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Age 21-24

I have never loved a man the way a woman loves a man until I met Forge. The kiss from Logan on my twenty-first birthday gave me hope for that kind of love in life. My life was in a transition period and thanks to a former girlfriend of Wolverine’s, Yukio, it was given a little direction, just a little. Its results were, well daring would be a good word. I cut my hair and began to sport a Mohawk and I began to adorn leather. Leather against bare skin felt as if I fell asleep with a possessive arm wrapped tightly around every inch of me. Yukio definitely had an affect on me. She almost got me to get a piercing, in a remote location. She is a very convincing woman, but I did not budge that time. I was sent on a recruiting mission. She, Rogue, was a wanted woman by the government and by the X-men but for two separate reasons. The government wanted a mutant weapon and we wanted an ally.


Thankfully after some convincing, she chose us, but not to the liking of the government. They had a mutant engineer, Forge create a weapon that neutralized a mutant powers. Unaware of the affect of the gun, I thought I was protecting Rogue from death. Instead of her being shot, I took her place. At one point, I wondered what the hell was I doing? But I knew what I was doing and I would do it again for any innocent. Her life was being threatened and she was young, too soon to die, so I traded places. A few days I awoke to a man bandaging my shoulder, from further injury due to my collision with the land after being shot. I was stripped of my security, my leather, and placed in a strange bed with warm sheets. I was a little more than confused. Where was I? Who was this man?


After learning who he was and experiencing his compassion and kindness full on, I almost loved him instantly. That was a mistake! I have often wondered why and how I could have done such a thing. I know it is because I was searching for the missing relationship I had with my father. There was a part of me that dies the day he did and I wanted to rekindle that relationship. I was looking for the wrong things to begin with. After spending a few days with him I overheard a conversation he had with a government official wanting to get rid of me. I felt betrayed and enraged and I wanted blood! I do not think I have ever been so hurt ever. All this negative emotion was riled inside of me and I no longer controlled lightning. I would have given anything to have lightning strike at that moment. I wanted that release. I wanted my birthright. It was mine and he took it! He tried to stop me from leaving claiming he could explain.


“Ororo, please wait. It is not as it seems, honestly. I…”


“Do not attempt to coddle me with virtues you do not possess!”


“But, please lis…” He wanted to give an explanation but my fist did the reasoning.


Powerless, I made my way back to the mansion to face my new found past. From that moment, I spent a lot of time in my greenhouse and in my loft. I did not want to see anyone, I barely wanted to eat, in fact, it was almost rare if I did. Perhaps I was starving myself because of guilt or jealously. I was angry and I had every right to be. The ability of the winds, pure snow, lightning was at my whim one minute and sent all back to mother nature the next. I needed to vent and fast, so I found the danger room as a way out of a slump. Instead, my exit was an entrance into another. I spent all my time in there now. I literally beat the stuffing out of the equipment, but I did not notice the audience I acquired.


“Ya know, Windrider, ya leave your right side open often when ya attack.”


“Do not call me that. I am no longer the Windrider, I never will be the Windrider you knew.”


“First off, Ororo, you’re speaking past tense. We will never have the Windrider back ‘cause ya don’t want it and two ‘cause we are never the same person we were a minute ago, hence the term past tense.”


“Look, I do not need one of your philosophical lectures. I am fine, Logan. Thank you for your concern.”


“It’s not just concern, love.” There was something in his tone of voice, something beyond concern. We had been true friends for a while now, much closer than family. We needed to rely on each other and he often had, but now to him it seemed as if I had lost my safety when I lost my powers. Anyway, that is the way that he would come to explain it years later.


“Look at yourself. You’ve been in here for hours, darlin’, non-stop, and for what? Because you can’t regain something you were. Well, maybe ya weren’t meant to recover it, instead to improve what ya do have. So, like I was sayin’, ya leave ya right side open when you attack.” He and I spent the next few days in a fit of self-defense lessons. He never went easy on me although I was powerless and that I will always be grateful for. I felt as though the others were coddling me. Everyone was willing to leave me to my peace, although I was not at peace. There was no peace to be found in the stares and words of condolences of my teammates, or rather former teammates. I no longer felt a part of the team, not completely. Therefore, there was only one option I needed to implore. I needed to leave. I knew I would not be gone indefinitely, just temporarily. I made the professor aware of my decision and he heavy-heartedly agreed.


“I thought our sessions would do you some good, but I see they have not done as much as I had hoped. I don’t, by all means, wish to guilt-trip you into staying, but I just wish there was more that I could do. I almost feel as though I have failed you. I managed to be there for you other times but this is different.”


“Please, do not put this all on yourself. You cannot be expected to solve everything, especially with a gift. Perhaps that is the problem. You were always there to pick up most of the pieces but now I have to do it all. I need to find peace within me and make my own way back home, when I am ready.”


“Until then, this home will not be the same without you. You carry the heart of this team, whether you realize it or not. Powers or not, you are still a part of this family and we welcome you back with open arms.”


After that confrontation, I said my good-byes and I left. I had decided to make two stops. The first stop I made was to the home that I left, to rediscover myself. Well, now I was returning to rediscover who I was, the part of me that I left behind. I felt I could not go back to the village in Kenya because they would be expecting their goddess to return. I was no longer their goddess. I was no longer a goddess. So, I went to my home in Egypt, to my palace of thieves. There were new things, but some that were very familiar. For instance, the hotel site in which my life was first shattered. I knew where it was but now there was a new building erected in its place. Even today, I still say a silent prayer whenever near or in passing of that site. There, in Egypt, I stayed for months. My twenty-second birthday had passed and I was still in Cairo. I had trained the street urchins in all the lessons I have learned from Achmed and I incorporated much my X-men training, but the lesson I found most beneficial to teach them were the lessons that Logan taught me. Just the thought of his name at the time caused my heart to thicken and pound just a little harder. Why I was unsure but of course I felt indebted to him. Years later I realized my reasons for that reaction.


“So, my child, you are going to leave us once again.”


“It is was not to be a permanent arrangement. Farewell teacher.”


“My child, I hope you should confront whatever it is you are running from.”


I was not surprised at his accusation, because he was correct. With his last words, I kissed him and went on my way. I decided I needed a little refueling. I found myself in Japan with Yukio. That woman has the strangest effect on me, but then I assume most people have that problem when in her company. By the time I reached her, my hair had grown out considerably being that it was previously a Mohawk. It was long enough to where it could rest comfortably behind my ear and curl under my chin if it was swatted back. Once again she tried to convince me to cut it but this time I would not.


“You know Ororo, you need to let your hair down.”


“I would, dear friend, if you would stop trying to convince me to cut it.” She laughed and I smiled.


“You know what I mean, love. When was the last time you laughed? Tonight you are going to let down all those inhibitions and have fun whether you want to or not!”


She was forceful and very determined that I should have a good time while with her. She got her wish. The evening started off with a few drinks and a lot of dancing and then a few more drinks and then a little more dancing. I had never been so carefree as to when I was with Yukio. Her quest for self-fulfillment and thirst for life was at all times quite contagious. We stumbled into her home laughing of the evening’s events, said and done. Every time I think of visible erections men got from watching Yukio and I dance together with out male intervention I still laugh because that was her desired reaction she wanted. We made our way up to the master bedroom without accident miraculously. I think she had many more drink than I and was almost incapable of functioning. I started to undress her as she held onto my shoulders to stay standing and not land derriere first on the floor. She was no more self-conscious than I about her body. I discarded her shirt on a nearby chair. I felt her grip my shoulders a little harder and then I knew she was staring at me. I looked up to meet her eyes and I was overwhelmed by what I saw, but that was soon negated by what I felt. Her lips were on mine in a matter of seconds. How they got there I am unsure. The last thing I remembered was that I was staring into her eyes and now she was kissing me. I soon found myself responding. The first thought that popped into my mind was, “I wonder if she learned this from Logan, or did he learn it from her”? Moments after her nimble fingers divested me of the dress I wore and found their way to my breast, other thoughts surfaced. By now we were both unclothed and kneeling in the center of her bed kissing and touching each other as if exploring our bodies for the first time. “What am I doing? What is she doing? What are we doing? What am I doing”? I knew this had to stop, but what made it stop was the random thoughts that had just started on a rampage through my mind. She felt my resistance and growing distance. She pulled back to look at me again, all signs of drunkenness were erased from her face. Placing a platinum strand behind my ear and leaving her hand to cup my neck she seemed to have something to say, like an apologize.


“Please do not apologize, Yukio.”


“Me apologize for what, love? There is no way in hell I’m apologizing for a damn thing! I’ve been wanting to get you like this for a while,” she said while waving her dark brow with a smile. “’Ro, you know what I think about love.”


“Yes, I do. To you, love knows no gender.”


“So, love, are you gonna tell me his name?” I was shocked at her revelation. Was I that obvious? “Stop the bullshit and tell me his name, Windy.” (What is with all the nicknames I receive?)


“His name, since you must know, is…”


“Logan?” I glared at her for cutting me off with that name of all names.


“No. His name is Forge.”


“Aww, damn. I always that you and Logan looked perfect together!” I laughed at the thought, but it was not that funny. “So this guy, Forge, he’s the one that made you leave, huh.”


“That is not all he did. He is the reason why I am rendered powerless and he is why I am so confused.”


“You’re caught between love and hate. If you didn’t love or hate him would we be talking right now?”


“Yukio!” She could be quite perverse at times. “Yes, I would have stopped us. I love you very much, dear friend, too much in fact that I could not have allowed us to continue.”


“Damn you and your sense of friendship,” she snickered pretending to be upset and surprised by my answer. “You need to find this Forge and tell him you want your powers back and then tell him how you really feel…or you can tell him where he can shove himself.” She sounded as if she would drift to sleep at any moment. By this point we were relaxed on the bed, my head on the pillows and her head on my stomach. I could see her face through the valley of my breast.


“If things were that easy.” By now her eyes were closed, her arm draped around my breast and her right thigh settled on mine. She was fully aware what she was doing; her sleepy grin gave her away. So I planned a little payback.


“You know, I have been wondering something.”


“Yeah, What’s that?”


“Did Logan teach you how to kiss like that or did you teach him?


She began to answer sleepily, “He… wait a goddamn minute! How the hell do you know how Logan kisses?” Her eyes were wide open now. “Ororo, answer me damn it.” I would say she was just a little upset that I had never told her about the kiss I shared with Logan.


“Good night, my hell raiser.” With that I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. Sleep was not forthcoming but extreme laughter was.


“Oh hell no! You don’t get out of this that easily. What the hell is so funny?”


“You are dear friend, you are.”


I stayed with her for a few more weeks and never did answer her question about Logan. She does have a habit of making life interesting. I returned to the mansion unnoticed, or so I thought. Logan was there, in my loft, watering my plants. That was very thoughtful.


“Welcome back, goddess.”


“Thank you, but I am not back yet. There is something that I must do first.”


“Need help ripping his heart out?”


“No thank you, I can handle it.”


Well darlin’ you know who ta call should ya need my help? Oh, by the way, ya could’ve warned me about the gettin’ phone calls from Yukio.”


“Oops. Sorry about that.” We both laughed and I was on my way.


I was going to have what was taken from me returned to its rightful inhabitant, me. I found him in his compound and before I could demand anything he shot me. It is not as dramatic as it sounds. He fired the antidotal equivalent of what neutralized my power. He knew I was coming for him. I should have figured he would know based on the amount of technology he harbored. But there I was on completely not prepared for that particular welcome. I wanted to at least try to beat him until he was hollow, like it did in my mind so many times over and then I made love to him to. I suppose at that point my mind was a twisted place to be.

My anger directed towards him did not subside instantly, but over the next few days that I spent with him, it dissipated. He at times seemed arrogant but I myself once could have been called that, granted it would have caused that person a lightning bolt but it would have been true. As arrogant as he occasionally was he was also polite, gentle, accommodating to my recent physical needs (By the goddess, no I do not mean sex!!!) I mean the fact that I was bedridden. I came to love him again. That is when a lot of things went haywire. For instance, I returned to the mansion a week after the confrontation at Forge’s complex and my powers were restored and working better than ever. It did not take long for me to control them and my emotions in regards to my abilities. Forge started to hang around the mansion more, mostly as a consultant on our facilities and equipment. He and I started to spend much time with each other. He definitely lived to the name Maker. A month or so later on a mission, Forge accompanied us. It is still unclear how but at some point he and I were transported to what can only be described as a Limbo world of some sort. It was beautiful, very real and we were stranded there.

To us, days were passing and there was no one and nothing to interfere with our relationship. We learned a lot about each other and on the 8th night we made love. He had told me he loved me, and I had finally reciprocated it verbally. And then just as suddenly as we were transported there two months previously, we were transported back to our reality. There was a slight difference though, time passed differently. The physical difference made the experience all the more real. My hair had grown out, almost to my waist. I now think of my hair as important as a tree. Like the rings in the tree, the length of my hair relays a history almost. But also, what was two months for us in limbo was two hours in our reality. This is all so confusing, even today years after the incident. Anyway, the other X-men found us unconscious in the woods. Neither, Forge or I, remembers how we got to that destination but we did.

The life of an X-man is anything but dull and it proved that again. I was now twenty-four and unknown to myself I would be transformed to the age of twelve.





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