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Dear Body,

Good job on getting something that actually resembles boobs. See football didn’t stunt our growth.

But can you do me a favor? Get rid of them.

I don’t want them anymore. They’re a little annoying.

Thank you,
Ororo

x o x o x o

Baby, put the cereal down. I left breakfast on the stove.

Cereal is not real food. It’s cardboard with sugar on it meant to fool kids into thinking they’re eating some delicious. Just look at it. You know I’m right.

I don’t care what your father says. Your father will eat sand beetles if they have hot sauce on them.

And I don’t care if Mikey will eat it. That doesn’t mean Ororo will eat it, too. Listen to me. You’ll thank me when you get to be my age.

- Mom

x o x o x o

Mom!!!! Will you stop leaving notes in my cereal box? Dad doesn’t do that!

And I’m not a BABY!!!!! I’m almost 13!!! And I won’t be your age for another million years!!! Then, I won’t want any cereal.

Maybe Daddy really likes sand beetles. They sound yummy.

Love,
Your Daughter

P.S. Kissing does not give cooties. I stopped believing in cooties when I was 8. And why didn’t you tell me kissing is NOT how you get pregnant?

x o x o x o

Who told you that kissing wasn’t how you got pregnant? Of course, it’s how you get pregnant, sweetheart. Why else would I tell you not to do it?

- Dad

x o x o x o

That note was for mom! And you do not GET PREGNANT by KISSING. Logan told me so.

x o x o x o

I knew there was something I DID NOT LIKE about that young man! You didn’t kiss him. DID YOU?

x o x o x o

Daddy, you don’t like any boys, and I didn’t kiss him. That’s gross.

x o x o x o

Dear Mature Minded Young Woman,

I think it’s time we had a little talk.

- Mom

x o x o x o

Roro,

If you’re reading this, I know you’re a nerd for sure since I hid it in your MATH NOTEBOOK from last year!

I wanted to tell you this out loud, but Scott and Bishop and Logan wouldn’t go away. So yesterday when Scott took me over by the tree while we were in the park he told me what Logan meant when he asked you if the carpet matched the curtains because I asked him because you asked me.

Oh my God, he was being a total PERVERT.

I’m not even going to write it down. Just come over to my house and I’ll tell you. You really want to hear this. You should come over like RIGHT NOW. I don’t care what time it is. Just knock on the window if I’m sleep.

Oh my God, did you see that skirt Wanda was wearing? I swear you could see her underwear under it when she bent over and SCOTT WAS LOOKING LIKE I WASN’T EVEN THERE. HELLO!!!!! My sister says she’s such a slut. Did you know that she DID IT with Tony? Tony is a SENIOR. She’s only in 8th grade. Oh my God, that’s so nasty! AND SHE’S PROBABLY PREGNANT.

Tony Stark is kind of cute though. She better not do it with Scott or I’ll scratch her eyes out. What if she’s already did it with Scott? He’s always looking at her like they’ve done it. I’m going to cry. YOU HAVE TO COME OVER!!!

BFF,
Jean

P.S. Give it to Ororo! ORORO WILL EAT IT! I found your mother’s note. Does that mean I get to be Tommy if you’re Mikey?

x o x o x o

Dear Self,

You REALLY HATE Logan. Next time you see him you’re going to knee him again for asking you such a nasty question. You will never kiss or talk to him (if you weren’t already not speaking to him) AGAIN!

Love,
Ororo

x o x o x o

Jean,

Every guy in the stratosphere IS NOT cute. In fact looking at some of them makes my eyeballs want to melt out of my head.

- O

x o x o x o

You’re just saying that ‘cause you like Bishop. I didn’t say every guy was cute. Just a lot of the boys we know are cute. Name like one guy who isn’t cute that lives in our neighborhood who ISN’T cute!!

- J

x o x o x o

Victor Creed. Ruff, ruff.

- O

x o x o x o

We haven’t seen Victor like all summer since he went with his family to Disney World. He could be a total babe now.

- J

x o x o x o

EWWW!!!! Gag me.

Victor went to DISNEY WORLD? Whose lame idea was it to take him there? They should put him on display and put up a “DO NOT FEED THE ANIMAL” sign. He could be the main attraction.

- O

x o x o x o

Oh my God! That’s so mean. You just don’t like him because he elbowed you in the nose when you were playing basketball with him.

God, he said he was sorry!!

- J

x o x o x o

Yeah, he said he was sorry WHILE LAUGHING AT ME WHILE BLOOD POURED OUT OF MY NOSE.

- O

x o x o x o



So Victor is a little mean. He’s nicer to you than he is to me. He pushed me down while I was skating the day he left for Florida. He didn’t even say sorry or try to help me up or anything. He just pointed at me and laughed.

But didn’t you punch him in the eye for laughing at you? That makes you even.

I think he likes you, though. Why in the world would he ask you”just you”to play basketball with him?

- J

x o x o x o

Ew! Please, I JUST ATE!!!

And I didn’t punch him in the eye for laughing at me. I punched him in the eye cause he grabbed my butt.

He told everyone I gave him a black eye for laughing at me. And the only reason he even admitted that is because Alex saw me when I hit him. You know Victor lies. How was I supposed to punch him AND keep my insides from leaking out of my nose?

- O

P.S. Why didn’t you tell me he pushed you down? I would’ve given him another black eye!

x o x o x o

Like… OH MY GOD! YOU DIDN’T TELL ME VICTOR GRABBED YOUR BUTT! He sooo likes you! I didn’t tell you because the day Victor left you were out of town for the weekend and by the time you got back, I forgot.

But wait, I have to ask you this. Are you STILL not speaking to Logan? Cause he sort of asked and I didn’t know what to tell him. I told him he’d have to ask you and he just said never mind.

Smile,
- Jean





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