…Continuation of Age 24-26

I said, “Yes” and he said, “No”.
I said, “Yes” and he said, “No”.
I said, “Yes” and he said, “No”.
I said, “Yes”…

It was a beautiful day but work around the mansion had to be done. I would have given anything to stop what I was doing and spend the day with Forge but what I needed to do not only affected me but the whole mansion on a whole and that was more important. He should have understood that, after all it is not as though what he was doing with the mansions security was trivial and obsolete. On the twenty-minute break I procured for myself I went to find him, to spend some time with him but he was with Cyclops re-sequencing security codes and he could not tear himself away. I went back to work to not think about it.
Later, I found his pet that he showed up with wondering the halls on the mansion. Mystique is, was and probably will always be a security risk

“Hey, Weather Witch, seen that boyfriend of yours lately?”

I was tired and irritated and that was the wrong thing to say. It was not completely what she said, it was how she said it. She was almost taunting me, like a child with a desirable new toy. Or like a kidnapper with a ransom note waiting to be satisfied. I was not conscious of my hand shooting out from its resting place at my side and grabbing her neck. My arm found an amazing power source to draw from because of its own volition it began to lift her off the floor.

“Ororo, have you gone mad?” Forge said while rushing from around the corner. “What the hell bought this on?”

“I just asked the bitch a question and she went psycho.”

“You may want to watch who you call names, you…”

“Ladies, please. Mystique would you please leave me with Ororo for a moment.”

“Sure, just watch your neck. The bitch is bound to strike again.”

I promised I would never use my powers to intentionally hurt another again but she was trespassing on my last nerve and I was dangerously close to slipping off the plane of sanity. But she left at his request, for which I was thankful for but also a little uneasy about. She just seemed a little too compliant with his requests in general. I wondered if I had any right to be suspicious, but if I had any sense then I should have been.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Ororo?

After those words jumped from his lips and slapped me, I do not remember things going so smoothly after that. We said a lot of things that we were feeling and clashed. It was ugly and frightening at the same time. It was the first time since our initial meeting that I have felt so much towards him, felt the good and the bad. Apparently he felt the same tumultuous combination because the next words the he spoke made time stand still.

“Ororo, marry me?”

“Wha…”

“Marry me.”

“But, what about my life here, as an X-man. I surely cannot abandon the hard work and fight we have been campaigning for.”

“Is this a dream that you believe in Windrider? Why can’t you live apart from this? What’re you afraid of?”

“How could you say such things? This is also the same fight you battle, all mutant kind for that matter. It is selfish to…”

“No, you are.” It sounded more like childish projection. The more he spoke, the more I felt like a child. “You’re being selfish, or maybe that’s it. You’re not being selfish and for once you need to be. Think about what you want for a change, Ororo.”

“I…I need some time.”

“Your wish is my command, but first…” He kissed me. It was…breathless, at least on the receiving end. It was as if he was taking the breath from my lungs and replacing it with his.

I needed to think. I needed to think and one place I found solace was on the roof. I knew if I truly wanted to be alone I would have gone to the Greenhouse. I needed to talk and I knew my brother would be on the roof, by the window leading towards the sky from my room.

“Eh, petite. Comment allez-vous?”

“Je suis tres confondre”

“First, you speak da language well, Padnat.”

“Thank you. I had an excellent teacher.” Well, Remy was an excellent teacher when he set his mind to it.

“Second, why are you confused?”

“Forge asked me to marry him.”

“Congrats Chere.”

“Do not thank me yet because I did not say that I would marry him. I have not given him an answer yet.”

“Why not Stormy? You love him don’ you?”

“Of course I love him, but he wants me to give up all that I know. My life here as an X-man would come to an end and I would become his wife permanently.”

“Gambit neva t’ink his Stormy ‘fraid of commitment. Are you sure dere not be somet’in’ else that keep you from your decision?”

“Maybe. Maybe there is. I think that I need some time alone. Thank you for listening.”

I gave Remy a feather-like kiss across his lips and went to a place I knew I could guarantee alone time. Not the greenhouse, because there is always the possibility of interruption. Instead, I went for a walk in the clouds. The sky was teetering on sunset and darkness, as was my decision. I thought hard about what Remy said about there possibly being another reason for my apprehension. From, the time I was a child, I have always done what men wanted, except for when I was worshipped as a goddess. I followed certain men throughout my life. They were very good men; Achmed, the professor, my father, but this would be a little different. I would be giving myself completely to one man. I had to let my heart decide because if I would have thought about it longer, I doubt I would have had the courage to answer him.

I went to his room but he was not there. I caught him as he was exiting the garage and he did not look so happy. His face had an expression I did not think would be associated with this moment. I loved him and was prepared to tell him yes but he cut me off and broke my heart with that one action. His works were not of love. One did not have to be a telepath or empathy to feel the range of rocky emotion excreting from his pores. I felt so small, like a child again. Correction, I do not think I felt that small even as a child, after all I had been through. I was going to say “Yes”, and he said “No.” A single tear threatened to expose itself as I dropped to my knees. He cut out my heart with little effort as I was prepared to hand it over completely and freely. Shivering, I shivered at the instant replay in my mind and released a piercing scream that reached most levels of the mansion. The only sound that rivaled it was the thunder I caused. I decided to join the lightning and rain. I made it rain. If that one tear that threatened to fall was the only bodily reaction I would have, then the heavens tears certainly made up for what my body lacked. I watched him leave with his pet and I saw her kiss him and he not reject. I wanted to strike him with lightning, I wanted to strike him really bad, but I thought that breaking the promise to myself would have been worse than what he did to me.

It took a long time to get over Forge and I barely did. I do not think I would have really if it was not for Remy’s concern and love and Charles’s fatherly projection, Jean’s sympathy and Logan’s honesty. He made restored a part of me that I thought was long gone. I found a part of myself in his eyes. It got to a point where I cared so much about the way he saw me. He was, he is a great friend and I do not know what I would have done without him.

My twenty-sixth birthday, I did not wish to celebrate. It had been a while since Forge, but I still had no desire to go out and join the rat race of the dating game. So there I sat in my loft, on my bed, reading “A Thousand and One Nights” under a dimmed light.

“Hey, Darlin’. Didn’t ya hear me knockin’?”

“No, I am sorry Logan. My mind has been else where lately.”

“S’Okay, I just wanted to drop this off.” He dropped a wrapped gift on my bed in front of my folded legs. The wrapping paper was a navy blue with silver snowflakes.

“Yeah, Sorry, I couldn’t find the right friggin’ wrappin’ paper.”

“No, Logan, do not apologize. I love it!”

“I thought you might. Oh, Well, enjoy.”

“Thank you very much dear friend.” I kissed his cheek before he left and returned my attention to the gift. The man known as Wolverine is very thoughtful, much more than he is given credit for.

That night I went to bed thinking about the kiss between us on my twenty-first birthday. It inspired so much in me. My thoughts were like poetry when it came to that, so much so that I had to write them down. I have it vividly memorized.

It went something like,

Kisses are stains on your lips that you hope to never be rid of. The thought of his kiss burns me inside out. My lips tingle with internal heat and they pulse like a drumbeat. I am sure he could hear my heartbeat. I could feel it pulsing with anticipation behind the cage of my ribs. I close my eyes and I see that moment replay itself. Our head tilted to their respective rights, the heat, the energy could be felt just inches away. The warm air of you breath invading my space and invading my senses. Your lips against mine, soft and chaste, yet, the friction sent my nerves in all directions changing the momentum of how it feels. Soft and chaste is no longer soft and chaste but now passionate and uncompromising. I feel you part your lips against mine and I comply, allowing you access to my mouth completely. Ravaging and ravishing you were as you reveled in the accepted territory of my parted lips. There was passing tongues aggressively exploring each other and yet there still was a calm temperance that kept us together yet at bay. Our clothed chests were pressed together but my body had betrayed me long ago.

It was just a kiss but I felt so much. That thought helped me to sleep and it forced me to see another level to Logan that I did not have the option of seeing. It was something that was definitely worth exploring.





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