This has taken me a long time to decide to post this review, it’s going to be long and not altogether full of gushing praise and I hope you don’t take it the wrong way but there are some issues with your story that I feel compelled to address. I have to first say I love the guys, have said that numerous times before I’m sure and I especially love your Scott. I just wanted to reach out and hug that man. Nice job with him. I find, oddly enough, that I enjoy the guys much more than I do Ororo although Creed and Logan ’s childish bickering is getting a little tiresome. I still like your Vic though and I’d enjoy reading more about the guys bumbling adventures sans the women. The fact that Bella beats Remy up is baffling but continues to intrigue and some how amuse me all at the same time as it’s true to life unfortunately.

I have however, continually wondered if the guys are just flat out stupid since not one of them thought to make a simple collect call back home. It’s a simple thing, Jean would be happy to accept the charges wherever she is or at least I’d imagine she would since they’re getting married. She could then easily wire money to them or any of their friends or family members could for that matter. There are indeed pay phones in Vegas having been there a few times myself and as they had to be off the strip since they were in a café they probably would’ve found one fairly easy or they could go into any hotel/casino and find one near the restrooms. And I’m sure they could have filled out forms regarding their lost ID’s at the police station as it can’t be an all together out of the ordinary thing to happen in Vegas although I don’t know the details in that having never lost my ID in Vegas. I love that city though which is one of the many reasons your story interested me. It’s especially fun when you’re driving instead of relying on hotel shuttles and very easy to get around if you take the back roads behind the strip. We even found a comic book store not far from the strip. I know that has nothing to do with the story but it was fun discovering it, made me love Vegas all the more.

Okay, back to the subject at hand. I thought long and hard about not saying anything about some of the things that have left me befuddled but I decided I really feel the need to say something about some of the comments regarding minorities that you’ve sprinkled in various chapters, particularly these last two chapters. First there was a comment by one of the Keystone cops and now at one point you have Ali saying to Ororo, “You can bet your black ass I won’t!” I don’t know but would a white friend actually say that to her friend of color? It just seems inappropriate to me but maybe that’s how close friends of different races are nowadays, a younger generation perhaps. I also have to wonder does anyone think it odd if a Chinese person speaks with different accents? Would a Chinese person speaking with an American accent be any different? Considering Imperialism it shouldn’t really be too surprising and nowadays America truly is a wonderful melting pot of all nationalities with various accents. I have to also tell you Betsy isn’t Chinese, she’s Japanese or rather her body is.

I know I just keep going on but I’ve enjoyed your story so much, it’s fun and fresh and unique, so I can’t help myself. And that brings me to the grammar. A beta would be an immense help to you and I know I mentioned that you might want to look into getting one before. I think at first the story is so appealing and fresh that one’s able to ignore the grammar and of course understanding that English isn’t your fist language makes one more receptive but as the story continues it can become a little problematic even a little wearing. I think more people would be inclined to give the story a chance and continue reading if you did recruit a beta. There’s a list of betas here on the site and some good authors are included.


Author's Response: You have good points there. It crossed my mind quite few times to get them to call home but I honestly forgot about all the places you can get a phone (I was thinking about doing that in the next chapter when I get the time to finish it since I've been busy as hell, I swear I haven't gotten over 3 hours sleep in the last 3 weeks... sorry, that's not the subject at hand) I've never been to Vegas or even on the continent so I'm relying on whatever I find on internet so I might have much incorrect descriptions. About having Ali say what she did to Ro I never meant for her to sound even nearly like a racist or something so I apologize if I got anyone offended. She was supposed to sound like angry friend. I should have looked more into Betsy about her being Japanese so no worries I'll fix that, tnx for telling me btw. I still haven't heard Japanese person to talk with British accent so maybe it would sound a bit weird and interesting to me so I made it to sound like that to Logan. I still don't know very well my way on this side because I' afraid that by pressing somewhere I might screw something up (probably just silly believes of mine) but I'll look into that beta. Man, this was my longest response so far but never mind. Thank you for reviewing, I'll try to fix as much of all this as I can so the story would be more readable. I hope the next chapters will be more enjoyable and tnx again for everything :)