Dark. Dismal. Dreary. If ever a day reflected a mood this was it. The pewter colored sky overhead wept endlessly above the knot of mourners gathered around the flower bedecked bier. A sea of somber black umbrellas sheltered them from the drizzling, cold rain.
Standing in the shelter of Logan’s arms, Ororo didn’t feel the rain or the cold. She didn’t feel at all. She just felt numb. Hank “ vibrant, lively, brilliant Hank was gone. No more would she listen to him as he ‘geeked out’ explaining some new biological discovery or physics experiment. Gone were the nights of listening companionably to Coltraine’s wailing sax or a Haydn sonata while he rubbed her feet. She’d never again hear him gasp “Oh my stars and garters!” in shock. Ororo always got a kick from hearing the old-fashioned granny phrase coming from such a big, powerful man.
Logan’s arms tightened around her shoulders and his lips grazed her silky white hair as the minister continued to speak in soothing tones, his words all but unintelligible to Ororo. She allowed herself to sink further into Logan.
In the past week he had been her rock. From the moment he had burst into Professor Xavier’s office to see her trembling in shock from the news to now, practically holding her erect, he had been there. At the big rambling house they shared, Logan and her other two housemates, Piotr and Betsy, made sure she at least ate every day. Logan had even handled the traveling arrangements to the Illinois town where Hank had been born and was now being laid to rest.
Such grief. She would miss Hank because he was a truly wonderful human being. But mingled in with her grief was crushing guilt. She knew she didn’t deserve him, what he had felt for her, feeling the way she did about another man. She should have never gotten involved with Hank. At least not until she had gotten over this…this…thing she had for Logan.
A small smile lit her features as she thought back to the night her relationship with Hank changed.
----FLASHBACK-----
One perfectly manicured finger rhythmically tapped the five cards lying face down in front of her. A pair of laser sharp blue eyes swept around the table stopping on each face to consider who might be her biggest foe.
Logan sat slouched negligently in his seat, his cowboy hat pulled low over his brow and an unlit cigar chomped in his teeth. He wore his favorite uniform -- a white wife beater, a pair of well worn, body hugging jeans and his favorite leather boots. Ororo couldn’t see his face under the brim of his hat but she knew he was studying his hand intently. Minor threat she judged.
Scott too was slouched in his chair, his hands clasped across his chest, his head resting against the back of his chair and eyes closed as if he could just fall asleep for all the care he had in the world. His white oxford cloth shirt was crisp and pristine even on this warm June night. He had just raised the pot and Ororo figured he was probably sitting on a pretty nice hand. Major threat, she decided.
Henry had an inscrutable look on his face. His blue-black hair was swept away from his broad, handsome face in a small ponytail. He had stood pat after the last hand and had opened the bet with an impressive amount this round. Semi-major threat, Ororo considered.
Warren, on the other hand, looked a bit worried. He had taken three cards after the last hand and had hesitated over seeing Henry’s opening bid. But he had done so. Ororo figured his hand was probably weak. A pair --- maybe a high pair -- Two Kings? Possible. Or he could be bluffing. The frown that marred his handsome face looked too genuine to be an act Ororo shook her head, Warren was so handsome it was unreal. He had guinea-gold hair, a face that could make Angels weep and he was filthy, dirty, ugly rich! And also the absolute sweetest guy Ro had ever had the privilege to meet. No way was he bluffing. No threat at all, Ro dismissed him.
The other three occupants of the room had already folded for this hand. Piotr was busy scarfing down taco dip. Jean was whispering in Scott’s ear and peeking at his cards, while Betsy was shooting flirtatious glances at Warren.
“Alright, Scooter, I’ll see yer bet.” Logan threw in his contribution to the pot and put his cards in face down, tipping his chair back on two legs he grinned at Scott.
Ororo’s face was a blank mask. She had a strong hand. She merely threw her money in to see Scott’s wager, saying nothing.
It went back around the table. Nobody raised and nobody folded.
“Well, sweetness” came Ororo’s slow drawl directed to Scott “let’s see what you got?”
Scott turned over his cards to reveal a handful of pretty little red hearts. A flush.
“Crud.” Warren snorted disgustedly and threw his hand out in the middle of the table. Ro had been right. He had had a pair of kings.
Henry didn’t even bother to say anything he just good naturedly threw in his straight with a grin, knowing he had lost.
“Well, fuck it. “ Logan was a lot cruder than Warren and revealed his hand. Also a flush, this time with clubs. Except his highest card was a ten while Scott’s had been a Queen.
“I guess I win again, Logan.” Scott smiled widely and inched forward to rake in his winnings.
“Not so fast sweetness.” Ro’s dark velvet voice stopped Scott cold. With a flare for the dramatic, she lay down her cards one by one. Three Aces and two fives. A full house.
The table erupted. Scott sat back with shock while Ororo primly collected her winnings. There was easily two hundred bucks on the table.
“Every time, Every time….” He wailed in an aggrieved tone. “How is it that you always manage to win the biggest hand of the night each time?”
Ororo said nothing just quirked a white brow and started stacking her cash in neat little piles.
Logan took a long swig of his beer but not before flashing her a wicked grin and yanking her ponytail. “Witch!” He murmured in his grumbly deep voice.
“Hey ‘Ro let’s take your ill gotten gains, go to Harry’s and find some men to chat up.” Betsy trilled after giving Ororo a high five.
“I don’t think so, Bets.” Ro stood up, giving her long lean length a mighty stretch. She was oblivious to the appreciative looks of the men around the table as they took in her appealing form. She was dressed as a near twin to Logan: a white tank, jeans that looked painted on and high heeled boots. “Some of those guys in Harry’s scare me. Did you see that guy last week who had no teeth? I think he was only twenty-five years old and yet, not a tooth in his head.”
“C’mon,” she prodded. “It’s early yet, it’s a beautiful night and I think the last time you were on a date, Herbert Hoover was your President.”
Several snickers greeted this comment, Ororo had to smile because Betsy was right “I know, but I’ve been busy.” She cast a look over at Scott and Jean who had relocated to one of the more comfortable chairs in the large sitting room. The two somehow managed to curl around each other like a moebius strip. “Some of us aren’t lucky enough to have our very own snuggle bunnies at home, work and play.” She raised her voice so the two love-birds could hear.
The red head simply raised a middle finger, earning a round of chuckles.
“Bollocks!” Betsy scoffed, biting into a chip “I could name about twenty chaps who’d sell their mothers just to get a smile from you. But you are clueless. You walk about, all serene with that ‘I-am-the-supreme-Goddess-unflappable-Dean-of-Students-I-don’t-notice-mere-mortals’ look. I swear Ro, if you’d deign to look at the little people you’d get a date once in awhile.”
“Betsy we only know other teachers. I don’t want to date another teacher.” Well, just one, a little voice in her head whispered.
There was a little awkward silence as everyone remembered the last time Ororo had been involved with a teacher. He had abruptly left almost on the eve of their wedding, leaving her alone to pick up the pieces and to face the whispers of the staff and students. To this day no one knew why he had left and Ro had never shared.
Piotr abruptly broke the silence, trying to regain the previous lightness “I know for a fact that both Bobby and Jimmy have violent crushes on you ‘Ro.”
“Yeah, and Victor was always hounding you to go out.” Warren piped up helpfully.
Ororo grimaced “Oh great, I am reduced to a pair of hormone crazed adolescents and a pervy ex-teacher who was fired for harassing the female students. No thanks.”
Pretty soon the party started to break up as Ro and Betsy began to clear away the remnants of their game. Jean and Scott took their leave, while Logan, Piotr and Warren were drawn into a deep discussion of last week’s football game.
Henry gathered glasses from the table and followed Ororo to the sink.
“Hey let me take those,” She smiled at him “You go on and hang with those guys. You don’t have to do this.”
“Uh, actually, Ororo…” Hank cleared his throat as a slight flush appeared on his face “I was wondering. Would you care to join me Thursday evening for a…uh…date? There is a lovely string quartet playing at Les Framboises. It’s a ..uh...fundraiser. I had been looking forward to attending but was a bit reluctant as I hadn’t anyone to go with. And well…” he petered into incoherency as she just looked at him with those gorgeous blue eyes.
“Hank, did Logan put you up to this?”
“What…? Logan…? No!” He was clearly surprised by her response. “I’ve been wanting to ask you for some time but you…well, you did not seem very receptive after the business with…uh...--”
“Forge. You can say his name Hank. It doesn’t upset me any longer.” Her tone was even and there was even a slight smile on her face. Liar, her inner voice chided. The thought of him still makes you cringe in shame.
“Yes. Well. Even though you intimated that you’d prefer not to see another teacher, uh, socially, I wish you would reconsider.” Hank took a small step closer and took her hand, “I’ve always been a strong admirer of yours Ororo and I am an honorable man.”
Ororo stared at Hank with an arrested expression, as if seeing him for the first time. He was her friend and had been for years. But this was the first time she considered the possibility of something more. He was quite an attractive man with strong, rugged features. But even for such a big man, there was something almost sinuous and feline about him. She liked Hank, a lot, and wondered if maybe, just maybe he could be what she needed. He was right, he was an honorable man. And if she was honest with herself, she could even now feel attraction to him.
A slow smile worked its way onto her lips. “Sure, Hank. I’d love to. What time shall I be ready?”
An answering smile bloomed broadly on his face.
Unnoticed by the two by the sink, Logan had watched the whole exchange with a slightly worried frown. So when Hank took his leave, Logan slipped out to intercept him before he could enter his car.
“Hank, what are you up to man?” Logan asked from his perch on the porch railing.
‘What do you mean, Logan?” Hank was only vaguely curious. His mood was too good right now. He had asked Ororo out and she had accepted.
“You asked ‘Ro on a date.”
His attention now fully captured, Hank stared at Logan in puzzlement, “Yes, yes I did.”
“You heard her. She had issues with datin’ another teacher. Yet you swooped right in. What’re you up to?”
Hank signed in exasperation. He supposed Logan had to do his big brother routine, since Hank was feeling on top of the world right now, he could humor the man.
“Yes, Logan, I did hear her. But she accepted my invitation, so clearly she is ready to make an exception.”
Logan merely eyed the taller man over the smoking tip of his cigar. Ro & Betsy never let him smoke in the house.
“I just figure with all the shit that happened with Whatshisface, you’d be a bit more sensitive about her feelings. That’s all.”
Feeling his good mood slowly evaporate, Hank drew himself up to his full height and favored Logan with a narrow-eyed look. “I was here when Forge and Ororo were together. I witnessed her happiness first hand. I was also witness to the immense dignity with which she carried herself when he left her practically at the altar without a word of explanation to anyone. I remind you of this because you were not around at the time. I dare say I am a better judge of what Ororo can handle in this regard than you. And if that isn’t adequate, then surely Ororo herself is a good enough judge. She as much said to me this evening that she was completely over what happened years ago.”
Silence reigned for a moment before Logan slowly rose to his feet “Yer right, I wasn’t here when all that went down. But I’ll tell you this. Not long after Jeannie and Scooter made it official, me ‘n ‘Ro went out drinkin. She musta had a few too many cuz suddenly she was telling me a little about this Forge asshole. If you know Ro well then you know that she can look like everything’s coming up daisies with that calm face of hers, but underneath there’s a lot more goin’ on.” Logan carefully snuffed out his cigar and caught Hank in a laser sharp stare. “Think what you will, but that fucker hurt her. You do the same and you’ll fuckin’ eat yer stars and yer garters. Make no mistake.”
Without another word, Logan walked slowly back into the house.
----END FLASHBACK---
Standing before the fireplace mantel in the McCoy family room, Logan blindly stared at the photos that decorated the top as he let the memory of that poker night slide through his mind. Most of the photos were of Hank at various ages -- a smiling, gap-toothed seven-year old, a solemn spit-shined thirteen year old, a mop-haired cap-and-gowned eighteen year old and so on, but they barely registered for Logan.
Hank hadn’t hurt Ororo. As a matter of fact, anyone could see that the big dope was completely gone over her. That poker night happened only five months ago and in just that time, Logan could see a change in Ro. She smiled more, seemed more relaxed and…content. Logan figured she was probably falling for Hank too. Since Ro wasn’t the sort to act giddy even if she was in love, it was kinda hard to tell. But in a small infinitesimal way she had become slightly more reserved with Logan, she held some parts back that she hadn’t before. Logan couldn’t completely put his finger on it, but something was different and he had attributed it to her growing closeness with Hank.
Not wanting to admit, even to himself, that it hurt him a bit to see his best friend pulling away, Logan had shrugged and chalked it up to the fact that it was inevitable that she’d meet someone who would displace him in her life. Shit happened. With a sigh Logan admitted it was probably for the best. If she hadn’t been so involved with Hank she might’ve copped onto what was going on ----correction---- what had been going on with him and Jean.
Even now, Logan could feel his gut boil with a greasy combination of shame and rage when he thought of Jean using him. Realizing that his fists were clenched, Logan breathed deeply, unclenched and looked around the room crowded with mourners for ‘Ro.
Catching sight of her distinctive white hair, he realized that she was deep in conversation with Hank’s mother. Making his way toward her, he studiedly avoided the side of the room where Jean, Piotr, Scott and Professor Xavier were grouped with some members of Hank’s family.
As he got closer, Logan realized something was wrong. Ororo was standing whisper still, her body trembling and tears were dripping silently down her face. Hank’s mother was rubbing her arms soothingly with a distressed yet sympathetic look on her face. Wait a minute, Hank’s mother was comforting ‘Ro? What tha fuck?
Coming abreast of the two women, Logan met Mrs. McCoy’s eyes questioningly.
“Oh, Mr. Howlett,” Mrs. McCoy smiled softly at Logan “maybe you can help me. I’m afraid I’ve inadvertently distressed Ororo when it was my intention to do exactly the opposite.” The woman cast a worried look at Ororo’s silently trembling form. “there is a small den off the kitchen, maybe you can escort her there so she can gather herself.”
Tenderly she handed Ororo off to Logan. Still puzzled, but very concerned, Logan ushered Ororo back to the den. Once there, he closed the door behind them and sat her on a small settee.
Crouching down in front of her, Logan allowed his forefinger to track a silvery tear.
“’Ro…? What’s wrong, darlin’? What’d she say? Tell me, baby, so I can help.” Like many men, Logan was at a loss around a woman’s tears. With Ro, he was terrified.
Ororo’s eyes, the blue looking almost crystalline under the tears met Logan’s. Slowly she unclasped her hands. Until then Logan hadn’t realized that she had been gripping something. It took his mind a minute to catch up with what he was seeing. It was a ring box.
“Hank hadn’t gone to the mall to get a haircut. He went to get a ring.” Her voice sounded rusty, unused “His mother told me that he’d called her the night before and told her that he was planning to propose. They r-returned his effects to….. h-his parents after they released his….. b-body.” Ro’s voice began to hitch uncontrollably “The ring was…. a-a-among the things. His…..m-m-mother knew what it was and she felt that I had a….r-r-r-right to know.” By this time she was trembling again.
Logan sat next to her on the couch and gathered her in his arms. “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.” He whispered into her hair, rocking her gently. “I’m sorry.”
Tearing herself away, Ororo cast Logan such a look of intensity and pain that he was startled.
“You don’t understand, Logan,” She sobbed “He didn’t go to get a haircut at all. He went just to get the ring. He was going to propose. He was randomly gunned down by a lunatic only because he was at the mall getting this ring.” She was trembling so violently now that Logan wondered that she didn’t just fly apart.
“I don’t….” Logan looked at her helplessly, desperate to aid her, unsure how.
“Logan, I wouldn’t have accepted. He was there only to get a ring to make a proposal that I would have declined. I loved him but I wasn’t in love enough to marry him. I would have said no.” Her voice was a whisper now. “I would have said no. He died for nothing.”
Logan closed his eyes. Oh, God.
“I would have said no.” She whispered again brokenly.
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