To Marry a Goddess by MicknStar

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TO MARRY A GODDESS

Fuck but I'm nervous, sweaty and scared shitless if truth be told, never thought I would come to this and by the look on his face, Slim is as scared as me. Eheheh he's as white as a badly laundered sheet! Oh well I imagine I must be grey-chalk now. I got this song running in my head non stop, good song but scary, too apt for one thing and way too beautiful to really relate to me… should say to us. Tonight is the night of my universe… she is that, fucking damn right, she is that and more and the song is right as well about what matters, ceremony be damned the night's the thing wherein we catch the frailty of wolverines and Cyclopses. Right right yeh, mix me quotes don’t I? Soldiered through the sodding wedding thingie, looked a right berk, yeh, but was not alone at least, bloody Scott fared not one whit better, the tall bastard. They were there, fire and water, sun and moon and all things magic and lovely coming to us light as leaves and liquid graceful. Sway, step, sway, step… coming to us stupid looking males embarrassed out of our skin in the stupid clothes that would make even sodding Gambit look a prat. Sway, step, sway, step… dancing to an inner music of power and magic they have, red hair and white, pale skin and dark, green eyes and blue, fire and wind and all that's great in womanhood. Some official blathered strings of words like snow falling endlessly and we dutifully said what was expected, all cried and laughed and clapped hands hurrah for the performing seals, but all I could think of was the night, the night of my universe, the night of the marriage of Cadmon and Harmonia, our night of being our naked selves with no uniform or stupid codenames or stupid masks on… so much more naked than unclothed bodies. Tonight she's mine, close by my side… Can't eat really which is a hoot but I see Cyke is not munching either so I have to go talk to him and ask. Does his mind sing the same song? Does he even know Gaeltacht enough to understand what he's doing? Oh alright he's married her once before but she was not a goddess then and now… He shoots laser beams from his mutant eyes and I have damage written on my forehead, what are we doing? Do we know? Do we care? I have to ask him. So I go to him and stare in his cered linen face and ask "Do you know what you're fucking doing, bub?" He blanches even more, fuck but the man is a right mess, and mutters "No more than you, *bub*." Good, always suspected he had a sense of humour under the mask, another paranoid bastard in hiding I grin lupinely and rasp "Not really." Then a demon of mischief makes me add "Tonight she's mine, close by my side, when all of my worlds, they all will collide." I say it quietly, matter of fact and wait. He gasps, the git, and croaks "You know Alan Stivell?" Fuck but is this is more than coincidence, if I believed in anything I'd call it metaphysical names, but no matter how I play it blasé I'm bowled over. "Can't get this song out of me head, bub. You too?" "Yes." He answers coldly and relents under my pull-not-my-leg stare. "Jean gave me the CD" he expatiates "not my kind of music really, but it hit me, somehow. I didn't think you went for Celtic music, I thought you liked that noise machine you always have in your truck." "Yeh I like Metal, suits my growly self, but I'm Scot or Irish, I think, the name is Gaelic, means black something. I have an interest." We blab because we're mightily nervous, to tell the truth and if he remembers the song as I do, we're mightily nervous we may have bit more than we can chew, no offense to the ladies. "Scared?" I ask and he nods. "Me too" I confide and then go to see what my goddess is doing. She's laughing and giggling and flirting in an odd endearing serious way which is the way she does everything. She's measured and calm and quiet and gentle and she has lighting and thunder at her beck and call. I know all my words will collide tonight, collide and smash to smithereens, I know I wont be allowed to be Logan or Wolverine, I'll have to be both and both together to wed her and push beyond my limits and dare more than I've ever dared. I must ride the storm tonight, no pun intended, - really, pun? I'd shit me pants thinking to joke about this - ride the storm of her power unleashed, be for her what I don't even dare be for me. My naked self, no protection or safeguards, wholly committed. She will accept no less and she's right. There will be no shields tonight and I want it and I fear it. She's my love my one my home my life my heart, she's my true bride, my goddess my destiny. I wax poetic? Fear is odd, I'm not used to it and it makes me spew words. Words to ward off the moment? I can't say now, maybe I will tomorrow if I'm still alive and my self. Who knows? They say to marry a goddess is to die, they *said*, to be more accurate, but welcome death at such a price, with such a prize of riches. I didn't know what was happening… When it started it started oddly. We barely exchanged words, she was wrapped up in her duty and her only real human contacts were Jean, Xavier and Remy. That bloody Cajun had a huge chunk of her heart, never could see why he wasted time after Rogue when he could have courted Ro, but maybe he understood better and was wary of the choice she would ask him. Maybe to him she was still the child he had known, who knows? Gumbo is hidden as well. We all hide, more or less but the Hidden Man of the Century palm is a three-way tie: Gumbo, Slim and me. Oh alright, give Scott the palm and crown, he manages to stay hidden while his mind is open to Telepaths, a thing neither Gumbo nor I have to do. But it started oddly and I dint even understand anything had started. We got to talk at night, one night in particular, she's a moon goddess and so the night is her perfect setting, so dark and light at the same time. Moon coloured hair and night coloured skin so lovely and enchanting. She made an enchantment on my heart so I dint see it coming, the blinding flash of lightning of love. Got smitten and got burned to the ground, but if she's water, I'm earth and her dew restored me to life. A little freedom, just a little freedom… We went out to pass the time, we chatted and flirted in an odd hidden dance of stately grace and badly timed puns, we touched and kissed and shrugged it off. We went on missions and hid our anxiety for the other from ourselves, we played a game and dint know how deadly it was. How was it like for Slim? Married widower boyfriend… Was even odder for him I think and he understood even less than me what he was getting into. His married unmarried widower boyfriend dance was convulsed and twisty like a demented snake on a poison binge. I didn't know where it was heading A little freedom was all we said… I really dint know, dint expect her to want me, I thought I had a crush on Red, how blind can one be? Jean's alright, mind you, hot in every possible sense of the word, but kind with it and more human than most so-called totally human beings. She just is fire and don’t belong with earth, she'd have scorched me to the core and melted my bones. My moon goddess of water and wind gives me life and healing, she keeps me fertile and strong and lushy. She makes me feel like the past don’t matter, it's just there to build upon, maybe Red would have burned it away, but I am what my past has made me and I decided a long time ago to keep it, false memories and all, pain and all, violence and deathlust and all… That's me, it has made me, take it or lump it and I take it. A little freedom… sodding song that's how it looked like to me, wasn't thinking of going to marry again to risk so much again to get in so deep and hopeless that I have no recourse but to love and entrust my very core to another. Gumbo saw, the bastard git, he saw and snickered… my so called best friend and best man did nothing to warn me. Oh alright, he saw it was good, but I would have run and run had I had any idea that dancing that stately dance of flirting and shrugging would take me this deep, like slow quicksand. Tonight is the night of my Guinevere… the night of my Ro, my thrice moonwhite, the night of my making or undoing, the guests are dancing and laughing and joking at our expense, they eat and drink and we leave, stately and gracefully and expected. Well not really, noone ever could call *me* stately and graceful, must say Slim manages this part better than me, but at least I refrain from stomping and grunting. She is so fucking tall beside me only her inhuman grace can make me not look like a dwarf near a queen of the Sidhe which of course she is. Right, if she is Ethain of the Moon I shall be Cuchulain, at least he was short and he was called a dog. Also had a hell of a surly temper so it fits, more or less… but Arthur? Alright he was dark haired at least, was he short? What does it matter? Am I nitpicking at a song to avoid thinking of the next part? It *is* scary, mind you, but exciting as well… Aaah, my wobbly friend has begun to show some interest in the proceedings. At some point I thought he had crawled up inside of me in fear, but the feisty little guy… alright not so little, just a way for us males to hide embarrassment at our unruly genitals, you know? We call it names and things and try to joke, so little guy is just a figure of speech… Gah, caught at the male game of who's got the biggest one? No no, not tonight, not that attitude Logan, tonight is a night to dare be, so dare. Tonight the goddess will turn in my hand… I say it out loud, I'm out of my fucking mind and I say it out loud! Ro looks at me as if she had just discovered she's been tricked into marrying a madman and I can't say she's that far wrong. "I have this song running into my mind." I explain lamely and wait for the thunderbolt. She smiles at me like moon on running water and says in soft amusement "You are nervous, aren't you?" "Understatement of the century, love, of the millennium even." Her smile widens into a grin "Do I scare you then? Am I a goddess to you?" "Dint think I was marrying mademoiselle de Lapalisse." I mock-grumble and make her laugh. That's my secret weapon, see? I can make her laugh and so make her lose her poise. It's nice to see, believe you me, nice and heart-warming. "So I married a wit?" she asks rethorically amid giggles and her dress drops to the floor. The so-called wit stares with his mouth open and suddenly very dry. I refuse to tell you what is happening to my nether region, but she sees that, oh alright she's not blind is she? And giggles some more. Somehow we manage to divest me of my ridiculous clothes and we are in bed. I can't exactly breathe freely but she is catching her breath as well so I embrace her. Skin to skin and heart to heart, tonight the goddess is turning in my hands as I drown in her lakes, the lakes of her land… and drown and drown and am lost and found again I die and am renewed I die and I am alive again for her for her forever… this endless night of thunder and lighting, of strong roots and hurricane winds, of water and rock and all manner of pleasure too deep and harsh and gentle and unrelenting. She lets me drown and brings me up again to tender moonlight smiles and gasping tempest winds of desire. Her core to my core no words and no thoughts the music of our night and the knowledge of our hearts. We are more than we were before and we grow like wildgrass in summer rain. I roam her land and drown in her again and again and again until I can no more but more is wanted and needed, more than I am more than I can be maybe but this is the true test, innit? I married my goddess and now I can do no less but wed her. To death? Maybe but it is welcome, innit? Is it? Is Scott all burned to death now? Has he been able to fulfil his promise made to a slender woman before an official droning words like endless snowfall? I haven't yet, but now I must, no turning back, no time for excuses, she has given more than she is to me and I can do no less. I couldn't think of getting out of there… But I think of it fleetingly in fear, she asks too much, I can no more, she is stronger than my healing factor, stronger than adamantium she is power incarnate and I may be powerful but I'm no match for her. My hands are shaking, my hands are shaking… you got it right Alan, my whole body is shaking and I know I just have to say it, just have to ask it and she will stop, unfulfilled. But how can I? I can't I wanted this more than anything, more than my true memories, more than life so now you have got it Wolverine so now you have it so you can't refuse it you can't… The true test of love, the true test of manhood the true test of courage and honour, I must dare I am Wolverine it cost me far too much to be that in pain and horror and broken hopes to deny my very self now. I will give her all I am and more, no betrayal of words given, since it started it must come to this, so accept it and love her love her to infinity. There was no way it could not happen… She had smiled at me, that night so long ago it seems another lifetime. Smiled wisely and said out of the blue "Night is a friend, isn't she? Night is kind to you and to me. It softens the harshness and allows us reflections." I should have run away then, run without turning back, but I dint know and answered her, we sat on a fallen trunk that was kept as a rustic bench and her being so tall mattered less and less as we talked. In a weird sense, her being a woman mattered less and less. Her mind captured mine, hidden in the dark we stopped hiding and talked of things we dint talk about in public: literature, music, art, science… Inevitable since that night when we thought we had simply found a friend to talk with of our secret inner life of the mind, not a word on mutants and strategies, not even on Xavier's dream. Literature, music, art, science… We quoted poems in several languages, we sang snatches of songs or symphonies, we painted frescoes on the moonlit air… Did I sing this song to her? Why can't I remember? I have to accept the final test but I'm so fucking afraid I can't breathe all over again. I need my sword, give me my sword!... My claws snick out and I howl in fear and despair but she laughs in her adamantium embrace as fearless as a newborn and urges me on and on. I howl and scream human and animal and I feel unconceivable things. I am, I howl, I fuse all my selves in one and offer it all to her to my laughing thrice moonwhite Aphrodite of power and go beyond my self and soar on her winds of joy. Claws out I know I will not scratch her soft silk earth-brown skin, I know it is what was expected and desired, inevitable and just and finally finally at last and forever I wed my Ro, my Storm, my goddess, my Gwenwhevar.

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