Goddess.
The word taunts me even as I write it on this page. I was once worshipped for my powers when I younger. But I am no goddess. I am only flesh and blood like anyone else, with feelings like anyone else.
Never has this fact been made more painfully clear to me than tonight. I stumbled upon Logan and Jean making out on the rec room couch. In the back of my mind, I had always known this day would come. The attraction between the two was so palpable it got my pulse racing just from being in the same room with them. Indeed, they were so lost in their own little world, their hands greedily exploring each other's bodies, that they didn't even register my presence. I turned and walked out with out a sound, but a thousand different emotions ripped through me at that moment. Disappointment, sadness, anger, concern for Scott, and the smallest bit of jealousy.
I will never admit it to anyone, but my feelings for Logan are deeper than usually apply to someone who is just a teammate. I've thought about him for months now, wondering a kiss from him would be like; what making love to him would be like. I wanted to know him; to find some way to take away the pain in his eyes.
I doubt he has even thought about me at all. He has barely noticed me unless we were on a mission, as if I were just background noise. Funny, despite the white hair and the color of my skin, that is pretty much the way it has always been since I came here. I do not know why I expected any different.
I will just have to get over it. There is simply too much at stake to become petty. I cannot allow my self the luxury of self-pity or tangled emotions. I simply cannot. I will try my best not to let this affect my friendships with Jean or Scott, although I am certainly shocked and dismayed at Jean's behavior. Scott will find out about this, but it won't be through me. As for Logan, I never stood a chance in the first place, no matter how much I have wanted otherwise.
But if anyone should happen to come across this one day, know this :
Even so-called goddesses can bleed.
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