You must login () to review.
Reviewer: Beautiful Storm Signed [Report This]
Date: 10-18-12 - 10:44 pm Title: I'm locked up but they let me out

Poor Storm. :( Hope things get better for her.

Reviewer: Cee Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 07-24-08 - 02:41 pm Title: Bleed It Out

"What you need to be thinking about is how we’re going to hook up Ms. Munroe and Logan, ya nasty”

That made me laugh. All right. You updated. Show us how you're gonna hook 'em up!!

And good work on the spell checking. Few goofs with punctuation, but that takes practice, anyway. Good job taking this up a notch.

Reviewer: Cee Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 11-25-07 - 03:43 am Title: My tears don't fall

The heading where it says 3rd person could almost say "Present day," or at least reference some timeframe where they are old enough to be in a relationship. You don't have to tell us the tense, since we see it change there. Which is fine, since the time period changed.

I'm chuckling here about Cleo's description of her grandmother. Sounds eerily like my own grandmother, minus the smoking, and somewhat less blatant homophobia.

Write on, dear fri. Write on.

Reviewer: Stormcrow Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 10-30-07 - 05:00 pm Title: mini me

So I take it that your making both of your OC's are Romani due to the "odd language" they speak. A little bad grammer usage "Gypsy says in a only slightly sarcastic tone" shouls be "Gypsy says in an only slightly sarcastic tone" or "Gypsy says in a slightly sarcastic tone" I can see the mini me asspect in the story.....similairities between Storm and gypsy. Mating ceremony...sounds very interesting almost romantizied Romani. Good imagination and creativity. Keep it up. Though stilll choppy.

Author's Response: who's romani or what's romani? i don't mean to sound stupid or anything but i don't know who or what that is. I was up late so please do try to forgive the bad grammer plus i tend change my accent when i speek.

Reviewer: stormcrow Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 10-30-07 - 04:52 pm Title: Gypsy's All

Okay so this story has something to do with original characters.....I say this because you mention Ororo in her green house and Logan smoking a stoggie. The word usage is interesting as well.....feels like an ultimate universe with Dazzler and Kurt......So is this an original universe with several others mixed in?

Reviewer: stormcrow Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 10-30-07 - 04:47 pm Title: Who let the Tramp out?

assumtions are made her in the opening few moments.....how did she know Chuck was a telepath? By her word usage she is slightly ignorant and though she is of the streets she's not worldly. Very anime of you though when you introduced "tramp".
The man-wolf description reminded me of the whole parallel evolution theroy Black Panther told Logan about in Woverine. As for the gypsy decription.....thats a romantizied version of a Romani....believe me. Over all its getting better.

Reviewer: stormcrow Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 10-30-07 - 04:36 pm Title: I'm locked up but they let me out

Interesting gaja te mothodol. Alittle broken, but opens like an SVU story. Like me a few misspellings. Not bad.

Reviewer: OriginalCeenote Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 08-18-07 - 10:57 pm Title: It wasn't me

Hmmmmmmm. I don't know what the spraypainted image should be. What would be shocking enough to tick off Jean, I wonder? And that would make Ororo and Logan laugh? There's something to ponder...

Your chapter titles are definitely getting better. I laughed at the last one. I'm still grinning from two chapters ago with "Hot Topic, b***h!" And Hello Kitty accessories always get a thumbs up from me...

Not sure why the % signs showed up where you might have meant to use bold tags?

Author's Response: no i ment to put the percent signs. I like them better than the other ones. ^_^

Reviewer: irish_sunset Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 08-18-07 - 10:56 pm Title: It wasn't me

I don't know what the spray painted image should be, but I do have a couple of suggestions. Take time to proof read, and you didn't have to tell us that you meant to spell trouble incorrectly. I personally don't think it's good to interrupt the story unless, it serves a purpose as part of the story. I would like to see more physical descriptions because I forget what Gypsy and Tramp look like. Maybe questions you should ask yourself, how are Gypsy and Tramp evolving into a Rolo story? Maybe you have it mapped out and that's good. Continue with your work, and I shall continue to read.

Reviewer: irish_sunset Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 08-16-07 - 08:06 pm Title: Yaaah b***h Yaaaah

I'm sort of confused about Gypsy and Tramp. Are we going to get some background soon on them?

Author's Response: i'll put it in the next chapter. promise. did you like this chap thou? Any suggestions?

Reviewer: OriginalCeenote Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 07-30-07 - 09:03 pm Title: We at the mall like!!

The summary was funny! Just thought I would mention that.

it had a few spelling goofs that are easy to fix (like "threw" when you meant "through"). I like the take you have of Kitty, she's believable and likable, and the dialogues between your two main characters is once again very good.

The list of stores at the end was okay, but the last sentences there almost made it feel like you weren't done writing yet. One more beef: You switched tenses at about the time that Ororo was driving them to the mall, it became first person instead of third.

Anyway, if you want to wrangle a few more reviews, you might want to post a link to this story out on Yahoo Groups; join one if you haven't. Tiger has a nice one called written_stars. Lots of neat people who love RoLo.

Reviewer: OriginalCeenote Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 06-30-07 - 10:03 am Title: mini me

The chapter title puzzled me; I was half-expecting some similarities between Ororo and Gypsy in this, and instead it had them kind of goodnaturedly bickering with each other (which isn't a bad thing). Tramp's reaction to Gypsy's nicknaming was funny!

It would be nice to eventually see more of the team's reactions to their two new additions. That, and some of Logan's reactions to them, too, since Tramp is kinda feral, and it seems like their would be a "pack rivalry" between them, living in the same house. The brief bits of dialogue between each set of characters in the previous two chapters were great when Charles was calling all of them together.

Keep it coming. A short update isn't a bad thing when you stop at a point where you feel it's reasonable, and you say what you have to say. Glad you've had time to write!

Reviewer: friyourass Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 06-29-07 - 10:58 pm Title: mini me

so what do you guys think?

Reviewer: OriginalCeenote Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 06-27-07 - 03:26 pm Title: The way things have to be

This reminds me a bit of Ultimate X-Men with the pace of the dialogue. Kitty and Jubes are funny in this. I also like Ali's exchange with Kurt. I'd like to see what Ororo and Gypsy have to say to each other as this story moves on, since their personalities complement each other. Ororo is calm, Gypsy's outspoken. Should be fun!

Reviewer: OriginalCeenote Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 06-13-07 - 12:03 am Title: To lazy to put one

Yup, what Mom says, goes. I understand that!

The dialogue was good. A little bit of odd paragraph spacing, but it was readable. Funny how Gypsy has an instant animosity toward Cyclops. Reminds a person of a certain Wolverine...cough, cough!

I will talk more with you later. I'm enjoying this. Good luck on your paper.

You must login () to review.