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CHAPTER SIX
Symbols:
*......*= thoughts
"...." = speaking
(in a phone conversation) ... = a pause for the person on the other side of the line to speak.

Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to any Marvel characters. Please don't sue me, I'm not poor but it reallllllly wouldn't be worth your effort. PLUS, how the hell I'm the only one getting sued up in here????!!!

NOTE TO THA READER: yea….so… this chapter is even shorter than the last but I don’t even care cuz I’m so bitter that no one has said anything about my work but I was looking at this and realized I’m being a spoiled little brat so fuck it I just do what I can for the situation at hand and fine I might actually finish this because I hate it when other people don’t but I guess I can understand if they are under reviewed and stuff because I know how discouraging that is especially when you have so many other things that need doing.

So…thanx for the opportunity to start anew and we‘ll see how this all goes.

~Ororo’s Attic Room~

“Scott wanted to know how you are doing,” Ororo called out from the bathroom. She carefully and precisely shaved her long legs in the soapy tub. “He asked me this morning after you left.”
Logan looked up in surprise. It had been two weeks since that awkward conversation in the library. He wondered if Scott had discussed exactly what had happened with Ororo.
She pursed her lips at the silence, “You know, about the possible relative situation.”
“Yeah,” he replied as he tossed her mail on the dresser. Most of his belongings that he did own were spread and mingled among Ro’s carefully organized objects. He picked up and examined a dry half of coffee cake, that he’d probably left behind, to avoid answering the question. “I know.”

She came to the door dripping from below the waist.
“Love?”
As always she said it tentatively, carefully waiting for rejection, while she groped for a towel to mop up the pools tracing her steps. He turned back to her and smiled.
“I know. I, uh, don’t really know what do with it all...”
She smiled wistfully, “I expected not or you would have already gone…and done it.” He wrapped a hairy arm around her waist and drew her into him. She kissed his collarbone and he kissed the top of her head.

If she was honest with herself the more she called him love the harder it became to say the actual words. This couldn’t last. It wasn’t a forever, let’s get married, I love you more, share our room, so what are we doing Valentines Day, please don’t cry on our children’s first day of school, holding hands as old people love. Not because of any illusions she had about her lack of worth or Logan’s inability to control his temper or any more of that kind of foolishness.
She looked into Logan’s eyes and smiled a small smile. Being with him, really being with him, had taught her so much about herself she shouldn’t wonder that the entire relationship wasn’t selfish on her part. There was absolutely nothing inadequate with her or remotely about her self.
For so long she had worried what others thought of her…now she understood that being a slave to the imaginary thoughts of others and being respectively worried and concerned for the state of others was completely two different ways of handling the same situation. She chose the latter now.

*I know I’ll survive if this amazing man leaves me but the fact is that I simply do not wish to have to. I am glad to be a more evolved Ororo now. Maybe it is due to this man never letting me think of anyone besides myself for the past few weeks… Always questioning me on why I did things that had become pointless tradition and what was the need for obsessive worrying when most of the thoughts I assumed others were having were probably wrong anyhow?
Now I have to help him.
No matter the cost. Even if I must pay with the short time we already have.*

She could never go back to the woman who took flight to escape her problems or at least she knew she had to try not to.
Looking out the window in mild shock, her body becoming tense, Was it possible that I have gone weeks happily striding the ground? The same woman who needed to never have occasion to use her front door when there was a perfectly good window at hand?

Logan held her closer and moaned desperately into her hair, “I jus don’t know what to do anymore.” She held him fiercely in return.
“Logan, you and I both know that you know in your heart what it is you wish to do. Whether you will or not is where the confusion lays. Can we try to talk about it, friend?” He was not just her love but also her friend…Steel yourself, Ororo. Please!
They lay down on the bed with Logan oddly sprawled between her legs, his chin resting on his folded hands, and his hands resting easily on her stomach. He had never seemed more harmless. She chuckled and told him this. He laughed and shrugged, “What can I say? I’m just a pup…considering.” He laughed again but Ororo’s giggles were missing.

*He was still so young considering his healing factor.*

“Thing is Ro I…I, I don’t know what it is I’m liable to find when I get there. Who knows, right? Plus, how do I explain everything tah this person? If someone came up to me wit’ the same proposal, I’d think he was crazy. And what if it is just another pointless dead end into Canada, the exact place I ain’t supposed tah go on account of everything wit the Alpha creeps…”
“Resorting to Jub-Jub speech?” she teased but the smile didn’t go to her eyes.
“Yeah, I guess ya can tell how bad things are getting, eh? It could jus’ be another trap even tho’ it doesn’t feel like it. How can it be right tah introduce that person to Sabretooth or some other crazy ass danger Ah don’t even remember about when,” his voice trailed away, depressed.

As long as he didn’t say that the fact that it was a child was the most frightening fact of all Ororo would never have to realize the extent of what kind of coward she was with. He had never been able to bring himself to ask her about those adoption books. He also hated keeping secrets. He tried to fix his jaw as it pulsed with tension. She still noticed it. She delicately placed her fingers on the sides of his mouth, massaging the muscles.
“Logan,” she whispered. “Logan it is fine to be worried. But tell me, as you have yet to do, what is it that you most desire to do?”
He looked down. Could he say this?
Could he admit it?
He rose and crossed the room to gather a moment to get his courage. He refrained from sighing when he said, “I wanna go.”
She went to him and smiled at him and snuggled her back against his chest, “Of course you want to go. It is for the same reason you always want to go even if all you go to is far more dangerous possibilities and questions. This is important to you and thus to everyone who knows and loves you.
If you don’t get going and go everyone may try to push you out with their nagging. Besides,” she quipped, trying to sound cheerful. “It’s the obvious choice you would make.”
Logan felt himself tensing.

*What did Ororo mean by all that? Did she want him to get out?*

“Even,” she spun around in his arms and laughed but it was completely cold. “Scott wants to know how it will all turn out for you.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Ah’m your longest running Nancy-fucking-Drew mystery.”
Ororo stepped back from him, regarding him in a way even Logan could not read.
“Fine, you‘ll get your damn answers.”
He swept up his motorcycle jacket, stuffed the coffee cake in his mouth so she couldn’t hear his deep choke of guilt, and rode out into the night, the door slamming behind him.

She had done the only thing she could do. The same healing factor that had brought him to her would only sweep him far away from her brittle arms as she grew older and older and he didn’t; just as the tide can whip one from undercurrent to undercurrent until you drowned. The least she could do was make sure he had the opportunity to have a family member with him.
To grow old with him.

Her lips trembled and she let them as she used her nails to drag her hair from her face. Finally she exhaled in a way that felt like she hadn’t inhaled in a while. Her legs shook and she let them too until the combination of her shaking knees, hands, and lips forced her to collapse to the floor. She was a stronger woman, now more than ever, and because of that she could understand why she was so desperately sad and empty without Logan.

When she cried, she cried out. The rain answered her call.

It began to softly, bitterly rain.


Hey its me. WOW talk about trying to convince yourself (desperately) that everything is (desperately) okay…well, that’s devastation…





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