The gentle song of the birds outside reached his sensitive ears causing him to wake up from his peaceful sleep. He slowly opened his eyes and took in the morning light which reflected beautifully on the woman in his arms. It made her long white hair glow like a halo around her and it gave a slight golden color on her smooth caramel skin.
He knew what morning meant, but he couldn’t let go. Not just yet. Her smaller frame fit perfectly in his strong arms, cuddled against his chest, her silver mane tickling him and her flowery scent overwhelming his nose. He held her tightly, possessively, but he knew that it was almost time to let her go.
She moaned gently in her sleep and his eyes quickly fell on her full lips. He remembered how he kissed those lips just last night, with so much passion, but he knew if he kissed her again he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from doing so much more. Doing things he did last night. He remembered how she wrapped her long perfect legs around his waste, her heated breath upon his skin, her kisses all over his body, how perfect she felt under his touch. No, he didn’t want to let go. But he had to.
"I sleep all night, right by your side,
I love to hear, your breathing, breathing.
The morning light, opens my eyes,
It's nearly time for leaving, leaving."
He started caressing her, like only a lover could, silently regretting what was to follow. Her steady breathing became faster and he watched her in mixed amazement, adoration and longing as she reacted to his touch even in her sleep. He kept on caressing her, touching, memorizing and remembering every curve of her body until her eyes slowly started opening.
He knew he couldn’t look her in the eyes. He knew if he did he would get lost in her endlessly blue pools and he wouldn’t be able to leave. He would see every secret she held there, her love, fear and hope and he wouldn’t be able to look away.
He felt her eyes boring into him, her silent pleading to look at her, to stay, but he wouldn’t give in. Giving in meant pain for her, and he couldn’t have that. He refused to let her get hurt and ruin her life because of his own selfish needs. His past was too colorful, he had enemies peeking from every side which would to just about anything to hurt him physically or psychically and he couldn’t let her get in the middle of that.
"I know that it's seems, like it's easy for me,
oh I wish you could feel, what's going on inside... me"
He slowly got out of bed and out of her reach and he started putting his clothes on. He still couldn’t look at her, he wasn’t strong enough to take the sadness he would meet in her eyes if he did look at her. He wouldn’t be able to stop himself from whipping the tears he knew would fall, he wouldn’t be able to resist kissing her, touching her, taking her. No, he wasn’t strong enough, not around her. He never was.
No words were spoken as he dressed and left her room. He knew she wouldn’t try to stop him, it was pointless. He would have left eventually and she would get her heart broken either way. This was for the best. He knew that. But knowing didn’t make things easier, it didn’t make them anything but necessary.
"It's the hardest thing I ever have to do,
to walk away from you, when I wanna hold you.
It's the hardest thing in every single day,
to have to turn away, I want you to know that.
This is the hardest thing."
He walked to his room, but every step he took felt heavier and heavier until he stopped right in front of his door unable to move. His hand wouldn’t obey him to turn the handle, if he walked in he would pack and leave his new home, family, he would leave her. He couldn’t, didn’t want to, but had to. With all the strength he had left he made himself to do just that, no second thoughts and hopefully, no regret. What a wishful thought. He regretted this decision from the moment he made it, but he had to fulfill it. No backing out now. He was just doing what was best for her and that brought him some dose of comfort.
He walked out of the room, out of the mansion and straight to the garage. He sat on his motorcycle and took a moment to close his eyes and picture her face in his mind. Once again his memories took him back to last night as he watched her flushed face, her wild hair flowing around her, her baby blues filled with love, passion and serenity and his name on her parted lips, swollen from his kisses. He forced his eyes to open before he went running back to her and he quickly drove away, not even spearing a glance at her window. He knew he would find her there watching him as he drove off, perhaps to never come back.
"Another day, Is years away
I close my eyes, to see your face.
The more I wait, the longer it takes,
it feels like time, is standing still."
He put distance between them as much as he could before he was forced to take a break to go to eat something and refill hit tank. Still, no meter how far he went her image wouldn’t go away, her voice wouldn’t stop gently whispering his name and sweet nothings into his ear, her scent wouldn’t fade away. He had to keep moving. She was still too close, even if she was hundreds of miles away.
"Wherever you go, whatever you do,
I want you to know, that you're on my mind."
He drove further and further away, but wherever he went her ghost followed him. Whatever he did it was like she was right there next to him, telling him what was right and what was wrong. In the lonely nights she was keeping him company, talking to him, soothing him. He could see her and hear her as if she was right in front of him and not so far away.
In the bars where he went cheap young women offered themselves to him from every side, but he didn’t even look at them. He was ruined for everyone else after that night with her. No woman could ever replace a Goddess, especially not the one which stole his heart and kept it without even knowing.
Ah, Goddess. A noun she hated being referred as, but described her perfectly, at least in his eyes. What else could she be? Humans were cruel, selfish beings that didn’t care about anything or anyone, at least most of them were like that, but there was absolutely nothing selfish or cruel about her. She was actually quite the opposite. She was noble, giving, caring, loving, gentle… the list went on and on. Everyone else’s needs always went before hers and that irritated the hell out of him sometimes. Still, he wouldn’t change her for the world.
"It's the hardest thing I ever have to do,
to walk away from you, when I wanna hold you.
It's the hardest thing in every single day,
to have to turn away, I want you to know that.
This is the hardest thing."
He loved her just too much, it was becoming painfully obvious every single day, with every breath he took. Time and distance didn’t change a single thing. He had to keep reminding himself why he left in the first place, but it was getting harder to remember the reasons. His life didn’t even have a meaning anymore, not when he had no one to share it with. Not when he didn’t have her to share it with.
He tried telling himself that she probably hated him anyway and she must have moved on with her life, but nothing helped. Not when the answer to his thoughts and fears was always ‘you’ll never know until you see’.
"Just to let go of your hand, (It's the hardest thing)
to make you understand that to love you, feel you,
till the time I see you again, It's the hardest thing."
He couldn’t take it anymore. He had to go back. He stayed away for as long as he could and he couldn’t anymore. His hands ached to touch her once again, his lips burned to taste her one more time, his body seemed to have a mind of it’s own as it disobeyed his every order and started going towards his only home, back to the only woman he has ever loved. Soon he truly lost all reason, hopped on his bike and drove towards the direction where it all started from.
She loved him as much as he loved her. She told him so herself that sinful night. That’s the reason he ran and that’s the reason he’s going back. She would be his once again, no one else’s and if someone was foolish enough to get in his way, well, God help him.
She would forgive him eventually, he’d make sure of it. She loved him too much not to. His mind wouldn’t even consider the possibility that she might have already forgotten about him. If she had, he’ll just have to make her remember.
"It's the hardest thing I ever have to do,
to walk away from you, when I wanna hold you.
It's the hardest thing in every single day,
to have to turn away, I want you to know that.
This is the hardest thing."
He stopped his Harley right in front of the gate of the place he came to know as home. She was there, right on the other side, all he had to do was walk through and he would find her. It was as simple as that. So what was stopping him? He figured the oldest reason in the world, fear. He wasn’t afraid that she might throw a lightning bolt at him. No, he would heal from that. What he was afraid of were her emotions and just like that he turned from a confident man into insecure boy and he hated the feeling.
Finally, after much debate with himself he decided to go in and face whatever comes his way. Whether she loved him or hated him, he’d have to face it. That was what he came back for.
He opened the gate and walked in.
"I sleep all night, right by your side,
I love to hear, your breathing, breathing."
Author's Chapter Notes:
I was thinking of adding two more chapters to this fic but it all depends on how you'll like the first chapter :)
Oh, an by the way the song is called 'The hardest thing' by Tose Proeski
Most, if anyone, has never heard of him probably, he was very famous in Europe, mostly on the Balkan, he was a great if not the greatest Macedonian singer but he died 3 years ago at age of 26 in a car accident. A great tragedy over which the country still mourns over. He was also the very definition of what every person should be like. Modest, humble, a great humanitarian, person that is impossible to hate and his catch phase was 'I love you'
Sorry if I bored you with this information but I just felt the need to say something about the man everyone calls 'Angel'. Here's a link for enyone that want's to hear the song :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEV14Cndass
Oh, an by the way the song is called 'The hardest thing' by Tose Proeski
Most, if anyone, has never heard of him probably, he was very famous in Europe, mostly on the Balkan, he was a great if not the greatest Macedonian singer but he died 3 years ago at age of 26 in a car accident. A great tragedy over which the country still mourns over. He was also the very definition of what every person should be like. Modest, humble, a great humanitarian, person that is impossible to hate and his catch phase was 'I love you'
Sorry if I bored you with this information but I just felt the need to say something about the man everyone calls 'Angel'. Here's a link for enyone that want's to hear the song :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEV14Cndass
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