I don't need your sympathy
There's nothing you can say or do for me
And I don't want a miracle
You'll never change for no one-Cher
Dear Nobody,
I know it’s much like my last letter, but I can never forgive myself for the words I used against you.
I’m scared…I’m sorry.
I saw you again today, my heart fluttered at the sight of you, it’s strange to think how our emotions can change so quickly. I cried when you flashed up on the screen, but I felt happy, not sad or angry, just happy. All the doubt left me, I’m still scared of what will happen when they all find out, I can’t hide you forever.
I keep looking at your photograph, you’re beautiful. My doctor told me it would pass, she said I was just scared, after all I wasn’t expecting to have you in my life, and you’ll change everything. You’re so small, but terrifying all the same.
You’re not the only one that’s changing though, I get tired more often now, I get sick, and I have mood swings, all of which I could do without right now, but every expecting other feels that way about all the bodily changes. Everyone keeps asking me if I’m okay, and I just want to reply ‘no I’m dying’ because that’s how I feel, not because of you, because of me, it’s all because of me, when I think about you I can only smile.
It’s been hardly any time at all since my last letter to you, or was it for me? I guess these letters I write to you will be my strengths, to help me to prepare myself through all the stages in which you’ll grow.
Anyway, it has been hardly any time since I last wrote, and already I find myself not trying so hard to find a way to love you, I guess I already did I was just to scared and angry to realise it.
…It’s not you I regret…
…I take that back…
…I don’t hate you, I could never…
…fear only blinded my love for you…
…forgive me.
Ororo…
