One week later, back in Westchester:
“It’s over, Katya.”
Kitty felt the cool dampness seeping into her bones from the fresh grass beneath her as she sat beside Peter on the hilltop overlooking the mansion grounds. She seemed to hear the sounds of the outdoors and wildlife through a tunnel, coming to her at half their usual speed.
It’s…o…ver…Kat…ya.
Her cheeks felt cool and clammy as her palms, which she hastily wiped against her jeans as this new, horrible revelation sank in. “Over, Piotr?”
“Da. I care about you,” he clarified, “very, very much.”
“You…care about me?”
“Da. I will always be your friend, whenever you need one. But I cannot be your boyfriend.”
She attempted to make her lips work, but they quivered anyway, and her voice was a shaky rasp. “W-why?” She could look at him anymore; his eyes were full of concern, but the glow of affection and humor that she craved and grew so accustomed to “ for her, because of her “ was glaringly absent. He was still breathtakingly, ruggedly handsome, but now, instead of the rush of pride that he was hers, she felt…oh, God! Her heart thudded in a slow, heavy tattoo.
“I met someone.”
“You MET someone?” Her head whipped back around to stare him square in the face this time. “You just get whisked off to who knows where, and you’re fighting for your life…and you MET someone? That just doesn’t happen in real life, Peter!” she barked harshly, a brittle smile creeping across her face, even though her eyes were brimming. She dashed away the beginnings of tears before they could fall, scrubbing her knuckles beneath her lashes, and Peter’s gut twisted, feeling as though he had just kicked a helpless puppy.
“Sometimes it can, Katya.” He stared off into the distance, watching the sun drift behind the clouds. “The first time we met, the circumstances weren’t entirely different, don’t you think?”
“Bullshit. It was totally different.”
“You rescued all of us from cages after we’d been kidnapped,” he reminded her.
Fuck. He was right. Time to take a different tack.
“I thought you were very cute,” he admitted, and she clung to the possibility of a hint of warmth in his tone when he said that.
I’m still cute, darn it!
“So…you have a new girlfriend. How nice for you.” She didn’t mean a word of it.
“Nyet. I lost her. She was killed. I couldn’t save her.”
“You lost her? She’s…dead? Then Peter, why…?”
“Because there are other reasons why you and I cannot be together, Katya.” He caught her hand lightly in his grip before she could move away. “We are not the same age.”
“Who cares?” She didn’t.
“Your parents, for one. I’ve given what we have had together ““
Have had? Her mind screamed.
“ “ some serious thought. We live in the same school, and you are very young. I have the same feelings for you that I would have for a woman my own age. I want to accept those feelings, Katya, I do. But I can’t. Passion like what I feel…I need to feel that way about an adult who can return those feelings. I don’t want to worry about those feelings being wrong. I don’t want to take advantage of your feelings for me.”
“I’m too young for you? What, am I just a baby to you?”
He steeled himself before letting the shoe drop. “Yes.” He still only held her hand, but he felt her entire body draw itself tight as a bowstring, thrumming with tension. “You are no older than my sister, Illyana. Do you have any idea what that is like for me, Katya? To see you with her, laughing and talking like her, liking the same things, and feeling how wrong the passion I have for you is, as much as it would if you were my little sister? Society would not approve of what we have now. It’s taken me some time to realize that, but I feel as if this is the only way I can make this right.”
“Sure. You’re probably right,” she conceded at last, even though she had a momentary flash of all the little personal effects and gifts that she had accumulated during their relationship, and her fingers itched to gather it all into a box and set it on fire in the bathtub. “Guess it was kinda silly. You, acting like you loved me. Right? Pfft,” she huffed.
“It wasn’t silly, Kat-“
“Yes it was. It was bloody ridiculous! You’re so right, Piotr. What would people think?” She wrenched her hand from his.
“Your friend Douglas might be a more appropriate choice for you. He seems very fond of you. You have a lot in common, Katya.” It pained him to say the words out loud. He wanted to take it all back, let her throw herself into his arms again and drink in her sweetness, but he knew he couldn’t.
“Why has everyone been throwing Dougie in my face these days?” At his puzzled look, she muttered “Never mind.”
“I don’t want you to walk away from this talk with hard feelings.”
“Then we shouldn’t have had this talk, genius!” she hissed. She stood, making her giant of an ex-boyfriend crane his neck up at her to stare into her blazing brown eyes, returning his gaze wetly and holding nothing back. “I’m gonna head inside, Pete. See ya around.” She stalked off at a moderate pace, ignoring his guilty goodbye. She waited until she was well out of sight before she broke into a dead run.
Kitty phased through every door and wall between the front door and her room upstairs, not even bothering with the stairs. She passed through the floor of the room she shared with Illyana, startling her from her copy of Tiger Beat magazine.
“Kitty? What’s up?” Then she caught the ruined expression on her face right before she collapsed face first onto her bed, flopping bonelessly onto it and laying there, motionless, a moment before her shoulders heaved silently. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything,” she whimpered into the pillow. “Leave me alone, ‘Yana.”
“No.” Kitty heard the crackle of the magazine pages as she threw the periodical aside, and she felt the bed sag and dip beneath her roommate’s weight as she sat beside her and stroked her hair, making soothing noises of pity in her throat. “You’re my best friend. I’m not gonna just bail, just ‘cause yer in a snit. What happened?”
“P-Peter d-dumped m-me, Illyana! We broke up! It’s over, over, OVER!” she sniffled, punctuating each word with a thump of her fist against the pillow. “H-he said I’m too YOUNG, can you believe that?”
Illyana was at a loss for words, but she nodded silently, hating that she couldn’t agree with Kitty when she needed it most. She knew her brother too well.
“He cares about you, Katya,” she murmured.
“Not the way I want him to.”
“Shoot. This sucks. C’mere, you,” Illyana coaxed, jerking Kitty’s shoulder to get her to roll over. “C’mon,” she repeated, feeling her own eyes fill slightly when she saw Kitty’s looking bloodshot and bleak. Her lips twisted before she let Illyana pull her upright and engulf her in a hug.
“I hate him.”
“No you don’t.” Illyana rocked her and rubbed her back in typical, sisterly fashion.
“No,” Kitty admitted after a few moments passed, “I don’t. Wish I did.” Then maybe it wouldn’t hurt.
Thinking of Peter coming to her rescue was one of the only things that kept her sane while she was at the academy.
{Flashback:}
“You came to my rescue on a BUS???”
“Hey, whaddya want? It’s not like we could just take the Blackbird for a spin,” Illyana hedged, studying Kitty’s manacles for any kind of release mechanism to spring her loose.
“So what’s up with the uniform? Are you one of the X-Babies now?” Kitty inquired, earning stony glares from Rahne, Sam and Amara.
“Nice way to treat the X-Babies coming to your rescue after you got your butt caught, meninha,” Roberto drawled, folding his arms over his chest. “Maybe you’ll have a little more respect if we leave you here to rot?”
“Beggars can’t be choosers,” Illyana chimed in, shrugging.
“Illyana, where’s Peter? Where are the X-Men?”
“Honestly, Pryde? I don’t know. I really wish I did.”
{end}
It was such a relief to be back inside the mansion, even though Illyana had to teleport herself inside to let them in, since no one’s uniform had pockets to keep a housekey. She burned the ostentiously “fuschia” Hellions uniform and took a thorough shower, exfoliating every inch of her body with a loofah and apricot scrub to remove the stench of old money and evil clinging to her skin. The next week had been awkward. Doug had called from the school, wondering where she had disappeared to, and she felt an icy tingle of foreboding when he’d asked “So, when are we going on that date you promised me to see ‘Temple of Doom?’” She hated Emma Frost with a passion, but that animosity quadrupled when she remembered her boast, dripping with venom:
“He believes it is you he is holding, but he embraces nothing. It’s an illusion. You can see how much the boy cares for you, Katherine.”
She’d wanted to kill her, but she also wanted to kick herself for being so blind. She never had a clue how Douglas felt about her. All of the outings and time that they spent together took on new meaning, but left her filled with shame. Had he thought they were dating? And now that Peter wasn’t her boyfriend anymore, could she really just go ahead and lead him on?
She knew she couldn’t. And that just made her cry harder, burying her nose in Illyana’s sweater and wetting it with her tears.
Downstairs:
“Peter? Where’s Kitten?”
“Upstairs, I think.” He excused himself before Ororo could press for more details. She stared after him, wondering about his hasty departure but not wanting to pry. She opened the refrigerator and rummaged through the bottom shelf, looking for a stray apple. The pickings were abysmally slim. She settled on an orange that was slightly out of season and began working on its stubborn rind. She was just chucking hunks of peel into the garbage when she heard Danielle and Rahne making their way inside through the back door, cheeks pink from the cool breeze. Their chatter stopped when they caught sight of Ororo.
“Hullo, ladies,” she greeted cheerfully.
“Er, hi,” Dani attempted. Neither girl smiled.
“’Ello, Miss Munroe,” Rahne muttered. “Didn’t expect tae see ye t’day. Ye’ve made yuir self a mite scarce lately.” She drew her shoulders back stubbornly, and Ororo bristled at her tone.
“Excuse me?”
“We’ve had to take care of things around the school ourselves since you’ve all been gone. I thought the whole point of us coming here was to protect us and keep us safe, so that people who hated mutants, or who wanted to use us wouldn’t get a hold of us. Where the hell were you?” Ororo put down her fruit, losing her taste for it.
“Danielle, we were stolen away. It couldn’t be helped.”
“We’ve learned to manage pretty well without you since you’ve been gone,” she bragged, but Ororo read the uncertainty beneath her bravado. She stepped forward, hand on her hip as Rahne hung back, content to let her best friend vent for them both. “Everyone around here acts like we can’t do anything for ourselves. We got away from the White Queen. We saved Kitty from being brainwashed. We haven’t gotten so much as a ‘Yay, Team’ since you got back.”
“Your efforts were commendable, but you could have all been seriously hurt! You should have called someone ““
“The general consensus was that everyone was out,” Dani tossed back. “Any other bright suggestions?” She was just getting warmed up. “We waited around for you to save Shan. We lost Shan. Kitty’s made it pretty clear that she wants nothing to do with any of us, but we saved her, because it was the right thing to do, and we stick together. We’re just students,” Dani continued, “but we try harder than you so-called grownups do to work as a team and protect our own! C’mon, Rahney,” she nagged, “let’s get outta here and watch Magnum.”
“Aye, let’s!” She followed closely on her heels, and Ororo wondered why she felt like she’d just been smacked upside the head. What had just happened here?
“What the hell was that all about, ‘Roro?” Logan grunted, scratching his head and looking as bewildered as she felt.
“I’ll let you know when I figure it out myself,” she murmured. “I think we’ve just been accused of neglecting the children.”
“That wouldn’t be totally off-base, I guess,” he considered, reaching into the refrigerator for the last beer. “Feelin’ guilty?”
“Goddess, yes!”
“Least I’m not the only one, darlin’,” he said, popping open his beer can and slurping up the foam. “Hated leavin’ the kids behind like that. That ate at me the whole time we were gone.”
“They don’t like us much right now.”
“Nope. They’ll come around, though. We just need ta win their faith and trust back. That takes a little time and a helluva lot of work.” He nodded to her orange. “Eat. Ya’ve got a workout in a half hour.” Then his eyes brightened as though a light came on. “And ya might wanna head upstairs, Ororo.”
“Why?”
“Kitty could use an ear ta bend. Heard her go up a little while ago. Kid was bawlin’ something fierce.”
“What? What happened?” Her heart twisted at the thought of anything happening to her, even though they hadn’t spoken much for a while.
“Only way ta find that out is ta go up and ask,” he suggested, glad to have planted the chance for a heart-to-heart chat between the two women that he cared about more than he wanted to admit. “I’m headed out,” he announced, chucking his empty can into the garbage bin before grabbing his Stetson and jacket from the hook. “See ya, darlin’.”
“Goodbye,” she returned limply, waving even though his back was already turned. The short slam of the door followed her down the hall as she made her way upstairs. She argued with herself with each step, weighing the consequences of confronting Kitty with her concerns about what happened between them.
She could turn her away.
She could tell her to mind her own business.
She could tell her she was no longer a child.
She could yell at her to get out.
She threw out all of those arguments as her last few steps quickened, bringing her to Kitty’s door. Before she could even knock, Illyana pulled it open and was surprised at first to see her, fist hanging in mid-air. Then her face softened as she said “C’mon in, Ororo.” She let herself out.
The scene that greeted her was pitiful. Half of Kitty’s box of Kleenex was empty, with crumpled tissues scattered across the rumpled bedspread. Stuffed animals and pillows littered the floor, and a photograph of Kitty and Peter together lay on the floor, torn in two. Kitty hugged the only remaining unthrown pillow against her chest and curled her body around it, seated on her bed and wedged into the corner, trying to make herself as small as possible. She looked up at the soft call of her name from the doorframe.
“Kitten?”
“Ororo??? Oh, God!” She thought she had no more tears left. “I need you!”
The last wall came crumbling down, and she darted over to the bed, cradling Kitty against her chest and reassured her that she was there for her, in any way that she could give.
“I love you, Kitten.”
“Love you, too. Sorry I’ve been such a pain in the butt.”
“Me too. Sorry I embarrassed you.”
“You didn’t. I was just worried, that’s all.”
“I’m sorry I worried you, then.”
“S’okay.”
“I’m here for you.” Ororo felt it more keenly after Dani’s eruption in the kitchen. Her presence in the students’ lives was even more important now than she believed it to be when she was in Tokyo, escaping it all with Yukio. She wouldn’t forget that again.
Silently Ororo brushed aside the memories that tickled her of Yukio’s laugh, and the warm tingles of how it felt to dance with her in abandon. She dimly remembered the flavor of lemon drop martinis and the scent of her perfume.
“I’m glad to hear that, Ororo.” Kitty missed the security blanket of Ororo’s once-flowing tresses, so she clung to her instead, plucking at the sleeve of her sweater. The women talked and embraced until Kitty’s tears dried up. Both of them felt a little raw, even as they exchanged watery smiles. Ororo left Kitty to her own devices, deciding she had done what needed to be done.
Kitty rummaged through her things, unburying her phone from a pile of leotards and tights. She picked up the receiver and sighed, her fingers shaking as she dialed her father’s number in Chicago.
“Dad? Hi, it’s me, Kitty.” She felt a hollow pang at hearing his voice, and the joy he tried to hide across the wires. “Is it…I was just wondering, is it okay if I come home for Hanukkah?” She nudged aside his suggestion that maybe she’d like to visit her mother for the holiday, pleading that she was dying to come back for the best snow of the season and a trip to her favorite pizzeria. Her father promised to make the arrangements with the airlines, and they rang off with happy “ albeit cautious “ feelings of hope for a good visit.
Piotr didn’t love her. She’d head home to someone who did. No more lectures about how she wasn’t old enough to be taken seriously, by her boyfriend, or the Professor, or by Ororo, who at least meant well when she told her that the people she loved would inevitably leave her, and that this was a fact of life. Screw it. She needed some down time and the chance to be spoiled a little.
It felt ironic and familiar as she stood in front of her closet, the doors flung wide as she perused her wardrobe offerings for yet another plane trip. She murmured to Illyana that she was busy when Douglas called, wanting to know if she wanted to go with him to the arcade. Illyana shot her a look of confusion as she relayed the message and walked out.
Two days later, Kitty climbed into the back of yet another taxi, on her way to the airport. Peter peered out through the window of the foyer, watching her retreating back.
“You’re an idiot, you realize that, right?” Illyana carped from behind him.
“I know, snowflake. Leave me alone,” he muttered. She felt him retreat from her and contemplated ‘porting him back to Limbo to let S’ym smack some sense into him…no. The best way to let him suffer was letting him beat himself up. Piotr retreated back to his room in search of his sketch pad. The dwindling stem of vine charcoal trailed across the page, roughing in a smooth oval and swanlike neck. He made an eyeline next, deciding on the shape before he committed to the drawing.
Leonine, slitted pupils peered out from a youthfully feminine face. Then he realized the nose was wrong. The lips were full, certainly, but there was a decidedly stubborn tilt to her jaw. The face was framed in thick, dark curls. Peter peered down at the sketch and wondered where he went wrong.
The face that stared up at him was a melding of Zsaji and Kitty. He threw the sketch pad aside in disgust.
Caldecott County, Mississippi:
The weather was hot enough to peel the paint from a barn. Rogue didn’t care. She was buttoned up from head to toe, wearing a baseball jersey with long sleeves and her most comfortable pair of broken-in, faded jeans. Passerby glanced at the young woman as she made her way into the convenience store to pick up some Slim Jims and an issue of Cosmopolitan.
She just needed some time to think, and some space to do that thinking in. She’d ignored Charles’ telepathic summons to come to his study once he’d returned from Tokyo. No one had been able to coax her out of her room.
**
When Ororo finally grew tired of Rogue’s reticence, she knocked on the door, and was surprised not to find it locked. The curtains in her window swayed in the faint breeze. Rogue was gone. What few things she had were left behind. Ororo eyed her uniform, still pristine and neat on the hanger. Only a few of her clothes appeared to be missing.
“Foolish, impetuous child,” Ororo sighed. This made her decision to come back to Westchester seem even more dubious than before. She no sooner returned than Kitten deserted them, needing to escape back to her father’s. Logan wasn’t making himself scarce, but he wasn’t exactly talkative, either. He just glanced at her curiously when he thought she wasn’t looking before excusing himself from whatever room that found them together. And she always knew when he was looking at her. She could feel his eyes boring into her, and taste his hunger. She wanted to offer him a bite, but he was making it hard.
Ororo left Rogue’s room and checked her docket. She had a training class with Samuel to hone his flight and maneuverability. She supposed she could reschedule it for tomorrow.
**
The sun and light breeze felt heavenly on Rogue’s bare skin as she rested from her swim, saturated in the fresh air and clad in a black bikini that left her more nude than not.
The voices still wouldn’t be quiet. Carol’s was the loudest of them all.
“Shut up,” Rogue murmured.
Let me out.
“Ah can’t.”
Then you’re stuck with me. Live with it.
Several hours later:
Rogue awoke with a start from her nap as a sultry, deep voice with a thick African accent murmured “You should really move into the shade before you get sunburned, child.”
“Shit…ORORO! Ya ain’t s’pose ta be here!”
“I could say the same.” Ororo cocked her head in amusement, and the sunlight set her white hair on fire, almost blinding Rogue as she met her gaze. She rolled up into a sitting position on the beach blanket, ready to grouse. Ororo stood her ground, hands on her hips.
“Ah live here. This is mah home.”
“The Professor offered you a home with us. You left, without so much as a note.”
“Wouldn’t have thought that ya woulda cared, sugah,” Rogue reminded her. “Ya hate mah guts.”
“No. I don’t.”
“Coulda fooled me.”
“Rogue…all right. I know we didn’t start off on the best of terms.” Rogue snorted.
“Ya bawled me out as soon as Ah stepped in through the front door. Petey just about killed me, an’ then Carol came in and punched me in mah nose, sendin’ me into orbit. Ya threatened the Professor that ya’d quit before lettin’ me onto the team. Did Ah miss anything?”
“Hm.” Ororo took a different tack and sat beside Rogue on the beach blanket.
“Don’t get too close.”
“I won’t. I won’t come any closer than you let me, child.”
“Ah ain’t a kid.”
“Then stop acting like one. Only children run away.”
“This from the woman who ran off ta Tokyo and came back looking like a punk rocker, scaring the crap outta all of us in the process.”
“This isn’t about me. It’s about you.” The two women stared out at the placid river for a few more moments. “And I didn’t run off. I followed Logan. There’s a difference.”
“If ya say so, shoog.”
“We’re worried about you. We want to help you.”
“Ah stole Carol Danvers’ powers. Ah have her voice in mah head. Ah can’t get rid of it. Ah can’t drown her out. And it’s drivin’ me crazy. Ah met an old flame of hers, his name’s Michael Rossi. Ah sprung him from SHIELD’s helicarrier. Ah started talkin’ ta him in Carol’s voice. He accused me of killin’ her. And…he was right. In all the ways that count, Ah did kill her.”
“Carol’s alive, Rogue. She’s rebuilt her life. She’s even more than what she was before.”
“Sure, she’s got me ta thank for that!” Rogue plucked a weed and began tearing off the tassel from the green stem. “Tell me another one.”
“You can’t run away from your problems.”
“Sometimes a body can’t quit runnin’, Ororo. Ah’m messed up. Ah grew up trained in the biz. Mystique’s the closest thing Ah have to a momma, and she raised me ta be a thief. Even a cold-blooded killer. Ya don’t just decide ta be Miss Merry Sunshine overnight. Ah know why ya don’t want me on yer team.” She picked at her toenails. “Ah know Ah ain’t good enough. Ah ain’t a hero, Storm. Now, g’wan, git. Ah don’t wantcha here.”
“I wasn’t always a hero. I lived for myself. I did what I wanted, or what I had to do to get by. I wasn’t saving the world before the Professor found me.”
“So? Ya weren’t a killer.”
“Says who?” Rogue whipped around to face Ororo.
“No shit?”
“Don’t take my word for it, child. See for yourself.” With that, Ororo stripped off her glove and extended her hand to Rogue. It was steady. She wasn’t afraid. Rogue read trust in her blue eyes before she hesitantly reached out and clasped it.
Ororo’s eyes rolled shut as she tumbled back into the blanket. Rogue gave a startled cry as she was overwhelmed by the maelstrom of power, thoughts and emotions she’d absorbed from Ororo. A clawing, aching need and wave of loneliness was the last thing she expected to feel when she reached into Ororo’s consciousness. That, and a passion so undeniable that she was glad she was sitting down, or she would have been knocked on her butt.
“Logan?” Rogue murmured aloud. “Of all the men ya had ta fall for, ya fell for LOGAN?” Ororo’s face was serene in repose. “Ya poor thing. Lord help ya, girl, yer braver than Ah am.”
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