x-members, but it just grew to become a chapter of its own. Will see if I can present those of other x-men in the future.

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