Logan sat with Wade in the Carrier lounge trying to make sense of the information he had recently been given. A monumental task with his on again off again partner in attendance
“You know I can hear you right???”
(……….)
“Yea you I’m talking to you wise guy”
(Wade what are you doing??)
“I think its well past time for the spot light to shine upon the Pool don’t you??”
(Now??)
“Oh yea”
(Jeeze)
“Wolvie take a hike its time for me to save this flusker cluck of a story”
(I knew I would regret this)
“Give me my introduction buddy boy!!!!”
The following is a paid for (and by paid for I mean forced at gun point ) Announcement by Mr. Wade Wilson esquire
And now I present to you The Man of the hour , The Tower of Power, Too sweet to be sour WAAAAAADE WILSOOON
………..?
(that’s your cue jackass)
Wade pokes his head from behind the curtains “Hey we had a deal, I don’t call Marvel about this little side job I do for you and you give me the introduction I deserve”
(…….I am not saying that Wade)
Wade pulls a cell phone form his belt “Stan the man is on speed dial pally”
(…….I hate you)
Ladies and Gentleman I present to you…Wade Wilson the Deodorant of Sexy…strong enough for a man but made for a woman
Wade leaps form the curtains and takes several bows in all directions
“Thank you Thank you please no your too much…hey who threw those panties? Just kidding I love all of ya”
“I guess ill start with some of my personal history to get warmed up. I was born at a young age ladies and gentlemen. It is hinted that the writer of this particular “story” and I are related being as his mother and my mother are both mothers and apparently we went to the same high school together at different times. I never had any brothers and sisters so I had to play with myself a lot”
(Ok Wade hold it no one wants to hear that)
“I think some would enjoy my life history good sir”
(I know its a hard thing for you Wade but PLEASE focus)
“Fine……coughdouchecough..Ok I know what all of you are thinking. Gee Wade why did I ever even bother to read this story? I mean sure ya got a hot babe like Storm but really who wants to even remotely think of her doing the dirty humpty hump love pump with Logan? Am I right?”
(That’s exactly why people come to this side Wade)
“I’m not following”
(it’s a shipping site Wade….where people can make their own stories featuring their favorite couples form different mediums. This one is for Logan and Ororro)
“then what in Zeus’s butt pucker am I doing here?”
(your part of this story Wade…thought you might be a good fit…and since your series got cancelled thought you could use the work)
“Well gosh darn there Bro’ham why not just give me a nice paper cut and squirt lemon juice in it”
(Sorry)
“Jerk”
(May we just please continue?)
“Do I get to sleep with Storm at any point in this story?”
(No)
“What about Rogue…I see her checking me out I know she wants to dive into the deep side of the Pool…ya get what I’m saying there hint hint nudge nudge?”
(Keep this up Wade and I will set you in a intimate moment with Thunderbolt Ross)
“…..Sam Elliot “Ross” or William Hurt “Ross?”
(……It makes a difference?)
“Dude…two words…Road….House”
(I hated that movie)
Gun cocking sound
(I mean….I hated that movie …uh never got a sequel)
“it did…now there was a movie that was a real freak of nature …it sucked and blowed all at the same time”
Rim shot
(…….)
“It had none of the Shirtless Swayze Flavor”
“Any who. Ladies and Germs I am just popping in to give my two cents on this little fan made Fic that this guy is sprouting off……mainly because he has such a fat case of writers block . I mean its soooo fat….”
“…………”
“hey help me out here”
(Sigh)
(How fat is it?)
“Its sooooo fat that Jabba the Hutt says Daaaaayum”
(……..That’s the best you can come up with??)
“Hey you’re the one who feeds me the material”
“I mean come on ya put in more pop culture references than then one of those Not Another movies. I mean its like were on a episode of Family guy here……….Dammit YOU SEE!!!!…your killing me”
(Trying the best I can here…)
“No try….DO….or do not..there is no try.”
(……….)
“See what I did there?”
(Just get on with it Wade)
“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, apparently The gang and I are on our way toward some planet to rescue some obscure character from the Marvel pantheon that hasn’t seen the spotlight in the past decade. I mean seriously Adam West gets more gigs than this kid”
(Don’t be mean Wade)
“Truth hurts. So this kid gets captured by these…….what the hell????……How do you even pronounce this??”
“No-roach-knee??”
(Nurcarchni)
“Well hey thanks Rosetta Stone that helps a lot since technically I’m not hearing you pronounce the name I am having to read it just like your long suffering audience “
(This version of you is in my head Wade you know what I know)
“And oh do I wish I could block out some of THOSE things”
(Get on with it Wade)
“You know some of those memories would make GREAT blackmail material”
(Wade!)
“I mean that night at that strip club after that tenth shot of jagermeister …”
(STOP RIGHT THERE!!!)
“I mean the ladies who work at the establishment are the ones who are supposed to wear the high heels and the pasties”
(I WILL FRIKKIN KILL YOU!!)
“Wouldn’t that be a form of suicide??”
(Nothing I would miss trust me)
“Funny part is ladies and gentlemen is that he is actually getting pissed off”
(………)
“Strike a pose. Deadpool-1...Ogrenuts -0”
(Ogrenaught…NAUGHT NAUGHT !!
“I like my version better”
(BACK TO THE DAMN STORY DISCCUSION WADE!!!!)
Whispers “Someboooooodies crrrrrranky”
(I so rarely get to write anymore and what do I choose to do with the time I have???….I spend it with YOU)
“I am always with ya buddy….Cue the music “
(NO DON’T!!!!!)
Ahem “YOUUUUUR NEAAAAR…THERES NOOOOTHING I FEEEEAR….YOU ARE SAAAAFE IN MY HEART AND MY HEART WILL GOOOOOO ON AND OOOOOON!!!”
(That’s it we are done professionally)
“Who are you supposed to be ?Christian Bale?”
(Groan)
“Speaking of which I never got my Deadarangs like you promised”
(Yea hold your breath for that)
“And my Deadmobile”
(Back to the subconscious with you Wade)
“Speaking of which could you clean that place up some?? Do you know how much useless crap is floating around inside the melon of yours? I mean who the hell needs to know the Doth ‘raki language?”
(Hey you know Klingon)
“I have you know that it is the fastest growing language on the planet buddy boy”
(Whatever. Say goodbye Wade)
“Hab SoSlI' Quch"
(That was just mean)
“That’s how I roll”
(Trust me everybody this will NEVER happen again)
“So he thinks …..MWHAHAHAHA!!!….MWHAHAHA…COUGH!…cough”
(Idiot)
“Loser”
( Great lakes Avenger)
“Jeph Loeb fan boy”
(I hate you )
“You love me”
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