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Chapter 18

Shades of Humanity



After Jean and the professor left the study they went outside to gather the remaining X-Men together, then they all met with Rogue and Remy under the shade tree near the pool. Charles decided to contact Hank to find out what progress his group had made, if any, and he was elated to learn that not only had the good doctor made contact with Ororo and Logan, but they were all together and heading home where they belonged. Dr. McCoy informed the professor of Logan's condition and progress thus far and prepared him for the fact that Logan didn't seem to recognize any of them.

"I wish we knew what was happening," Rogue said just as Charles broke his psychic connection with Dr. McCoy.

"They are almost home," Charles informed the team.

"You've made contact?" Jean asked.

"Yes. Dr. McCoy informs me they should be here within the hour and... Wolverine is hungry," he added with a smile.

"He's with them?" Rogue asked, leaning forward with anticipation.

"Yes," Charles confirmed, then he thought for a moment. "I suppose we should prepare something to eat. I'm sure they'll all be hungry by the time they arrive."

"Actually, I'm kind of hungry myself," Scott interjected.

"Well, that's no surprise, sugah," Rogue replied. "Ain't none of us eaten since breakfast and it's way past lunch time now."

By the time their teammates would return home it would be closer to dinnertime so Jean offered the suggestion of a nice sit down meal in the dining room. After all, it was air-conditioned and would be more comfortable, but Charles reminded her of Logan's feral mentality knowing that he would most likely not want to enter the building. The others agreed. Besides, the humidity was less now that the height of the day's heat had passed. So they proceeded to put together a nice outdoor feast as Scott warmed up the old barbeque.

Remy seemed distracted as he placed a dozen steaks on the grill and helped Scott tend to them. The others set out chairs and put together a casual buffet-style layout and, once everything was set, there was still plenty of time to sit back and relax. And wait.

Scott took his time grilling the steaks slowly over a small flame so they wouldn't be ready too soon. He glanced over at LeBeau, who was sitting atop a picnic bench nearby smoking a home-rolled cigarette. He appeared to be deep in his own thoughts.

"Hey, Remy," Scott said getting his attention. LeBeau flicked away the ash on his cigarette then casually turned to look at him. "You okay?"

"Yeh, Boss. Jus' fine," the Cajun answered without flair. His monotone was hardly convincing, but Scott didn't push it.

The air was so much cooler now and the shadows were beginning to lengthen on the ground, evidence of the sun's slow descent toward darkness. It wouldn't actually be dark for another hour or two, so there should still be plenty of time for a daylight reunion.

"When are they going to get here?" Rogue huffed impatiently, sitting forward in her lawn chair.

"Soon, Rogue," Charles assured. "It shouldn't be too much longer."

"Well, the steaks are about done," Scott rang out from his position at the pit and Jean, who was sitting at the picnic table nearby, picked up a large platter and brought it to him. Scott transferred the steaks on the grill to the platter and tossed a couple more on the fire as Jean carried the platter back to the table.

"Oh baby! Those smell great!" Bobby Drake shouted, as he came out of the woods a few hundred feet away. Everyone jumped to attention as he made a beeline toward the picnic table.

As he approached Iceman held his arms outstretched as if waiting to accept a hug. Rogue jogged out to meet him and gave him one and Bobby continued walking with his arms wrapped around her dragging her backward. Rogue giggled, then let out a squeal as their feet tangled together and Bobby stumbled, nearly dragging them both to the ground. Kurt wasn't far behind him and he passed by the two as Bobby checked up long enough to untangle himself from Rogue. Then they continued in with their arms around each other's shoulders.

When the three had made it back to the picnicking area, the others greeted them with a hundred questions. Charles settled everyone down as Hank emerged from the treeline with Ororo in tow. She kept looking back over her shoulder and Hank was nearly pulling her along. He kept whispering to her as they approached the picnic area and the others grew real quiet when they saw that Wolverine wasn't with them and Remy turned to Bobby.

"Where is he?"

"He's there," Bob told him as he stuck his finger into the potato salad. Scooping out a clump, he popped it into his mouth.

"Where?" Remy asked again, scanning the trees. Bobby held up one finger suggesting that LeBeau hold his questions until Hank and Ororo got there. And as the two approached and gathered around the table Jean came over to give Ororo a hug.

"Girl, you look tired," Jean said with an understanding smile and Ororo smiled back with a nod.

"Yes, hungry too," Ororo added, looking at the feast set out on the table.

"Well, there's definitely more than enough to go around," Scott smiled as he stepped forward to embrace her as well.

"Where's Logan?" Remy wanted to know and Warren shot him an irritated glare.

"Oh, he's here," Hank assured the Cajun, but seeing LeBeau's doubting expression he knew an explanation was in order. "He got nervous when he saw everyone sitting here. I'm sure he's checking things out from a 'safer' distance."

Ororo nodded then walked over to Charles who was waiting patiently for them to get settled. She bent forward to wrap her arms about his neck.

"I tried to get him to come in with us," she told him, resting her head briefly on his shoulder. Then she loosened her embrace and looked at him. "But the more I pushed, the more anxious he became."

"That's quite alright, Ororo," Charles replied. "You were able to bring him this far and, from what I have been told, you've done an outstanding job." Ororo gave him a tired smile.

"Boy, the food looks great! Let's eat. I'm starved," Bobby exclaimed, grabbing a plate and heading back to the bowl of potato salad.

Jean walked over to Storm and asked if she'd like to get cleaned up first, but Ororo shook her head. "I should bring Logan some food," she replied, and Hank turned away from the table.

"Why don't we wait a little while," he suggested. "Perhaps he will come in on his own."

Storm thought about it for only a moment, then shook her head again. "I promised him food if he came with us," Ororo reminded him.

"So throw him a bone," Angel tossed out rudely.

"Warren!" Rogue scolded, as everyone turned to glare at him. Ororo looked at him curiously, meeting his gaze squarely.

Warren met her eyes for a moment then grabbed a plate of food and walked to the bench on the other side of the pit. Without a backward glance he proceeded to eat his dinner away from the others. Ororo turned to Jean, who was looking at her apologetically.

"Is there some hostility here I should be aware of?" Storm asked her.

"Not at all, Ororo," Charles assured her and she turned to look at him. "Just nerves." Ororo thought about it, then nodded. When she turned away again Charles shot Warren a scolding frown. Warren offered no response as he looked sidelong at Xavier from the corner of his eye, sliding a mouthful of food from his fork. Then he turned his full attention back to his plate.

Kurt brought Ororo a plate of food, setting a place for her at the table. She glanced at the woods briefly then, making her decision, she grabbed the plate from the table. Tossing a couple of steaks on it she headed across the yard.

"Ro?" Jean asked, a little concerned. Hank watched Storm solemnly, then told Jean that Ororo knew what she was doing. Everyone stopped to watch her and even Warren twisted around on his perch to watch.

When Ororo got about halfway to the trees she sat down on the grass, placing the plate of food on the ground in front of her and casually began to eat. Gambit was just about finished filling up his plate when he'd glanced up to see Ororo sitting alone.

"I'll go sit wit' her," he offered as he took a steak from the platter.

"I wouldn't suggest it," Hank replied as he took his place at the table.

"Why not?" Gambit asked.

"That's how she gets him to come out," Hank informed them as he sat down next to Scott. "If you go out there, he won't come out. Be patient."

Kurt and Bobby finally took their seats at the table across from Hank and Rogue went to sit with Jean in the lawn chairs off to the side.

"Vait 'til you see him," Kurt told them as he stirred the food on his plate. Scott got up to offer Charles a plate, but was politely waved away.

"You sure?" Scott asked.

"Yes, thank you," Charles replied. "Perhaps later." Scott nodded and set the plate back on the table. Charles watched Ororo closely, hoping her attrmpts to lure Wolverine from the cover of the trees would be successful. Scott went over to the grill to flip the steaks then returned to his seat. Everyone settled in to eat and it became very quiet as they all took a few moments to satisfy their hunger.

When the silence became noticeable Hank struck up some casual conversation. Everyone finally relaxed and got comfortable as things seemed to be returning to normal. Some laughter broke out as Bobby told one of his humorous anecdotes and Hank glanced over at Ororo, wishing she would come and relax with the rest of them. As he watched her though he saw movement just inside the tree line to Ororo's left. Hank turned his attention back to his plate and spoke quietly to the others.

"Don't everybody jump up..." he advised them, "but we have a visitor." Dr. McCoy continued to eat and act as normally as he would at any other outdoor gathering, but everyone else stopped and raised their eyes to him. When Hank realized that all the conversation at the table had ceased he looked up, and was met by a dozen eyes staring at him.

Bobby and Kurt; who were already adjusted to Logan's appearance and behavior - and were comfortable being around him - continued to eat their meals. They casually glanced over their shoulders now and again to check on Wolverine's progress as he made his way cautiously across the yard toward Ororo.

One by one the others turned to look also. Remy was the first to see him and he couldn't believe that the creature he was now seeing... was his friend. "Mon... Dieu," he exclaimed quietly under his breath. His reaction got Warren's attention and he stood up slowly to see what was going on, moving closer to the group at the table. They all watched as Wolverine moved toward Storm, sniffing the air as he approached her.

* * * * * * * * * * *

He stayed low to the ground and moved deliberately, keeping his eye on the group gathered near the table. At one point a loud snap came from the fire in the pit and the noise startled Wolverine who froze in step. He stared at the group sitting a short distance away and Ororo tried not to look at him. By ignoring his presence she was forcing him to come closer in order to let her know that he was there, but when she realized that Logan was staring intently at the people staring back at him Ororo spoke to him, only to pull his attention away from the others.

"You hungry?" she asked him without looking up. Wolverine looked at her and Ororo picked up one of the steaks with her hand and held it limply in front of her. She didn't offer it to him though, he had to come and get it.

Wolverine checked out the group one more time and, seeing that no one was attempting to move, he made his decision. He moved swiftly across the ten-foot distance separating him from Storm and crouched down close to her left shoulder.

Logan sniffed at her, picking up the scents of the other X-Men who'd embraced her earlier to welcome her home. Ororo swept her hair back from her face as she tried to ignore him.

* * * * * * * * * * *

"My god, he's so..." Warren said trying to think of the right word.

"Feral," Scott finished for him and Angel nodded as he continued to stare at Wolverine, then he furrowed his brow.

"What is he doing?" Worthington asked.

Scott looked up from his plate again to see what Warren was talking about and watched as Logan sniffed at Ororo's hair; causing it to repeatedly fall into her face and she repeatedly pushed it back again patiently.

"Picking up our scents," Scott answered simply and Warren gave him a look that he couldn't quite read. "Because we all hugged her," he explained further.

"Oh... right," Warren replied slightly disgusted by the idea, then turned his concentration back to Ororo.

* * *

She raised her hand; offering Logan the steak and hoping to distract him from his activity, but he ignored it for the moment. He did glance at the cooked meat from over her shoulder, but he needed to satisfy his nose first as he sifted through the new scents that clung to her. Only when that was done did he turn his attention to her offering of food.

Logan reached out slowly and took it gently from her hand. Once he had it in his grasp, he took a step backward and tore into the cooked flesh with carnivorous fervor.

* * *

"Geez... he's not going to go into a feeding frenzy or anything, is he?" Angel asked nervously.

"Don't worry. We've got plenty of food here," Scott assured him with an amused grin. Then, realizing that his teammate may be fearing an attack he added, "He's not a cannibal, if that's what you're worried about."

Warren felt foolish, because that was exactly what he'd been worried about. He gave Scott a sardonic grin just as LeBeau leaned in close and whispered to him.

"Non, mon ami, he may not be a cannibal but he a predator. Obviously prefers meat... any kind o' meat..."

"Remy, stop it," Rogue lightly scolded him with a smile. LeBeau gave her a mischievous smile of his own and she shook her head still grinning. Neither one of them noticed Warren's eyes narrow in anger.

* * *

Logan finished his steak and Ororo offered him a forkful of potato salad knowing full well that he would never settle for that when there were two good-sized London Broils sitting in front of her. He curled his lip and huffed at her, moving his head away from the fork. Ororo smirked and pursed her lips together to keep from giggling out loud.

"You sure?" she asked. Wolverine shifted his eyes to meet hers and she grinned. He didn't seem to appreciate her offer of potatoes over steak and his expression told her so, but she found it comical. She moved the fork toward him in a teasing manner causing him to curl his lip again, so she ate the salad and offered him another slab of meat. He took it and ripped through it with the same gusto as he'd done with the first.

After Logan did away with that one Ororo teased him again with the last bite of salad from her plate. Annoyed, he grunted at her as he leaned away from the fork then he reached out and grabbed the last steak from Ororo's plate. She playfully grabbed at it, making Logan jump backward out of her reach with an irritated growl. Storm watched him finish his meal with a grin gracing her lips and her eyes full of affection for the feral X-Man.

Then she stood up with the empty plate in her hand and Logan gulped down the last of his steak, standing up to check out the now empty plate. Ororo walked away from him, moving toward the group of X-Men whom she was sure were waiting anxiously for them. Logan automatically started to follow her, then realized where she was going. He stopped and hunched down as Ororo continued to walk back to the others. He stared at her curiously as she took a seat beside Charles.


* * *

"How many steaks do we have left?" Ororo asked Scott. He twisted around in his seat to look at her, giving her an amused smirk.

"There's plenty," Scott assured her. "How many would you like?"

"Two for now. Thank you," she replied casually. Scott nodded and stood up. He brought her the steaks and quickly returned to his seat at the table.

Everyone watched Wolverine as he stared at Ororo from afar, but she ignored him and started up a casual conversation with her teammates who answered her questions robotically at first, much more interested in watching Logan. Until he began to approach them slowly, warily.

"Storm?" Rogue said to get her attention.

"Just ignore him," Ororo replied casually without looking up. "He will keep coming in if he thinks you don't know he is there."

Ororo kept them involved in conversation as Wolverine moved into the group, stopping now and then to study the crowd of strangers. He finally made his way over to Ororo's chair and crouched down next to her as if no one would notice he was there.

He looked at the group again - studying each person individually - and recognized Bobby, Kurt and Hank sitting safely among them. Logan checked them out thoroughly - by scent, sight and body language. They appeared to be relaxed and comfortable. And they were unharmed... so Logan allowed himself to relax just a little, although his feral scowl remained and his eyes continued to dart about the group.

Ororo was aware of him looking at her from time to time for reassurance but she didn't interfere, she wanted him to make up his own mind. His gaze, however, was constantly drawn to Kurt and Bobby who sat at the table facing him. Bobby glanced up and caught his stare.

"Hey, buddy," Bobby greeted with a smile and a wave, then continued his meal as if Wolverine's presence was really no big deal. Hank turned around briefly and gave Logan a friendly smile before returning to his meal.

"I like his hair," Kurt mentioned off-handedly through a mouthful of food, to no one in particular. Wolverine's long thick mane had hardly gone unnoticed by the other X-Men, nor did his feral black eyes which seemed to absorb the setting sun.

In the coming darkness, his eyes took on a hollow appearance as they reflected the day's dying light. They now shone brilliantly with an animalistic golden hue which only served to complete the image of the X-Man as the 'nocturnal predator', which was his birthright.

Logan finally turned his eyes back to Ororo and the plate of food on her lap. He looked up at her as if waiting for his cue. She glanced at him and smiled.
"You can have them," Ororo told him, gesturing toward the steaks. "They are for you." Instead of taking one from the plate, Wolverine's eyes shifted uneasily to Charles and the two looked at each other silently. When Ororo realized that the former teacher and his student were silently staring at one another, she turned her smile toward Charles. "Talk to him," she invited the professor quietly.

"What should I say?" he asked in return without taking his eyes from Wolverine.

"Whatever you like. The words are not important," she told him. "Just let him hear your voice."

"Yeah. He don't understand a lot of words yet anyway," Bobby mentioned casually between mouthfuls.

Charles had no idea what to say that would ease Wolverine's mind. He just looked upon his 'son' with tremendous compassion. He looked at the glorious creature before him knowing that this gentle soul, this 'wild thing', was the cause of Logan's deepest fears. This was the part of himself that Logan could feel calling out to him every day; and feared deeply what its existence meant for him.

Wolverine tried to hold the professor's gaze but couldn't. His eyes shifted away, glancing around uncomfortably before returning to Charles'. Logan could sense the professor's position of authority within the group and he found it difficult to hold a challenging stare. After all, he was the outsider here and he was outnumbered.

There were many unfamiliar males here and, if he wanted to remain within his female's 'pack', he couldn't chance being run off... at least not yet. Logan finally relinquished his natural instinct to challenge and lowered his head, glancing around quickly one more time before leaning his forehead on Storm's knee.

"I don't believe it," Bobby exclaimed quietly, his mouth hung open in astonishment. Hank glanced over his shoulder and seeing Wolverine's offer not to challenge he turned back to address Iceman.

"Why don't you believe it, Robert?"

"Well, because... Wolverine... he don't submit to anybody!" Bobby explained haltingly.

"Correction, my friend, he doesn't submit to *just* anybody," Hank replied.

Ororo placed her hand gently on top of Logan's head and looked at Charles with a soft smile, as if to ask him what his intentions were. Wolverine was waiting for confirmation that he would be accepted within the group. Charles looked at Ororo for a moment, then pursed his lips together and took a deep breath.

"Logan," Charles said softly, but Wolverine kept his head down. "Logan, please... come here. It's alright." Logan lifted his head from Ororo's knee but kept his eyes lowered. He listened to Xavier's soothing voice and Ororo felt him tremble against her. "Logan..." Charles repeated again in his ever-patient tone and Wolverine began to breathe faster. His eyes closed and he started to rock back and forth on his haunches. These were the obvious signs of heightened anxiety that Ororo knew all too well. "What is it?" Charles asked as Ororo leaned forward in her chair.

"I don’t know," she replied curiously, shaking her head. "Logan, look at me." She tried to raise his chin to her, but he pulled free of her grasp and squeezed his eyes shut tight with a groan.

"Doesn’t he usually act like that when he has one of those memory flashes?" Bobby asked.

"Yes, he does," Hank concurred, and as if to emphasizehis reply Logan grunted almost painfully.

"Logan… it’s alright," Storm tried to comfort. "You’re okay. You’re safe."

"What do you think caused it?" Jean asked as she came closer.

"That’s impossible to say," Charles replied, keeping a close eye on him. "Many times there are no identifiable triggers, sometimes they just happen."

Ororo continued to try and get Wolverine’s attention, but Professor Xavier explained that Logan couldn’t hear her at the moment - he was lost in the image of the memory. Charles assured her that Logan *was* only recovering a memory and he was now in a fugue state, but he would be fine in a short while.

Logan’s eyes focused inward toward the vision. Ororo could hear his teeth slam together as the tension in his jaw locked the muscles tight, then he began to grind his teeth. His breathing became heavy and quick and his nostrils flared as he sucked in huge amounts of air through his nose.

The entire event lasted only a minute or so and a moment later he blinked his eyes rapidly as the flashback lost its grip on him. He looked as though somebody had just smacked him hard upside his head with a two by four. Then Logan raised his eyes to Charles and snarled, flashing his sharp teeth.

"Logan!" Ororo scolded but he didn’t pay her any attention. He did however stand up and take a step toward the professor. Jean was on her feet instantly and Charles raised his hand, halting her in step.

"Charles?" Jean asked with mild panic.

"Take it easy, Jean," he advised her calmly as he looked at Wolverine now standing before him. Logan opened his mouth as if to say something then looked at Ororo. She looked very concerned, but she nodded to encourage him to use his words. Logan looked back at the professor.

"Hur-t… Lo-gan," he said in such a deep, gravelly voice that they weren’t even sure if he had said a word. Charles heard him though and he nodded.

"Yes. I’m sorry, Logan," he answered quietly. "I *have* hurt you in the past, but I was only trying to help."

"Hhel-p," Logan repeated, staring at Xavier curiously.

"Logan?" Ororo said, touching his arm gently. Logan looked at her, then he crouched back down next to her and spoke to her instead.

"Hhel-p… Lo-gan… hurt," he said, tapping his knuckles against the side of his head, then lifting his chin to indicate Charles.

"He knows that you've caused him pain, Charles," Jean said nervously.

"Perhaps," Charles replied as he continued to study Logan's behavior.

"Maybe he’s remembering that you tried to *take away* his pain," Scott said, offering another suggestion and Logan looked up at Storm unsure about all the chatter.

"He’s confused," she stated softly.

"Ya’ think?" Warren quipped sarcastically and everyone shot him a look, then Peter stood up.

"What is your trouble, comrade?" Peter asked, demanding an explanation for Warren’s insensitive remarks. Logan was immediately alert to the possibility of a confrontation and he spun around on his toes to face the two men, then stood and set his stance in front of Ororo.

"Gentlemen…" Charles said, keeping his voice level with only a hint of urgency, "this is not the time for an argument."

Warren and Peter looked over, as did the rest of the team, to see that Wolverine was set for a fight and sniffing the air to get their scents on mental record. Not wishing to see the situation escalate, Peter sat down slowly and Worthington backed off a few steps. Wolverine stepped forward toward the picnic table and, as he approached the larger of the two men, Logan sniffed at Warren and snarled as he passed him by.

Logan walked straight up to the picnic bench where Hank was sitting next to Scott and pushed between the two men as he climbed up to the top of the table. Hank slid over to give him room on the bench and, when he realized Logan was continuing straight to the top, he hurried to move plates and glasses aside.

Wolverine gestured for Peter to stand up so he did. As Colossus stood to his full height Logan had to straighten himself up too in order to keep his eyes level with the giant Russian. He appeared to be quite impressed by Peter’s physical stature, as he looked him up and down and Bobby took the initiative, standing up to make a proper introduction.

"This is Peter. Logan? Colossus."

"Klos-iz," Logan tried to repeat off-handedly, then he jumped off the table and moved toward the Angel. He landed on the ground and crouched low, resting on his haunches. Logan sniffed at Warren who swallowed nervously and took a step backward. He crouched there in front of Angel longer than they'd expected him to and that's when Ororo noticed that Logan was gently swaying back and forth.

She stood up and went to him, lowering herself down beside him and saw once again that his eyes were focused inward. ‘Another memory?’ she wondered and, as he fell deeper into that hypnotic stare, Wolverine took in huge samples of Worthington’s scent.

A moment later the memory flash was over and Logan quickly became aware of his surroundings and, in turn, became extremely agitated. He grunted at Warren as he stood up then walked toward him. Then he circled the winged X-Man checking him out from head to toe, as if looking for a vulnerable spot. As he circled Angel a second time his lip curled back in a vicious snarl.

"Oh, Ah don’t like the look o’ this," Rogue stated as she stood up.

"Neither do I. Call him off," Warren replied.

"Logan?" Storm said trying to get his attention, and as he came around the other side of the giant wings Wolverine glanced over at her. "What is it, Logan? Do you remember Warren?"

"Mmmm," Logan grumbled. He continued to move around Angel, inhaling his scent deeply. "Mmmm," he repeated and, as he moved around Warren again, Ororo also stepped around to keep Logan in view. "Mmmm-aa…"

To Storm, it sounded as if Logan was trying to say something specific and was trying to come up with the word on his own. He was thinking really hard about it too, and he snarled dangerously at Warren when he couldn't come up with it.

"Mmm-arr…"

"What, Logan?" Storm asked, but Logan shook his head quickly at her to stop her from distracting his thought.

"Mmar- ad…..mar-ad-er…" he growled.

"Maurauder!" Rogue exclaimed, then realized it wasn’t something she should be overly thrilled about. "Wait a minute, you were never a Maurauder," she added.

"Mar-ad-er-er…" Logan tried again. Then he stopped and swung his head around at Warren and flashed his over-sized fangs at the winged mutant. "Maur-ad…" Logan squeezed his eyes shut and balled up his fists, straining to come up with the memory or the word. Hank watched fearfully as the hair on Logan’s arms bristled, then his mane fanned out.

"Oh my… god," Warren half-whispered in shock, his eyes huge.

"It’s alright, Warren," Scott assured him. "Storm?" Ororo glanced at him and shrugged, she was as lost on this one as they were.

"Mmard-er," Logan tried to tell her, desperately wishing she could tell him the word he wanted.

"Maurauder?" she asked, trying to help. "That is Warren, Logan."

Logan became so agitated, because he couldn’t say the word he wanted, that he slammed his fists against the side of his head as if trying to jog the word from his brain.

"No! No, no, stop!" Ororo grabbed onto his fists so he wouldn’t hurt himself. He pulled against her, but she held on to his wrists as tight as she could. Logan tried to wrest himself free. "Logan… what is it? Why are you so upset?" she asked. Warren backed away until he had the fire pit between himself and Wolverine.

"Mar-er…der. Mar-erd-er-er," Logan kept repeating, frantically pleading with her to understand.

"Okay, okay." She tried to comfort him and wrapped her arms around him. He didn’t fight her because he was so focused on trying to find the right word that he barely even noticed her restraining embrace. Bobby, totally dumbfounded by the situation, blurted out without thinking.

"It sounds like he’s trying to say ‘murderer’," Bobby observed aloud.

"No… I’m sure it’s maurauder," Scott countered.

"Murderer!" Logan yelled. Now that someone had said it, he could repeat it.
"Murderer!" he screamed at Warren and Ororo tightened her grip on him as he tried to pull away shouting at Worthington. Hank quickly got up and moved to give Storm a hand in restraining Wolverine, who was absolutely frantic; shouting at Angel and trying to get loose from Ororo’s grasp. Scott stood up too, concerned about Wolverine’s reaction to Warren then turned to him.

"Is there something you need to explain, Angel?" Cyclops asked.

"Murderer!! Murderer!!" Logan screamed, struggling against Storm and Hank as they tried to calm him.

"He doesn't know what he's saying," Angel told them over Logan’s screaming even as he backed away. Rogue stood up looking at Warren with disbelief. This couldn’t possibly be what he’s been trying to keep hidden from Wolverine… from them. ‘Murderer?’ "Wolverine… he's wrong, I'm telling you. I swear… wrong word, wrong man," Angel told them in response to their shocked expressions. "He is mistaken, I swear."

"He seems pretty sure to me," Iceman told him, coming closer to Hank to get a good look at his friend fighting to get loose of Hank’s grip. Bobby turned slowly to Warren. "Is that what you didn’t want him to remember?" Warren shook his head. "Did he see you murder someone?" Bob asked accusingly.

"No!" Angel exclaimed.

"Murderer!" Logan kept shouting.

"He’s mistaken!" Angel shouted over his screams.

"Logan!! Calm down! Please…" Storm pleaded with him. She took his face between her hands and stepped in front of him to block his view of Warren. He struggled a few seconds more then he looked up at her with fear, anger and confusion in his eyes. "Ssshhh. Calm down," she whispered to him.

"Mur-der…" he stammered, in a quieter tone.

"It’s okay," Storm whispered to him. She wouldn’t let him look around her, no matter how he tried. "Warren?" she said after a thought, "You may want to go somewhere that he can’t see you."

Warren looked at all their doubting eyes, then swallowed hard and nodded. Taking a few steps back he unfurled his large wings, then he turned and flew away. Scott furrowed his brow and watched with concern as Angel disappeared in the darkened sky.

"It’s okay, pal," he told Logan, wondering what it was that he was remembering or whether he was remembering it correctly. Scott just shook his head at the thought then looked at Wolverine standing beside him.

"Murderer," Logan told him. Scott patted him on the head giving his hair a light tousle in the same manner he used with his little brother.

"Okay, pal."

* * *

Hank and Ororo were able to loosen their hold on Wolverine as he'd calmed down significantly only moments after Warren was out of sight and scent range. Kurt and Bobby however had become assertive, obviously coming forward in support of Logan and were still hot in his defense. Charles tried to keep everyone calm so as not to set Wolverine off again, but Iceman became defiant, almost to the point of becoming rude.

"Kurt, Robert, there's no need to raise your voices. Please try to control your reactions, you may disturb Wolverine and set him off again," the professor said quietly, trying to restore a friendly atmosphere. Iceman however was so incensed he wasn't listening to reason and his heated reply was so rude that Cyclops had to put his foot down.

"Iceman! Nightcrawler," Scott said crisply, "I will not tolerate any form of disrespect toward Professor Xavier! You forget yourselves and even common courtesy?"

Realizing how their behavior was coming across, the chastized pair immediately apologized to Charles and he readily accepted the apology. He knew they meant no disrespect, they were just voicing their concerns and allowing their emotions to take the lead over rational thinking.

Through all of the commotion Peter Rasputin had kept his seat and had kept quiet. He saw no reason to interfere or to cause anymore confusion, but he had watched Wolverine’s behavior closely through it all and it saddened him to see his friend so distraught. There was no doubt in Peter’s mind that Wolverine was still perfectly able to defend himself and would not hesitate to do so. That much had not changed. What had changed… was Wolverine’s willingness to accept Storm’s guidance and discipline.

Peter had always believed that Ororo possessed a special talent for connecting with Wolverine even when all others would try and fail. He had once witnessed five people trying to restrain Logan as he lashed out in a blind fury. They'd tried to get his attention long enough to make attempts to calm him down and they failed miserably.

When Ororo had stepped forward and spoke to him - having to repeat herself a couple of times, but remaining calm and quiet - Logan had looked at her. Her understanding, but stern expression and the no-nonsense, but soothing tone of her voice always seemed to grab his attention.

Peter had always been amazed by it. He didn't understand it, but he admired her for it. It was as if, even when Logan didn’t always understand what was happening to him or why, Ororo could always reach out to that part of him that hurt so badly and she'd always find it waiting to accept her.

The actual details of Logan‘s past never seemed to really concern her. Ororo didn’t need to know the gruesome details of his life to understand the pain it left behind. She cared only about what Logan was feeling, she cared about the effects his life had on him, but the actual details didnt matter. He didn’t have to explain things to her, he didn’t need to justify his pain… it was there, that’s all she needed to know.

As the others talked quietly amongst themselves over what'd just transpired, Peter watched as Logan slipped away from the small group and came toward him. Right up and over he came again to perch on top of the table in front of him. He crouched down in front of him, then Wolverine turned to look over his shoulder at the others before turning his full attention back to the living monolith.

It seemed to Peter that Logan looked lost, almost sad. Besides the expression in his eyes, the most obvious change in Wolverine’s appearance was the tremendous length his hair had grown in just a few days. It hadn’t only grown long, but it grew outward as well, with a definite shape and attitude.

It really was an impressive feature and a beautiful symbol of what Mother Nature may have originally had planned for Logan’s intended station in life - a fate or destiny, that would never be realized thanks to human intervention.
As the two looked each other over, their eyes met and Colossus was amazed at what he saw. ‘The eyes’ - it had been said - ‘were the windows to one’s soul.’ Peter always believed that.

He'd known Logan for many, many years and had always believed that Wolverine’s rough edges and hard exterior had to be, in part, to protect himself from ever being hurt again as badly as he already had been.

Now Rasputin sat in silent awe, staring into the eyes of a man he once knew as a callous and uncaring military combatant, a ferocious fighter and a savage, merciless killer. He saw nothing of that man now. Right now, at this very moment, that man-made assassin did not exist.

Looking into those piercing blue eyes, Peter could see only gentleness and an understanding that existed naturally, before Logan’s psyche had been manipulated and perverted by the cruelty of human hands for their own selfish reasons.

Peter realized with profound regret that, because Logan had been beaten and tortured under the ‘reasoning’ that his animal-like instincts and physical features made him less than human - and because he'd been kicked and spat on while ‘intelligent’ people accused him of being nothing more than an animal – Logan had learned quickly to despise the animal within him. The saddest part of it all was that Logan had been conditioned to hate and fear the very best part of himself.

Colossus picked a small piece of steak from his plate and offered it to Logan as a sign of acceptance and friendship. Jean turned to check on Wolverine just in time to see Peter offering him a portion from his plate. She whispered to Ororo and they watched as Logan took the offering very gently from Peter’s fingers. The team walked to the table and both Peter and Logan glanced at them with barely any interest as Peter continued to offer Logan portions of his meal. Wolverine took his share with docile acceptance.

Dr. McCoy reached out slowly and placed his hand on Logan's shoulder. He was interested in what sort of response the touch would elicit, but Logan barely glanced up in response. Then he went to collect the steaks that had been left forgotten on the grill over the dying flame.

He carried them back to Peter and placed them on the table beside him. Logan’s eyebrows arched in delight and he slid across the table toward the plate, tearing a bite from the piece the large Russian had just given him. "Keep him occupied, would you please?" Hank asked him. "Dr. Grey and I would like to give him a quick examination."

Peter nodded and took a steak from the plate. He slowly cut it into pieces keeping Logan’s attention while Jean cautiously gave him the once over. She examined some of the cuts he'd received as he ran through the dense woods and as they seemed to be healing normally for him, she moved upward. She checked his cuts and bruises and gently went through his thick mane looking for any hidden injuries or infections he might've received that his healing factor might have trouble with. Finding none she rubbed his long dirty hair between her fingers.

"Maybe we should try to clean him up a little bit," Jean mentioned. Hank agreed that it couldn't hurt and she sent Kurt off for soapy water and a towel.

Logan caught the scent of sulfur left behind by Kurt's teleportation. He curled up his nose and forced the insulting odor from his nasal passages, turning to look for the reason for the vile odor just as Jean touched his neck gingerly to see how tender a bruise was.

Her touch was painful and Logan flinched reflexively. His mind flashed an image of remembered pain - a pain inflicted on him by another. Logan’s mind flashed back to images of a large, bright room; of people without faces holding him down, cutting him open; feeling the pain and trying to scream… and not being able to.

That entire image hit Logan all at once. His head jerked upward as if he'd been hit with an uppercut and he gasped loudly from the intense shock of the memory’s image. As the whiplash effect of his reaction pulled him off balance, he threw his arms out to the side catching Jean’s shoulder in his right hand and Peter’s arm in his left. They in turn grabbed onto him in surprise, to keep him from throwing himself backwards off the table.

"Oh my god… Logan!" Jean exclaimed tightening her grip.

"Got him!" Peter assured her.

"That was intense! What happened? What’d you do?" Bobby exclaimed.

"That was a flashback... and a pretty intense one, I’d say," Hank explained.

Kurt reappeared with the supplies and quickly assessed that he'd missed something significant. "Is he alright?" he asked.

"He’ll be fine," Jean answered, not too sure of it herself as Ororo moved to the other side of the table quickly to assist Peter. Logan was now somewhat reclined on top of the table, his head and shoulders supported by Colossus.
Jean moved swiftly to check his condition. His eyes were wide as he stared toward the night sky, lost and unfocused. His mouth open in shock, his heavy and irregular breathing expressing his terror just as well as any scream could have.

Storm spoke to him softly, trying to control her own feelings of desperation. She cradled Logan's head in her arms as she tried to rescue him from the horrors of his own mind.

"Can I get some water?" Storm asked, to no one in particular as Logan started to come out of his altered mental state.

Bobby grabbed the pitcher, poured the water with shaky hands and handed her the glass. Logan blinked his eyes to clear the lingering remnants of the vision from his head as Ororo touched his face with soothing caresses. He was quite obviously disoriented and she helped him take a sip of water.

"I want him inside tonight," Charles instructed.

"Charles…" Ororo began to protest.

"No arguments, Storm. He needs supervision," he told her. "He’s obviously beginning to recover his memories and they are not returning passively. Recovering lost memories is unsettling enough… to have them return with that kind of intensity…" he didn’t need to finish. Ororo nodded knowing she couldn’t possibly deny the logic of his orders.

* * *
It had taken a lot of persuasion and a whole lot more patience, but they were eventually able to persuade Wolverine to step inside the mansion’s front entrance. He took some time to check out the large foyer, looking into the two rooms off to either side. Bobby tried to encourage him to go farther into the rooms but he wouldn’t cross through the doorways.

When he got to the wide staircase leading up to the second floor Logan looked up curiously, but when Jean walked a short distance up the steps and tried to get him to follow he quickly moved away. Jean shook her head with a smile and looked expectantly to Ororo.

The weather goddess moved forward and proceeded up the stairs. Logan watched her attentively, but he didn’t move and she made it all the way to the top before turning to look at him. Logan was looking up at her and his expression, although still a scowl, was full of confusion. It clearly told her that he really didn’t want to go any further, but he didn’t want to be left behind either.

"C’mon, Logan. There is nothing to fear," she told him and he glanced at the others who were standing nearby. They all stood quietly watching, not wanting to interfere. Their expressions remained friendly and relaxed and they were giving him his space. He considered these things as he tried to make a decision. "Logan?" Ororo drew his attention back to her. "No fear," she told him simply. He looked up at her and she could see it in his eyes, he really wanted to believe her.

"No… hurt… Logan," he said back to her and Storm felt her heart breaking.

"No, sweetie. No one will hurt Logan here," she assured him.

He looked back at the others one last time then started up the stairs. As he got closer to the top, his pace slowed as he sniffed the air. Ororo held her hand out to encourage him to come closer, but Logan stopped just before reaching the landing. Leaning forward he checked out the hallway to the left, then to the right.

"I’ve got something to show you," Ororo told him. It appeared to be safe, so Logan took her hand and she led him down the hall to his right. The rest of the team followed up the stairs after they disappeared down the hall.

As Ororo led him past the closed doors of the bedrooms belonging to different team members, Logan sniffed at them as if to identify which X-man occupied which room. When they passed by Warren’s bedroom door, Logan pulled back against her hand and snarled at the door. Storm quickly pulled him along and the sight of Hank and the others coming up behind him helped to keep him moving.

They'd passed three doors on the left before they came to the first door on the right. Ororo stopped in front of it and Logan sniffed at it, then he turned wide eyes to her. She smiled at him then opened the door. Logan barely hesitated before stepping inside to check things out. Every inch of the room was covered in his scent. He turned to look at Ororo standing in the doorway.

"This is *your* room," she said, pointing at him. She moved to the bed and turned down the covers and Logan watched her for a moment with a blank expression. Then he moved across the room and pushed through the glass doors that lead out to his private balcony.

He looked up at the night sky then peered over the railing. Ororo came out and guided him back inside, locking the doors behind her. Logan stared out through the panes of glass as Storm went back out to the hall to give him some room. Jean came up beside her and peeked in at him. She offered Ororo a smile to let her know that she was doing the right thing.

"He’ll be alright, ‘Ro. Why don’t you take some time for yourself? We can watch him," Jean offered. Ororo thought about it as she let out a sigh – 'a hot shower, clean clothes, a warm bed?' Her expression told Jean that she really would love just fifteen minutes to get herself together. "Go ahead. He’ll be fine," Jean told her and Ororo nodded, then turned down the hall.

* * *

Ororo's room was on the third floor. She'd instantly fallen in love with the openness of the attic layout and Charles had given it to her to make her own.
The large balcony leading outside and the three large skylights allowed an abundance of sunlight into the room and helped to keep her claustrophobia at bay. The solar heat afforded the room a tropical feel and helped to turn the attic space into her own private little rainforest. Ororo Munroe definitely had a green thumb and the hundreds of plants that she tended to daily flourished under her care.

She climbed the stairs and the sweet aroma of exotic and tropical flora welcomed her home. Ororo went straight to the shower and turned it on. A hot shower would certainly ease her aching muscles... and her exhausted mind right along with it.

She certainly wouldn’t have any trouble falling asleep tonight. The fragrance of shampoo and tropical shower gels filled the bathroom with a relaxing aroma. As she bathed Ororo kept thinking about those crisp, clean white sheets that were waiting for her and the feel of silk and cotton that would soon embrace her as she fell into the deepest sleep of her life.

Twenty minutes later she emerged from the steam-filled room feeling a hundred percent better. She towel-dried her hair as she moved to turn down the covers on her bed promising herself that she would check on Logan before settling in for the night.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, brushing her hair and closing her eyes with a very contented sigh, when she heard footfalls on the stairs. It couldn’t be Logan because he wasn’t wearing shoes and whoever it was... was coming up the stairs quickly. Storm opened her eyes and stood up holding her breath, she feared that Logan had gotten away and one of her teammates was racing up here to give her the bad news. She started toward the stairs just as Jean made it to the top and the two women looked at each other with almost the same expression.

"What is it?" Storm asked worried, but she wasn't sure she really wanted the answer.

"Sorry," Jean began sheepishly, "I only left him for a moment. He sure is quick."

"Where is he?" Storm asked trying not to sound demanding. Her heart was pounding in her chest and Jean looked at her in a funny way then arched her eyebrow. "What?" Ororo asked. Jean leaned slightly to one side and looked past her, deliberately forcing Ororo to turn around.

Logan was sitting quietly on the floor on the other side of the room; seemingly at ease and comforted by the abundance of plant life. Storm let out a sigh of relief and she couldn't help but smile.

"He must’ve made a bee-line straight up here as soon as he realized you'd gone. It took me a while to figure out where he went," Jean explained. "I’ll take him back to his room."

"No, it’s alright, Jean," Ororo replied quickly. "He’s fine right here."

Jean easily sensed Ororo’s relief ; she didn’t want to be separated from him either. She'd been given the time to take care of her own needs and she was now more than ready to turn her attention back to him. He needed her. Ororo knew that and knowing that gave her the strength to be patient with him. He needed her and she would never turn him away.

She took the time to make up the couch in the corner for him to sleep on, but she couldn’t convince him to get up on it. So she offered him the chaise-longe and then the hammock that was set up on her balcony, but in the end Logan was happy to just curl up on the floor beneath the cover of the indoor canopy.

Once he'd chosen his spot and settled in for the night, Ororo slipped under the covers on her bed. She gave him one last look before turning off the light and in minutes she drifted off into a deep and dreamless sleep.


TBC in "Shades of Humanity" part 3





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