Erase this monster I’ve become
Forgive me for all the damage done
Its not over, say its not over
I’m begging for mercy
I am only the monster you made me
-Pop Evil
It was well past three in the morning when the phone rang.
Ororo clumsily fumbled for the receiver , fully expecting a wrong number or perhaps one of Bobby’s many current lady friends calling
To say she was shocked to hear the gravely and so familiar voice on the other end was an understatement
“Hey darlin”
She shot straight up from the bed, the flannel shirt he had left behind fell from around her shoulders
“Logan??”
Speaking his name aloud was something she had not done a single time in the months since he had left.
That day they had together before the incident, was the last time she had let it roll sweetly over her lips
It brought tears to her eyes, both of joy and anger
“Where in the hell are you?? Where have you been”
The clouds outside her bedroom window began to rumble and the lightning flashed to match the swirl of emotions that the sound of his voice had brought about.
“Best calm it down darlin, else you are going to cause a tsunami” he said hearing the thunder roll from the other end
Ororo gripped the phone so tight her fingers hurt “Calm down? “
She tore his shirt away from her
“You up and vanish without a word and you want me to just calm down??”
“It isn’t like it’s a first time for me darlin”
She could have slapped him across the face at that moment “You did not even bother to tell anyone”
“Do I ever?”
She clenched her teeth “You didn’t tell me Logan”
“Didn’t know I had to check in” he said teasing
She scoffed and shut her eyes tight as fresh tears began welling “If you were in my sight I would arc shove a lightning bolt right up your backside”
He chuckled, knowing she meant it “Thought you liked my ass”
“I want to be sure to hit where your brain is”
He chuckled softly “That’s my Ro”
She stood from her bed and began angrily pacing about her room, carrying the phone along with her “I don’t know if you are alive or dead, where you are, what your doing, if your coming back”
She massaged the bridge of her nose “Damn you Logan”
He was said nothing for a moment
And in that brief time it felt an eternity of silence
“I had to go darlin”
It almost sounded as if his voice quivered a moment
Her mind spun like a twister with so many questions she wanted, needed to ask
But only one came out
“Why?”
Logan sighed
Ororo could hear the strike of a match and the gentle puffing of his cigar that followed
“Not sure if you will understand darlin” He hesitated “Hell not even sure if I do truth be told”
“I deserve an answer Logan” she growled out “We deserve that”
Logan took a deep pull and blew the smoke out slowly as he thought
“You know the world we live in now right?”
She did not expect to be asked such a question
“What are you talking about?” She sat back upon the bed as her hand slowly moved back to take hold of his shirt. She pulled it into her lap as she listened
“The world has something now that I can never be apart of darlin”
She almost screamed at him, wanting to just hear his reason for his departure . She took a deep breath and calmed the turmoil within. The wind and rain outside seemed to lessen as well
“Get to the point Logan, don’t tap dance around it”
Logan smiled to himself, knowing his usual Confucius wise man thing wasn’t going to work on her. He just needed to be straight
“Peace darlin” He said
Ororo’s eyebrows crushed together in confusion
“I’m gonna explain” he said knowing that a tongue lashing was well on its way
“Make it good Logan” she said in a low whisper “Make it damn good”
Logan leaned against one of the benches of the small truck stop café he had stopped at on his way north. The cell phone pressed firmly to his ear as he took one last drag of his cigar before deciding to extinguish it
“You remember what happened that day a while back right”
He knew she did
And she knew that he knew that as well
She didn’t respond only waited
“I was made for the war darlin…..not the victory and not for what comes after”
“ I am a weapon darlin….and with what Chuck and Slim are doing with the world, trying to go for a global disarmament of the mutant threat to satisfy the politicians….they don’t need something like me hiding under their beds”
“what are you talking about Logan” Ororo hissed thoruhg clenched teeth “if it were not for you and what you have helped accomplish none of us would have ever even reached this point”
Logan sighed inwardly, this was going as well as he thought it might “I was just the blunt instrument Scott needed Ro, I helped break down the wall….but now the world needs people to build the mess around it back up….That’s not me darlin”
“Logan if this is about what happened with that man the other day……”
“I almost took his head off Ororo” Logan shouted, louder than he had intended, after scolding himself quietly for a moment he continued “I would have killed that kid just for wanting Cyke’s damn autograph”
Ororo remembered that day, and the horror that Logan had in his eyes when what was clutched in the young man’s hand was not a weapon but only a poster of the X-Men he had wanted Soctt to sign. “Logan please listen no one blames you, he jumped the barricade and was headed straight for Scott. He is still receiving death threats every day form all over the world, All of us would have reacted the same way”
“your wrong darlin” Logan stated firmly “you could have blown him back with a gust of wind….Kurt could have ported Slim away, Petey could have tackled him to the gorund, sure he might be sore for a month and spitting his teeth out of his ass but he would be alive”
He said nothing for a moment “I was going to kill him Ro…to protect what all of us have bled and died and suffered for so fucking long…..I am the monster they made me darlin…..and that’s all I will ever be”
“Damn you Logan….we are what we make ourselves” She had jumped from her bed…the bed they had only recently began to share “Don’t you dare walk away form this…from US….not now”
Logan felt a tear run down his eye “I’m something else too darlin” he said wanting to finish what he needed to say “I am the monster you made me too…..what I feel for you is so strong darlin…..and I want to see you happy Ro….I want you to smile fromt eh moment you wake to the second you fall asleep and everywhere in between….And I would burn this whole world to the ground to see it done if I had to….I would tear down the gates of Hell and spit in the devils face for you ….there is nothing I would not do for you Ororo…..and that’s the kind of monster I can live with being”
He dropped the phone and walked away
The sound of his Harley drowned out her screaming , her cursing of him, and the tears that flowed following
Soon only the sound of a light wind was all that was heard
The phone still swinging lightly form side to side
Story Notes:
Hey everyone it is great to be back and i hope all are doing well. This will be a short little story of only a few chapters untill i can get back in the swing and get back to work on my others stories. I hope all who read it enjoy!
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