DISCLAIMER: I don’t own X-Men or the characters or Pimp my Ride or the People who are on the show itself. Don’t sue me or kill me... it’s meant to be a bit of fun! SO LAUGH! And Review....Please?
Pimp My X-Van
Logan and Ororo returned to the X-men’s mansion home after a long, relaxing (dirty) weekend away in New York City. They pulled the car up to the large mansion doors, turned the engine off and got their luggage from the boot of the car.
As they got to the front door Ororo went to open it when it flew open from the inside. Once they got over the initial surprise they realised they had a tv camera shoved in their faces.
Logan growled, “Who the Hell are you? And what the fuck y’doin’ with camera’s in our home?!”
XZibit popped out from behind one of the camera men, with Bobby Drake at his side “Dude, it’s X to the Z. Xzibit!!” Bobby yelled.
“That’s right, ma’man. And we’re here to ‘Pimp Your Ride’” Xzibit said as he smiled cheeckly at the camera.
“What his What??” Ororo asked.
Xzibit found himself admiring Ororo, “Come with me, babe. And I’ll show ya’.” He gave her a sexy smile, wrapped his arm around her shoulders and lead her back outside towards the garage.
Logan wasn’t liking this at all. He leapt off the stairs, grabbed the hand that was round Ororo’s shoulder which was now snaking it’s was down her back and toward her ass and threw it of Ororo’s body in a split second.
As Logan, Ororo, Xzibit, the camera crew and the rest of the X-team got around the garage. The mechanical garage doors quickly and quietly to reveal the X-Van...but not as we know it.
“SAY HELLO TO YOUR NEW PIMPED OUT RIDE!!!”
As Logan and Ororo took in the new look X-Van, both of their tempers rising, with Ororo’s displeasure being evident in the sudden and violent thunder storm which occurred out of nowhere.
“Oh Goddess!!” she cried with her hands covering her mouth in shock. “It’s so.....awful!”
Logan quickly took in the disgusting egg yolk yellow covering the van except on the sides where it had a design of a some creature with sharp claws appearing to cut though the van.
“WHAT THE FUCK HAVE Y’DONE TO MY STATE-OF-THE-ART X-VAN???!!!” Wolverine yelled as he grabbed Xzibit and a sound guy by the collars of their shirts and slammed them in to the X-Van.
“Dude, we Pimped your Ride! That’s the name of the game, yo.”
“No, you’ve turned it into a piece of SHIT!” Logan growled.
The camera man edged closer to Ororo and asked “Aren’t you gonna stop that mad man?”
She looked coldly at him with lightning flashing dangerously in her eyes, “No.”
Q, one of the bosses of Pimp My Ride approached Logan and encouraged him to let the guys go. Which he did, with a quick glare and slowly loosened his grip.
“Look,” Q said to Logan as he knelt down to one of the tyres. Logan reluctantly knelt down with him. “We’ve added $8,000 titanium rims. And this part here.” He spun a piece of metal which was on the tyres. “Revolves independently of the tyres.”
“Our tyres were $12,000. And were made of Adamantium” Logan spat.
Q got up and moved to the side of the van where the design is. “We were told by the students that you like Wolverines, so we added one to the van, like it’s bursting out to get ya’!”
Logan snorted, “Is that what it’s meant to be? I can’t say that I blame it to burst out of this piece of shit on wheels.”
“Anyway, at the back of the van,” Q said as he opened up the doors to the end of the van. “We’ve took out those clammy leather seats and put in a built in settee with this pimped out purple fur.”
“You took out six Italian leather seats? And replaced it with this $1.99 a roll purple fuzz?” Logan asked on edge as he clenched and unclenched his fists, his claws aching to come out.
They closed the back doors of the van. “We had a look at your set of lights back here and found some strange contraption that we couldn’t find a use for so we took it out and put in coloured sport GTi lights.”
“That contraption was Class 30 lasers!” Logan's claws were now popping in and out of the top of his hands in pure frustration.
Q was starting to get scared shitless and rushed to the front bit of the vehicle, the last bit to be shown off he thought thankfully. “And in the front here, we’ve put you in a new console of wood veneer, took out all those buttons and shit that didn’t do anything and put in a MP3 player!”
“For fuck’s sake!! You’ve mutilated a battle ready vehicle and turned it into scrap metal!” Wolverine tore through the tacky material, punched his claws through the tyres and was ready to take aim at the Pimp My Ride crew.
“I think you’d better leave.” Ororo said as she floated on air towards them. Lighting flashing in her eyes and clenched fists.
The crew took the hint and left in a rush. But before Xzibit left the garage, he turned to Ororo and dug deep in his ghetto style basketball jeans pocket and held out a chrome wind chime with the drops in the style of little lightning bolts, rain drops, tornados and clouds. Ororo wasn’t quite sure if she liked it or not. It was thoughtful in respect of her powers. But was also tacky and cheap looking, especially coming from a man she doesn’t think highly of. “Thank you.” She said politely any way.
“But I think that that Van looks better now than before we had it.” Xzibit said to Ororo.
“I doubt it.” Ororo replied.
“Here,” Xzibit took out a pic of the X-Van before Pimp My Ride got their hands on it, then handed it to her.
Ororo’s jaw dropped in amazement. She quickly closed it and pushed anyone who wasn’t a resident of the Mansion off the property. Then she returned to the garage where everyone was trying to calm Logan down and shown him the picture.
“Who the fuck mashed up the X-Van?!” Logan roared. It was obvious the students trashed the X-Van, there were even parts where he could see where Cannonball must of crashed into the van. Not to mention the burn marks where Magma melted the bonnet and near side door. “I’m gonna kill’em ‘Ro! I’m gonna tear them limb from limb!”
“I’ll help!” ‘Ro agreed as she brought both hands together with lighting jumping between her palms.
***End***
Please Review my silly story and let me know if you liked it or not, k? Ta!
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