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Thank-you for the reviews, and your patience, M’iko, xx


Disclaimer; I did not own any of the X-Men then and still do not now.


Chapter.15.


Bumbling cotton wool fuzz hung heavily in the sky, shifting awkwardly, slowly, its darkened led appearance turning mid afternoon into a post sun-set darkness. Even what little light escaped through seemed subdued and reluctant to flaunt its wears. Bistcho was a good day and a halves drive behind them now. They’d left like thieves in the night, Logan not even staying long enough to offer one final good-buy to Smitty. He knew it was the last time...The car glided carefully along the clear asphalt road as Ororo stared blankly out of the window. The landscape that had once inspired her on first glimpse now only stultified her”it seemed empty and cold to her; drab and almost soulless; the endless constant rise and fall, the obstinate isolation. The bitter edge to the cold agitated her now, whereas before, she barely noticed the grim temperature at all. It niggled at her, made her permanently miserable as her mind dwelled on it and made her snuggle down into her coat as if it were a great bear skin, offering life against the sheer cold of death. She longed to be anywhere but where she currently was. It crowded around her as New York eventually had”a place at first the symbol of her escape turned quickly into another sort of prison, with trappings all of its own. Life was not so easily escaped. The freedom she craved would not be so readily obtained after all. She tried to suppress the sigh that came at that thought, heavy and sullen, steaming up the window with a pearly opaque cloud. The glass, that rattled loosely in its rubber-sealed frame with the vibration of the vehicle, pressed to her cheek, she was so close to it; cold and sharp.


She felt as an island”all over again.


Not knowing where they were or where they were heading, she seriously doubted if he knew either, but as they’d barely shared a word for hours, it didn’t matter. It was as if they were propelling themselves to the end of the world, to abject oblivion and neither seemed to mind much. Where else was there left to go if everything had finished? The drab loneliness and physical isolation seemed appropriate; to figures condemned to their own form of purgatory. Who knows, perhaps they both deserved it. She shuddered at the thought...


The sound of the car’s heater blared furiously, almost drowning out the dim growl of the rough, unconditioned engine. What little warmth it offered had little or no effect”the noise of it filled the void of their mutual silence, the radio having no signal at all for the past couple of days now, just the occasional rattle of a local station and then static. Every so often Ororo felt the stern force of Logan’s gaze as they came to a straight length of road, but she didn’t yield to it, refusing doggedly to acknowledge it. Perhaps, she thought once or twice, she’d see how far she could go before he snapped, gave in and challenged her, though that wasn’t her reason. She simply couldn’t find it within her right now, the will, the strength, to interact with him. It seemed an odd thing to feel, but at times, it was just so...draining, just too much, the last thing she needed”and so was a fierce confrontation. Though one was patently unavoidable”the tension palpable, like a build up of toxic fumes, rising higher and higher until one was choked and became consumed by them.


Again the heavy weight of his gaze was upon her, full rich hazel eyes that held an accusatory note and this time...this time Ororo had to return it. She couldn’t help it


“What?” she asked lightly; a controlled calm in her voice.


Logan admired that control usually, was comforted by her often unflappable, steady nature. But other times it vexed him, her ability to remove herself at will, as if she existed on another plane”her ice-like serenity terminable. It made the monster lurking inside all the more visible, to him if no-one else. “Are you gonna say what you wanna say?” he asked, clearly trying to curb the irritated edge to his tone, “Or is this it fer the next few days”weeks,” he added flatly, taking his eyes back to the road ahead.


Ororo looked at him for a moment, and then, with nothing more the subtly dismissive shake of her head, pressed back to the icy class of the window as it continued to reverberate on her cheek. The rise and fall, rise and fall, the constant black rise and fall set against deep grey skies. How much longer could this go on?


He shifted in his seat, giving off a dark sigh as he adjusted his hands on the camel-coloured leather covered steering-wheel; he could feel the clamminess beneath his palms despite the temperature. The warning was crystal clear...he forced himself to take a breath of calm; measured and deliberate, before he tried again. “‘Ro”darlin’”what’s wrong?”


She bit at the inside of her cheek in a desperate attempt to hold her tongue, but it was utterly futile, her tongue ran away with itself regardless. “When were you planning on telling me?”


“Tellin’ you what?” he replied, almost drolly it seemed.


To that Ororo gave an incredulous snort, a gesture that sounded alien coming from her, not being naturally given to such things, “Don’t play games with me Logan,” she warned and then finally turned to face him, “You took great pains to bring me all the way up here”you must have wanted me to know.”


For a split second a stab of panic hit him; what did she know? How much and from whom? These and many more questions flew like rapid fire at him until he couldn’t distinguish between each, lost in the mire. But then, suddenly, a point clarity, the footprints... “Wanted you to know what?” he ventured, some part of him dreading the answer, another inexplicably angry.


“I’m not playing this game,” Ororo half muttered to herself as she again turned to face the window, her words almost lost as she hitched her legs up onto the seat, cocooned with her coat. “Not anymore...” she added belatedly in a near whisper.


“Goddamn it Ororo!” His voice was so loud and the outburst so unexpected that the shock of it literally made her jump in her seat, her pulse hammering maddeningly in her throat. It brought back in a lightening quick memory of the way she’d felt on that first night; his arm pressed to her throat, the menacing fear that had pumped through her. Perhaps there was an edge of that feeling that would never go away...ever. “You said you didn’t wanna know,” he carried on firmly, having got a grip on his sudden anger, but obviously struggling to keep it. “That’s what you told me...” he mumbled. It was only then, saying that aloud, that he realised how bitter he was about that; somewhere inside, he almost felt it a rejection.


“Well maybe I changed my mind,” she said, but the expressed bitterness of it not at all allaying his initial feelings as he might have expected hearing those words to. Now they were nothing more than an added sprinkle of salt into an already stinging wound; a searing insult. But not quite, until...”You should have told me about her sooner...”


He didn’t miss the quiver in Ororo’s voice at the word ‘her’. His entire body stiffened immediately; pensive in its unintentional reserve. The idea...the mere idea of her, his love, referring to...her. He hadn’t anticipated the cold jab, the quicksilver it would cause within in him; these unfamiliar nervous reactions jumpstarting the defensive in him, the one who would lash out at the slightest of provocation. He knew nothing else but. “What did you want me to say Ororo?”


“That you were married!” she shot back, “That she lived there! That Silver Fox”!” The screeching halt of the car stopped her in her tracks as she nearly pitched straight off her seat and into the dashboard, the seat belt chaffing; the abrupt swerve to the side of the road, slipping a little on the layer of ice, genuinely frightening her. But not half as much as the look she observed on his face; his temples pulsing a vivid red. She now regretted she’d said anything at all; flinching automatically at the prospect of his anger.


He hadn’t thought it possible, but he needed to stop the car now or he feared what would happen should he continue to drive. The sweat beneath his palms had become such that they were literally slipping down its sleek surface, leaving dark streaks along the dulled patent material as he lost his formerly stern grip. The recognisable pounding racked his entire body it seemed to him; amplified ten-fold. He tensed himself to hold it in, struggling with every fibre of his being.


Ororo sat back cautiously in her seat, turning slightly towards him. He wouldn’t...he wouldn’t hurt her, she knew him well enough by now to appreciate that. But she couldn’t deny that the unknowable that lurked beneath the surface like a second presence”another person that sat between them; their own personal pariah...“I’m sorry,” she offered quietly, not precisely sure why she was apologising but feeling instinctively that she should, but swiftly annoyed at her own acquiescence. His jaw twitched; teeth clenched. But he didn’t respond...Her own anger felt strangely redundant now as she continued tentatively, her own shame at submission too for perhaps whatever it was she had dredged up had genuinely wounded him in ways she could not imagine. “Logan...I did not mean to”it’s just”I’m sorry okay. I didn’t mean to hurt--.”


“JUST SHUT UP, OKAY?!”


Her heart leapt into her mouth, and held there for what felt to her an eternity. But still she had pride enough to feel a certain indignity, a gut refusal to feel any true fear.


Immediately after venting in such an explosive manner, Logan regretted it, berating himself for losing it so easily, though at the same time still fuming. But it wasn’t at her, not really, he knew perfectly well that it was directed at himself”this way was simply easier. As usual, he was outside his anger, but at least now, he had a measure of control, where she was concerned. It hadn’t always been that way... “Look darlin’,” he began with a new calm, “I shouldn’t have shouted at you like that--.”


“No, you shouldn’t!” she seethed back at him with latent anger and started to fumble abortively with the car door handle; her growing madness making agile hands clumsy. Finally she got a grip on the shining silver and the door opened a half inch before a dry, wind-reddened hand reached over and pulled it forcefully back shut.


“Please darlin’, wait--.”


“Don’t you touch me!” she spat back, every ounce of callousness in her being ploughed into the command. He withdrew his hand from the door handle and his arm from where it lay, unintentionally imposing, across her body. As soon as that barrier was out of the way Ororo pushed the door open hard, letting it snap back loudly. As she climbed out of the car, her face feeling flushed and hot, her hair flailed in the mild wind like an indication of her inner confusion; she had no idea what she was doing or where she was going”she just had to get out of that car...away from him.


She started to walk, the crunch of her cheap running shoes on the rough ground at the side of the road gradually getting louder in her ears, even as she heard the opening and slamming of the car door, and quickening footsteps in pursuit. She carried on...carried on as the crisp step of his boots became quicker too, and her pace speeded up accordingly. “Leave me alone!”


“‘Ro darlin’, what’re you doin’?”


She ignored him”in all honesty she didn’t know what the hell she was doing. They were in the middle of nowhere, she couldn’t even recall the last time she’d seen another car pass them; three hours at least and all their cash was in the car, she had not a scent or a personal belonging. But still she walked. Away from him...away from him...that was all that mattered.


Logan caught up with her fairly easily, taking hold of her arm lightly to try to halt her. “Ororo, please. Don’t be fuckin’ stupid.” The only response was her quick jerk, urging him to let go of her arm as she burst into her swiftest walk, almost a jog. Another moment, another attempt to halt her and she’d be positively running from him.


“I’m not being stupid Logan,” she countered eventually, pulling her coat tighter about her as she stared stock straight ahead into the bleak yet sweeping landscape, “Just let me alone.” Her steel faltered for just a second.


“An’ where the hell do’ya think you’re goin’?” he called to her as he slowed to a stop, unwilling to go any further, standing his ground, “”I know this area, there’s nothin’ around fer miles darlin’ and you’ve got nothin’ but what yer standin’ up in.”


“I’ll take my chances,” Ororo’s voice echoed back across the open country, marrying with the cry of some bird swooping over head, as she insisted on pursing this pointless line, despite the fact that she knew that she would ultimately have to turn back and get in that car, but right now she was too mad, too agitated; too plain pig-headed. Perhaps somewhere in her she simply wanted to make him suffer for his flare-up...just that bit longer. As far as she was currently concerned, in the midst of a distorting irrationality, her anger clouding any reasoning she initially felt, there was only one person in the wrong here...although, was she right? It was only that flash of self-doubt that made her slow a little. Gradually, she submitted to a stop. But this didn’t stop her resentment at his belligerence. Confusion reigned in her, supplementing her feelings. If he had an ex-wife living in that town, why not tell her, why feel the need to travel all that way to see her and their old home? She simply couldn’t make sense of it”it was preposterous. Why would he do that? Was he truly that insensitive that he didn’t believe it would hurt her? And again her indignity arose. If he had ghosts to lay to rest then he should have done it alone. But now she would ask him, challenge him, he owed her the truth now if nothing else. She turned around; sweeping back a lock of hair that obscured her view with her forearm. Letting it rest, raised, at the side of her head in suspended animation, she asked, “Did you see her?”


“What?”


“Did you see her?” Ororo repeated with simmering annoyance. But she soon let go of that when she saw the colour drain from his face; a positively ashen aspect came to him.


“No,” he stated. She didn’t know...she truly didn’t know...Of course she didn’t, or why would she have spoken of it? He turned away from her, walking determinedly back to the car, feeling he had to put all of his concentration into such a simple act.


Ororo’s brow creased in confusion as she watched Logan’s retreat and as if drawn by invisible thread, she moved back too, heading towards the car, though with much more reluctance. Once at the maroon Sudan she climbed sullenly back in, plonking back into her seat heavily, shaking the old car on its rickety suspension. Before the silence had chance to solidify, as it often did between these most obstinately stubborn of people, Logan spoke...


“She...,” the lolloping movement of his Adam’s apple made a fabulously vocal noise as he swallowed down, his throat suddenly dry and sore, “...she’s dead.”


-TBC-


Sorry that this chapter is so short, I’m trying to work out a few things with the course of the rest of the plot and as I hadn’t posted for a while I felt that this section was ready enough for publication.

And a double sorry for taking so long to get a new chapter out. Thanks once again for your patience. This story will get finished, I promise. :)





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