See the only problem I have now is, I freakin' want to read more! I hate when that happens.

Anyway, its nice having Mags being introduced in these last chapters. Its cool having him be more of normal slightly arrogant as oppose to the ultimately arrogant guy he is in the movies in the Comics.

Oh well see you next chapter!

Author's Response: you, too! see you soon! well, somewhat soon! I have another chapter started that's KILLING me...

I like your story. I like the content that you have. The plot and the dialogue, but you have a bit of fundamental grammatical errors that, slightly hinder your work.

Some other of these mistakes I committed when first started writing many, many years ago so its no big deal. First thing, a dot pause. Such as "..." is usually only three dots long anything more is not really needed.

A heal can improve an injury. A heel is a part of the foot.

Some of the other things are just spelling mistakes and or breaking up of your paragraphs to help with organizing your work.

Again, i love your story after this in fact I'll be adding it to my favorites. I just wanted to point out those things I've seen to help out a fellow author.

Please keep writing I look forward to seeing more.

This is actually an interesting story. You hardly ever see 2n person stories being written probably because its hard to pull off the effect of placing the person perfectly in each situation. None the less I like the theme that this story has about single-parent families. Its hits more at home for me because I grew up in a single parent home and I can identify with some of the issues that both families have gone through. And I think you portray that beautifully in this story and I hope to see more.

You know, you could leave this story with this chapter only and I'd be perfectly content. Which makes it even more cool, the fact there is more show coming...

^^ Great and *hot* chapter!

I'm still drawing an opinion on this story. I want to hate what Logan put Ororo through, but I'm hoping that there is a deep seeded reason for his non-committing attitude. (Then again it could be because I'm a guy trying to stick by another guy. We're pack creatures like that.) Anyway, Emma and Scott nice change of pace in the pairing. I started to grow to like Emma somewhat from Astonishing, so I'm not cringing as much from seeing the two together now. This chapter gave me the strange idea of Val and Yukio hooking up.

Getting back to RoLo, its good to see Ororo back on the saddle and apparently having a good time. Despite the fact I'm hoping Forge gets stuck by a random harpoon falling from the sky, making way for Logan who has come dressed in white, flowers in hand with Brian McKnight in person singing "Your the Only One for Me"

Or Logan can just get his act together and attempt to win his woman back. Which means some industrial strength begging. Begging that puts Keith Sweat to shame.

Later!

(this is going into favorites)



Author's Response: It's not necessarily a deep-seated reason. He just doesn't want to make promises he can't keep at this point in his life. He thinks she deserves more, yet at the same time, Ororo tried to kinda mold him into her perfect ideal, kinda like "if I love you enough, you'll go along with what I want, and we'll be happy." SHe doesn't realize that she was the one at the other end of that treatment before. So, Logan isn't really the one with the problem in this story. Not yet. Glad you liked Emma. She's meant to be a bit of eye candy and comic relief, shallow but likable, and Jean isn't in this at all, for a change. Scott's a loving guy who wants to please her, so I hope they come across as a cute couple. Random harpoon for Forge, huh? Heh. I'm still laughing at the Brian McKnight reference.

I can already tell this is going to be an interesting story. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Author's Response: Thanks for the note of confidence in this story! And for the review.

Bah, someone beat me to first. Anyway this chapter was so hilarious. I was almost honestly waiting for Scott to come over and say, "Do i need to separate you two?"

The antics between Ororo and Logan were priceless. Especially the building sexual tension building between the two near the end. I love it they're either gonna love each other or kill each other. I can't wait to see what happens next.

LOL Sebastian Shaw Professional Corporate Trainer!

Author's Response: I had to pull the Hellfire Club into this story, I picture them as the spit and polished business people driving money cars and drinking five-dollar coffees at Starbucks. If you get a kick out of antics between those two, go back and peek at While You Were Out. I think chapter three has a scene I wrote between those two that made me laugh when I wrote it. Hey, if I don't amuse myself, then why write at all?? ;-) But thanks for the compliments and nice review, Brandon. Scott might eventually be both spectator and mediator between those two in this story.

I decided to re-read this chapter because a thought occurred to me. I remembered your comment on "sexiness appeal" the Logan in my story has. And I thinking maybe its easier for a male author to make male character have more of a sexy dialogue and female author can dote on their females the same way.

Because the way Ororo was talking to Logan in this chapter, she would make a good number of guys pudding in her hands. ^^

Just a little food for thought.

I still love this chapter though. Its a good springboard for the rest of the story. Because its interesting to see how hot for each other these two were in the first chapter and how they are at each others throats later chapters.

Author's Response: Ororo would turn guys into pudding? Cool. Best compliment for a characterization of a woman I've ever gotten, Brandon! Yes, female writers do dote on their female characters. I'm always afraid I make my men too sensitive or stretch their romantic impulses too far. I think that's why Eyes in the Dark was so much fun to write, Logan's pretty "male" in that one. Those two are still gonna be hot for each other, make no mistake, and they won't know what the heck to do about it.