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Chapter 12

The day after Alpha Flight announced its plans, Angel tracked down the Professor, Cyclops, and Storm. He requested a meeting with them in private, so the four X-men assembled inside Angel’s room.

“I have something I wanted to tell you,” Angel began. “I have decided to return to earth with Alpha Flight. I spoke to James and he agreed to it”.

“Why do you want to do this?” Storm asked, surprised.

“Are you planning on returning to earth permanently or just going with Alpha Flight on this mission and then coming back here, with them?” Cyclops asked.

“The latter,” Angel responded. “I don’t intend this to be a permanent separation from the X-men. Assuming you’d still want me back”.

“Of course we do,” the Professor insisted. “But I share Storm’s question “ can you tell us why?”

Angel smiled. “I can’t think of a delicate way to put this, so I’ll just come out and say it. I’m the kind of guy who needs to have…a woman in my life. A girlfriend. There’s no one here for me. So I have to go back to earth”.

“But it seems as though Alpha Flight has no intention of staying on earth for very long,” Storm said. “I believe they plan to retrieve their loved ones and return. If all does go well, then they may be on earth for a matter of days only”.

“And there are still those laws prohibiting mutants and non-mutants from dating,” Cyclops added. He was using the term ‘dating’ as a euphemism. The law actually stated that mutants and non-mutants were prohibited from marrying or engaging in sexual acts with each other. Additionally, mutants were forbidden to marry other mutants or to reproduce.

“There are ways to get around that,” Angel said. “I might not have a lot of time on earth but I think I can work something out”. He paused and added, “Professor, I’ll also do my best to find out what happened to Moira and Banshee. And it wouldn’t hurt to check on both your and my financial accounts though I am not optimistic about what we’ll find there”.

The Professor nodded. He wondered what it had taken for James to agree to ferry an X-man to and from earth. Perhaps Angel had promised some of the contents of his accounts as payment. Of course Alpha Flight could also use all the strong fighters it could find if they did encounter trouble, too.

“I see that you have made your decision,” the Professor said, “and I will not try to convince you otherwise. We will miss you here and definitely look forward to your return”.

Storm and Cyclops voiced similar thoughts. “Also, be warned that their ship really isn’t that good,” Cyclops added. “It’s nothing like the Victory”.

“I know. James had Feedback give me a tour last evening. It doesn’t look good from an amenities standpoint but I think it’s space-worthy”.

Cyclops remained silent but he wasn’t fully sure of Angel’s assertion. He silently said to himself that perhaps his standards were simply too high.

“I will say my goodbyes to the rest of the team one at a time,” Angel added. “Of course I view them as ‘until-we-meet-agains’ rather than farewells”.

***

“I can understand his frustration,” Storm said to Wolverine. “I also appreciate Angel’s honesty about his decision”.

The couple was taking a walk in the woods. The main building seemed to buzz with activity as of late, with Alpha Flight members transporting belongings to the Maple Leaf. Each Alpha Flight member had participated in nearly each Danger Room session since they announced their departure, the team knowing they would miss having that strong facility since their own ship had no Danger Room. The Canadian team also tended to spend much time apparently trying to memorize their surroundings; they would miss Haven. Wolverine sought tranquility and quiet more often than usual now.

“Too bad to be partin’ with one of our own though,” Wolverine muttered. “He’s gotta really want it bad if he’s leavin for it”.

“It is natural to want love and companionship. Or just sex. I’m not sure exactly which of the above Angel is seeking “ perhaps it is all of them”.

“Yeah. Guess it is natural “ lot of the guys here don’t seem happy without a girl of their own”.

Storm made a few mental calculations. “If all goes well, by the time Angel and Alpha Flight return, Jean and Scott’s son will be about two months old. If Alpha Flight does finally agree to give us some of their power supply then ““

“That’s a big ‘if’,” Wolverine cut in.

“Then I wonder if Jean and Scott will even *want* to go back to earth,” Storm speculated. “Being the parents of a two month old, they might not want to go into a dangerous battle on earth. Perhaps Jean would remain here as Heather is doing; perhaps both she and Scott will do so”.

“I still say you’re gettin’ ahead of yourself, Ro. We don’t know if we’re ever gonna get off this ball, don’t know if Alpha Flight’s ever gonna give us any power. Hell, don’t even know if they’re gonna make it back”. He paused. “But if they do, you’re right. Jean and Cyke might stay here with their baby. You might be leadin’ the team. You’ll do a damn fine job of it”.

Storm forced a smile. “Thank you, Logan”.

He slowed his pace and looked into Ororo’s eyes. “Always knew you were a brave leader. Knew it soon as I joined the team and saw you on our first mission”.

Ororo squeezed Logan’s hand harder. “Thank you,” she said softly. She hoped his words were true. Part of her believed that Wolverine had noticed little else besides Jean back when he had first become an X-man. She shook that thought from her mind and added, “Sometimes I am brave. Other times I think about leadership and battles and I feel fear. A very intense fear, one that makes my palms sweat and my stomach clench”.

A thought popped into Logan’s head. “You ain’t told anyone else this, did you?”

“I mentioned it once to Xavier when he asked me to be second-in-command, years ago. I have not shared that with anyone since then”.

“Well, lady love, I’m honored that you told me. You’ve done a damn fine job of hidin’ any fear too. But you know you ain’t got a lot to be afraid of. You know how to lead the team”.

“I do. I can do it, and I thank you for your vote of confidence”. Ororo then stopped in her tracks. “What about you, Logan? Could you be a co-leader someday?”

He shrugged. “I could. But we ain’t a big team. We got fifteen people and three leaders. Don’t really need more than that “ what’d be the point?”

“I wonder if perhaps someday we found other groups of powerful mutants, some who want to join us “ perhaps then our team would grow”.

Logan’s gaze drifted towards the forest floor. As much as he missed action, he also knew he would never grow tired of Haven’s forest. No matter how many times he walked through it, it always appeared different and there was always a gnarled bush taking an unusual shape or bright batch of wildflowers that he had never seen before.

“Maybe,” he said finally. “I ain’t bankin’ on that happenin’, Ro”.

***

I’m going to sound like a jerk for saying this, but I was really intensely starting to dislike Aurora. I now had less than 24 hours left with Jean Paul and she was still monopolizing his time “ despite the fact that they’d have the next four months together on the ship. She was still emotionally needy and he hated leaving her alone for any stretch of time. I guess in the past Heather had played a kind of “mothering” role with the rest of Alpha Flight. But she was occupied with her baby now, and the other person Aurora had leaned on “ Walter “ wasn’t on speaking terms with her, so Aurora really had no one else but her brother.

I should show more compassion, I know. I guess it’s that I didn’t know anything about mental illness. Maybe I kept blaming Aurora for her condition and maybe that was totally wrong of me; I suppose she didn’t choose to be mentally ill. I can be a jerk, I know.

But I kept my resentment inside of me and didn’t share these thoughts aloud. I didn’t want Jean Paul’s last several hours with me to be filled with my complaints, especially given the condition his sister was in. I let the resentment out during a crowded Danger Room session. I fought aggressively, fought rough “ still didn’t hit a lot of my targets, though Storm had told me that my aim was getting better.

During Alpha Flight’s final evening on Haven, Jean Paul felt it was okay to leave Aurora with Puck and Shaman for a bit. She protested that she was not hungry, but they said they’d sit with her during the meal so we could get a bit of time alone.

“If Angel thinks he can hit on my sister during the trip back to earth, I will show him “ what is the expression? “ that he has another thing coming,” Jean Paul whispered as we walked about to his room.

“I still can’t believe he’s going with you guys,” I began.

“I know. But Bobby, I stand firm with what I said earlier. I will feel so much safer and happier if you stay here, so you are not to come with us”.

There was no use arguing about it. I wanted to remind Jean Paul that the X-men’s ultimate goal “ if we could ever get any damn dilithium “ was to return to earth and fight FOH, and I would certainly be in danger during that war. A lot of danger. So it was wrong of Jean Paul to think that I could be protected forever. But I could also see his point “ no point in taking unnecessary risks either and I wasn’t really needed on this mission. Jean Paul was as stubborn as an ox anyway, that was evident.

We reached my bedroom. Jean Paul had already transferred all of his belongings to the Maple Leaf; since his room was bare, we decided to sleep in mine. My room had been nearly untouched during the past two months since Jean Paul had arrived. The sheets felt cool and crisp as we pulled them back, to make love for the last time. He went even slower than usual and I again marveled at him -- he had been the only person to make love to me with tenderness and gentleness. He held me and promised to return, promised he could handle whatever danger he’d face on earth. I had been in a daze since the announcement was made but now it really hit me that he was going away. Four months seemed like an eternity.

And then his communicator buzzed. Puck said that his sister was crying and would respond to no one. Fortunately we were done with the lovemaking by then. He dressed and kissed me goodbye. I next saw him the following morning when he tapped on my door. We cuddled together until it was time for Alpha Flight to eat its last meal here. In the dining room we sat next to each other and ate breakfast. I hadn’t slept well the night before and had no appetite.

“Cheer up, Bobby,” Puck urged. He looked energized and refreshed. “We’ll be back in no time!”

“It is true,” Jean Paul added. “Have something to eat”.

Along with a handful of X-men, I walked across the field with Alpha Flight as they headed towards the Maple Leaf for the last time. The team members climbed the ramp of their ship.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Heather and James kiss for a long time. Their farewell kiss, I guessed. My mind certainly wasn’t on them but maybe it did help to realize that I wasn’t the only person in pain. I felt guilty glancing in their direction but I saw a measure of passion in that kiss. Weeks ago, Jean Paul had told me that the two really did love each other “ they were just horribly unsuited to each other, he said; it was a very illogical love but they couldn’t ever permanently split, either. I hadn’t believed him but now I saw a small spark of it, or at least a remnant of the fact that there had once been something strong and good between them.

Jean Paul reached for me. He pulled me into a kiss, and I didn’t care that there were assorted X-men milling about. We kissed for a while.

“I love you,” Jean Paul said.

“I love you too”.

I saw Hank standing nearby. For some reason it hadn’t registered that he was there. But he always was there for me; he was always standing in the background and helping me but I always took him for granted.

“Take good care of him while I am away, my friend,” Jean Paul urged Hank.

“You have nothing to fear, Northstar,” Hank promised.

Jean Paul flew up the ramp, Hank rested a hand on my shoulder, and I finally did let out a few tears.

***

“It seems quieter here,” Cannonball observed that afternoon.

“There are only ten fewer of us but it certainly makes a difference,” Storm said.

Cannonball, Jubilee, Storm, and Wolverine were sitting together in the rec room. Cannonball had wanted some time alone with Jubilee but she had preferred to spend the afternoon with Storm and Wolverine. Three of the four X-men in the room were playing a board game. Wolverine sat drinking a beer, observing and talking with the others, but not participating in the game himself.

Haven was experiencing one of its brief and rare rain showers. The room felt slightly humid though the group knew it would pass. Storm always hesitated to use her powers here; she did not want to upset the planet’s natural balance. She also knew that Haven never seemed to have more than an hour or two of bad weather per week.

As Jubilee moved her game piece along the board, Cannonball took a glance at Wolverine and felt unsurprised at the older man’s disinterest in playing the game. It involved answering questions and occasionally divulging feelings and opinions. It just wasn’t Wolverine’s thing, Sam mused.

“I’m glad Brianna’s staying,” Jubilee added. “She’s such a sweet baby. It’s kind of fun to have her around”.

Wolverine leaned forward in his seat. “You ain’t thinkin’ of havin’ one yourself soon, are you?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Sam saw Storm shoot Wolverine a look. He also saw Wolverine take a glance in his direction.

Jubilee just giggled and said, “Don’t be crazy! I’m like way too young to even think about whether or not I ever want one”.

A bit of silence fell. Storm then said, “Well, I hope Alpha Flight will be successful on their mission. I wish them well”.

“Me too,” Wolverine grumbled. “’Cause sittin’ here’s gettin’ suffocating”.

Sam silently remarked to himself that Wolverine wasn’t the only one feeling suffocated lately.

***

The dining room felt spacious and open at dinnertime. Rogue carried her tray into the kitchen, selected her items from the food replicator, and took a seat next to Gambit at one of the tables. The afternoon’s rain had long since ended and the open windows brought fresh, post-rain breezes into the dining room.

Hank and Bobby entered the room shortly afterwards. “I will bring you something,” Hank was saying to the younger man. “What would you like?”

“I can get it,” Bobby mumbled. He followed his friend into the adjoining kitchen and, a minute later, they sat across from Rogue and Gambit.

“So how’re you hangin’ in there, Bobby?” Rogue asked.

“Alright,” he muttered, looking down at the rich lasagna that he had no desire to eat.

“Wish dere was somethin’ we could do,” Gambit said.

“I wish the same as well,” Hank added.

At that point, Nightcrawler entered the dining room and took a seat with the group. “Bobby, I too am sorry as well that you are separated from the person you care about. I am sure you are tired of hearing everyone say that it is only for four months”.

“No, no, keep saying it,” Bobby insisted, sounding a bit more like his old self. “Maybe if enough people say it, it’ll sink in”.

“It may indeed be a cliché, but you may be surprised at how swiftly the time does pass. One day you will wake up and see the Maple Leaf landing, and be surprised that the day has arrived so soon,” Hank speculated.

“I hope so. I just hope I stop feeling like this all the time,” Bobby said. “Well, whatever. I gotta get over it, I guess. It’s not like somebody died. I just really miss him”.

“The important thing is that he is coming back,” Nightcrawler said.

“You’ll be training with us tomorrow, right?” Rogue asked.

“I’ll be there. Missing the target as usual, but I’ll be there”.

“You should not put yourself down,” Nightcrawler advised. “I’ve been in the Danger Room with you many times and you fight well”.

Bobby forced a smile. “Thanks for all the encouragement, guys. I’ll be fine”. He sliced into his lasagna and forced himself to take a bite.

Later that evening, Rogue and Gambit took a walk around the lake. They held hands as they observed the sunset. It painted the sky in rich hues of pink and gold.

“Remy feel sorry for Bobby,” Gambit said. “I can’t t’ink of how hard I’d be takin’ it if you and me were apart for four mont’s”.

“Of course, Remy. I feel the same way. We’re lucky that we ain’t been apart, not since you joined the X-men in the first place. But you don’t think that…well, I mean you don’t think what Bobby and Northstar got is as serious as what we got, do you?”

“Dunno, chere. You an’ me be soulmates. Don’t know if Bobby and Nort’star are or will be. Dey do care bout each ot’er a lot dough, maybe even love each ot’er”.

Rogue closed her eyes for a second. “I do sure care about Bobby myself and always will. I hope he’ll be alright”. She couldn’t say why but she had been noticing all day that she seemed to like Bobby better now that Northstar was gone. She knew that sentiment was completely illogical and tried to put it out of her mind.

“I’m startin’ to miss earth myself,” she said quietly.

“Dat so?”

“I mean, I know it’s in a badly messed up state right now. But I wanna know what’s goin’ on there and find a way to make it better. I love it here on Haven but I’m startin’ to itch to get back. I wanna go with you, see Jackson Square someday like we talked ‘bout”. Rogue stopped talking and looked at her lover. “You don’t feel the same way?”

Gambit was silent for several moments. He finally said, “Don’t know. Remy sometimes feel tired of fightin’. Fought enough battles in my life, first in New Orleans and den with X-men, and I wanna enjoy be able to enjoy my life. Nice to be here, take a break, spend all day wit’ you and not worry ‘bout who we defendin’ ourselves from today. It’s beautiful here and my eyes like to see beauty”. He paused and added, “Gettin’ rid of FOH be the right t’ing to do, but no one know how to do it. It may be dat we can’t, dat dey get too powerful now”.

“But we haveta try. We gotta! Part of bein’ X-men means tryin’ to make the world a better place, for everyone “ human and mutant. Even if it does mean some sufferin’ and sacrifice on our parts”.

Gambit smiled. “I know, chere. I know. Once we get the means to go back to eart’ and fight, I go an’ I do my best. But now, we can’t. Ain’t nothin’ we can do ‘bout dat so I’m enjoying t’ings the way dey are now”.

***

That first night, I couldn’t sleep. I’d been alone for most of my 25 years “ alone, in terms of not having a lover “ but somehow during the past two months I had gotten so used to falling asleep next to Jean Paul every night that anything else felt alien. The bed seemed huge and cold without a warm body to snuggle with. I didn’t do much sleeping, just a lot of tossing and turning and hugging the pillow.

When the sun first came up, I was tired enough of laying around and not sleeping so I just got up. I decided to head towards the lake and walk around the path, hoping it would at least clear my head or remind me that things weren’t so bad. My heart still felt really heavy and then I felt even worse when I reminded myself that it wasn’t like anyone had died, and it wasn’t like I’d never see him again. I just needed to be stronger and deal with it and stop being such a sentimental wimp.

I involuntarily gasped when I heard a noise. I turned around and saw Jubilee on her skateboard, using the paved pathway around the lake. You didn’t see her whip out her skateboard that often anymore. You also didn’t usually see her up at this hour.

She skated right up to me and slowed down.

“You’re not usually up at this time,” I said. She looked tired. I can’t imagine how I looked.

“Neither are you,” she shot back. “I just couldn’t sleep. I had to get out and get some air”.

“Really?” I asked. “Is something going on?”

“No, no…it’s just that…” She let her voice trail off.

“Just that what? Tell me,” I prompted, knowing that she would tell.

“Just that I’m tired of Sam snoring,” she admitted, looking down at her gym shoes.

“Oh, he snores?” I asked.

“And tosses and turns and hogs the blankets. I dunno. I just miss being able to stretch out and take up most of the bed. And get a full night’s sleep without having to turn him over and try to get him to stop snoring”.

I nodded and listened to her intently. My experience and thoughts on this were totally different for my own relationship but it was interesting to hear someone who felt otherwise.

“Is that the main thing that’s bugging you?” I asked, wondering if there was more.

“I dunno,” she said, as she reached down and scratched her knee. “Sam’s such a sweet guy that I feel bad saying anything like this. Don’t you tell anyone, Bobby”.

“I won’t,” I promised.

She continued. “Sometimes I just want to be able to swim in the lake or ride my skateboard without him following me all the time. I even “ I know this sounds silly -- but I even started writing a short story, but I can’t sit down to do it without him standing over me and wanting to read it. It’s like ever since we decided we were boyfriend and girlfriend then he thinks we need to spend every minute together”.

I guess I was surprised. Well, not surprised but again, our views were so different. I wanted to be with Northstar most of the time and had never felt sick of him. So that led me to speculate.

“Maybe Sam’s not the one for you,” I wondered aloud.

“Maybe,” Jubilee said.

“Or maybe you just need some time apart. Just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you need to spend all your time together”.

“Yeah, but Rogue and Gambit are almost always together. Of course Cyclops and Jean too, And you and Northstar “ we couldn’t get you alone during all the time he was here! So shouldn’t I *want* to be with Sam all the time?”

“Well, maybe not. Look at Storm and Wolverine. It seems to me that they are good with spending some time together, some time apart. Actually, it’s not at all rare that you see one without the other “ and they apparently don’t think that you need to sit elbow to elbow at every meal either. Being apart some never seems to bother them. Maybe for them absence makes the heart grow fonder. So I dunno, maybe you and Sam need some of that”.

Jubilee was quiet. “He’s such a sweet guy that I feel bad saying all this”.

“How’s the sex? If I may ask”.

“It’s good. Actually, it’s really good and it keeps getting better”. From the glint in her eyes, I could tell that she was being honest. Which was nice, Jubilee deserved that.

“Well, that’s good,” I said.

“Yeah,” Jubilee mumbled.

“I can tell there’s a ‘but’ after that”.

She shrugged. “But shouldn’t there be more than that? It’s like I like the sex a lot but sometimes I feel like there’s something…I dunno, missing”.

She then added, sounding far away, “He’s such a nice guy though. He really is. I just don’t know”.


***

“Good to see you still trainin’, bub,” Wolverine said to Iceman after a Danger Room session. This time the term “bub” was spoken in a manner such that it didn’t come across as an insult.

“Yes,” Storm added. “Seeing you improve each week has been good”.

“Thanks,” Bobby replied. He walked with them down Victory’s corridor towards its exit ramp. “You guys will probably hate that I say this, but I still don’t *like* fighting and I don’t think I ever will”.

Storm stopped and faced Bobby. “Bobby, I do not like to fight either. I do it because I must, but I cannot ever relish inflicting pain or causing destruction, even against FOH. But we have a duty to use our powers for good”.

After a moment, Bobby said, “I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one there who doesn’t like fighting. Because I really don’t”. Bobby shook his head. “I had the weirdest dream last night. It reminded me that I don’t think I’m a born fighter. I was back at the house I grew up in. Outside, on the lawn and the driveway, there were these giant white eggs that had been left by some weird dinosaurs that were going to attack us. Then these tiny lizards started coming up the street, ready to fight. And the rest of the X-men were all there, getting ready to fight back against the lizards. I was standing near the garage and not wanting to miss the battle but I had to get my shoes on. And it was taking me forever to get my shoes on which was making me nervous and anxious -- but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get them on”.

Storm and Wolverine exchanged a look. Storm wanted to raise an eyebrow. Wolverine muttered, “Lizards, eh? Were you traumatized by Sauron? You weren’t with us in the Savage Land though…”

“No, it was just a weird dream”.

“You can say that again,” Storm remarked with a smile.


***

Storm felt that time was passing quickly. She looked at her calendar and realized that already six days had passed since Alpha Flight’s departure.

“I believe that means we have been gone from earth for over five months now,” she told Wolverine as they strolled through the forest. “I wonder how things have changed”.

Logan nodded. He wondered as well. “Sometimes it feels like the days are passing fast. Other times, seems real slow here”.

“Do you ever wonder if we will be here forever? Sometimes I fear we will never leave this place”.

“Not gonna happen, ‘Ro. We’ll get outta here sooner or later, and soon after we’ll wish we were back here again. Somethin’ always comes up”.

Ororo stopped walking and turned to face Logan. “Did you know that there are some days that I do not wish to return to earth? There are days when I contemplate living the rest of my life here and I feel that I would enjoy that. It is a truly terrible thing for a co-leader of a team to say, is it not?”

Logan smiled. “I’m kinda honored that you tell me this stuff, ‘Ro. I know you don’t tell anyone else this. But I’m guessin’ that only a small part of you feels that way. I know you wanna get back to earth and fight the good fight”.

“I suppose so. A good leader should be comfortable with uncertainty -- and the fact that I do not know when or how we will leave Haven sometimes bothers me”.

“I’m sure it bothers Xavier and Cyke too. You ain’t alone”.

They resumed walking together. After some time, Ororo spotted a log and decided to take a rest on it. Logan rummaged around in his pocket.

“Here,” he said, “I made this for you”.

It was a wood carving. The piece of wood was circular, and it featured an image of a woman standing, with her cape and hair flowing.

“Found the piece of wood on the forest floor “ didn’t chop anything down,” he added.

“I am very touched,” Ororo managed. “I have never received so lovely a gift. Thank you, Logan”.

“My pleasure”.

“A hand-made gift is very special”. She held the gift in her hand and continued to look at it. She ran a finger along the carvings, enjoying the feel of the smooth wood. She then looked up at him and said, simply, “I love you, Logan”.

He smiled. She had never said those words before, nor had he ever expressed the same sentiment to her. “Love you too, Ororo. Always will”.

She rose from the log and put her arms around Logan. They kissed happily and passionately. Storm planned to place a cord around the wooden medallion and wear it as a necklace.

***

Jubilee turned over ideas in her head, agonizing over one and discarding another. She tried reciting different speeches silently but none felt right. She finally sought out Storm’s counsel, and the two women spoke in private, inside Storm’s room.

“I don’t know what to do,” the young woman admitted. “I like Sam. He’s nice. But I think I realized that I don’t want to…be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. It’s just that I think I need space. Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship or maybe I just don’t want one “ I dunno”.

Storm nodded and began to say something, but Jubilee continued speaking, “But wait. There’s more to it than that”. She took a breath. “I sound like such a slut when I think of this. But I like *want* to have sex. I like the sex part of it but I don’t like the being-a-girlfriend part of it. That’s terrible, isn’t it?”

“Well, I certainly do not think it’s terrible at all,” Storm said.

Jubilee smiled. She knew that Storm was non-judgmental.

“I’m sure Wolverine wouldn’t approve,” Jubilee muttered.

“Wolverine does not need to know. His memory might be gone but I am fairly certain he has not led a celibate monk’s life either. And regardless, it is not his decision”. Storm paused. “So, do you intend share these thoughts with Sam?”

“That’s what I’m struggling with! How do you tell someone, ‘Gee, you’re really nice but can we like not be in a relationship anymore? Oh, and can we still have sex sometimes?’”

“The words might indeed be hard to say. But the positive of it is that you are being honest and straightforward. After all, the idea of being someone’s girlfriend solely because you want sex seems dishonest. At least this way, you are being truthful and open. How do you think Sam feels?”

“I can’t tell. He doesn’t talk a lot about his feelings. I think sometimes he gets frustrated with Wolverine watching over us like a hawk. I think he likes me but I doubt he thinks I’m his soulmate either. I don’t think he loves me like…you know, like you and Wolvie or anything like that. I know I don’t feel that way about him “ though he is really nice”. Jubilee smiled and shook her head. “For the longest time, I wanted a boyfriend. Now I just want to be free. Am I fickle or what?”

“You’re human. And you’re nineteen. We all learn new things about ourselves as we grow and mature, and sometimes our needs and wants change too”.

“You’re so wise, Storm”.

“As I believe you are. I am glad that you are thinking of what you do and do not want, and are getting ready to communicate it”. She took a breath and asked, “What will you do if he wants something different?”

Jubilee shrugged. “Well, if he wants to stay together as a couple then I think I’ll hold firm and tell him that I need some space. Or if he wants a clean break and doesn’t want to sleep with me anymore, then I’ll be okay with that too. In fact, I’ve been kind of wondering about some of the other guys here, like Peter. Or even Forge, though he’s too old for me to have like an actual relationship with, but I wouldn’t mind sleeping with either one of them”. She shook her head. “I still bet there are some people who’d call me names for thinking about all this”.

“There may be some with that attitude but they are not worth wasting your time on. I believe that sex is a wonderful thing and there is no harm in enjoying it, as long as you are not causing anyone harm”. Storm paused, and then continued, “I am sure that many or even most of the men speculate about us in a similar manner. I really do not think you should agonize over speculating about them”.

“Thank you, Storm,” Jubilee said, impulsively hugging her. “I wish every girl on the planet had a big sister like you”.

“Jubilee, I am the lucky one,” Storm insisted, feeling that all aspects of her life were indeed more positive than she would have dreamed possible decades ago.


***

I missed Northstar like crazy, and everyone was getting a bit bored, but the sun kept rising and setting and time kept moving on.

Space was quiet. No other ships were in this sector. What had started out as peaceful felt almost eerie now.

We did all sorts of things to stay busy and fend off boredom. We held card game and board game tournaments, organized into teams with scores diligently kept. (I was on one of the winning teams!) Ditto on sports games though I just watched and didn’t play those. I wasn’t competitive but a lot of the team liked a good competition, and I did sometimes keep score. We also programmed more and more challenging Danger Room sessions to keep us on our toes.

Of course we had Brianna to entertain us. That helped. Most of us were happy to take her off Heather’s hands so that Heather could rest. It was fun spending time with her though honestly at that age she didn’t do much other than eat, sleep, and use her diaper. She was adorable though. Everyone was cordial and kind with Heather and she got along well with us. She was nothing like her husband, thank god.

Despite our best efforts, boredom did sometimes happen. We’d watched every movie in Victory’s library twice, even the ones we couldn’t stand the first time through. Hank and Jean even started talking about getting a few of us together to put on a play, but you have to admit that the logistics for that would be hard “ when you had only fifteen adults and needed several actors, there weren’t too many people left to actually watch and enjoy the play.

Colossus painted a lot and two of his completed works were hung in the foyer. One was a brilliant, deep red sunset and the other depicted the lake at dawn. Both were stunning. I could stand there and look at them all day; the level of detail and emotion in the paintings were incredible.

We talked about leaving Haven. People speculated that once Alpha Flight returned, we had to get them to share their power source with us, no matter what. Some even wondered if James might demand that we give over Victory, become members of Alpha Flight, and work under his leadership in exchange for the power source. People talked about it and even considered the idea of pretending to agree to it, in order to get back to earth. Others again raised the idea of just taking Haven’s power source now, though none of our leaders would even consider that notion. Only once in my presence did someone speculate that Alpha Flight might not return, but Forge looked immediately embarrassed to have said those words and quickly added that he “was sure” they would be fine and come back. Someone else chimed in that as long as Heather and Brianna were here, Alpha Flight was returning for sure. I clung to that.

There were a few scuffles and brief fights among the team. Generally the X-men had been getting along well. But it was all the news when Gambit and Wolverine had a brief brawl one evening. I didn’t see it myself and no one seemed to remember what it was over. When I saw Remy the next day he shrugged and said, “Everyt’in’s cool”. I guess they worked it out. Or Rogue and Storm made them work it out.

I remember once watching an impromptu basketball game. Only Wolverine, Cyclops, and Gambit were playing. I thought back to the early days when those three hated each other and were always fighting. I actually wanted to smile when I realized that they now not only tolerated each other but actually liked each other deep down (well, despite Gambit and Wolverine’s scuffle the other day). They’d never admit it though.

Oh, and can I gossip for a second? Jubilee and Cannonball broke up. Jubilee told me the whole story not long after the two had agreed to splitsville. She seemed fine with it and glad about the decision, and the two looked okay with each other. But a few weeks later, I saw Sam leaving her room. I asked Jubilee about it, and she shrugged and said that they now had a “friends with benefits” arrangement. She said she was happy with it, and that it had actually been her idea; it had just taken Sam a while to come around to it. I told her, sincerely, that if she was happy then I was happy. I wondered how Wolverine felt about it and imagined him grumbling about it with Storm in private.

And I’ve mentioned it too many times so I won’t say it again other than that I obviously missed Jean Paul like crazy. The short time he was here, we had spent most of each day together so now I had a big hole in my days. I wished that we had some way to keep in touch. As I went through my day, I thought of things I wanted to say to him, things I wanted to ask him but couldn’t. His absence really ate at me.

I was bored enough that I did keep up with what Hank had started with me on months ago “ building more upper body strength. He’d supervised my training in the gym and had me on a diligent schedule involving one day of intense work and one day of rest. I didn’t like doing it but, what the hell, there was nothing else to do. I was able to gradually lift more and more and I noticed that lifting and carrying things became a lot easier. I sure was a long way from being anywhere near as built and bulky as some of the other guys though.

One day I woke up and happily crossed out a red “X” on my calendar -- two months had now passed since Alpha Flight’s departure. If all was going well, we were at the halfway point; they would be at earth now and returning home soon. I didn’t pray much, never had, but I whispered a few prayers again.

Later that day, several of us were eating lunch on the porch when Storm flew over and told us that Jean had just gone into labor.

***

Professor Xavier left the hut. Scott, Jean, and Hank were ensconced inside, medical equipment and communicators at their fingertips.

“We’ll be fine,” Jean had told their visitors. “It should be a while before the baby’s here, judging by my contractions”.

“Promise that you will call us if you need something,” the Professor had insisted.

“Yes,” Nightcrawler had agreed. “I can teleport you anywhere. I will have my communicator right by my bedside, assuming that your labor does go into the night”.

Jean thanked them for their kindness. It was when Xavier was moving back towards the building that he first felt the mental tug.

A presence from the past. No. Two voices from his past. He shut his eyes and concentrated.

“Professor?” Nightcrawler had asked.

“I’m fine,” he answered Nightcrawler’s unspoken question. “There is something I need to investigate but it is nothing to be alarmed about”.

As Nightcrawler nodded, the Professor called Storm on his communicator. He asked to meet her inside Victory.

When Xavier reached the ship, Storm was landing on its ramp. “Is something the matter, Professor?” she asked.

“Let’s power up the bridge,” he replied.

`Not giving a straight answer is unlike the Professor,’ Storm mused as she pressed several buttons. Victory’s lights switched on and its machines began to hum. Xavier and Storm headed for the bridge.

“Can you detect anything unusual in this sector?” he asked her as she tapped buttons on the computer.

“Scanning now,” she said. Her eyes read the data on the screen. “Nothing so far, Professor. Do you sense something?”

He closed his eyes again and once more concentrated. He then opened his eyes. “Yes,” he breathed. “I sense Magneto. And I sense Moira MacTaggert”.

Storm raised an eyebrow. “Both of them? In space?”

“I don’t know. But I have not sensed anything like this for a very long time”.

Storm’s eyebrows were knit in confusion as she again studied the computer monitor. “When Alpha Flight first approached Haven, we first sensed their ship and only later were you able to sense their minds. Do you know why you believe that Magneto and Moira might be in this area? I am running every scan I know of and nothing is being detected”.

“I don’t know the answer to that question, Storm. My impression might be wrong. Or perhaps we detected the Maple Leaf early on due to its advanced age and its cloaking device not being the most powerful. Or it may be that because I was so emotionally close to Magneto and Moira that I have more of a connection with them and can sense them more easily than anyone in Alpha Flight”.

Storm observed that the Professor sounded confused and unsure.

“I believe they are somewhere out in space,” he posited. “But I do not feel that I can reach out to their minds and communicate with them as of yet”.

“You must be relieved to have a sense that Moira is still alive”.

“I am. But I am equally confused at the situation,” Xavier admitted.

The Professor and Storm remained on the bridge for a while, long enough that their absence did not go unnoticed.

“Everythin’ alright in here?” Wolverine asked, entering the bridge.

“We are unsure of what exactly may be taking place,” Storm said.

Xavier turned his chair towards Wolverine. “That is indeed correct, and while we are unsure, I ask that we do not discuss this. I especially do not want to disturb Jean now that she is in labor”.

“I know what you mean, Xavier. But people notice that you and Storm ain’t in the buildin’ and they’re gonna wonder why you’re on the ship with the bridge powered up,” Wolverine pointed out.

“I understand, but it is premature to try to alarm anyone right now”.

“He does have a point, Professor,” Storm insisted. “I can activate one of those portable sensors that Cyclops and I made and continue to observe space from there. You, of course, can do your monitoring from any location”.

Xavier agreed to Storm’s idea. The three filed out of Victory, Wolverine and Storm walking behind Xavier. They entered Haven’s main building and turned towards the wing of the personnel quarters. The couple walked into Storm’s room.

“What is it?” he asked quietly.

“He thinks that he senses both Magneto and Moira MacTaggert. But our sensors are not detecting a ship”.

“Could be a ship with a hell of a cloaking device”.

“That is what I suspect as well, since we know the Professor’s mind must be accurate. But you can understand why he does not want word of this to spread. This must be a very sensitive time for Jean”.

“Yeah. And Magneto spells trouble. We don’t wanna bother Jean”. He paused. “What would Magento and Moira be doing together out in space?”

“I don’t know. But Magneto has fought bitterly against us in the past and I think we need to prepare for anything”. She paused. “It is hard to *secretly* prepare to fight though “ it will be difficult to keep this information from Jean and Scott for too long. That is why the Professor wants to wait to gather more information before we take action. I hope Jean and Scott’s son arrives soon”.


***

Jean experienced another wave of pain, another intense contraction. She gritted her teeth and squeezed Scott’s hand harder before deciding to use her psychic powers. She closed her eyes and mentally took the pain and placed it inside a box. She closed the lid and stored it away. She concentrated on keeping that pain box away from her until the contraction passed.

“I told myself that I wasn’t going to do that,” Jean breathed. “Wasn’t going to use my powers to block the pain. But I’ve never felt such extreme pain in my life. Not even during the Phoenix saga”.

Scott reached a damp cloth to her forehead and, after receiving Jean’s nod, patted it. He hated to be reminded of the Phoenix saga. Those months spent apart from Jean had been nothing less than agonizing. That epoch fortunately felt so long ago, especially with the Shi’ar so distant, embroiled in their own civil war. Scott hoped never to be separated from Jean again and had no idea how he had survived their time apart. He had never felt like himself during their separation, like he had been missing his very soul.

“There’s no harm in using your powers. We’ve been given them and we should use them. I don’t see any point to suffering for suffering’s sake”. Scott smiled. “Besides, if we ever have a second one you’ll need to have pleasant memories of the first one’s birth”.

Jean made a face. “Scott, I don’t know if anything about this will be pleasant until I have the baby in my arms”. She smiled. “But you holding my hand and using that cloth on me does help”. She then asked, “How are you holding up? Are you nervous?”

“Hank keeps saying that all your vital signs are strong and he anticipates a smooth birth. That helps me feel much better”. The doctor was sitting on a chair outside the hut, resting.

“I’ve said it before, but I know you’ll make a wonderful father. I look forward to watching you interact with our son”.

“Please keep saying it, Jean, that part about me being a wonderful father. Because sometimes I worry. Growing up in an orphanage, I never had a father. Thank God for the Professor though. He’s been like that to me”.

“So then you know what to do, how to be a role model for a child. And we’ll always stay with you, Scott. You have the family you craved as a child, and with our son, we’ll only be closer as a family”.

“I know. I feel it. And I am so lucky to you have you, Jean. I love you more than anything”.

“I love you too, Scott”.

***

TO BE CONTINUED

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