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The Internet
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They all think I don’t really understand computers… its half true. I use it for work mainly, class schedules and work plans, that sort of thing. And with out fail I use it every couple of days to check one particular website.
I own a laptop; it’s in my room on my desk. Hank keeps saying I would have better memory space…or something like that, if I installed a desktop… But I like that I can move the laptop around, sometimes I require it in class, or in my office, and I like to keep it my room sometimes as I like to quickly check something every few days on the net, usually before I go to bed. And why would I need more space on the “hard drive” anyway?
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I don’t always trust the internet. There are a number of reasons as to why, I don’t like putting my credit details down for starters… although I did once.
I brought one of Jubilee’s birthday presents on there… I was looking everywhere for a pair of bright yellow sneakers, who knew they would be so hard to find? My last resort was ebay.
I don’t use the account anymore, and it’s highly annoying when I get receive emails from them every other week with “offers”.
That’s another thing I don’t like, I seem to get hundreds of emails off people who I don’t even know. Everyday, without fail there’s always a company who wants to sell me something. And half the time it’s some sort of medial treatment. I mean why in the name of the Goddess would I be interested in anything from Men'sEnlargement@guaranteedrxquality.net???
I barely touch the blasted account anymore.
The professor uses it for all sorts of things; he does everything via the net, even the weekly food shop. Which I can understand as weekly shops for a school of over 100 mutants is much easier when it’s done with a few clicks of a button and it’s delivered. And I greatly appreciate the imported teas and other treats he occasionally purchases for me from all over the world.
So of course the internet does have its usefulness.
I can get up to date information about pretty much anything. And it’s a god send when I need some quick background information on a particular topic. Goddess bless wikipedia, that site has everything! I use it often, which is slightly hypocritical since I don’t allow my students to use it as a resource of information for projects. But that’s not a rule I made, it’s Scotts and Hanks, they say that anyone can post anything on there and that it’s not accurate. I couldn’t care less, if I don’t know what something is or what it means, it’s Wikipedia or Google that without fail sort it out.
I don’t go into chat rooms on the net…not anymore. I did venture once. It was just a general chat room, discussing a range of topics such as politics, movies, and interests. I ended up in a private chat with someone under the name of Elitius… I know right? We were talking about everything and nothing really, and of course as every discussion does these days, the mutant debate was raised. He asked me if I knew any and if I “liked them”.
Now I know this may sound completely out of character, but I was on the internet, he wouldn’t know if I was telling the truth.
It’s not that I wanted to be ‘normal’, I cherish my gifts and am truly proud to be a mutant. But I was curious, I just wanted to know for once what it felt like not to be one.
The internet allows you to do that, to be whoever you want to be, even if only for a few moments you can be a mutant or not, you can be a superhero or just a regular housewife if you want, it’s almost a way to escape.
Obviously I did not expect the conversation to take the turn that it did. He went on a rant, about how much he hated mutants, and how they shouldn’t exist, that it wasn’t natural and that they were gods/natures worst mistake. He began to brag about a mutant he knew at school… and how they treated him.
At which point I left the conversation. I can only hope that the poor boy that went to that school is safe and happy, not full of hatred or fear. I can only hope he ended up somewhere like here, like Xaviers School for gifted children.
I have never felt the need to enter another chat room since. I found it slightly odd that I was so quick to change my identity, to be someone else. I know it wasn’t a big deal, but anyone could do that. Elitius could have been a one of Strykers men, a member of the FOH or even just an over weight man in 60’s for all I know!
I still crave the escapism though, the place where anything you want can become almost reachable, where your secret wishes and fantasies can be fulfilled.
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In real life Jean is the one that gets all the attention from every man in the mansion and most outside. She gets all the power of the phoenix and the death… where everyone mourns her, and reflects on the perfection that she is… only for her to make a miraculous resurrection.
And she receives all the love.
From the students, from the professor…he sees her as the daughter he never had. Even from me, I love her like the sister I never had.
And from Scott and Logan, the people that give her their undying love.
I don’t hate her, maybe I resent her, maybe I’m jealous of her…
But the funny thing is I don’t think it’s really because of all those things, I think it’s really just the one.
I just don’t understand why Logan loves her…
She’s so different from him, HE’S so different from anyone, he’s unique, solid, he’s wild, loyal, controlled, he’s nature personified…just like…. Just like me.
And you know how I figured that out?
Yep, that’s right, the internet.
I happened across a site, purely by mistake, I was searching for a news story on the xmen and our recent conflict with the brotherhood, and I somehow came across what is known as “the rolo realm” I was disinterested at first. There are so many sites set up for fans, and writers to use our lives as a source of entertainment, and change them as they see fit.
But what stopped me from immediately leaving was the title, “The Rolo Realm”. It’s was no surprise to me that me and wolverine were paired together… everyone has their favourites.
But the curiosity was just too much. I wanted to know what people were saying about us, what they thought about us, how they thought we were or should be.
It was just click away, so I caved.
I began reading a few of stories, some brought a smile to face, other made me question my self, but most of them… most of them made me hope.
At first I carried on reading because in this “world”, on this site, with 373 members, I was their Jean. Their stories were about me being the professors pride and joy, me being loved by all, and having the power that was worth the recognition. I didn’t just control the weather; these people recognised the weight of that. They understood my past, my character, the way I am and why I am.
But most of all, what really struck me, was that I had a Scott, and it was Wolverine.
The authors really believed that me and Logan were THE couple. That we could share a love that would concour all.
When all these people were giving reasons why me and Logan should be together…I started to think…Could I be that person, be that lucky? Could I share something that special with Logan?
In my mind it began to become plausible, I actually began to think, that yes, we would be perfect.
I think that’s why I’m jealous, it’s almost like I’ve had a taste of something, that I can’t seem to have, because in my reality, Jean has that.
Is that crazy?
I know I can’t blame Jean for it, but I still cant help but resent her, just a little for it.
It’s almost funny, these ‘fanfiction’ sites disgusted and still do sometimes disgust me. And yet every couple of nights I check “The Rolo Realm” for updates. To see what adventures and obstacles we may face.
It might sound self cantered or even self obsessed. But I can’t help it. This is my escapism. This is like my hope; it’s become what I want now. And this little community of people, writing stories about my life sustain that. I can go to bed and think it could happen… maybe.
Ororo Munroe
Okay thanks for reading
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